The hardest question.

[Esotera]

I'd have said as more than friends. It helps both of you know where you stand, which will definitely help further down the road. The decision is yours though, and you know more about the situation. But you've still got the option to say you want to go as more than friends.

Hardest question?

How would you make a computer entirely out of biological materials, that could act in a quantum manner? I got quite far, but should really stop asking myself stupid questions like that.

 

[Jordi]

So recently my friend got the girl I like to text me (Not by force or anything... ehhh sort of hard to explain... On the last day of school... I failed at getting her number.)

But alas, we have been texting eachother a lot, and today...

Today I asked her if she would like to go catch a movie with me and a few friends. She accepted. But then, she asked me if we would be going as friends, or moar than friends... Oh god...

She stated she was fine with both, but wanted to get to know me better.
The thing is, she also got out of a serious relationship, and I know that's like a sensitive wound.
I replied I was fine with both, as well, but we decided friends, I really like her, but at the least, I want to be friends with her. And she says that she'd like to be friends with me at the least.

So that was probably the toughest question I have ever been asked. She's beautiful, intelegent, funny, friendly, and everything I look for in a girl, but she is a really good friend. And I'd love to get to know her better.

So Escapisters, what do you think of my desicion, and what was the hardest question you have ever been asked?

You should trust your own judgement. Nobody here knows more about you, your desires, the girl and your situation than you.

But from what you've just said, it feels to me like you made the wrong decision. It seems you really want to be with this girl, and not admitting that is a little dishonest. I can understand that it can be scary to admit your feelings to someone, but that doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. Furthermore, it seems to me like in this case it's actually a little less of a risk than normally, because it sound like she wants to go out with you. She asked you if you wanted to go out as more than friends, and she said she was okay with that. My guess would be that she only added the "but we can only go as just friends"-part because she was afraid of being rejected by you.

Also, I never really understood the "we don't want to risk our friendship"-reason for not dating each other, unless you're not really that into one another. Who says she can't be both your friend and your girlfriend? Isn't that what you should strive for anyway? And who does that leave who you would date? It seems to me that living by this policy will only let you date people that you don't care about losing.

My advice: rectify this as soon as possible. It sounds to me like she's into you anyway. Besides, you said she already knows you like her, and apparently she's okay with that. So even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, you can still be friends. It doesn't really seem like you have a lot to lose here. I get that it's scary, though, so I wish you all the strength you need!

 

[Spookimitsu]

Today I asked her if she would like to go catch a movie with me and a few friends. She accepted. But then, she asked me if we would be going as friends, or moar than friends... Oh god...So Escapisters, what do you think of my desicion, and what was the hardest question you have ever been asked?

1. If that isn't what you wanted, then you could be foolish for trying to deceive yourself and her. You should be honest. Besides if you do end up in the 'friend zone', you only have yourself to blame. Tell her that you'd like to think of her romantically.

2. I dunno, most 'uncomfortable' question didn't come to me in relationship/social settings, I try not to be uncomfortable with telling the truth. My hardest question was probably in Poli-sci or my first semester CSC (computer science) exams in undergrad.

 

[FURY_007]

I think you did a good job, but since you knew she liked you I woulda acted on it and see where that took you guys, but only time will tell.

My hardest question was "Who would you rather fight, naked, in the shower, with dildo hands, Buzzsaw from Running Man or Sub-Zero from Running Man"

That's not really true, but that was from one of the guys from CKY, I can't remeber atm.

 

[Cheesus333]

OP: Suck it up and take the intiative, if both of you are too shy to take it further than nobody gets anything they want.

If you don't ask, you don't get, simples.

Do you mind if I take this advice and use it for my own, completely different situation? I may need it.

OT: The hardest question I've ever been asked... hmm...

Well nothing comes to mind, but there was an awkward one. Some friends and I were playing 'truth or dare' like the mature 16 year olds we were. Someone asked me who the last person I kissed was and I couldn't bring myself to answer because doing so would bring up the fact that she was currently going out with a very good friend, who was sat in the room at the time. So I just changed the subject. Balls of steel, I know.

It was a long time before they were going out anyway, so I'm not sure what my problem was. I guess it was just embarrassing, really.

 

[CharrHearted]

Thats not the hardest question to answer.. the hardest question to answer is who shot first? Han or Gredo?

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

So recently my friend got the girl I like to text me (Not by force or anything... ehhh sort of hard to explain... On the last day of school... I failed at getting her number.)

But alas, we have been texting eachother a lot, and today...

Today I asked her if she would like to go catch a movie with me and a few friends. She accepted. But then, she asked me if we would be going as friends, or moar than friends... Oh god...

She stated she was fine with both, but wanted to get to know me better.
The thing is, she also got out of a serious relationship, and I know that's like a sensitive wound.
I replied I was fine with both, as well, but we decided friends, I really like her, but at the least, I want to be friends with her. And she says that she'd like to be friends with me at the least.

So that was probably the toughest question I have ever been asked. She's beautiful, intelegent, funny, friendly, and everything I look for in a girl, but she is a really good friend. And I'd love to get to know her better.

So Escapisters, what do you think of my desicion, and what was the hardest question you have ever been asked?

You should trust your own judgement. Nobody here knows more about you, your desires, the girl and your situation than you.

But from what you've just said, it feels to me like you made the wrong decision. It seems you really want to be with this girl, and not admitting that is a little dishonest. I can understand that it can be scary to admit your feelings to someone, but that doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. Furthermore, it seems to me like in this case it's actually a little less of a risk than normally, because it sound like she wants to go out with you. She asked you if you wanted to go out as more than friends, and she said she was okay with that. My guess would be that she only added the "but we can only go as just friends"-part because she was afraid of being rejected by you.

Also, I never really understood the "we don't want to risk our friendship"-reason for not dating each other, unless you're not really that into one another. Who says she can't be both your friend and your girlfriend? Isn't that what you should strive for anyway? And who does that leave who you would date? It seems to me that living by this policy will only let you date people that you don't care about losing.

My advice: rectify this as soon as possible. It sounds to me like she's into you anyway. Besides, you said she already knows you like her, and apparently she's okay with that. So even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, you can still be friends. It doesn't really seem like you have a lot to lose here. I get that it's scary, though, so I wish you all the strength you need!

she knows I really like her... She just wants to get to know me better, and I'd love to know her some more.

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

snip

Son, I am disappoint.

You basically told her "Yup, I'm too big of a pussy to be your man, so let's be friends"

I know that saying "let's love eachother forever" would creep her out, but there are other ways to imply that you are romantically interested or at least sexually attracted to a girl. "You can call it whatever you like, but I do want to have sex with you at some point" is the least subtle of them.

The hardest question I've ever been asked? My last chance to pass a year: "What do you know about steroid hormones?"

She knows I really like her. And I guess maybe she likes me too, displaying interest in being more than friends. I just don't want her to be hurt, or uncomfortable. I'd rather be friends with her, than have a short relationship.

 

[Loner Jo Jo]

As Willy Wonka once said, "You lose! You get nothing! Good day to you sir!" Sorry, as a chick if a guy said let's just go out as friends, if it was a decision you two arrived at "together"... yeah, she's probably moved on. The whole "want to get to know you better" is a defense. She only said that because she wants an easy escape if she realizes she's not that attracted to you. You might be able to save a potential relationship is you are bold on the date and make your intentions clear. Unless, of course, you want to be just friends and that's it.

 

[Jordi]

So recently my friend got the girl I like to text me (Not by force or anything... ehhh sort of hard to explain... On the last day of school... I failed at getting her number.)

But alas, we have been texting eachother a lot, and today...

Today I asked her if she would like to go catch a movie with me and a few friends. She accepted. But then, she asked me if we would be going as friends, or moar than friends... Oh god...

She stated she was fine with both, but wanted to get to know me better.
The thing is, she also got out of a serious relationship, and I know that's like a sensitive wound.
I replied I was fine with both, as well, but we decided friends, I really like her, but at the least, I want to be friends with her. And she says that she'd like to be friends with me at the least.

So that was probably the toughest question I have ever been asked. She's beautiful, intelegent, funny, friendly, and everything I look for in a girl, but she is a really good friend. And I'd love to get to know her better.

So Escapisters, what do you think of my desicion, and what was the hardest question you have ever been asked?

You should trust your own judgement. Nobody here knows more about you, your desires, the girl and your situation than you.

But from what you've just said, it feels to me like you made the wrong decision. It seems you really want to be with this girl, and not admitting that is a little dishonest. I can understand that it can be scary to admit your feelings to someone, but that doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do. Furthermore, it seems to me like in this case it's actually a little less of a risk than normally, because it sound like she wants to go out with you. She asked you if you wanted to go out as more than friends, and she said she was okay with that. My guess would be that she only added the "but we can only go as just friends"-part because she was afraid of being rejected by you.

Also, I never really understood the "we don't want to risk our friendship"-reason for not dating each other, unless you're not really that into one another. Who says she can't be both your friend and your girlfriend? Isn't that what you should strive for anyway? And who does that leave who you would date? It seems to me that living by this policy will only let you date people that you don't care about losing.

My advice: rectify this as soon as possible. It sounds to me like she's into you anyway. Besides, you said she already knows you like her, and apparently she's okay with that. So even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, you can still be friends. It doesn't really seem like you have a lot to lose here. I get that it's scary, though, so I wish you all the strength you need!

she knows I really like her... She just wants to get to know me better, and I'd love to know her some more.

There's nothing wrong with that. But why does that mean you can't go as "more than friends"? Maybe I'm just not really clear on what that would mean for you guys. If you agree to go as friends, rather than "more" (or vice versa) how would that change the evening? Is it like an agreement that you'll hold hands or have more intimate conversations or something?

If you think that going as just friends doesn't diminish your chances of dating her, then I see nothing wrong with that. You two should definitely get to know each other more. You can obviously do that as friends, but you can also do it in a more romantic setting.

Also, maybe it's just me, but if she knows how you feel about her, isn't it kind of her "turn" to tell you how she feels about you? Maybe she hasn't made up her mind yet, and she wants to get to know you better before she decides. In that case, I think I'd prefer it if she kept thinking about me in a romantic way, because sometimes it can be hard to get out of the "friend zone" (although that really depends on the people and situation, and I can't judge that).

Edit: as other people have (kind of) pointed out: if she knows that you really like her and she hasn't really acted on that, it could also be a hint that she doesn't feel that way about you. Either way, I would make it a priority to find out. You can also ask yourself if you could live with being just friends with her while knowing that you could possibly be more if only you tried... Wouldn't you always wonder what could have been?

 

[RoboPenguin]

I think you know the girl better than us, so you should be better at making an informed decision on the matter. Friendship is a nice safe place to be, but don't come crying to us if you remain stuck in the "friend zone".

Personally, if I was that girl I would have preferred honesty right up front about your feelings. Relationships really don't need any more added complications to them.

There is no friend zone, she already admitted to wanting to date him. The so called friend zone is an invention of guys to help explain why a girl they like doesn't return the feelings because rather then just accept that not everyone is going to like you they would rather believe that they have become to close to the girl to be considered for dating.

EDIT: You did the right thing for you, it can always advance from there.

From personal experience, I can tell you that there is a "friend zone". There's been a few guys in my life who never mentioned their feelings, that I considered potentials, but since they never acted I wrote them off as friends. Then, months/years later, they finally get the guts to say they wanted more but at that point I've already moved on from whatever romantic feelings I had for them.

What you say is true as well. I'm sure there are guys who write off general unattractiveness to a particular girl as being "friend zoned" when they never had a chance to begin with.

Whether or not the OP is in danger of falling into the friend category, is based on the girl (someone who I don't know). If he wants more to the relationship, my advice is to "strike while the iron is hot". From a girl's perspective (mine, and I'm not speaking for my entire gender), she's looking for reassurance and definition to your relationship with her. Don't go pulling the rug out from under her a while down the road.

In your situation, I'd say, "Hey, I didn't know how to feel about this when I first responded, but I gave it more thought and I really do like you, as more than a friend. However you feel now is fine by me, but I value our relationship and want to be completely honest." Or something like that.

Like I said, these are my opinions. I'm no relationship guru, I'm merely thinking of how I would like to be treated in a similar situation (since it's happened and it can be very frustrating and awkward later on).

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Hang on, she's "everything you look for in a girl", AND she's single, AND she's hinting that you have a chance with her?

Dude... Just. F*cking. Do It!

But she said she'd also like to get to know me, and that she'd love to be friends. But I really like her, and I know she likes me. I think it would be best to just see how this "Date" goes, and maybe try to get in a relationship come the start of school.

You can get to know people from scratch while in a relationship with them. You don't HAVE to be friends with them first (although by the same token being friends with them first is not the total right-off that a lot of people seem to think it is, but that's another issue). The point is you're lucky, very lucky. This perfect girl is not only into you but is making her position much clearer than most girls like to. By giving you those options she's pretty much laying the foundations for you, all you have to do is build on that. But if you don't she might lose interest before you have a chance to step it up a gear.

Let her know You want to go out as more than just friends. It's not like that suddenly puts a huge amount of pressure on you, it's just a date at the end of the day. Just go out, have a good time and see where things go from there.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Thats not the hardest question to answer.. the hardest question to answer is who shot first? Han or Gredo?

Han, clearly.

OT: Well, I would never step forward for the rebound either. Makes me feel like a sleaze even thinking about it. I'm in a similar situation at the moment although she hasn't asked that question.

Wait until the freshness of that wound is over, by all means continue to hang out and decide after you don't feel weird about talking about it anymore if you'd want to explore that kind of relationship with her.

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

As Willy Wonka once said, "You lose! You get nothing! Good day to you sir!" Sorry, as a chick if a guy said let's just go out as friends, if it was a decision you two arrived at "together"... yeah, she's probably moved on. The whole "want to get to know you better" is a defense. She only said that because she wants an easy escape if she realizes she's not that attracted to you. You might be able to save a potential relationship is you are bold on the date and make your intentions clear. Unless, of course, you want to be just friends and that's it.

FOR THE LAST TIME SHE KNOWS I LIKE HER.
She was the one that suggested we go as more than friends, but she also gave a list of descrepencies, she said she'd like to be more than friends, but at the same time, get to know me as a friend at the same time... It's weird...

And doesn't Charlie get the factory or whatever after the end of that?

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

snip

Son, I am disappoint.

You basically told her "Yup, I'm too big of a pussy to be your man, so let's be friends"

I know that saying "let's love eachother forever" would creep her out, but there are other ways to imply that you are romantically interested or at least sexually attracted to a girl. "You can call it whatever you like, but I do want to have sex with you at some point" is the least subtle of them.

The hardest question I've ever been asked? My last chance to pass a year: "What do you know about steroid hormones?"

She knows I really like her. And I guess maybe she likes me too, displaying interest in being more than friends. I just don't want her to be hurt, or uncomfortable. I'd rather be friends with her, than have a short relationship.

Are there unicorns in this world you live in?

Also "more than friends" somehow sounds like a bigger commitment than marriage. Personally, I like the word "dating", because it's very descriptive (spending time together unaccompanied with the possibility of sex) and yet doesn't imply anything more.

Now that I think about it, More than friends can sound a bit creepy...

 

[tobuji]

So Escapisters, what do you think of my desicion, and what was the hardest question you have ever been asked?

"Why?"

 

[MASTACHIEFPWN]

So Escapisters, what do you think of my desicion, and what was the hardest question you have ever been asked?

"Why?"

ehhh you might want to make this post longer, Low content posts will get you warned, get warned enough and you get baned. I personally don't enjoy the rule, along with the no excesive CAPSLOCKS rule... can't unleash the fury of a keyboard...

 

[Wushu Panda]

Today I asked her if she would like to go catch a movie with me and a few friends. She accepted. But then, she asked me if we would be going as friends, or moar than friends... Oh god...

She stated she was fine with both, but wanted to get to know me better.
The thing is, she also got out of a serious relationship, and I know that's like a sensitive wound.
I replied I was fine with both, as well, but we decided friends, I really like her, but at the least, I want to be friends with her. And she says that she'd like to be friends with me at the least.

So that was probably the toughest question I have ever been asked. She's beautiful, intelegent, funny, friendly, and everything I look for in a girl, but she is a really good friend. And I'd love to get to know her better.

despite everyone else considering physical relationships universal winning conditions, friendship is the best way to fly. so you made a fine decision imho.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, except this one because it's wrong.

OP: you like the girl, she obviously is ok with taking on more than just friendship with you? This is NOT the time to be passive or friendly. Girls like to play messed up mindgames where they give you an awkward situation to sit through. Before she puts you in friend zone permanently tell her you want more with her.

If you never take the chance, you'll probably be regret that. Can you live with it?