Ambi said:
InterAirplay said:
Ambi said:
They weren't going out, but guys I've liked have expressed attraction for prettier girls or particular traits I lack and it makes me feel all whiny and insecure. >_< One example, although I wasn't attracted to them, this group of guys I was friends with in high school all used to talk about how hot this one girl was. I was kind of jealous but I felt like a ***** for it because she was so beautiful in that innocent, graceful way and she seemed nice. I felt like I somehow inwardly resembled this brutish, grotesque androgynous thing that bitterly accuses everyone of being shallow or fake while trying to suppress my own worse superficiality and vanity that manifests itself with the overreaction that caused that line of reasoning... First world problems, I'm pathetic haha.
If I notice someone isn't single I'm like "okay ._." but it's a lot easier to not think about them because liking them feels wrong.
Which traits?
A guy I liked told me about this girl he found really attractive, how he likes girls with glasses, short girls, and how perfect this girl's porcelain skin was (I was pale but not like her). I vaguely recall him saying something about her hair and maybe clothes too (it was a couple of years ago so I can't remember precisely). It's partially why I was so shy meeting him even when he said he liked me. Also, there was another guy who said he liked long hair when mine was kind of short, it wasn't really that big of a deal though. Not fitting someone's ideals in every way is to be expected and I should've been more laid back about it, but... do I need to explain?
Not if you don't want to.
I remember, back when I still thought the "friend zone" was something that wasn't my own fault, liking this girl who I met when I first started my new school.
Her idea of a great guy was the archetypal rebellious bad boy, and it helped if he was into punk.
Which is odd, because she went out with a friend of mine who is basically a big lovely horny teddy bear and nursed a thing for him for ages. The only thing rebellious about him was that he occasionally told peadophile jokes and wore army boots.
But yeah, her saying that pretty much lowered my chances to subterranian levels. Doesn't matter how sneery and rebellious I try to act, I still tend to bring out this bizarre mumsy side in women where they just think I'm adoreable and it's INFURIATING but still. Especially since, at the time, I still looked like I did in that old Myspace picture I had. Y'know, set course for muppet baby dickery.
Thankfully I met ANOTHER girl living in the same building as me who I found unbearably attractive, and I found out her "type" is basically, uh, a buffoon. She could also rattle off knowledge of events from Tom baker's era of Dr. Who which, really, really turned me on. Honestly.
So yeah. When god opens a door, he closes a window. And I'm not saying that right, but it's fine because there's no god. But, I can't remember why i even started writing this comment.
I went out with the second girl though, the first one is still a friend of mine although she never, ever, ever, ever stops talking. One time she claimed the reason clouds look like they're moving is because we turn while the sky stays still. -_-
Second girl then went out with a string of guys who are all, in her words, less attractive, and less worthwhile than me, which annoys the fuck out of me, because I really want to go all the way to Australia (where she lives now) and tell her to sort herself out. Going out with a dickhead is one thing, admitting to it and carrying on is another.
She annoys me. >_<
