The horrid tech-vocabulary of people who are not tech-savvy

[Kron_the_mad wants to be deleted]

to my mum all games consoles are xboxes or gameboys, which can really confuse the hell out of my niece and nephew when she asks about stuff like that....

 

[T-Bone24]

What do you mean? I always unload the quantom harmonisor into the thingy projection ma-jig, all at the same time as downloading the wig-wam off a woofing engine.

You call yourself tech savvy? You don't wig-wam the woofing engine directly, you need the electron equaliser!

 

[Hawk of Battle]

My mum and sister are so non-tech savvy it's excrutiating. I mean I'm not all that great myself, but I know what to do when there's a problem at least, but if anything, and I do mean ANYTHING goes even slightly wrong when either of them are using it, (which is pretty much every time my sister sits in front of a keyboard) I suddenly have to drop everything and fix it, not matter how small and trivial it is.

PC running a bit slow? Virus scanner started weekly scan, no biggie, just stop it. But no, that's too much of a task. PC crashes? Well just turn it off, but no, can't even do that either. Can't send an email? That's because you added 50 goddamn attachments and it's taking 30 minutes to send all 4 gigs worth of pictures! GAH!!

Oh and according to my mum we should always log off manually instead of just shutting down once we're done, despite the number of times I have explained that shutting down ALSO logs you off, you don't need to sit there waiting for it to log off your profile just so you can THEN press shut down. The shutdown option is there on the main menu for a reason! Oh and apparantly leaving IE open and having a couple of MSN conversations open slows down the computer too much, as does having a few emails stored on a hotmail account, even though it doesn't. I guess that goes under not knowing the difference between RAM and HDD. Can't explain it though, my sister literally shouts at me and goes "I'm not listening lalalalalal!!" whenever I try to explain (she's 25 btw).

Oh also, DVDs are not Blu-rays people. Nor is DVD/Blu-ray a new name for "films".

 

[Daystar Clarion]

What do you mean? I always unload the quantom harmonisor into the thingy projection ma-jig, all at the same time as downloading the wig-wam off a woofing engine.

You call yourself tech savvy? You don't wig-wam the woofing engine directly, you need the electron equaliser!

Are you serious? Have you seen the price of an electron equaliser? I've managed to form a time space singularity which offers me direct access to an infinite supply of an element (including gold, platinum etc) and I still wouldn't be able to afford one of those things. I prefer using the dextrose monopolisor turntable ja-higgy-ma-thing.

 

[jelock]

The one that annoys me is, kinda like the ipod for all MP3s is when people call their player their MP3. I just feel like saying, no you idiot, the MP3 is the file - you dont call your DVD player a DVD do you.

 

[Queen Michael]

PC running a bit slow? Virus scanner started weekly scan, no biggie, just stop it. But no, that's too much of a task. PC crashes? Well just turn it off, but no, can't even do that either. Can't send an email? That's because you added 50 goddamn attachments and it's taking 30 minutes to send all 4 gigs worth of pictures! GAH!!

Oh and according to my mum we should always log off manually instead of just shutting down once we're done, despite the number of times I have explained that shutting down ALSO logs you off, you don't need to sit there waiting for it to log off your profile just so you can THEN press shut down. The shutdown option is there on the main menu for a reason! Oh and apparantly leaving IE open and having a couple of MSN conversations open slows down the computer too much, as does having a few emails stored on a hotmail account, even though it doesn't. I guess that goes under not knowing the difference between RAM and HDD. Can't explain it though, my sister literally shouts at me and goes "I'm not listening lalalalalal!!" whenever I try to explain (she's 25 btw).

Reminds me of how momsnewhusband thinks the reason Internet Explorer takes so long to load is because our hard drive is full and almost doesn't have any spare space. When in fact it has 80 gigabytes free.

The one that annoys me is, kinda like the ipod for all MP3s is when people call their player their MP3. I just feel like saying, no you idiot, the MP3 is the file - you dont call your DVD player a DVD do you.

My mom does. To my great annoyance.

 

[Inmate13]

I'm quite sure we can all relate to this

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/trade_expert.png

 

[KP Shadow]

As for terminology, everything's ok. My Gran dosen't have a computer, and my Grandma is the most technologically aware granny on the planet, albiet she dosen't understand hardware and has a ridiculously slow computer that she could very easily upgrade

...
But you just said that she doesn't have one.

And I really don't have this problem much, other than this one dumbass kid in one of my classes insisting that the Blue Screen of Death is a virus and not an error screen. Otherwise, I don't have to deal with it much. Mainly because my uncle is the manager of Geek Squad at a nearby Best Buy, my father is fairly tech savvy, and my grandma's a gamer (she's actually the one who got me into gaming to begin with).

 

[Nukeforyou]

A 4GB HDD and a Terra of RAM ftw amiright?

i think you got those backwards.. who has only 4 gigs of storage and 1024 gigs of memory

 

[Woodsey]

A 4GB HDD and a Terra of RAM ftw amiright?

i think you got those backwards.. who has only 4 gigs of storage and 1024 gigs of memory

You really missed that joke.

 

[Plazmatic]

I have surprisingly little of that to deal with in my family. My dad, despite being in his 60s and a retired accounting professor, has been able to install his own RAM and hard drives since almost 20 years ago

I think we found a computer retard here on our forums.....

 

[MrPop]

Another mate of mine fell for the OMG YOU HAZ VIRUS DOWNLOAD THIS NOT-VIRUS-SYSTEM NAO! popups. I head-desked repeatedly

Similarily to that whenever my mum gets loads of spam emails claiming to be from banks
Mum: Oh no. Apparently there is a problem with my Natwest bank account! They need my details to fix it
Me: Do you even bank with Natwest.
Mum: No.
/facepalm
As soon as they realise who she banks with we'll be living on the streets =P

Also my mum says download about everything like said a lot here. "How do I download this to the printer"

The funniest (but maybe cutest) was my grandad who didn't know how to use a mouse so kept pressing it against the screen and wondered why the PC didn't work (it was unplugged). Ahh the hilarity. Maybe he's just senile >.>

 

[Dexiro]

I have surprisingly little of that to deal with in my family. My dad, despite being in his 60s and a retired accounting professor, has been able to install his own RAM and hard drives since almost 20 years ago

I think we found a computer retard here on our forums.....

Why, was installing RAM and hard drives an unusual thing in the 90's?

 

[Nalgas D. Lemur]

I have surprisingly little of that to deal with in my family. My dad, despite being in his 60s and a retired accounting professor, has been able to install his own RAM and hard drives since almost 20 years ago

I think we found a computer retard here on our forums.....

We have? Ooh, ooh! Where?

 

[MisterM2402]

As for terminology, everything's ok. My Gran dosen't have a computer, and my Grandma is the most technologically aware granny on the planet, albiet she dosen't understand hardware and has a ridiculously slow computer that she could very easily upgrade

...
But you just said that she doesn't have one.

And I really don't have this problem much, other than this one dumbass kid in one of my classes insisting that the Blue Screen of Death is a virus and not an error screen.

A person can have TWO grandmothers, yes? His first grandmother doesn't have a computer but his second one does.

What do you mean? I always unload the quantom harmonisor into the thingy projection ma-jig, all at the same time as downloading the wig-wam off a woofing engine.

You call yourself tech savvy? You don't wig-wam the woofing engine directly, you need the electron equaliser!

Are you serious? Have you seen the price of an electron equaliser? I've managed to form a time space singularity which offers me direct access to an infinite supply of an element (including gold, platinum etc) and I still wouldn't be able to afford one of those things. I prefer using the dextrose monopolisor turntable ja-higgy-ma-thing.

No no no!! If you want to get perfect coefficiency on a low budget, you have to go for the rhodium-executable suplex monopolisor, otherwise you're just gonna waste money on superfluous piledrivers. However, if you have a little extra cash, I'd also go for the Uranium-plated spatula with port and starboard attatchments - just makes it a tad easier to cram it in between the extra-large quantum energiser and flux capacitor that you'd find in most current computers.

 

[Limzz]

Not quite tech, but this girl in my physics lab would refer to all greek letters as "squiggly line" I wanted to work out my backhand every time I heard her speak.

 

[Woodsey]

I have surprisingly little of that to deal with in my family. My dad, despite being in his 60s and a retired accounting professor, has been able to install his own RAM and hard drives since almost 20 years ago

I think we found a computer retard here on our forums.....

Yes, you apparently.

There was nothing wrong with what he said.

 

[Marter]

I have a computer teacher who doesn't know the difference between the words "Download" and "Upload"...

 

[Daystar Clarion]

As for terminology, everything's ok. My Gran dosen't have a computer, and my Grandma is the most technologically aware granny on the planet, albiet she dosen't understand hardware and has a ridiculously slow computer that she could very easily upgrade

...
But you just said that she doesn't have one.

And I really don't have this problem much, other than this one dumbass kid in one of my classes insisting that the Blue Screen of Death is a virus and not an error screen.

A person can have TWO grandmothers, yes? His first grandmother doesn't have a computer but his second one does.

What do you mean? I always unload the quantom harmonisor into the thingy projection ma-jig, all at the same time as downloading the wig-wam off a woofing engine.

You call yourself tech savvy? You don't wig-wam the woofing engine directly, you need the electron equaliser!

Are you serious? Have you seen the price of an electron equaliser? I've managed to form a time space singularity which offers me direct access to an infinite supply of an element (including gold, platinum etc) and I still wouldn't be able to afford one of those things. I prefer using the dextrose monopolisor turntable ja-higgy-ma-thing.

No no no!! If you want to get perfect coefficiency on a low budget, you have to go for the rhodium-executable suplex monopolisor, otherwise you're just gonna waste money on superfluous piledrivers. However, if you have a little extra cash, I'd also go for the Uranium-plated spatula with port and starboard attatchments - just makes it a tad easier to cram it in between the extra-large quantum energiser and flux capacitor that you'd find in most current computers.

That would probably get rid of the overheating problem that most enigmatic thermo consensualisors have, as well as increasing its dermo nucleaic meglomania output.

[sub]I love making up jargon...[/sub]

 

[T-Bone24]

What do you mean? I always unload the quantom harmonisor into the thingy projection ma-jig, all at the same time as downloading the wig-wam off a woofing engine.

You call yourself tech savvy? You don't wig-wam the woofing engine directly, you need the electron equaliser!

Are you serious? Have you seen the price of an electron equaliser? I've managed to form a time space singularity which offers me direct access to an infinite supply of an element (including gold, platinum etc) and I still wouldn't be able to afford one of those things. I prefer using the dextrose monopolisor turntable ja-higgy-ma-thing.

I SCOFF at your pithy dextrose monopolisor. Those outdated hunks of jiggys are a waste of space and Mahigabytes. If you can't afford an equaliser, just go out for a Jahakeymagnet. It's the next best thing. Just please, for god's sake, chuck out that monopolisor.