(Alright, I'll take your words for it, but I still can't actually post until I get a response to my post where I attacvked that lightning dude. I think that's Sam's job to do that. *Glares*)maddawg IAJI said:
The Escapist Avatar Adventure: An Open RP (Now Re-Opened!)
- Thread starter Ramthundar
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(Ok... Now I can post.)
Link was flying throught the air when the horrible techno music began playing. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGUGGHGHGUGH! WHAT IS THAT?!" He plugged up his ears and fell on top of the Lightning man, who also plugged his ears. Link stood up again. "OH DIN! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! I'M LOSING A QUARTER OF A HEART EVERY SECOND! TURN IT OFF! UGH! *Second passes* UGH!
*second* UGH! *second* UGH!" He screamed while losing a quarter of a heart every second.
Link was flying throught the air when the horrible techno music began playing. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGUGGHGHGUGH! WHAT IS THAT?!" He plugged up his ears and fell on top of the Lightning man, who also plugged his ears. Link stood up again. "OH DIN! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! I'M LOSING A QUARTER OF A HEART EVERY SECOND! TURN IT OFF! UGH! *Second passes* UGH!
*second* UGH! *second* UGH!" He screamed while losing a quarter of a heart every second.
"Ah-ha, Techno Viking, my old foe! I see you've discovered our plot at last!" Volodarskii cried, pointing at his nemesis. The Viking nodded. "Well then, I suppose there's nothing for it but... to transform!" The NMH villains assembled and stood in a Power Rangers-esque pose.
"A thousand voices cry out!" Helter Skelter cried, raising his right fist to the air.
"And we step up to silence them!" Bad Girl continued, raising her bat.
"We are the darkness that will never be eradicated!" Dr. Peace declared, pointing the gun in his right hand at the sky.
"The world cannot continue without us!" Destroyman yelled, creating a spark in his palm and pointing it at the sky.
"Yeah!" Death Metal shouted, pointing his cleaver at the sky.
"We are-" Volodarskii cried, pointing both his weapons into the air.
"THE UNITED ASSASSIN'S ASSOCIATION OF SANTA DESTROY!!!" They yelled in unison, and started to glow. As one, the assassins leapt into the air, and when they landed, a huge robot landed behind them. The villains leapt into the mech and piloted it towards Techno Viking, aiming to at least weaken the man so that any survivors could finish him off.
"Shit, dude," Sam muttered, because he felt that he should at least say something in one of his posts.
"A thousand voices cry out!" Helter Skelter cried, raising his right fist to the air.
"And we step up to silence them!" Bad Girl continued, raising her bat.
"We are the darkness that will never be eradicated!" Dr. Peace declared, pointing the gun in his right hand at the sky.
"The world cannot continue without us!" Destroyman yelled, creating a spark in his palm and pointing it at the sky.
"Yeah!" Death Metal shouted, pointing his cleaver at the sky.
"We are-" Volodarskii cried, pointing both his weapons into the air.
"THE UNITED ASSASSIN'S ASSOCIATION OF SANTA DESTROY!!!" They yelled in unison, and started to glow. As one, the assassins leapt into the air, and when they landed, a huge robot landed behind them. The villains leapt into the mech and piloted it towards Techno Viking, aiming to at least weaken the man so that any survivors could finish him off.
"Shit, dude," Sam muttered, because he felt that he should at least say something in one of his posts.
"I thought we killed Kennedy..." Grimm mumbled.
"When did we do that!?" Sho asked.
"Well, usually when someone dies it's our fault..."
"Fair enough!" Sho said to Grimm before pushing him off the building. "Alright MK, fire away!"
Master Kitty fired the gun and the building exploded in a sea of flames.
"Overkill much!?" Sho asked him.
"Well, we know he's dead right!?" Master Kitty argued.
"Mwahahahaha! You will never defeat me!" Nixon said. "I will become president of this totally insignificant island, and soon, REAL AMERICA!"
"Argh! You'll never be elected!" Sky said.
"Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but the average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become more bitter and, let's face it, crazy over the years. And when I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat, and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!" Nixon said as he stepped out of the rubble with his robot body.
"Shit." Sho said bluntly as Nixon charged toward them.
"When did we do that!?" Sho asked.
"Well, usually when someone dies it's our fault..."
"Fair enough!" Sho said to Grimm before pushing him off the building. "Alright MK, fire away!"
Master Kitty fired the gun and the building exploded in a sea of flames.
"Overkill much!?" Sho asked him.
"Well, we know he's dead right!?" Master Kitty argued.
"Mwahahahaha! You will never defeat me!" Nixon said. "I will become president of this totally insignificant island, and soon, REAL AMERICA!"
"Argh! You'll never be elected!" Sky said.
"Oh, no? Well, listen here, missy. Computers may be twice as fast as they were in 1973, but the average voter is as drunk and stupid as ever. The only one who's changed is me. I've become more bitter and, let's face it, crazy over the years. And when I'm swept into office, I'll sell our children's organs to zoos for meat, and I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!" Nixon said as he stepped out of the rubble with his robot body.
"Shit." Sho said bluntly as Nixon charged toward them.
For those of you who haven't watched Futurama for some reason, here's robot Nixon.
(Seth Macfarlane must be super anti-republican...)
"The UAASD?" Link said converting the villain robot's name into an acronym.
"Pft, whatever, Santa's not even here." Said Link.
The robot gasped.
"Well then where is he?!" It said.
"He's uh.... In the center of th Earth! Yeah..." Said Link.
The robot looked at Link suspiciously then replied after slamming the bottom of it's fist into it's palm like a judge banging a gavel.
"OF course! It;s the last place we'd look..." Said the robot.
The the robot's arms turned into a drill and it leaped into the ground to dig to the world's core.
"Wow... I didn't think they'd fall for it..." Said Link.
"Me neither" said Sam.
"The UAASD?" Link said converting the villain robot's name into an acronym.
"Pft, whatever, Santa's not even here." Said Link.
The robot gasped.
"Well then where is he?!" It said.
"He's uh.... In the center of th Earth! Yeah..." Said Link.
The robot looked at Link suspiciously then replied after slamming the bottom of it's fist into it's palm like a judge banging a gavel.
"OF course! It;s the last place we'd look..." Said the robot.
The the robot's arms turned into a drill and it leaped into the ground to dig to the world's core.
"Wow... I didn't think they'd fall for it..." Said Link.
"Me neither" said Sam.
The mechs landed, sending a shockwave that sent Phil flying. Eventually he landed, skidding to a halt in front of Sam.
"Hey Sam, what's up?" He asked, hopping to his feet.
"So...should we fight these guys, or just watch them beat up the viking guy?" He asked Sam, since he introduced them.
But as quickly as the problem presented itself, it was solved just as quickly by Link.
"Well...that was quick." Phil said, somewhat disappointed because he didn't get to fight anything.
"Hey Sam, what's up?" He asked, hopping to his feet.
"So...should we fight these guys, or just watch them beat up the viking guy?" He asked Sam, since he introduced them.
But as quickly as the problem presented itself, it was solved just as quickly by Link.
"Well...that was quick." Phil said, somewhat disappointed because he didn't get to fight anything.
"That was probably the worst conflict ever..." Sam muttered, referring to how both the UAA and Techno Viking had vanished within five posts of being introduced, and not so much as shaking hands with one another before getting written out. "Anyway..."
Sam stood up and glared at the Irishmen. "I presume you're the blokes from the Boondocks, eh? You're much whiter than I might have imagined... Anyway, by wantonly shooting at us you're conforming to an incredibly negative stereotype of rappers everywhere..."
lolobscureyetoverusedreferences
"What the fook?" Murphy asked, reloading his gun and pointing it at the young englishman. "What in the bloody 'ell're ya talkin' about?"
"Ey, Murphy, don't waste yer time talkin' ta that bloody colonialist fecker; just pop 'im one an' let's skedaddle," Murphy's associate muttered.
""Pop me one"? And then what, you'll steal my dog or something?" Sam asked, reaching into his bag for a weapon he could aim accurately from thirty feet away.
"WHAT'D YE SAY ABOUT ME MOTHER!?" The irishman asked, smashing a bottle and dashing towards Sam with it. Sam brought the croquet mallet out of his bag and smacked his irish adversary across the face with it in one fluid movement, then dropped into a fighting stance.
Sam stood up and glared at the Irishmen. "I presume you're the blokes from the Boondocks, eh? You're much whiter than I might have imagined... Anyway, by wantonly shooting at us you're conforming to an incredibly negative stereotype of rappers everywhere..."
lolobscureyetoverusedreferences
"What the fook?" Murphy asked, reloading his gun and pointing it at the young englishman. "What in the bloody 'ell're ya talkin' about?"
"Ey, Murphy, don't waste yer time talkin' ta that bloody colonialist fecker; just pop 'im one an' let's skedaddle," Murphy's associate muttered.
""Pop me one"? And then what, you'll steal my dog or something?" Sam asked, reaching into his bag for a weapon he could aim accurately from thirty feet away.
"WHAT'D YE SAY ABOUT ME MOTHER!?" The irishman asked, smashing a bottle and dashing towards Sam with it. Sam brought the croquet mallet out of his bag and smacked his irish adversary across the face with it in one fluid movement, then dropped into a fighting stance.
I've never seen the Boondock Saints... I've seen the Boondocks, though. It's awesome. Fun fact: dog-stealing is categorized separately from the theft of other livestock in Britain, and in 1920 eighty per cent of all counts of dog theft in England were committed by irishmen. Yay for History!
[sub]"God damnit! We don't have time for this! The King of Shadows is still rampaging and we need that mirror shard!" [/sub]Link whispered to himself.
"GUYS! Forget about them! They seem harmless enough! We have to get to the True Sacred Grove and get that mirror shard! C'mon!" He yelled to all the heroes.
"GUYS! Forget about them! They seem harmless enough! We have to get to the True Sacred Grove and get that mirror shard! C'mon!" He yelled to all the heroes.
"QUICK! I GOT AN IDEA!" Yelled Maddawg as Nixon fired missles toward him. "Grim! Activate program action fudge!"
"What did you say about fudg- OH WHAT THE FUCK!?" said Grim as parts of red and yellow metal rushed toward him and clung to his body. When the process was done, an Iron Man stood there in Red and Yellow power armor and a glowing blue powersource in the center.
"What the fuck happened to Grim?!" Yelled Master Kitty towards the sight.
"Ya....we lent him out to Stark Industry for prototype testing." responded Maddawg.
"What did you say about fudg- OH WHAT THE FUCK!?" said Grim as parts of red and yellow metal rushed toward him and clung to his body. When the process was done, an Iron Man stood there in Red and Yellow power armor and a glowing blue powersource in the center.
"What the fuck happened to Grim?!" Yelled Master Kitty towards the sight.
"Ya....we lent him out to Stark Industry for prototype testing." responded Maddawg.
"YOU FUCKING IRISH BASTARDS! FEEL THE STING OF COLD STEEL!" Shouted Link as he ran head first into the hail of bullets, deflecting most with his shield. One hit his foot and he almost stumbled but he kept running. "Hey! Why won't the elf surfer boy die?!" Shouted Murphy.
Just then, Link leaped high into the air and raised his sword. "I'M NOT A DAMN SURFER ELF! I'M FUCKING HYLIAN!" Then the sword came down on Murphy and sliced part of his hand off. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGH! THAT HURT YOU DAMN ELF!" Shouted Murphy. "I got him Murph!" Said Connor who then shot Link in his sword arm.
"LINK!" Shouted Midna.
"What's that? Is that your pet imp?" Mocked Connor.
"I'm not a dammn imp!" Said Midna.
Midna's giant hand flew out of her head and lunged at Connor.
It grabbed his face and she picked him up by the head.
He kept squirming and kicking and shooting the air to no avail.
"MWHAT ARE MYOU DOIM TO MEPH!" Connor shouted.
Midna didn't answer, but instead slammed him onto the ground.
The rest of the heroes looked at her in surprise.
[small]"...Shit... Remind me not to get her mad..."[/small] Whispered Sam to the rest of the group.
"HEY! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY BROTHER!" Said 1-hand Murphy.
Just then, Link leaped high into the air and raised his sword. "I'M NOT A DAMN SURFER ELF! I'M FUCKING HYLIAN!" Then the sword came down on Murphy and sliced part of his hand off. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGH! THAT HURT YOU DAMN ELF!" Shouted Murphy. "I got him Murph!" Said Connor who then shot Link in his sword arm.
"LINK!" Shouted Midna.
"What's that? Is that your pet imp?" Mocked Connor.
"I'm not a dammn imp!" Said Midna.
Midna's giant hand flew out of her head and lunged at Connor.
It grabbed his face and she picked him up by the head.
He kept squirming and kicking and shooting the air to no avail.
"MWHAT ARE MYOU DOIM TO MEPH!" Connor shouted.
Midna didn't answer, but instead slammed him onto the ground.
The rest of the heroes looked at her in surprise.
[small]"...Shit... Remind me not to get her mad..."[/small] Whispered Sam to the rest of the group.
"HEY! HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY BROTHER!" Said 1-hand Murphy.
"Grimm is Iron Man!?" Sho asked.
"I didn't think of it like that..." Maddawg mumbled.
"This is actually a good thing." MK said. "Now that even our punching bag can fight, we have a chance against the heroes..."
"FUCK IT'S TO TIGHT! MY BODY HURTS!" Grimm said.
"Sounds painful..." Sho mumbled. "Grimm! Go get Robo Nixon! The sooner he's gone the sooner we'll let you out and resize the suit!"
"GOD DAMMIT!" Grimm cried and charged at Robo Nixon.
"ARGH! What can we do to help?" Sky asked.
The group looked at her with blank faces.
"He could really get hurt!"
More blank faces.
"Your right. It's Grimm, what could happen?" Sky said and laughed.
"Besides, I have faith in Stark Industries!" Maddawg said
"Meh, it's cool if he wins or loses. If he wins, less work for us. If he loses, we get to see him get his ass kicked." Sho said shrugging.
"Popcorn?" MK asked as he offered the group some popcorn.
"I didn't think of it like that..." Maddawg mumbled.
"This is actually a good thing." MK said. "Now that even our punching bag can fight, we have a chance against the heroes..."
"FUCK IT'S TO TIGHT! MY BODY HURTS!" Grimm said.
"Sounds painful..." Sho mumbled. "Grimm! Go get Robo Nixon! The sooner he's gone the sooner we'll let you out and resize the suit!"
"GOD DAMMIT!" Grimm cried and charged at Robo Nixon.
"ARGH! What can we do to help?" Sky asked.
The group looked at her with blank faces.
"He could really get hurt!"
More blank faces.
"Your right. It's Grimm, what could happen?" Sky said and laughed.
"Besides, I have faith in Stark Industries!" Maddawg said
"Meh, it's cool if he wins or loses. If he wins, less work for us. If he loses, we get to see him get his ass kicked." Sho said shrugging.
"Popcorn?" MK asked as he offered the group some popcorn.
Sam stepped towards Death to defend his friend, but before he'd taken a single step, he was engulfed in a pillar of light. His eyes started glowing, and his hair and clothes floated up as if there were a source of wind rising up from below. When the light dissipated, Sam turned to face Death with a completely different look in his eyes than the usual carefree glimmer. Those were the eyes of someone who didn't fear death; someone who had no reason to.
"Sam...?" asked a female villager Sam had totally scored with while the others were busy fighting the UAA.
"Sam's not home," Death the Kid replied, speaking through Sam's mouth. He reached into his, or rather, Sam's bag and pulled out a gunblade, which he leveled at Death. "You!"
Death asked, staring past Sam's physical appearance and recognizing Death's soul.
"That I am. And this thing we got going on right here; this is a matter of honour." Death dissapeared in a flash and reappeared behind Death, swinging his gunblade at Death's back. Death moved his scythe to block the blow, but Death kicked out and pinned Death's weapon, then slashed him across his spine. "You see how difficult it is, having two characters with the same name in a work of fiction? It happens in real life all the time, but when you're writing about it things get too confusing!"
"No, you're stupid!" Death declared, pulling a small gun out of Sam's pocket and shooting Death in the skull with it, causing it to crack. Death roared and slashed at him with the blade of his scythe, which Death blocked with his arm. Death looked confused, and Death smirked. "I'm immortal, remember? Your scythe won't work against me!"
Death muttered, grinning in as melevolent a way a skull can,
And sure enough, Sam's body started to decay. Within thirty seconds, there was nothing left but a Sam-sized skeleton. Death's soul rose from the bones and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything he dissipated into the air.
Death murmured. He glanced down at Sam's remains and noticed a golden chain hanging around his neck. Death bent to pick it up, but before he could touch it, a shimmering figure burst out and punched him on the chin, knocking Death unconscious. As time passed, the soul became clearer and more distinct, until the heroes were finally able to make it out as Sam. Sam's soul glanced around for a vessel, and noticed the fresh body of one who'd fallen victim to Death, leaving no noticeable marks on the body. Sam flew into the body, getting to know his knew vessel, and raised himself to his feet. Oddly enough, this new body looked an awful lot like the old Sam, save for one major difference...
"Why the bloody hell am I a girl!?" Samantha G cried, staring down at her shapely new breasts.
"Sam...?" asked a female villager Sam had totally scored with while the others were busy fighting the UAA.
"Sam's not home," Death the Kid replied, speaking through Sam's mouth. He reached into his, or rather, Sam's bag and pulled out a gunblade, which he leveled at Death. "You!"
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Ah. You're Shinigami's boy, aren't you?"That I am. And this thing we got going on right here; this is a matter of honour." Death dissapeared in a flash and reappeared behind Death, swinging his gunblade at Death's back. Death moved his scythe to block the blow, but Death kicked out and pinned Death's weapon, then slashed him across his spine. "You see how difficult it is, having two characters with the same name in a work of fiction? It happens in real life all the time, but when you're writing about it things get too confusing!"
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Shut up, asshole! The only reason we have this problem is because you decided to possess Sam's body in order to do battle with me, and if you hadn't done that, we wouldn't need to fight in the first place! You're so stupid!
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It may not work against [i]you[/i]...
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But that body of yours, as I recall, isn't quite so immortal...
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A worthy warrior, but at the same time, a bloody idiot..."Why the bloody hell am I a girl!?" Samantha G cried, staring down at her shapely new breasts.
Link looked down at his hat, which had been cleaved in hat by death.
"You son of a *****! That hat is a zelda trademark! It's been on since the first Zelda!" Shouted Link to death.
"Hmph. I really don't care about how old you are, you can't just go around slicing trademarks willy-nilly! It's unethical!" Said Link.
"THAAAAT'S IT! I'M TIRED OF EVERY DAMN PERSON I MEET CALLING ME AN ELF! You wanna see what it's like to have YOUR head cut off Death?! WELL I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT FUCKING FEELS!" Said Link who then ripped his sword out of it's sheathe and performed a Mortal Draw on the lord of death, and cleaved his skull right off.
"THERE! How's that feel?! Not so good being on the other end of the deal eh?" Said Link.
"Yeah, you're right, but what happened to the last skeleton who's head got cut off, I believe his name was Yorick? Yeah, I here his body is still kicking that thing across the landscape of hell." Said Link.
Death looked up at his body and called it forward.
The headless skeleton kicked the skull.
The keleton kicked the skull again.
This went on for around another hour while the heroes just laughed as hard as they could at the figure who's presence has been feared for eons, reduced to a circus act.
Somewhere in the middle of this, Link turned to face Samantha.
"So seriously man, Why'd you take a girl's body?" He said.
"It looked the closest to my old one!" Samantha said.
"That's kinda sad man, on the bright side, you can play with yourself and it will be even more fun. Hahahaha! Just kidding." Said Link.
After Link said the part before, "Hahahaha!" Sam stopped paying attention and realised he was in the body of a member of the opposite sex, and began to play and squeeze his new breasts.
"Huh? I'm sorry? I wasn't paying attention. Why'd you say?" Said Samantha.
"Uh... Nevermind..." Said Link.
Sam returned to his fondling of his own body.
Some time after, Death picked his skull back up and turned to face Link.
Death was reffering to Samantha who had stopped rubbing his/her chest and had moved down to... the lower end.
"Uh.... Just ignore it." Said Link.?
Death rose the scythe high.
"OH SHIT!" Said Link who rolled out of the way just in time to avoid the swing.
"You son of a *****! That hat is a zelda trademark! It's been on since the first Zelda!" Shouted Link to death.
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"I really don't care, i've been around way longer anyway, since the first living thing came into being."
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"I'll tell you what's unethical! The fact that a human looks like an over-sized fucking elf and knows how to use a sword better than any person in the universe the second he picks it up! THAT'S fucking unethical!""THERE! How's that feel?! Not so good being on the other end of the deal eh?" Said Link.
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"FOOL! I am undead and immortal! You cannot kill me merely by cutting my skull off!Death looked up at his body and called it forward.
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"HEY! Over here! To your right. NO! Your other right! Yeah now- NO! You passed me up! No wait, just hold on a minute I- JUST STOP! Ok good, now, turn 90 degrees to the right, no, the other way. Yes, now, take 10 steps forward."
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"NO YOU IDIOT! TOO FAR! Walk three steps forward.This went on for around another hour while the heroes just laughed as hard as they could at the figure who's presence has been feared for eons, reduced to a circus act.
Somewhere in the middle of this, Link turned to face Samantha.
"So seriously man, Why'd you take a girl's body?" He said.
"It looked the closest to my old one!" Samantha said.
"That's kinda sad man, on the bright side, you can play with yourself and it will be even more fun. Hahahaha! Just kidding." Said Link.
After Link said the part before, "Hahahaha!" Sam stopped paying attention and realised he was in the body of a member of the opposite sex, and began to play and squeeze his new breasts.
"Huh? I'm sorry? I wasn't paying attention. Why'd you say?" Said Samantha.
"Uh... Nevermind..." Said Link.
Sam returned to his fondling of his own body.
Some time after, Death picked his skull back up and turned to face Link.
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"DAMN YOU LINK! I'll make sure you have a Special place in Hades for tha- O.O... What is he doing...""Uh.... Just ignore it." Said Link.?
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"Uh... Alright... Where was i? Oh right! DECAPITATION!""OH SHIT!" Said Link who rolled out of the way just in time to avoid the swing.
DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! I'LL DO WHAT I PLEAS- *Collapses from lack of sleep*
"Argghhh! No thanks laddie, I'm on a liquid diet." Said Cap'n Sky as she pulled out a flask. "Rum? Anyone? No? Alright. More for me!"
Grim charged at Robo Nixon and tackled him. Forcing him down and creating a large field of dust. The Republican supporters fled with terror as this red machine appeared out of nowhere.
"SENATOR McCARTHY WAS RIGHT!? THE RUSSAINS HAVE SPYS WITH IN THE COUNTRY! OH WHY DIDN'T WE LISTEN TO HIM AND KILL OUR NEIGHBORS!?" Were some of the crys as chaos took effect.