The lies you were told as a child.

[kinch]

one of my friends was told that babies were made when a man kisses a woman on the belly button

Weeeelll..... It's not *that* far from the truth... the man has to kiss the inside of her belly button, and he doesn't so much as kiss it but spit on it, and he doesn't use his mouth... but apart from that, it's basically true

p.s. Obviously this a joke, please don't feel the need to reply to this.

 

[SmugFrog]

My grandmother used to tell me stories about how the Russians were going to invade, burn all the bibles, and make us swear allegiance to a communist Satan.

Yeah, she uh... was out there a bit.

 

[Phoenix Arrow]

My grandmother used to tell me stories about how the Russians were going to invade, burn all the bibles, and make us swear allegiance to a communist Satan.

Yeah, she uh... was out there a bit.

American propaganda~~

 

[SmugFrog]

lol exactly. The Russians were told the same things about us though. During the U.S. Navy's visits to Russia after the cold war, my friends were surprised at how much we had in common and how much we had made up stories about each other.

 

[Chiasm]

I was once told that Buffalo wings came from Baby Buffalo's that farmers would cut off there wings took me till I was 15 to learn that was not true.

 

[PapaSanchez]

My brother onced convinced me and my brother that in heaven, they eat rice pudding with golden spoons. So we both packed our bags, climbed on the window-sill and waited for the angels to give us a ride.

My dad found us half a hour later and made us some rice pudding.

Happy times...

 

[TheLaughingMage]

That if you masturbate you would go blind

lets just say that I had great pleasure in finding out this one was wrong

 

[DGenius]

Wasnt that a rugrats e

that mummy loves me.........

That sucks man.
As has already been said, the watermelon seed lie. Watching that cartoon where the watermelon grew out of the guys stomach scared me so shitless I didn't eat watermelon again for years.
Another lie I believed was that you could talk to animals and they would understand you.

Wasn't that a rugrats episode you were talking about?


My mother told me "you'll never get a job while you smoke weed", here I am 5 years into my job, making $1,000 a week, and still smoking. Thanks mom!!!

 

[EeveeElectro]

"When you join secondary (high) school, people will flush your head down the toilet."


Yep, my sister is a bully. XD

 

[wahi]

that life is a bed of roses after the two year struggle that is high school. i fell for it despite being a teenager at the time....

 

[slowpoke219]

That touching it would make me go blind or grow hair on my palms.

 

[Zio666]

"Your going to be just fine"-Mum, Dad, nurses, doctors and various relatives while I was dying in hospital. I later learned from my mum that it's a mirracle I'm still here.

My intestine got blocked due to a genetic dysfunction or something where there is a section that is narrower. It died and caused me to get blood poisoning on christmas eve (or christmas morning depending on how you look at time) in the middle of the night. They had to call the surgeons in to operate because they were all at home. If I had arrived half an hour later I would be dead and even though the operation was a success there was still a slim chance I would live. I know I was only five but I was mature enough back then to know that I wasn't fine and I would have preffered if people had treated me like an adult (like my dad had always done until that point) and told me what was happening.

 

[TheGreenManalishi]

The ice-cream man rings his bell when he's got no ice-cream left.

 

[Zio666]

The ice-cream man rings his bell when he's got no ice-cream left.

AH haha! Thats really funny. I'm going to remember that one for when I have kids!

 

[AngloDoom]

I think my favourite was my father telling me that a certain button in the car was the ejector-seat in case of emergency. Then he stopped the car, hovered his finger over the button, and told me to cover my head for when I blast through the roof. I braced up, clenched my little teeth, and watched in embarrassment when he pressed the button and the car's window moved up a fraction.

 

[Wewt]

hmm, thers a lot ov people god bashing here, bit harsh, but my uncle used to say, SHHH you here that? ant then sayu that he ust heared father christmas (thats santa you stupid yanks)fly past looking for bad kids that he shouldn't give presents to, it always shut me and my brother up.

I didn't understand what you said there..
I was told 'it will only hurt for a second'
Three weeks later..

 

[Parallel Streaks]

Am I the only one here who was told that if I sucked my thumb then the scissor man would come after me and chop off my thumbs? I was also told the Step on a Crack one, which I used to do when I was in arguments with my mother "Yeah? Well if you keep shouting at me then I'll find a crack and give you a chiropractic adjustment you ain't never gonna forget!" was the basic message of the closing line of our arguments, then I tried it, after calling my sweet mother a whore. I was grounded for 3 weeks and was lucky I didn't die from the smack on the head I got afterwards.

Also I was told that someday I'd get thinner and taller, three years and a long stem of anorexia later, I'm skinny! Thanks for telling the truth mum.

 

[thebobmaster_v1legacy]

Am I the only one here who was told that if I sucked my thumb then the scissor man would come after me and chop off my thumbs?

Hell no, you aren't. It was referenced in one of the Discworld books, as a matter of fact.