The girl you like is going out with someone better

[Verlander]

Ok I only just registered to answer this thread. Listen and listen carefully. No one is better than you, just different. You are going to waste a lot of your life worrying about judging yourself and others if you think like that. If you had asked and she had said no then you look for the next girl, her loss. Seriously too many regrets and over thinking is going to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Quoted for truth. Plus, while I've experienced a girl preferring my friend to me, the heartache goes away. It burns, but shit carries on, and there are plenty more incredible and heartbreaking adventures for you ahead.

 

[onewheeled]

I would cry.

Because I already haven't seen my girlfriend for an entire year (It's a long-distance relationship. I'm in Sacramento, she's around Los Angeles), and to know that even if I ever see her again, she won't feel the same way about me that I feel towards her, it would be devastating. I would lose all my trust in her, especially if she didn't mention him to me until the last minute.

 

[Athinira]

Now, if I am abusive, not caring, lazy, or overall not boyfriend material then yeah there will be better guys out there that a girl would love to have- but if I am loving, sweet, very giving, overall sensitive to their feelings and highly devoted (which I am), then there is no good reason why I am not good enough.

Actually there is: Loving, sweet, very giving and sensitive guys in general doesn't spark attraction in women. It might be that a guy with these traits makes for a good "provider" that can take care of the woman, but if he doesn't attract her then whats the point?

Guys like these more often than not ends up either alone or being the womans "boy toys", especially if they are "very giving" (read: asskissers), because the way women will talk about these guys to their female friends is "Oh, he is my boytoy, he buys me drinks and gifts", and then she goes out and meets other guys who actually knows how to attract her, and they are usually the ones who ends up having sex with her or dating her right in front of her boytoy who will just stand there confused, wondering why he isn't good enough for her.

Attraction (or love) doesn't follow logic for women in the same way it does for men (who typically will be able to fall for any woman who looks good and who isn't a *****/drama-queen), and being a good provider does not make you attract women. What on the other hand does attract women is humerous, dominating, self-confident men, and they don't need to buy a woman a single drink to "score".

Attract a woman first (perhaps even have sex with her first!), and then show her that you are also good boyfriend (perhaps even husbond) material. In that order, not the other way around ever!

 

[Kud]

I've had that same problem many times my friend.

Although I'm now dating the girl I have liked for ages so I guess I am k.

 

[Ambi]

Because it would make no difference at this point. She's well aware of the fact that she makes bad decisions because she admits it frequently, and despite the fact she claims I'm a huge influence on her, she's not going to stop unless she decides to. I'm past the point where it angers me. Turns out the trick was just try to hold on to the fact that I didn't have any right to judge her decisions on this matter and act as though I knew what was best for her, and then wait it out until I no longer cared about her as much.

The worst part is feeling it die.

She's a decent friend. There are things I'd like to discuss with her, but I crossed the line far too many times with her. She's OK company and I like her, but I refrain from doing anything beyond that or attempting to give her advice unless I'm asked, mostly out of a polite obligation I have to make up for how badly I treated her post-breakup, and due to her unnerving habit of deciding that I'm the best guy she's ever met and that she'd love to be with me if ever I wanted it.

I don't want it, not after all the turmoil. Have you ever broken up with someone and then watched them make decisions which didn't make sense to you? and then nearly clawed your own face off trying to get your head around it? and had this exacerbated by the fact that all their old friends seemed to be wondering the exact same things you were?

It wouldn't be fair of me to blame my reaction on her, but after you experience something like that, it's hard to think that you're going to willingly be with this person unless they change.

So I decided to stop trying to change her, and let go of it. It raised a few doubts in my mind about how I would feel abut loving someone again - mainly, wheher or not someone else would *click* with me as well as she did, and, if they did, would turn out that they're capable of acting like the kind of person that I would never want to be with?

I suppose almost every revelation I've had about how I feel about relationships came from suddenly developing a perspective gained through a lack of caring about whether or not I do find that person again. As far as I can see, I can't muster up the energy for it, not yet, and I can't see my doubts allowing me to become excited and interested by someone to the degree that one should ideally be. Hopefully time will tell. For the time being, the best thing I have are memories of someone who doesn't really exist to me anymore.

I also told you to visit her as part of an offhand joke.

And no, obviously it isn't.

I'm sorry, that's tragic. *hugs*

I've heard that last part from married middle aged women. Ended a marriage or serious relationship, went through a sad stage, decided to not care and enjoy themselves, and suddenly guys started coming from everywhere and they found someone they were happy with.

I don't really click with anyone in that way so far. But at least if I never do I'll just die eventually anyway and maybe be eaten by pets. ^_^ Or be one of those dating site losers, and/or avoid the whole emotional euphoria potentially bipolar-like thing. I don't know. I'm bored. I'll find something to do...

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Never experienced it.
However, my advice would be to move on. She's taken, so why worry about it? Forget about her and you'll find someone else who probably isn't "too good" for you.

 

[BrionJames]

Perhaps this is true. A good friend of mine once said though that matters of the heart are never easily realized and there aren't clear and definite right or wrong answers. If you wanted to be with her, you should've went for it. If you didn't than you really didn't want to in the first place.

 

[alandavidson]

How is he better?

When someone tells me that they're better than me (or someone else is better than me) I reply with "I'M ALAN FUCKING DAVIDSON"

 

[InfiniteSingularity]

Good for her. If she's happy then that's good. If she's not she'll soon start to notice you a bit more. Maybe.

 

[Dr. Pepper Unlimited]

I've never experienced this, so no...

...uhmm, yeah, I guess that's all I have to say. :3

 

[MostlyHarmless]

Actually, that's basically what's going on with me now. Or so I think. The girl who I'm madly in love with seems to who interest in my best friend. I won't say anything or else risk fucking up what I already have going. She talks to me a lot until he shows up and then latches onto him. It's depressing.

 

[likalaruku]

I don't really understand concepts like "commitment" & "jealousy" & "monogamy."

 

[StormShaun]

Really, I havent been in this type of situation, so Ill go with the most popular way to get her back, become better and improve your life...or give up but that is pretty depressing.

 

[Random Argument Man]

It's always worst when you know the other guy treats her right than being an asshole for some reasons...

An asshole deserves a good break-up. If you break a relationship with a nice guy, you'll be the asshole because you made her unhappy.

 

[Rolf]

Yea it has happend to me and it sucks. Luckely i had friends that i could talk to so i got over it. It hurts for some time, but you will get over it.

 

[Dr.Panties]

What do you mean? Better than I? Impossible!

 

[ComicsAreWeird]

I dont believe any woman is "too good for me" or would be better off with some other dude. You should pursue what you want and let HER decide if she´s too good for you. Worst case scenario: she isnt into you and you dont get to be with her... which is pretty much the same thing that´ll happen to you if you never ask her out.

 

[Ambi]

I still get an overwhelming urge to just spend a day with her all cuddled up and playful, in a really platonic, affectionate way. And I know she'd love to do just that.

I guess that makes it more depressing, since she's on the other side of the planet. She says she's coming back someday to where all her friends are, but she'll probably get tied up with art school in Australia. It's hard to let go of, the friendly side. I don't want to ever have to. The romantic side, yeah, far easier.

But, ever got the feeling that no matter what you look like, or no matter what you do, someone will still understand you and love you for precisely who you are? no matter what you wear, or how your health is, or how fat you get, or how foolish you act, they'll understand you and know you and still feel close to you? and you know that as long as you continue to be yourself, you'll never fail to meet their expectations? that's how she makes me feel.

She never, ever deserved the mountain of self-righteous bullshit I piled on her after it ended between us. I'm lucky beyond words to have her around today, and I don't know how I can make it up to her, and I know, I just know, that I don't manage to make her feel the same way. She says that I'm the most understanding person she knows and that she feels really comfortable with me, and maybe that's true. But I don't feel as though I can ever adequately give back what she gives to me, even though she may disagree. She's responsible for gving me the ability to realise all the potential I ever had for self-confidence, through her kind words and closeness, and my attempts to understand who I was and why I said such hurtful things to her, to change myself for the better so that I could continue to maintain some sort of relationship between us without hurting her for her own choices.

It was a learning experience. Most of my feelings and respect for women comes from realising what a complete monster I was during my time with her. I never want past petulant, verbal abuse/unrealistic standards/selfishness/unfair judgement, but I guess I can kind of see into the deranged mental processes of a terribly abusive partner as just an exaggerated extension of the bullshit my mind was coming up with back then.

To have her tell me that I seemed to be the only guy she met so far that she would ever be able to spend and share her life with, even after I'd fucked her over again again and again, was another eye-opener. Made me realise how much damage we could do to people who are only ever trying to help us and show us how much they care. And even today, I feel like if I met her, she'd happily listen to every trouble I had on my mind and then play with my hair to make me all contented and sleepy. Actually, if she'd just play with my hair, that'd be awesome. I respond to that like a puppy.

And oddly, at the end of the day, I feel like she didn't love me as much as I did her. I was her first real crush, after all. Maybe she'll experience it like I did - with her second crush, she'll feel much stronger. Maybe I was just her hyped-up teen romance that seems silly looking back.


I have a crippling fear that she'll be there like that for a guy who might be good, but will do the same thing I did for a long time, and she'll forever try to deal with it and stick with him, same as she did with me. I hope the next guy she gets closely involved in is a better guy then me.

And I really, really wonder why she isn't responding again, and what she's gotten up to now. -_-

Maybe she decided to stop talking to me. I really wouldn't have much of a right to be indignant if it came to that, after all I put her through. If I meet up with her sometime and we're awkward and dissonant, I'll be slightly heartbroken. I feel as though she'll move right on without me.

I miss my friend. We haven't properly spoken in so long that I guess it's doubtful for me to even say that we both get along really well. =/

I mean, sure she's midlly pretentious and over-excitable (yet far too shy), but she has her good points. XD

Sorry for telling you this. It's kind of a mental mess.

EIT: Actually no it isn't, I just got a message from her and now it all just seems like an irellevent shadow over something good we have going.

On the downside, the thought of her off doing something that makes me uncomfortable has started making my chest wrench slightly, again. Now I'm all concerned about her.

For fuck's sake, emotions. Cut that shit out. This is not productive.

So you spasmodically move your leg up and down? Wait you said play with, not scratch.

I wonder if it has the potential to turn into some sappy romance novel shit, if you eventually work past your problems and you both meet someday and fly into each other's arms...

Yeah, dunno if that helps sorry. I don't really know what to say/what I'm expected to say/what I'm allowed to say. I'm actually kind of confused. I'm curious, I guess. I don't mind if you want to vent but we've derailed this thread and PM is probably better.

And yeah emotions, stop it. She can look after herself (I assume).