The most useless superpower you can think of

[SonOfVoorhees]

The power of procrastination. Nothing would get done.

 

[Saltarius]

Speaking to fish ( Aquaman ).
The power of heart ( the asian guy from captain planet )
Fireworks ( Jubilee )
Laying eggs ( Easter bunny ).

And for the record i know little about superheros and superpowers .

1. Do you know the shit that lives in the ocean? Do you know that he can basically mind control humans given we evolved from fish and he can manipulate the primitive part of our brains?

2. From what I recall, he had the ability to manipulate land animals too, which are even more terrifying than just him summoning giant squids or sperm whales to wreck shit.

3. Goddamn if you couldn't blind people with those fireworks.

4. I dunno, place them on the steps so the villain falls down to their death?

 

[Alssadar]

The ability to spread butter on any object. Like, your finger can start oozing butter (or margarine) and you can apply it to toast and stuff.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

I picture you standing in a giant cornfield, somewhere in the US, your rage flowing freely, suddenly small pops setting of around you, swelling to a veritable cacophony of noise, as you pop every single corncob around you.

Your wrath unleashes a wave of popcorn that shall bury the US under a pile of almost healthy treats.

I...I could destry the US with popcorn?

Screw terrorism, popcorn is the deadliest thing known to the US populace!

Prepare to be buried under a pile of popcorn...that isn't salted...

I like it already.

See, your superpower is far from useless.
And "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TIZZY THE TORMENTOR" has a nice ring to it.
Also, who would ever see a Popcorn-apocalypse coming?

I know I would!

But useless...

How about the ability to eat grass without getting sick?

You would never have to pay for food again, you could subsit forever on green plants alone, making you the perfect survivalist....

Grr, need to think...how about the power to have teeth that never stop growing?

YOu'd never have to pay a dentist ever again, if you manage to eat enough hard stuff from time to time.
You would also never need another bottle opener.

Breaking down teeth by chewing on rocks isn't a good payoff from not needing a bottle opener!

The power to not fart!

The room you are in will never smell bad!

Only if you got your pants down in time, which is really unlikely. Otherwise you'd just look like your crotch is bleeding.

Still would alarm people, would also be perfect for pranks and practical jokes.

Who says something about rocks? Just stick to lots of harf candy. After all, you won't have to worry about tooth decay...

Okay then, the ability to generate more saliva, so much so that you can barely eat.

Uhhh...
I think I got nothing....
I'll let that one SLIDE then...
HA

VICTORY!

Now I have to think up more useless powers!

Well, I only needed one attempt...
NOT SO HOT NOW, ARE YA?

You mean the bee one? Bees would love it!

So how is that not useless?

Remember, bees don't have brains and they die after orgasms, at least the male ones do...

 

[Hawk of Battle]

I feel that many of these aren't really super powers, or even powers, by any definition of the word. Really, any actual "superpower" would be useful, even if all it does is help you pay the bills by performing for others. People pay to see some wierd shit.

 

[2xDouble]

And the most useless superpower of all:
Cancer.

Cancer isn't a superpower! :O
People actually have that.


Captcha: Well isn't that special?
... I doubt people with cancer feel special Captcha..

Oh, but it is. Cancer is an accelerated mutation of our cells' ordinary healing/replenishment abilities. It's like Wolverine's powers, only real... and what really happens with it.

And no, "people with cancer" don't feel special, especially when people constantly fling pity in the guise of protection.

 

[Calibanbutcher]

The power to make popcorn pop without a microwave.

Because there are so many situations where it could be useful...

I picture you standing in a giant cornfield, somewhere in the US, your rage flowing freely, suddenly small pops setting of around you, swelling to a veritable cacophony of noise, as you pop every single corncob around you.

Your wrath unleashes a wave of popcorn that shall bury the US under a pile of almost healthy treats.

I...I could destry the US with popcorn?

Screw terrorism, popcorn is the deadliest thing known to the US populace!

Prepare to be buried under a pile of popcorn...that isn't salted...

I like it already.

See, your superpower is far from useless.
And "PREPARE TO FEEL THE WRATH OF TIZZY THE TORMENTOR" has a nice ring to it.
Also, who would ever see a Popcorn-apocalypse coming?

I know I would!

But useless...

How about the ability to eat grass without getting sick?

You would never have to pay for food again, you could subsit forever on green plants alone, making you the perfect survivalist....

Grr, need to think...how about the power to have teeth that never stop growing?

YOu'd never have to pay a dentist ever again, if you manage to eat enough hard stuff from time to time.
You would also never need another bottle opener.

Breaking down teeth by chewing on rocks isn't a good payoff from not needing a bottle opener!

The power to not fart!

The room you are in will never smell bad!

Only if you got your pants down in time, which is really unlikely. Otherwise you'd just look like your crotch is bleeding.

Still would alarm people, would also be perfect for pranks and practical jokes.

Who says something about rocks? Just stick to lots of harf candy. After all, you won't have to worry about tooth decay...

Okay then, the ability to generate more saliva, so much so that you can barely eat.

Uhhh...
I think I got nothing....
I'll let that one SLIDE then...
HA

VICTORY!

Now I have to think up more useless powers!

Well, I only needed one attempt...
NOT SO HOT NOW, ARE YA?

You mean the bee one? Bees would love it!

So how is that not useless?

Remember, bees don't have brains and they die after orgasms, at least the male ones do...

It would be great if there is an over-infestation of bees, make the males die happy and keep the population down if there is a problem with bees.

You are aware of course, that the global bee-population has dwindled in recent years?
And that I can only kill one bee every minute?
And that male bees are basically useless anyways?

 

[Odbarc]

The ability to travel into the future, except you age as you would have normally done.
Nothing is accomplished during this 'skipped time' and you can never go backwards.

 

[J-meMalone]

The ability to turn toast back into bread, but not if it's been burnt.

 

[Blunderboy]

The ability to grow facial hair at will.
It makes a faint popping noise. You still have to shave it off though.

 

[rdaleric]

Not needing to blink.

 

[Vausch]

Speaking to fish ( Aquaman ).
The power of heart ( the asian guy from captain planet )
Fireworks ( Jubilee )
Laying eggs ( Easter bunny ).

And for the record i know little about superheros and superpowers .

Aquaman can talk to all sea life. He could throw a whale on somebody if he wanted to.

Ma Ti's heart power is actually rather useful. He's a telepath (can read minds) and he can pacify people into submission. Also, he's South American.

Jubilee... well her powers seem to vary based on the scene so I'll give you that.

But the cadburys are delicious!

 

[doctorbreen]

the power to tell when someone is hungry with in Ethiopia

 

[kailus13]

The ability to curdle milk at will. The power only works when the milk is already in your mouth.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Eye Boy...

I just don't see how being covered in eyes is a useful mutation. If anything it would be super painful and you would get loads of infections. :S It's a medical condition not a superpower...

 

[Calibanbutcher]

Eye Boy...

I just don't see how being covered in eyes is a useful mutation. If anything it would be super painful and you would get loads of infections. :S It's a medical condition not a superpower...

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WHO ARE YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH