Ganondorf Warlock punched the gigantic freak, it went flying back into the wall itself.
"YEEAAAAHH!! FALOWN PAAAAWNCH!!!!"
"Wrong character..."
"Oh... I got nothin."
They rounded a corner. Iji poked her head around the corner to spot the rampaging Tank and fired the Velocithor at it as they went down the hallway. The beam went straight through the walls, through the Tank, and even outside of the building while harming nothing but the beast, who had slowed down his charging somewhat and winced from the pain.
"Okay, I think we're far enough that we can stop worrying about it as much. We need to get out of here right now.
"Do you have any idea where the exit is?"
"No, I climbed through the vent system. Are you saying you don't know either?"
"Remember, I went through a portal to get here. Does this mean we are lost in a lab while a ridiculously overpowered beast is on the loose?"
Iji and Ganondorf ran through the complex, the former blasting walls with the rocket launcher and the latter punching through them. Suddenly, Frank the Tank showed up behind them running through the path they two just made.
"Go on, I got this, and remember I still have that," yelled Iji.
Ganon charged through the next several walls. The Tank was bearing down Iji. She switched to the Spread Rockets and sent them flying towards it. One flew above its head and hit a water pipe. The torrent cooled down the monster and the radiation around it began to dim somewhat. She aimed her Nanogun at the puddle beneath it and fired the CFIS, electrocuting the puddle and the Tank.
While it was only sort of phased, Iji used her chance to follow Ganon who had crashed through the last wall and kept on running.
Damn, the shit's really hit the fan Bobo.
How is that Mi'Lord?
I've unleashed an unstoppable force of nature upon the world, convinced people I was trying to make a L4D reference when I was really going for a more Incredible Hulk angle, there's a fucking spectacular fight scene occuring-yet despite this awesomeness I'M NOT APART OF IT!
Lepre-Khan began to sob and placed his head on Bobos shoulder.
And you wanna what the worst part Bobo?
What is that my lord?
That I did'nt save any money on my evil lair ensurance by switching to fucking geico!
There there Mi'Lord.
Your right my loyal lower primate. What do you say we set the base to self-destruct and go out on a killing spree in Southern England afterwards. My treat.
Sounds most entertaining Mi'Lord.
Lepre-Khan and Bobo grabbed hands and skipped towards the docking bay to escape in a flying saucer shaped like a shamrock.
WoD! FUCK YES! I do remember you, that is. Come join us, why don't cha? I suggest following Me, Sam, and Logician. Going on a Quest, going on a Quest!
Suddenly, the roof of the mage's guild blew into smithereens in a clap of THUNDAHHH!!!, Ram ground-pounding into the middle of the room.
"YEAAAAHHHH! I sense a quest is a-foot!"
More then likely it's the high-level mage you just killed you're currently sensing.
Ram looked down, wincing at the bloody mess.
"Mehh....I'm sure he wasn't to important."
"Of no importance?!" one of the lower mages cried, "he was the keeper of the Dark Secrets! The one who Protected The Seal of the Other World! HE WAS REAL EFFIN IMPORTANT!"
"....Mehhh, I'm sure you'll be fine. Anyways, what's this quest all about then?" Ram asked, whipping his hooves clean with the closest cloth he could find.
"We're going to be heroes and stop some thieves!" Sam giggled, gnawing on the ivory that a dark elf was ineffectually trying to tug out.
"Don't think I'd count you're methods as heroic. But they are hilarious, so it's okay. LET'S GO ROUGH UP SOME ROGUES!"
Warning: High detection of horrible puns. Caution is advised.
"[sub]Stupid computers and their smart-allacky comments...[/sub]"
"Okay buddy, this has gone on long enough!" Shouted Frank's spirit. He got a mental chokehold on the tank and threw it into the wall. It went crazy and started beating itself. With a final blow it grabbed a sharpened girder from the ceiling and stabbed itself through the head. As the tank stopped glowing, it slowly formed into the body of Frank, but was pale and unmoving, lying in a pool of blood. "Is it dead?" Asked Ganon, poking Frank's body with his sword. "Yeah, I'm dead." Frank's ghost said.
OOC: I see a zombie apocolypce ahead. Also, maybe the heroes should stop Leprakhan and Bobo from starting another British rampage, y'know cos of the recent cumbrian rampager that killed 12 innocent people. It's pretty offensive.
I've come to a decision; I'm going to write three "Logician's Adventure" thingies a week, starting...well, tomorrow. On mondays, Wendsdays, and Fridays. Every day isn't enough for me to get my act together and spit something out.
"Hey, I just realized something!" Livingness the Youth cried, appearing in a flash of hellfire. "We had a whole story arc set in Hell, and I didn't fight you once!"
"...Go 'way. No-one likes you." Sam put both hands on Livingness's shoulders and pushed him back down into the ground. She and the others turned to leave when a group of ne'er-do-well ragamuffins stepped into their path.
"'Scuse us, miss, but if you wouldn't mind terribly, would you be so kind as to hand over all yer jewelry?" The leader of the gang asked.
"I'm a man, dammit!!!" The Logician replied angrily, picking up a copy of Final Fantasy VIII that was lying on the ground and punching it.
"Ah, terribly sorry for the misunderstanding. In that case, yer money or yer life, if you don't mind?" The youth produced a knife from his loins and waved it in Loggy's direction.
Dear god Bobo! Someone called the cumbrian rampager has already killed 12 people and offended alot of britts!Said Lepre-Khan as he held a copy of Newsy News Network in his hand.
That sounds horrid Mi'Lord!
I know! We were the ones supposed to go on a rampage this month and offend alot of limey buggers!
Lepre-Khan flipped through the paper until he found a picture of the murderer.
Well Mr.Rampager-we'll show you what happends when you fuck with us by killing innocent people when we were supposed to kill innocent people!Bobo!Set a course for whatever jail their holding that fucker at!
Aye aye Mi'Lord!
Ramthundar bashed the bandit's nuts as quickly as he could pull in his knife. "No one thretans my traveling companion and emerges with testicles!"
"Oh, god, the pain!" The bandit said, collapsing on the ground. The other three drew swords and axes, glaring furiously. "De Gaot jus fucked up ous compadre!"
Oh god, it's like he's raping my ears! Make it stop! Make it stop!
The Logician shook his head. "Just watch Onepiece or something."
"Yeah, no one crosses my Loggy without getting the crap beaten out of them!" Sam reached into her bag and pulled out a giant bear tooth, beating one of the bandits senseless with it. Ram continued kicking them in the nuts; one, he kicked three times in a row.
One of the mages stepped out. "Y'know, those are local kids. The bandits won't be here for another few days."
"Can't talk, too busy smashing!" Ram replied.
The mage turned to Loggy. "Couldn't you stop them?"
The Logician sighed and snapped his fingers. The ne'er do wells were teleported away, while Ramthundar and Sam were left ineffectually bashing in the dirt. Ramthundar quickly stopped, but Sam kept it up. "Stupid dirt, getting in the way of me bashing in the heads of evil bandits! Death to the bandits! Death to evil! Ghaah!"
The Logician shrugged. "Lets go in and eat something. I'm starving."
____________________________________________________________________________________________
"Sam's continuted cursing of the earth she stands on nonwithstanding, that was a very plesant meal." Ramthundar said. "How long do y'think she can keep that up?"
"Dunno." The Logician replied. "It makes for interesting viewing, though."
Ramthundar peeked his head out the window. The Sam-hole, as it was now called, was easilly six feet deep, and four around. Sam was still pounding the ground into the ground, cursing and screaming as she went. Oddly, the giant tooth hand not worn away.
"So tell me more about these bandits." The Logician said, leaning back in his chair.
One of the mages nodded. "We believe that they're rouge members of The Imperial Legion. They're too well organized and too well trained to be just simple bandits. They come here every saturday, demanding the usual goods; grain, wheat, various meats and cheese.
"Recently, though, they've been getting more demanding. The last few weeks they've demanded twice what we usually give them, and rumors have been coming in from other villages that they've been forcefully recruiting members, and killing anyone who mouths off to them."
Ramthundar cut in. "Dude, you're mages. Couldn't you do something about it, like, I dunno, summon a bunch of demons?"
"Magic is exhasting, friend." The mage said. "It has very little practical application. To even begin to use it in battle, you have to go through nearly a lifetime of training, and even then the use if magic itself is often very limited. There's a reason there are only a handful of sorcerers of near god-like power, like our friend The Logician."
Ramthundar pouted. "Fine, makes sense. Go on."
"We had a town meeting recently, and decided that it would be best to just do what they tell us to. I don't like that. You being here changes things; they'll probably attack us full-scale just for you and your friends being here, and I don't like that, either."
"So you're killing two birds with one stone." Logician replied. "Getting rid of the troublesome bandits and the troublmaking adventurers."
"No, it's nothing like that. I have nothing but the highest respect for you and captian nutshot here, but you can't deny that you draw...strange things to you."
"I can't." The Logician said. "And for that I'm sorry. How many bandits are we talking here."
"The most that've come here is twenty..." the mage replied. "But we think there may be as many as a hundred. Since they've been recruiting..."
"There's probably been a change in leadership, that much is obvious." Logician replied. "Either they had a massive battle with someone and need to replenish the ranks, or the new guy is just power-hungry."
"Either way, it won't be much trouble." Ramthundar said. "I mean, hello, Logician. And sam. Wait, I'm here too, don't forget me, me!"
"You never know." The Logician said, striking a pose reminicent of Gindo Ikari. "And you never assume. They could be an offshot of the regular army, but they could be a small faction of a much larger force, as many as a thousand. A thousand men swinging clubs and axes and swords around will be trouble, even for me. And that's if they're all warriors. They could have mages, even necromancers in their ranks. It's not unreasonable."
"But we're still gonna curb-stomp the fuckers, right?" Ramthundar asked.
The Logician shrugged. "Most likely. The sheep power of your nutshots can be felt for miles, and Sam is...well, she's fucking crazy. I'm more worried about the townspeople. While we're out owning theire base, they could be raiding more towns, stealing everything, burning everything to the ground, and absolutely defouling the institution of marrage."
"...wait, what?" Ramthundar asked.
What Reg is saying is that we can't go in guns blazing and expect everything to come out OK, or even reasonably well. We have to plan this carefully.
"OK." Ramthundar said. "Planning...I think we should leave that to the smart guy."
Iji saw the leprechaun and his lackey running out of the side of the destroyed lab. She heard him mention something about a rampage, killing innocent people, and offending the British. Of the three things she heard, only two things mattered.
"Killing innocents and offending the British? How despicable, even villains have standards! Sure, we do harm innocents, but we rarely kill them, maybe just beat them to within an inch of their lives, but they aren't dead. And my best friend was British before she was vaporized. How could he try to offend them? Let's stop them Ganon."
"Agreed, I love the brits! They make my tea..." Ganondorf said as he sipped a cup of tes he ggot from out of nowhere.
"And would you stop calling me Ganon? It's Ganondorf"
Ganondorf chased after Khan an Bobo on his Bulbo, which also appeared out of nowhere.
Another Bulbo appeared next to Ij
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