"WOO! TOUR TIME!" Sho said "Where's the booze?"
"You know... Not every tour has booze..." Grimm mumbled.
"Remember legoland?" Sho asked smuggly.
"....fine..." Grimm responded
"AND the Phoenix Science center!"
"Okay okay!"
"AND the Children's Hospital!"
"That one doesn't count! You just stole and OD'd on all of the meds!"
"Point is, I wasn't sober for the tour. NOW, I wanna get drunk!"
"Here..." Dr. Breen said tossing him some Old TIm's Whiskey
"WOO!" Sho said downing it.
"Now, on with the tour!"
Alright, I'm at the computer. Let's start the show.
Breen led them through a small garden first. "This! This is Arcadia, a beautiful garden under the ocean. This is the only place where some of these species of flowers can even grow an- WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Said Breen.
"What? We're ten thousand leagues under the sea and that sub took forever to get here!" Said Sho as he zipped his pants up. "I shoulden't have had that last cup of coke."
Next they journeyed to a theater and shopping center. "This is Raptures Fort Frolic. The center of all works of art ranging from the Theater, Poetry, Music and..."
"Alright Men!" Yelled Maddawg, "We're at a theater and the show isn't Cats, you know what that means!" and then everyone leaned back in there seat and took a nap.
A half hour later and after soaking down the chair that Grim slept on....
" I am so embarresed in you." Said Maddawg.
"I'M SORRY! I Can't control my bladder."
"EHEM! Now you sit in the Medical Pavillion and look! Here is something that Rapture has created, a Little Sister." Said Breen as he saw a little girl stab at a corpse.
"What do they do?...you know beside descrate corpses?" said the new guy they met in the Submarine.
"Why they gather ADAM, the base of genetic modification, with enough ADAM one can alter their DNA and give themselves special powers. Like shooting lightning from their finger tips."
"So why give it to a little girl? Ever hear the phrase, like taking candy from a baby?" Said Maddawg.
[sup]"I could get special powers?" [/sup] mumbeled Grim.
"Well, they have special protectors. We call them Big Daddies and GRIM! GET AWAY FROM THERE!" Yelled Breen as he saw Grim wrestling with the little girls needle.
"COME ON! I NEED IT MORE THEN YOU DO!" yelled Grim when he heard a loud groan and saw a giant metal man with a drill barelling at him.
As the rest of the group watched Maddawg said to Breen. "So these guys come to the aids of their little girls, who wander the streets of Rapture looking for people to make ADAM?"
"Pretty much."
"My grandfather gave armor to Pimps?"
"They aren't pimps! They simply pick up little girls and protect them as they do their thing!"
"WOO! What's next?" Sho asked.
"I don't think there's anything left to show you but-" Breen started
"NO. I WANT TO SEE THE SECRET LABS. This is a giant underwater city and your telling me THIS is it!?" Sho asked.
"Sho, stop being stupid!" Maddawg said.
"Actually, he's right..." Breen said leading them further down the road. "This is the big daddy creation facility (it's name escapes me....)." Breen said.
"WOAH!" Sho said and put on a big daddy suit and chased Grimm around with a drill. Suddenly it wouldn't spin. "It needs fuel!? And only lasts for like 10 minutes!? LAME!" Sho said tossing the suit aside.
"Here we have the little sister's orphanage!" Breen said.
"Didn't you say that was it?" Grimm asked.
"Ehhhhh, whatever." Breen said.
"Wow, this place is pretty creepy..." Sho mumbled.
"Hey look a vending machine!" Melvin said pressing the Mother button. He got zapped. "What the hell!?"
Grimm walked up and pressed the big daddy button and was awarded with chips. "WOO! I WIN!"
"Why is it a prison built for seven year olds?" Sho asked.
"It isn't! They can leave anytime they want! Anytime they want to sneak out of the electric fenced room, fight through the big daddies, AND give up on food!" Breen said simply.
"Fair enough." Sho said shrugging.
Wassup!? I hope you get back into this, your posts were usually fun. Anyways, your new charecter should join the villains. We're severly understaffed....
"Gaaah!" Sam cried dramatically. His eyes glowed a shade of blue, and suddenly he was looking through the fourth wall.
"I'm David Ramthun!" A man in a hospital declared. The man reached over to a computer that was on a table next to him, but before he could make it and log on to the Escapist a burly male nurse pinned him to the bed he was lying on and stabbed a syringe through his eye. Dave started screaming, but passed out only a few seconds later.
"Oh, wow," The shadowy figure said, staring into Sam's eyes and viewing the events taking place in the real world. "It looks like Ram's poster is kind of busy at the moment, so I'll just let you have his soul back..." the shadow waved his hands and Ram materialized next to the rest of the heroes. The figure took a few steps back and conjured up a podium to stand on. "And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... The final battle, for Rag's soul!"
"Wait, what?" Emmy's grave began to shake, and a hand burst out of it, followed by a person. "What about Spankey?"
"What about him? That guy wasn't even really a hero! Also, you've been banned! You don't get a say in this!"
"What? Banned? But- No! This can't be!" Emmy started to fade away. Pieces of his soul floated off, and he grabbed at them in an attempt to keep himself together, but they just floated through his fingers. "Mark my words, sexy people, I'll be back! Stronger and more obscene than ever!" Emmy yelled his last words to the heroes, and vanished completely. For now.
"I'm gonna miss him..." Sam murmured.
"Hey, don't worry about it. Give him a week, he'll have found some way back onto the Escapist," Ram replied, placing a comforting hoof on Sam's shoulder.
"Ahem! If I may have your attention, kiddies?" The shadow summoned a microphone and spoke into it. "The final battle! One which shall test each and every one of you! Ram! Sam! Phil! Slouch! Sidoh! Glenrath! Make your way to the city of New Jerusalem within four days, defeat the stone army that guard it's walls and return with the spear that pierced Christ's side, and Ragnorak's soul shall be returned to you!"
A close-up of each hero and neutral's face appeared dramatically on-screen, and they set off without a word towards the Golden City, New Jerusalem, where the fate of Rag's soul resided.
The young girl spoke fluently and peeved, upon walking around where these weird assholes would attack her saying that they need her A.D.A.M.. Sounded like some weird code name.. Probably rapists or pedophiles where asking her this. She then heard some horrible screaming and the grinding of bones and chainsaw noised. She entered her phasewalk and was their in no time.
She then behind some guy with blue hair and shot her palm out at him, sending him flying along with a few others and the old guys horribly disfigured body into a wall...
"Alright, stand back"! She yelled to the party.
The group looked at her and yelled out, "WHAT THE FUUUUUCK"!?
"What? Sorry folks, my nurse was a bit tricky to get by. She can be quiet a clever devil, to be sure" Ram said, blinking a few times and shaking himself off.
"She? But I was sure I saw a burly man..." Sam thought out loud.
"As did I, Sam. As did I..." Ram sighed, a cold, empty look in his eyes.
WHAT'S UP?! I'd like to apologize for my absence begining with the Self-Whipping with my Chicken.
ONE! BW-CAWK!
TWO! CLUCK!
THREE! BWACK!
Anyways, while I whippeth myself, what's been happening?
"Great, not only is our tour guide dead, but now we have to learn a new name! Can this day get any worse?" Said Maddawg as Grim suddenly bursted into flames and began running around screaming.
"AHHH! AHHH JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED!" Said Grim as he began running around looking for a way to put out the flames.
"Huh......Grim hasen't Spontaneously combusted since Gordon has him test the Tesla Armor."
"Are you two sure this is safe?" Said Grim wearing a bulky green armor with two glass bulbs containing lightning on either shoulder.
"Relax Grim, Gordon wouldn't have you test anything that could kill you. That's why we have the Wretches. They are expendable." Said Maddawg as he and Gordon hid behind a blast wall.
"But what about when I tested the Portal Guns? I still have no clue where one of my Kidneys went."
"I didn't believe the Doctor when he said Grim had 4th Degree burns on his entire body."
Grim dove into a shallow puddle and created steam as the flames were put out. "Ahhhhhhh." Said Grim in a sigh of relif before the puddle was hit by a lightning bolt. The water conducted electricity and Grim began to twitch as the bolts danced around his body. "G-g-g-g--g-g-g-g-g--g-g-g-g a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-h-h-h-h-h- p-p-p-p-p-p poker face." Said Grim as the lightning died down.
"FOR ATLAS!"
Suddenly the room erupted in gun fire as people bursted into the room shooting Tommy Guns and hurling Lightning bolts across the room.
"CHEAP!" Sho said as his jaw dropped. "Luckily, this is the first Bioshock and the Splicers are HORRIBLY weak!" Sho said pistol whipping one with a wrench and it fell down dead.
"There was something unfairly hard to beat in the first... but I can't remember what..." Maddawg mumbled.
"Hmmmm..." Sho thought as the villains finished off the splicers. Suddenlt something very heavy was coming at them very fast.
"FUCK. I remember now..." Maddawg and Sho said at once. A group of elite bouncers charged in and knocked Sho back about 20 feet.
"Dicks..." Sho mumbed getting up and dusting himself off. The Elites turned toward the other villains and charged.
All at the same time!? AND Maddowg might stay because Orgazmo's gone!? THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
So, you been busy playing Bioshock 2 Ram?
Ram took of his right horn and gave a mighty blow, a high frilly note echoing across the land.
The heroes felt the ground begin to rumble, and in the distance the heroes saw a massive wolf pound towards them. It took a mighty leap and landed in front of the smiling goat.
"Oh powerful Fenrir, I bid thee help!" Ram declared, bowing deeply to being.
"Sup. Whatcha need, cuz?"
"Nothing much, just need you to sniff out New Jerusalem for us."
The wolf gave Ram an angry,pained look. "A geez, really? 'Sniff out?' What, you couldn't find the mystical damn blood hound to help you out? I'm the End Of Odin at the time of Ragnorak, Why the hell would you call me for some stupid sniff out..."
Fenrir trailed off as he saw the big, doeful eyes of Ram staring up at him.
*Sigh*"Fine, I'll help you. BUT YOU WILL NOT RIDE MY BACK! I still haven't got out the stains from last time."
"Sure no pro-"OHMYGODWOLFIEYAYYAYYAYYAAAAAAAAAAAY!"SAM GET OFF THE WOLF-DEITY!" Ram cried, pulling out his spray bottle as Sam happily bounced on the back of Fenrir.
Sidoh pulled a lever of his DNv2, which then turned into an O.M.G.T.I.A.S.A.R.L.L.O.L.I.L.T.P.A.K.T., (Oh My God That Is A Super Awesome Rocket Launcher Laugh Out Loud It Like Tracks People And Kills Them,) and shot New Jerusalem with it a lot. "LOLOLOLOLOLOL! I LIEK HAZ A GUN!"
You guys are a little too excited. It's nice to be back and to get all the welcoming commitee. I'll try to stick around a little longer then I did last time.
All at the same time!? AND Maddowg might stay because Orgazmo's gone!? THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE!
So, you been busy playing Bioshock 2 Ram?
Eh, mostly just a lot of work and school going on, but I'm going to try to be better with the AA, one update per day at the least! Though I have been playing Bio2, and it is AWESOME!
"Dogs go "woof"! Go "woof"!" Sam ordered the wolf-deity he was sitting on.
"I'll tear your damn throat out..." Fenrir snarled back.
"No, "woof"!! Say it with me!"
Meanwhile, within the walls of the city, Metatron was afoot.
"Oh no, pagans're attacking! Quick, transform into a spaceship!" A low-level angel yelled, bursting into the control room.
No, Metatron.
"Oh, come on, it'll be cool!" The angel argued.
Alright, fine. I'll do it.
"This will not stand!" Metatron yelled, raised his arm-cannon to the air and blasted a hole in the roof. He leapt outside the building and turned into a rocket, before flying at the Heroes.
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