The idea that backing down is a sign of maturity

[Monshroud]

I agree with what a few others have said here and that is Maturity is knowing when to fight and when to back down. I think the reasons parents and teachers try to drill the back down strategy is that when you are young you are usually more willing to fight over any little thing. The more times you fight the more likely it is that you could seriously get hurt, and at a young age you don't have the mental capacity to understand the later consequences for your actions. Also in a young age you can get a sort of mob mentality and all of a sudden 2 kids fighting turns to 4 or 6 and there is just no easy way for a teacher to regain control of that situation.

It's that whole think before you act, versus the shoot first and ask questions later...

 

[Instant K4rma]

Defending yourself is just fine. People arent saying your not mature if you stop yourself from getting your face beat in, what they are saying is that fighting in order to prove yourself over the other person does not show maturity. Saying "Im right and your wrong because I can smash your face in" isnt mature. Fighting just to prove that you can hurt someone isnt mature, but there is no problem with self defence.

 

[Jharry5]

The real sign of maturity is picking your fights that are worthwhile. What's the point in standing up to someone if they're going to put you in hospital over something trivial?

 

[Lord Of Cyberia]

The idea of backing down from pointless or badly chosen fights is all well and good, but the idea of being a subservient lump that has no free will being a sign of maturity is about as sensible as saying that pacifism prevents wars. In South-East Asia.

 

[Ziadaine_v1legacy]

Its more of a case of backing down from unnecessary fights that serve no point. Yes you should defend yourself but don't waste your time with idiots who go out of their way to fight people to give them-self an image that their tough.

...Now backing down from sex, unheard of. for me anyway.

 

[Gebi10000]

I avoid a fight at all costs. i even let people beat me up.Being able to do that shows commitment to your principals. I hate using violence, so I have made it one of my principals never to use it.I will fight though if there is another more important principal at stake , like the worth of human life.

 

[Seldon2639]

It's a discipline thing, I believe. The ability to say "no" to all fights allows us to actually know which fights are worth having. Bear in mind that that we're taught to avoid physical confrontation as much as possible (at least, that was my lesson to be learned), rather than "never disagree with anyone, ever".

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent" after all.

 

[Husky.Gnoll]

In my opinion maturity is to not worry about others' opinion, to stand up for what you feel is right, that you are human and can make mistakes, and to not judge others of theirs. Remember that cool heads prevail over any non-violent fight.

 

[Xojins]

Maybe it's because when people are younger, they tend to get into fights over more trivial things. Once you grow up you realize there are things that are acceptable to fight over.

 

[MiserableOldGit]

There is a lot to be said for picking your battles- one thing about getting older is a tendency to find yourself in situations youve been in before- sometimes you just know that it's not worth the aggro.

 

[Naheal]

I was always taught to "use words over fists". Ammusingly enough, I've learned that a well placed rumor, some insulting words, or a piece of unsettling news is generally more damaging than any physical confrontation will ever be.

 

[darksakul]

There are circumstances. If the fight can be avoided or cannot be won then discretion is the better part of valour.

Some drunk guy threatened to break my jaw, once. I was mad and wanted to beat his face beyond recognition but I didn't because it would have gotten me ejected from the bar. Besides, beating on middle agers isn't my style.

In the end, he just wasnt worth my fist or my energy. Maturity is knowing WHEN to back down, not to always do it.

FanofDeath, that is a great example of when someone should back out of a fight. Could not said it better my self.

Situations where it is better to not get involved or the time is not right to get involves shows a degree of wisdom. Any one can just jump into a fight (that takes no skill). Knowing how to "side step" unnecessary fights and how to pick an choose your battles is a part of maturity. Although the saying "nothing worth fighting for is not worth having" does apply, and that includes peace.

 

[Nickolai77]

Back down from fights whenever possble, because your lowering yourself down to the level of the bigot trying to start a fight with you. However, sometimes you may have to resort to violence in self defense. If you act in self defense don't worry about fighting "like a man" with fists, i would scratch and throw dirt in their eyes and use any means if i have too.

Of course, running away can also be a more practical option, if you think you can outrun your aggressor, do so. Also, if you have to run and hide, never underestimate the power of lying flat and still in the shadows on a dark night.

 

[ideitbawx]

From an early age it was drilled into my head that walking away form a fight made me the bigger man. That laying low instead of standing up for myself would serve best. But my whole life I've always had an issue with this, it always seemed to make no sense. Why shouldn't somebody defend himself? Wouldn't the mature person be brave enough to fight back?

a mature person can use his logic to defend himself before his fists are even considered. most people who are aggressors usually put up a mean attitude as a way to hide their own insecurity. it's kind of like listening to a metal band: loud, aggressive music about being angry and depressed, perhaps even vulnerable.

but aggressors know how to fight, even if it's typically a unstructured brawler style. so if logic fails, you better know how to defend yourself.

it's kind of like MiserableOldGit's point:

There is a lot to be said for picking your battles- one thing about getting older is a tendency to find yourself in situations youve been in before- sometimes you just know that it's not worth the aggro.

if this is enough of a concern where you constantly have to defend yourself, then maybe you should find a good martial arts school. a good teacher will prepare you to defend yourself mentally and physically. the the kicks and punches are merely a last resort; a black belt will never have to use his moves, because he knows there is a better way to resolve the conflict.

 

[MagnetoHydroDynamics]

Lemme tell you this:
Here we have a martial arts champion in the art of Krav Maga, who can disarm and seriously disable you in 200 different ways using every part of his body.
A robber than comes by and sticks a gun in his face saying "Gimme you stuff!"
Now what does the matial arts champion do?

Spoiler: A) He beats the robber to a pulp B) He gives the robber all his stuff

If you chose B, you are right.

The thing is that you may be the cooles guy in history, you may have a taser in you back pocket and stuff... But really, every fight is planned out until the first punch is dealt.

As for backing down unrelated to physical violence, it is a good way to make everybody happy. If you find yourself in a conflict, one either has to back down or you have to make a compromise, that's how democracy works.

 

[JIst00]

"Maturity is knowing WHEN to back down, not to always do it."

This

 

[SimuLord]

Walking away from a fight doesn't make you "the bigger man", it makes you chickenshit.

Ever listen to a classic Kenny Rogers song, "Coward of the County"? Sometimes you gotta fight to be a man.

 

[TheGreatCoolEnergy]

From an early age it was drilled into my head that walking away form a fight made me the bigger man. That laying low instead of standing up for myself would serve best. But my whole life I've always had an issue with this, it always seemed to make no sense. Why shouldn't somebody defend himself? Wouldn't the mature person be brave enough to fight back?

I was thinking about this today and an idea hit me: it seems that this lesson is drilled into our heads to make things easier for the authority. Parents teach it to prevent fights between siblings(or keep the favorite from being stood up to.) Teachers teach it to try and cut down on fights. And of course all authority everywhere benefits from a more docile populace.

And that's where it gets a bit screwy for me. Is walking away really a sign of maturity? Or is it just something we're taught to make it easier for the higher ups? I'm by no means a "might makes right" type of guy, but I've always been irked that we're encouraged not to fight back.

Interesting point, I have a few things to say.

First of all, perhaps the idea is ot that "Pussying out is the better thing to do" but rather "Pick your battles". You wouldn't hunt chipmunks with an RPG, so why would you fight over something that isn't worth it?

Second, generaly speaking, the less educated someone is, the more likely to fight they are. Look at the countries with little to none education. There is a good chance there is a war in that country currently. The kind of guy who fights is always portrayed as a big dumb jock, not a nerd. There is a reason behind this stereotype.

Third, I'm certain this idea is taught early because humans are weak. There are alot of things that can easyily cripple or kill us, and fighting each other is just one more way to make someone useless to society.

Forth, yes it probably is used to keep us in line. I'll agree there