The most inappropriate thing you've ever heard... EVER!!!

[Ham_authority95]

Pastor-"We are gathered here today to wed these two-"

Random guy in the audience-"Hey, yo, anyone got any laxatives??"

The word "inappropriate" makes the most sense here.

 

[enriel]

I'm extremely difficult to offend, so I can't really think of anything right now, because nobody's said anything shocking enough for me to remember.

However the most out of context offensive thing I can think of...

Three of us standing outside on a smoke break staring at the snow. Nobody has said anything yet when out of the blue one of the guys just says, "You know, I just really hate black people."

Cue the other two us to just give him a weird look and give him shit about it forever.

EDIT: Ha, remembered the most offensive thing.

So a group of friends and I are watching Valkyrie, the Tom Cruise Hitler assassination movie, and one of my friends leans over to the other and says, "My love for you burns like a thousand Jews." The girl who received that comment then had to spend the next 5 minutes trying not to burst into uncontrollable laughter during one of the most serious parts in the movie.

 

[Habakkuk]

Whats the best thing about shagging one year olds?

Fealing their hips crack.

 

[spartandude]

Most inappropriate thing I've ever seen:
I forget the name of the movie (something with Amazon in the title) but it was an old black & white movie with two amazonian women 'battling' each other by thrusting their bare breasts against each other to 'knock' each other down for dominance over the entire female Amazonian tribe (and yes they were both topless, and I was like 5). The woman with the larger breasts won, of course, and the 'loser' woman ended up being carried off by 2-3 lovely ladies while they sang this sorta sad tune...
I've very rarely ever seen anything that wierded me out as much as that memory does.

Most inappropriate thing I've ever heard:
'Dicktits' - Bulletstorm trailer
What the f-!? Now we're resorting to being 10 years old and making up our own nonsensical swears now?
I've heard tons of stuff with racial slurs against blacks, hispanics, gays, lesbians, and so on. I won't post that stuff here and its not all that shocking to me now, it was only shocking the first time I heard it.

please find out what movie that was....

 

[Voodoo_Person]

Two things really, firstly, upon asking a friend what he would do if he'd gotten a girl pregnant, he simply replied "pay someone to kick her in the stomach" with a completely straight face, the woman who was serving me in the shop at the time was less than impressed, and secondly, a comment my biology teacher made, which, although I can't remember it to word, basically insinuated that one my friends dads was actually his milkman as opposed to his actual father...

 

[Voodoo_Person]

Oh, also, another one I just remembered, an ignorant dickhead who had taught his kid to say "I hate (insert racial slur here)". I was fucking stunned

 

[Ildecia]

Uhhh

Well we (me and a friend in vent) were talking about the excessive amount of pedophiles out there, and he said, and I quote:

Spoiler

"Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed."

O.O

..... i think i just died and threw up a bit on the inside...

i'm sorry for your friend.

 

[Unia]

I remember this rather sad birthday party I attended as a kid. The little girl of the hour had cancer and had gotten back from a hospital period just a week earlier. She was really pale, and bald from the kemo. Nobody said it out loud, but her chances of seeing her next birthday were 50/50 at best.
Guess somebody managed to completely fail to pay attention, though. One of her presents was basically a big box of hairclips.

 

[PureChaos]

my grandad once asked an 8 year old if she had a vibrator, he was trying to be funny...didn't work!

 

[Mike Laserbeam]

Spoiler: Jimmy Carr

What's worse than biting into an apple and seeing a worm?
Being raped.

It's not like I don't think he's funny though...

 

[V TheSystem V]

One time, my friend (female) was over my house, and we were eating pizza in my dining room. My dad was on the computer in the same room, my mum was out the kitchen. My dad was looking at places him and my mum could go for a weekend break. I asked my mum why they were going away, and her response was:

'We're going for a dirty weekend'

Being the dirty minded teens we are, me and my friend creased ourselves while my dad looked really embarrassed.

Another thing I think was possibly a tiny bit inappropriate is something I said myself quite recently. In my Law class, we were talking about the murder of Joanna Yeates. One of the girls in my class was wondering why the murderer would strangle her with a sock and run off with the sock. To which I said:

'Maybe he got so high off the murder that he took the sock with him to wank in it.'

My class just looked shocked. Some laughed, some were just like 'OOOOOOH' and others just stayed silent. Thank God my lecturer wasn't in the room at time.

 

[niege]

I can't do spoilers and i warn everyone that reads this
"What is the differece between a jew and a pizza ? the pizza doesn't scream in the oven".
I've never been so angry when i heard my friend said that

 

[mcpop9]

most racist: watch el torino
most blunt: me and my friends were in a party and out of no where one person starts singing: jewish people burning, jewish people burning, put you hands up, put your hands up,jewish people burning, jewish people burning, only kinda messed up.

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

i was watching the comedy central roast of Pamela Anderson, and her long time pal/coke-head courtney love was there (thank god she's sober again).
but the comics are going up and tell their pam jokes and their courtney jokes. when someone , i don't remember who, made this remark " oh and the lovely courtney love is here, jesus, look at her. no wonder kirk cobain shot himself"
that's so unbelievably fucked up! i mean for christs sake, that's mostly why she has a addiction. iwas sick to my stomach and couldn't watch it anymore...

 

[thecoreyhlltt]

i've heard that joke before but can't for the life of me remember what comedian said it... time for research

 

[V TheSystem V]

Sorry for the double post, but I remember more.

My old Biology teacher told us 'Twins are a genetic accident.' There was a set of twins and one of another set of twins in my class. For twenty minutes they kicked up a fuss.

Pretty much anything by Amateur Transplants.

I was outside my old school with my friend (same female from earlier post). A guy was coming out of the school who she said was autistic. Without thinking, I said 'HEYOO AUTISTICOO!'. She laughed uncontrollably, and the guy came over to us (he didn't hear me). I acted natural, talked to him a bit, then when he left I nearly died laughing (I am a harsh, harsh bastard).

I make too many Holocaust jokes. I have been to Auschwitz (I nearly cried). It is very strange how I am so insensitive. I don't mean any of the jokes either!

'What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, she's already been told.'

I have made references to children being molested by Catholic priests to a Catholic. They didn't care though.

Any Princess Diana jokes Frankie Boyle makes.

In my Law class (everything great takes place in my Law class), the student lecturer said about how Osama Bin Laden was the Hide and Seek champion of the world. This guy in the back of the class said really quickly 'Madeleine McCann is better'. The lecturer just stood with his mouth wide open, and said 'I am not giving my opinion on the matter, but I wouldn't say something like that again.'

 

[teh_Canape]

well, ingame, for example, when in Shadow Warrior, when you fire the portable tactical nuke, Lo Wang sometimes will say "teehee, just like Hiroshima"

I elt that was just quite cold and not funny =P

 

[subject_87]

that one final fantasy 10 thing where the pilot is crying and the doofus with the spike fro tells him to enjoy it like its a fireworks show

Oh, yeah, I saw that on Spoony's review. That's quite possibly the most horrifyingly insensitive thing I've ever heard.

OT: This, even though as they said, the goal isn't to offend anyone, it's to offend everyone. http://thatguywiththeglasses.com/videolinks/thatguywiththeglasses/sketches/189-the-most-raunchy-aristocrates-joke-ever

 

[Arfonious]

Well it was in 9th grade (Swedish system) when my class wehe having a theme week about WW2 and someone had arranged so that a survivor from one of Hitlers "consentrationcamps" could come over to our school and talk about her experiences. Her story lasted about an hour and it was really horrible stuff that was explained.

(Now it would be appropriate to tell you that I am of German decent and have suffered some bullying for that, but this takes the price.)

When she was finished, had answered a few questions from the audience and we were leaving the classroom one guy in the class walked up to me and said:
"-So what did you think about your friends doing all that to the jews?"

It took alot of effort not to punch him right there, but I didn't.