I'm replying here, because this post is quite a useful one to quote, but I'm trying to address what I think is the crux of the issue for both of the threads you posted here.
DarklordKyo said:
Saelune said:
Humans are social creatures. Relying on others isn't a weakness. Relying on others is two people helping to lift a heavy object so they can get done what needs to get done without one person breaking their back. Saying relying on others is a weakness is like saying using a hammer on a nail is weak since you should use your fists.
Except that's inefficient, both should be strong enough to carry their loads without breaking themselves. On your second point, I'm not saying someone shouldn't have the right tools for the job. If they need to hammer the nail, and can't improvise with a nearby can, they should either get their own hammer, or run their fist bloody until they can get the job done.
I get what you're saying, but I just don't want my theoretical future kid to be worthless and weak. I don't want them to be me.
Homo Sapiens is a rubbish animal. It's slow, the fastest specimens can maintain a burst of about 30 mph for a few seconds. It's weak for its size, in a fight between the heavyweight champion of the world and a chimp, I'd back the chimp. Its senses, with the possible exception of sight (although, human eyes, for consistency, are rubbish. They're being helped out by some fantastic biological software in the occipital lobe) are rubbish. It's not venomous or poisonous. It has no sharp teeth or claws. It's basically a nice slow and easy to catch meal.
As was mentioned, the thing we have going for us, is that we're smart and we work together.
Stress is, and I'll quote one of my patient care lectures here, a perceived inability to deal with the demands currently placed upon you. For some people this is quite high, for others it's considerably lower. Neither of these people is inherently worse than the other, evolution has tended humans towards socialisation to make up for our inefficiencies for millennia.
I think there may be a cultural difference here that I potentially struggle to comprehend. I cannot place myself in your shoes because I've never shared your environment properly. Despite this, I hope you'll appreciate that I'm trying to understand and help.
From the OP of your other thread, I would guess that stress is a large part of how you're feeling at the minute. You don't feel that you're capable of handling the pressures that life is currently placing upon you. It is entirely normal for people to feel that way at points throughout their life. The Prime Minister of Norway at one point took three weeks off sick, leaving the deputy PM in charge as the stress he was experiencing was making him feel unwell.
The old saying, a problem shared is a problem halved, applies pretty well here. See if you can find pictures of President Obama in 2008 compared to now, or Tony Blair in 1997 compared to 2007, President Lincoln between his inauguration and his assassination. You'll see men who've aged far more than time says they should have. I'll concede, these are likely very strong individuals who are confident in their abilities, despite that, I'll maintain that the only reason they handle the stress of the position they are in is because of their support network. A problem shared is a problem halved.
You've said in the other thread when someone suggested that you utilise your college's counselling services that you had tried them in the past and not found them to be especially helpful. I would suggest that you give them another try. I don't know when you last had counselling, but methods adapt and improve all the time, plus individuals may or may not click with an individual counsellor. That said, if you still don't feel that this is worthwhile, it is good that you're sharing the problem, even if it's with strangers on the internet.
As a disclaimer, I'm no counsellor, I'm a student radiographer, so the extent of my training to do with this is to try and teach us to recognise the effects of stress within ourselves, within our colleagues and within patients we might see to try and ensure the highest standard of care possible for patients. Pretty much by suggesting that they might want to talk with someone a little better trained, or just by being the person that will listen.
Humans are rubbish animals, but by working together, we literally change the world.
Having read this back, it probably would have made more sense in the other thread as it seems quite off topic now I read it through, but I think the two threads were born of the same mindset, so hopefully it's helpful in both.
To try and tie it back to the raising your kids idea, I think its possible to enforce boundaries without requiring violence, and that violence towards your kids is the culmination of frustration and impatience. It's easier to enforce the boundary by physical dissuasion. It's more important to teach them that there are things that they will be better at than other kids, there are things that they will be worse at and that it's important to talk when they feel they need help.
Anyway, hopefully I've been able to help. Feel free to pm if you like. As I said, I'm no counsellor, but I'm happy to listen.
