The most useless advice ever given to you.

[Happy Toki Toki]

"try and give her flowers"
- thanks for making me look like a duche bag Jordan

 

[LeonLethality]

"don't eat those cookies I just made"
"you made cookies? I wouldnt have noticed them but I love cookies... must find and eat cookies"

 

[SeventySeven]

"If he wants to hit you, just let him; then everyone will see he's the asshole."
"No, they'll see that I don't hit back and pummel me into a pile of blood and teeth."
"Oh! Now you're just being defeatist!"

Apparently my mother had never been bullied.

lol what??

That is what my principal said to me, I replied "well darn that I want to kick his arse."

I was always told that if someone hits you you hit them back twice as hard. Infact my dad encourages me to hit back

Only works if you can hit back twice as hard. I was short and underdeveloped when I was thirteen, so I was still a child against some guy who'd already had a growth-spurt and was twice my size. Still, I lost my temper and got a lucky shot and ended up smashing his head against the corner of a desk; turns out that was the best way of stopping a bully. I suppose dad's have it right; my dad gave me the same idea. My Grandad was better. "Hide behind a corner, and when he's coming punch him in the nose."

Which sounds hilarious and so underhanded that it made me instantly want to do it, but then I can imagine that I'd not only get mocked, but probably end up punching a teacher by accident.

Lol dw was only once. I use chick to be casual, I feel like if I say girl I will further make myself seem different from everyone on here. It is like me calling guys dudes (I blame it on me being Australian. At my new school I have never seen or been in a fight. I go to a school where only nerds, geeks and gamers are allowed so everyone is friends. if anyone has a fight it is more like a 'verbal disagreement.'

I only really hit the one guy because I was being heavily bullied in my old school for being smart. It was a dump where learning was discouraged.

 

[Dudemeister]

its always in the last place you look .....

I hate that expression, it makes no sense. Of course it's always in the last place you look because you don't continue to look for something after you've found it!
Even if it's in the first place you look, it will also be in the last place you look because you stop looking for it when you find it!!!
AAARGH!
Sorry about that...

 

[Merteg]

When people tell me they're leaving the room/house, I always say "Don't get lost." or "Don't die." I'd say those are pretty useless pieces of advice.

 

[RavenTT]

'just ignore them and they will go away'
yes, because ignoring someone that is punching me or threatening to kill me is a good idea..

 

[Nicky 3 Beaves]

"if someone challenges you to a fight, just walk away"

I completely agree violence isn't a good thing- but sometimes the only way people will understand something is if you pound it into them.
Walking away from a fight won't make your opponent think "wow, I admire is intelligence in choosing the right path, and for that I salute him"

 

[Timotei]

"Don't set fire to the cat"

*grips head and screams*

NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You had to make me remember Zipocat.

*curls up in ball shivering*

 

[sirdanrhodes]

People die when they are killed.

 

[Fraught]

When everyone tells me "You can do it" when obviously I can't.

That's not advice, isn't it? More like an encouragement.

 

[sramota]

"Wait until you're ready"

 

[thepj]

"be yourself around people" i'm a self important dickhead so being myself isn't an option

 

[MaskedMori]

That's.... Err... Violent on your part...

 

[MaskedMori]

Hmm... "If you have diarrhea do not under any circumstances eat baking soda in order to quell it because trust me you do not want to have diarrhea and be throwing up at the same time." Useless...

 

[Hephaesto]

I have to say, more than anything in this entire world, the thing that really gets my blood boiling is when I'm in a really pissed off, aggravated mood and some one sagely advises me to "Chill Out". I WILL NOT CHILL OUT, YOU BRAINLESS MONKEY BOY, NOW FUCK OFF BEFORE I ATTACK YOUR GENITALS WITH A RUSTY ICE PICK!

 

[Corkydog]

"Don't chew with your mouth full"
"Don't talk with your mouth open"

I'll let that melt your brain a little.

 

[magnuslion]

dude, you should'nt blame him, your girlfriend is the one that cheated!"

and i knocked him out seconds before i beat the shit out of the other guy.

 

[happysock]

You see that? Don't touch it. Everyone gets that urge to touch touch touch

 

[Darkrain11]

When I was being bullied like hell in middle school, I heard this from my mother and my social worker.

"They really like you."

BullSHIT!

Had that problem in grade school too 'cept my parents told me to kick his ass. Unfortunately, by the time they gave me this advice I was past the "just beat him up" stage and into the "stab him in the eyes with my pencils and then pick up a chair and beat him to death" stage. Luckily, the school eventually stepped in and got the kid to quit it. Lucky punk.

Edit: Pointless advice #2. "Don't get hit by a car" oh well gee thanks I had planned to run head first into oncoming traffic if you had not told me that THANK YOU!