The "Nice Guy" Syndrome

[Booze Zombie]

I'm told I'm a nice guy and I'm not sure why.
I would like to find a girl at some point in my life, but I'm not really fussed.
Plenty of people out there and eventually one of them will find me attractive.

 

[Brawndo]

Not really sure what you're talking about.

If you're having trouble with women who like 'bad boys' it's probably because you're going after the wrong women - they tend to have pretty poor self esteem, hence the reason they need a guy who will talk down and treat them badly.

I lol'd at two clear assumptions in this statement:

- That "bad boys" are misogynistic assholes
- That women who like them have poor self-esteem

Generally bad boys are interesting guys with lots of confidence in everything they do (whether warranted or not), which usually results in swagger and a jerk-like attitude. Many women find this type of "alpha-male" behavior attractive

 

[The Funslinger]

I tend to be pretty non-confrontation in the "real world." The only time I will outright be rude to someone is if they are really pushing me over the edge and if there is no other way.

For example, over Christmas break this year my mom was laid up with a broken ankle. I spent most of my days at home with her while my dad was at work. One day while her sister was over, a car drove up the driveway. I went out to greet them, and some ladies wearing long, colonial style-dresses and bonnets walked up. The one in front had some books in her hands. Lo and behold, the Jehovah's Witnesses were upon us.

I greeted them, and they asked me if I knew about the good message of Jesus. I said yes, we are Methodist. So the lady patters on about how even in these tough times Jesus is looking out for us, and kept trying to push some scripture on me. I knew if I let them continue, and especially if they saw my mom's cast, I would never get rid of them. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell this kind lady to get lost. I was thinking it, but I couldn't bring it to words. Plus, I'd never had experience with salespeople or anyone in that sort of situation.

So then my aunt came out. She is a southern Baptist, and can swiftly handle things like salespeople and Jehovah's Witnesses. She was firm--she wouldn't let the lady get another word in and just kept telling her "No, we're not interested, we have our own faith, we've heard it before. All you can do to help us is leave." Se had them heading back to their car in less than a minute.

So I think next time I'll not be answering the door until I know who's getting out of that car.

A loyal, yet psychotic sounding terrier + wussy Jehovah's Witness fixed that for me.

OT: I'm generally nice to anybody, plus I'm the only guy in the group of people round here forced to interact day by day who can talk to a girl without expecting exposure of private parts. If someone has the parallel running "assface" syndrome, then that's enough for me to be horrifically cynical. Only fair.

 

[Ossian]

Nice guy syndrome is the effect when a nerdy guy that isn't a douchebag is overlooked by females who rather have a jerk that treats them like crap. Females normally are like "you're such a nice guy." "Some girl is going to be lucky to find a nice guy like you" etc etc.

Yet you never get a GF.

I've found it its either
1) something is wrong with you, but they like you as a friend so they compliment you in such manner, because anything else would lead to you thinking they have an interest in you.
2) They are just the wrong type of woman that has daddy issues and want people to treat them like crap so they look for jerks.

Either way, nice guys are mostly only bred from insecurity and low self image. If someone thinks they are ugly or undesirable, they put everyone else on a pedestal and so they treat everyone nice. I won't lie when I say I'm that way, I have so low self esteem I think people are awesome, no matter who they are.

 

[Marowit]

Not really sure what you're talking about.

If you're having trouble with women who like 'bad boys' it's probably because you're going after the wrong women - they tend to have pretty poor self esteem, hence the reason they need a guy who will talk down and treat them badly.

I lol'd at two clear assumptions in this statement:

- That "bad boys" are misogynistic assholes
- That women who like them have poor self-esteem

Generally bad boys are interesting guys with lots of confidence in everything they do (whether warranted or not), which usually results in swagger and a jerk-like attitude. Many women find this type of "alpha-male" behavior attractive

To be honest they weren't assumptions but observations I've made through H.S. and College.

But if you want to call them assumptions we can play that game. You make some glaring assumptions as well. 1) Stating that most people who are overtly confident, ala swaggering & jerk-like, are truly confident (these behaviors are generally defensive mechanisms to hide deficits the person is not willing to confront). If they're trying to show off how confident they are, I'd bet money they aren't once you scratch the surface. As well as is saying that most women find swaggering jerk-like attitudes attractive.

It's all in the eye of the beholder I suppose.

 

[martin's a madman]

I tend to be pretty non-confrontation in the "real world." The only time I will outright be rude to someone is if they are really pushing me over the edge and if there is no other way.

For example, over Christmas break this year my mom was laid up with a broken ankle. I spent most of my days at home with her while my dad was at work. One day while her sister was over, a car drove up the driveway. I went out to greet them, and some ladies wearing long, colonial style-dresses and bonnets walked up. The one in front had some books in her hands. Lo and behold, the Jehovah's Witnesses were upon us.

I greeted them, and they asked me if I knew about the good message of Jesus. I said yes, we are Methodist. So the lady patters on about how even in these tough times Jesus is looking out for us, and kept trying to push some scripture on me. I knew if I let them continue, and especially if they saw my mom's cast, I would never get rid of them. But I just couldn't bring myself to tell this kind lady to get lost. I was thinking it, but I couldn't bring it to words. Plus, I'd never had experience with salespeople or anyone in that sort of situation.

So then my aunt came out. She is a southern Baptist, and can swiftly handle things like salespeople and Jehovah's Witnesses. She was firm--she wouldn't let the lady get another word in and just kept telling her "No, we're not interested, we have our own faith, we've heard it before. All you can do to help us is leave." Se had them heading back to their car in less than a minute.

So I think next time I'll not be answering the door until I know who's getting out of that car.

Even though I'm atheist, I prefer to tell them I'm a satanist because I think it would bother them more : D


On the OP's note, I pretty much don't have an issue telling someone the truth, or the truth about how I might feel about them.

 

[GofficK]

ITT: People who don't understand how women work or know the difference between "alpha" and "beta" males.

 

[Kris015]

What is this I don't even..

Spoiler: I think I've found just the right thing.

Hahahahahaha, oh god that's funny xD

 

[Fooz]

well im not 100% on what is going on here but it seems people are talking about if they are nice guys or douches with the ladies.

with not much experience in the dating department due to being a nerd i would say im a 'nice guy', this meaning i wouldnt ever cheat on a girlfriend or make her unhappy on purpose. this being said if i had a girlfriend or wife and megan fox came up to me and offered me relations of a sexual interest then i would probably accept

 

[El Poncho]

Let someone borrow a pound for the bus and I obviously didn't get it back and he obviously used it to buy fags at the school gate.

Although I've generally learned from my mistakes now and i'm not as much of a pushover as I was.

 

[CK76]

There is no "Nice Guy" Syndrome. Theres pussy syndrome, where the guy thinks he is being a nice guy, but in reality he is just trying to be bests friends and manipulate the girl into thinking he doesn't want to fuck, then "Oh, my intentions were to never be your friend, but to get close enough to you to be able to have sex with you". Never having the courage to ask her out or anything.

 

[Jedoro]

Never confuse kindness with weakness.

I'm nice until I have a reason not to, and then I quickly get called an asshole. I also get called an asshole when asked for my opinion, usually. Mostly. I take care of those I care about, even if it means telling them the absolute truth that hurts like hell. People don't even try to walk all over me, mainly because my demeanor is supposedly pretty intimidating. I help out those who ask for it, but wait for them to admit they need help and ask. I forgive when I hear an apology, but don't forget.

 

[loc978]

Read this:
http://outpostnine.com/editorials/reformation.html

It contains some rather strong language and adult themes, but I think you can handle it, escapists.

 

[Not-here-anymore]

There is no "Nice Guy" Syndrome. Theres pussy syndrome, where the guy thinks he is being a nice guy, but in reality he is just trying to be bests friends and manipulate the girl into thinking he doesn't want to fuck, then "Oh, my intentions were to never be your friend, but to get close enough to you to be able to have sex with you". Never having the courage to ask her out or anything.

That, right there, is the nice guy syndrome. Thank you, xkcd. It's also not something I suffer from anymore, due to having discovered some self-confidence from somewhere, and losing my fear of rejection.
New combination: Borderline arrogant self confidence, plus being a nice person and having the reputation of being a nice person! Social win!
Or basically - being a nice guy but not a pushover. Realising how awesome you are, but not ignoring everyone else as you admire yourself. A brilliant mid-point, that works on every level.

 

[WolfmanNougat]

Nice guy Syndrome?

If you're talking about nice guys who can't get the hot girls, well, all I'll say on that matter is sometimes it just pays to be a jerk. Idunno, I guess there's something about those sorts of girls that attracts them to guys who aren't afraid to step out of line.

Talking from personal experience there. Through most of high school I was one of those typical "loner girfriendless "nice guys"", and then came a minicab journey. Once the journey was over I enthusiastically said "come on guys, let's go" and then this one hot girl just stood in my way, facing away from me, hips cocked, mocking my enthusiasm. Not in the mood to put up with her shenanigans, I did the first thing to come to mind - I grabbed her ass. Yes. And as expected she jumped right out of the way in disgust, yelling at me, and I got off the bus as quick as possible. Suffice it to say that wouldn't be the last time I got to get that intimate with her. Sure, it mostly amounted to playful flirting and goosing rather than anything meaningful, but still, it was something, and I was content with it. So yeah, sometimes you just gotta make a bold move rather than just sit there wondering why nobody pays attention to a "nice guy" like you. It's one thing to be a nice person, but you have to actually do stuff for it to matter.

So... idunno, where was I going with that? Oh right, so Nice Guy Syndrome pretty much just amounts to an entitlement complex when you get right down to it.

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Nope. Once an asshole, always an asshole.

 

[Folio]

There is no "Nice Guy" Syndrome. Theres pussy syndrome, where the guy thinks he is being a nice guy, but in reality he is just trying to be bests friends and manipulate the girl into thinking he doesn't want to fuck, then "Oh, my intentions were to never be your friend, but to get close enough to you to be able to have sex with you". Never having the courage to ask her out or anything.

This artist/writer knows how people think.

I did the exact same thing. I happened the exact same way.

 

[Macgyvercas]

Spoiler: I think I've found just the right thing.

If I had a dollar every time a "Nice Guy" made creepy comments about how they know what's best for the pretty girl they have a crush on, I'd go buy a sandwich.

I feel terrible, but I could not help but laugh at that.