The most useless superpower you can think of

[Simskiller]

The power to not fart!

Seriously can't get more useless then that.

Edit: and not the power to not poop, which would be somewhat useful. You just have the choice to fart or hold it in.

 

[Happiness Assassin]

The ability to travel through time, but only forward at normal speed.

 

[Terramax]

I can't have been the only one that started thinking of head of states of various countries when reading the title (i.e. North Korea, USA)?

 

[Calibanbutcher]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

I picture you standing in a giant cornfield, somewhere in the US, your rage flowing freely, suddenly small pops setting of around you, swelling to a veritable cacophony of noise, as you pop every single corncob around you.

Your wrath unleashes a wave of popcorn that shall bury the US under a pile of almost healthy treats.

I...I could destry the US with popcorn?

Screw terrorism, popcorn is the deadliest thing known to the US populace!

Prepare to be buried under a pile of popcorn...that isn't salted...

I like it already.

See, your superpower is far from useless.
And "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TIZZY THE TORMENTOR" has a nice ring to it.
Also, who would ever see a Popcorn-apocalypse coming?

I know I would!

But useless...

How about the ability to eat grass without getting sick?

You would never have to pay for food again, you could subsit forever on green plants alone, making you the perfect survivalist....

Grr, need to think...how about the power to have teeth that never stop growing?

YOu'd never have to pay a dentist ever again, if you manage to eat enough hard stuff from time to time.
You would also never need another bottle opener.

 

[Tahaneira]

The power to move clouds. At a rate of approximately five miles per hour.

But only one cloud at a time, it's really hard to concentrate otherwise.

And not rain clouds, they're too heavy.

 

[gorfias]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

Episode of "Better Off Ted": scientist trying to impress his mom, even though he works for a monstrously evil corporation, invents seeds that pop into popcorn after you pop them in your mouth. Very impressive!

Wasn't completely useless, but this show about a room with devices with alternate purposes of incredible power, or really stupid. Guy gets a pen. You click it over a table, a penny appears. If he does that 100 times in an hour, he has a dollar. (Other devices do things like cause people to explode with a gesture).

 

[Calibanbutcher]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

I picture you standing in a giant cornfield, somewhere in the US, your rage flowing freely, suddenly small pops setting of around you, swelling to a veritable cacophony of noise, as you pop every single corncob around you.

Your wrath unleashes a wave of popcorn that shall bury the US under a pile of almost healthy treats.

I...I could destry the US with popcorn?

Screw terrorism, popcorn is the deadliest thing known to the US populace!

Prepare to be buried under a pile of popcorn...that isn't salted...

I like it already.

See, your superpower is far from useless.
And "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TIZZY THE TORMENTOR" has a nice ring to it.
Also, who would ever see a Popcorn-apocalypse coming?

I know I would!

But useless...

How about the ability to eat grass without getting sick?

You would never have to pay for food again, you could subsit forever on green plants alone, making you the perfect survivalist....

Grr, need to think...how about the power to have teeth that never stop growing?

YOu'd never have to pay a dentist ever again, if you manage to eat enough hard stuff from time to time.
You would also never need another bottle opener.

Breaking down teeth by chewing on rocks isn't a good payoff from not needing a bottle opener!

The power to not fart!

The room you are in will never smell bad!

Only if you got your pants down in time, which is really unlikely. Otherwise you'd just look like your crotch is bleeding.

Still would alarm people, would also be perfect for pranks and practical jokes.

Who says something about rocks? Just stick to lots of harf candy. After all, you won't have to worry about tooth decay...

 

[loc978]

Only if you got your pants down in time, which is really unlikely. Otherwise you'd just look like your crotch is bleeding.

Still would alarm people, would also be perfect for pranks and practical jokes.

...that qualifies as useful to you? I guess I'm too anti-social to get why.

...which is why levitation would still be awesome.

 

[Headsprouter]

The power of perfect hindsight.

You'll know exactly what to do in any given situation.

After it's actually happened.

Pretty sure I have that superpower...

The most useless superpower I can think of would be the power to be mistaken for a coat rack, as long as you remain in the corner of a person's vision.

Actually...that might be kind of useful if you want to steal coats and their contents..

 

[Keymik]

The ability to talk to humans.

The ability to see in the dark, powered by direct sunlight.

Immunity to unicorns.

The power to melt [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GihnbWsv_1U].

And the most useless superpower of all:
Cancer.

Cancer isn't a superpower! :O
People actually have that.


Captcha: Well isn't that special?
... I doubt people with cancer feel special Captcha..

 

[BM19]

Endless X-ray vision.

You can see through everything... And I mean EVERYTHING, no matter what you're trying to look at.

 

[Jessta]

Levitation sounds incredibly useful for anyone with any semblance of an active lifestyle. You'd never need a ladder again... also, it would be great for rock climbing.

For useless, I'm going to go with the ability to spray blood out of one's urethra at will. It would have the pressure of a firehose (thereby qualifying it as an actual superpower), but would be limited by the blood you have in your body- the same as any other blood loss.

If you have the ability to control exactly how much blood you shoot out at any one given time this is exactly the same as the power the protagonist has in deadman wonderland except he shoots it out of his wrist annnnnd I think he can shoot it withmore pressure than a fire hose, maybe, he uses it as bullets.

I agree with you on the levitation thing, even if it was a really weak form of levitation and you could only use it for a few seconds or float like 10 feet up the least he could do is use it to jump off of high places like an airplane or something or he could use it in conjunction with some sort of martial art or parkour to pull off some fancy shit, especially if it was like Zero G levitation where he keeps all his momentum.

the most useless super power I can think of is the power to digest anything you can put in your mouth and chew. I guess this might be good for a survivalist actually
ok the most useless super power I can think of is the power to heal self inflicted injuries... actually a magician could turn a bit of a profit by cutting off his hands to get out of a trap or something plus you could make a killing selling body parts
Ok the most useless super power I can think of is the power to talk to animals however they are made no more intelligent than they currently are when you do. Although I suppose this would be somewhat useful to a Vet or a circus performer...
the ability to read super fast? no
the ability to walk normally underwater. it would afford you mildly better control but any profession that would use that control would have taught you far better maneuvers anyways so whatever.
The psychic ability to know the name of anyone you see but only while you see them unless it is said allowed.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

I picture you standing in a giant cornfield, somewhere in the US, your rage flowing freely, suddenly small pops setting of around you, swelling to a veritable cacophony of noise, as you pop every single corncob around you.

Your wrath unleashes a wave of popcorn that shall bury the US under a pile of almost healthy treats.

I...I could destry the US with popcorn?

Screw terrorism, popcorn is the deadliest thing known to the US populace!

Prepare to be buried under a pile of popcorn...that isn't salted...

I like it already.

See, your superpower is far from useless.
And "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TIZZY THE TORMENTOR" has a nice ring to it.
Also, who would ever see a Popcorn-apocalypse coming?

I know I would!

But useless...

How about the ability to eat grass without getting sick?

You would never have to pay for food again, you could subsit forever on green plants alone, making you the perfect survivalist....

Grr, need to think...how about the power to have teeth that never stop growing?

YOu'd never have to pay a dentist ever again, if you manage to eat enough hard stuff from time to time.
You would also never need another bottle opener.

Breaking down teeth by chewing on rocks isn't a good payoff from not needing a bottle opener!

The power to not fart!

The room you are in will never smell bad!

Only if you got your pants down in time, which is really unlikely. Otherwise you'd just look like your crotch is bleeding.

Still would alarm people, would also be perfect for pranks and practical jokes.

Who says something about rocks? Just stick to lots of harf candy. After all, you won't have to worry about tooth decay...

Okay then, the ability to generate more saliva, so much so that you can barely eat.

Uhhh...
I think I got nothing....
I'll let that one SLIDE then...
HA

 

[MiskWisk]

Clearly it is the power to turn Diet coke into pepsi!

 

[Milanezi]

Turning my body to ice. (not being able to also make ice stuff like Iceman)

 

[Calibanbutcher]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

I picture you standing in a giant cornfield, somewhere in the US, your rage flowing freely, suddenly small pops setting of around you, swelling to a veritable cacophony of noise, as you pop every single corncob around you.

Your wrath unleashes a wave of popcorn that shall bury the US under a pile of almost healthy treats.

I...I could destry the US with popcorn?

Screw terrorism, popcorn is the deadliest thing known to the US populace!

Prepare to be buried under a pile of popcorn...that isn't salted...

I like it already.

See, your superpower is far from useless.
And "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TIZZY THE TORMENTOR" has a nice ring to it.
Also, who would ever see a Popcorn-apocalypse coming?

I know I would!

But useless...

How about the ability to eat grass without getting sick?

You would never have to pay for food again, you could subsit forever on green plants alone, making you the perfect survivalist....

Grr, need to think...how about the power to have teeth that never stop growing?

YOu'd never have to pay a dentist ever again, if you manage to eat enough hard stuff from time to time.
You would also never need another bottle opener.

Breaking down teeth by chewing on rocks isn't a good payoff from not needing a bottle opener!

The power to not fart!

The room you are in will never smell bad!

Only if you got your pants down in time, which is really unlikely. Otherwise you'd just look like your crotch is bleeding.

Still would alarm people, would also be perfect for pranks and practical jokes.

Who says something about rocks? Just stick to lots of harf candy. After all, you won't have to worry about tooth decay...

Okay then, the ability to generate more saliva, so much so that you can barely eat.

Uhhh...
I think I got nothing....
I'll let that one SLIDE then...
HA

VICTORY!

Now I have to think up more useless powers!

Well, I only needed one attempt...
NOT SO HOT NOW, ARE YA?

 

[xplosive59]

The power to lactate blood when you poop really hard.