The old belt (Parents using violence to correct you)

[Biosophilogical]

This is how it works in canadian goverment: your kid tells you to shutup, you smack him upside the head. This is apperently legit. some guy calls you a dumb moth*r f***er you then hit HIM, you go to prison also, hitting kids teaches them that violence is okay.

I agree ... sort of. Small children (and while Freud is barely considered psychology, his Id, Ego and Superego are at least good labels) tend to be bery 'Id' orientated. Now this means that, while they do care about others (to an extent), their first priority during their early years is themselves, so a few harsh words and a disapproving scowl sometimes just doesn't cut it. When I was very, very young, and I did something wrong (and with an ADHD brother, both of us being boys and very competitive, getting into fights with him was very common), I got sent to my room, or smacked lightly on the bum (it wasn't hard, it was more the shock of being hit than anything else). It wasn't abuse, I always understood why they did it (they only used it in extreme and obvious cases, so it wasn't wanton use of physical force or something) even as a child. And frankly, I am the least violent person I know, I'm empathetic, I am able to form deep emotional connections with other people without wanting to have sex with them, I do things for other people without expecting a reward, etc. Overall, I'm a very nice, intelligent, rational person, and if all my parents had been elgally able to do was look at me funny, I doubt I would have turned out as well as I have (or as well as I will, I'm still only 17, I've got a bit left to go).

So yes, abuse and violence is bad, hitting your child is bad[footnote]Emphasis on the bold, meaning to really hit, not just give them a light smack on the arse to let them know they did something wrong[/footnote], but not being able to discipline a child who learns best through operant conditioning, and tends to not have a highly developed sense of altruism. Well, that's just silly.

 

[Krion_Vark]

Never liked it. But you are confusing violence with beating. I still think both are not okay though.

Sorry if I misconstrued anything! Often times it's hard to really tell the difference though and it all depends on the situation.

Its not hard to tell the difference AT ALL. Violence is when it is unwarranted and not used for discipline. The key word you are missing in the OP is DISCIPLINE. It can be verbal it can be with a time out or with the extreme where you don't get it at all with the old belt as you called it.

 

[BanthaFodder]

give the kid a few opportunities to stop misbehaving. if they don't stop, maybe raise your voice and ground them. if they still don't, a spanking or light smack is in order. no beating, just a little tap. it's the classic "hot stove" reaction. place your hand on a hot stove. it burns. you obviously don't want to do it again.

all of these pussy parents who refuse to do ANYTHING about their misbehaving kids are why there's so many screaming spoiled brats in publicand online. just watch any given episode of Supernanny.

 

[theloneassassin]

Never liked it. But you are confusing violence with beating. I still think both are not okay though.

Sorry if I misconstrued anything! Often times it's hard to really tell the difference though and it all depends on the situation.

Its not hard to tell the difference AT ALL. Violence is when it is unwarranted and not used for discipline. The key word you are missing in the OP is DISCIPLINE. It can be verbal it can be with a time out or with the extreme where you don't get it at all with the old belt as you called it.

That's not what I was trying to say and I'm sorry. I know discipline is needed but I don't think physical contact that is meant to cause pain is needed. Sorry to misconstrue again.

 

[XIII's Number XIV]

Mmm, as a kid who was almost never beaten for making a mistake, I'm gonna have to go a little lukewarm on this issue. In this day and age, I've noticed that some kids are slowly deteriorating into little monsters that, honestly, need a good smack upside the head, but if you raise your kids and raise them correctly, hopefully you won't need to punish them physically.

Don't think that I'm playing Devil's Advocate here just because I wasn't beaten much; my parents' tag-team chew-outs made me believe that there is no hell more than scorn, so there never was any need to except for times when I was straight out defiant.

 

[Gaiseric]

I'm probably in the minority, but I kinda wish my parents had smacked me upside the head or whatever when I fucked up instead of grounding me or something else that was equally ineffectual for disciplining me.

I think I would have turned out a little more disciplined which would be very helpful to me now considering everything I'm doing now to better myself.

 

[Kahunaburger]

Physical violence is bad parenting, plain and simple. It indicates that you have already lost power in the relationship. A good parent will be able to use subtler and ultimately more effective methods to influence their child's behavior.

Plus, as punishment, lecturing is more effective anyway. I know I would have found a swat or two a lot less of a punishment than a full half-hour lecture

 

[NickCooley]

I can count on one hand the amount of times my parents hit me and each time I can honestly say I believe I deserved it. For example when I was a kid my younger cousin was annoying me, my memory is fuzzy at this distance as I can't recall precisely how he was doing it but I ended up lashing out at him in frustration and if I recall correctly the subsequent nosebleed he got was pretty severe, I definitely remember something going crunch.

Needless to say I got a sore arse afterwards. Was it right or wrong? I don't know nor particularly care at this point. But I've never laid hands on a family member since and my lashing out is of the purely verbal variety now so I'd say I learnt my lesson that day.

But honestly...

if you touch me then once I'm 18 the only time you will ever see me again is at your funeral

Drama queen much? Come on what you said there was essentially "I'll run away and never come back and you'll be sorry!" EVERY kid says that to their parents at one point or another. Usually it's BEFORE they hit double digits though...

 

[Radeonx]

I was beaten quite often as a kid.
I'm all for a good smack or two when they do something stupid, but not full on beatings.

 

[BlumiereBleck]

It's psychology when they hit you. And it works! I learned manners, and to bite my tongue because of it.

 

[theloneassassin]

Mmm, as a kid who was almost never beaten for making a mistake, I'm gonna have to go a little lukewarm on this issue. In this day and age, I've noticed that some kids are slowly deteriorating into little monsters that, honestly, need a good smack upside the head, but if you raise your kids and raise them correctly, hopefully you won't need to punish them physically.

Don't think that I'm playing Devil's Advocate here just because I wasn't beaten much; my parents' tag-team chew-outs made me believe that there is no hell more than scorn, so there never was any need to except for times when I was straight out defiant.

Well I honestly think punishment where you are constantly nagged is better then violence. I know some kids are horrible and I have no right to say what can and can't be done to them and I have never been in a situation with a horrible child. I think for most common mistakes a good talking to and lots of bitching will fix it. I know if a Twin is trying to kill his brother then that's a whole new level which I can't really comment on.

 

[Brian Hendershot]

Well...I remember vaguely learning something about this in Psychology this semester. Supposedly the best way to raise a child is equal parts physical punishment and verbal reprimands.

That being said, I was beaten with everything from a willow switch to a clothes hanger and I turned out fine. My kids are probably gonna get the sameish treatment.

And in all fairness, I probably deserved it. I had a really smart mouth as a kid. Well...still do.

 

[BrassButtons]

I'm generally against spanking and such because it usually isn't the best method, and it is far too easy to misuse (I have to wonder how often spanking is done because it makes the parent feel better, without actually doing anything to improve the child's behavior).

That said, I think that in the grand scheme of things whether or not a parent spanks their child is probably insignificant in determining how well-behaved the child will turn out. A parent who spanks might end up with a wonderful child if the spanking only occurs after a clearly-defined rule is broken, while a parent who spanks when unclear rules are broken (or only half the time rules are broken) might not get the best results at the end. Same with someone who doesn't spank: if the rest of their parenting is stellar, the kid will be better off. If the rest of the parenting is terrible, then the kid is going to suffer.

So I'm against spanking, but also think that we focus on that one issue far too much and ignore all the other parts of parenting.

 

[Dirty Hipsters]

The old adage of "spare the rod, spoil the child" applies here.

Most children don't need any physical discipline, and as such it should only ever be used as a last resort, but for a small minority of children, punishment and humiliation are the only ways that they learn to fall in line. In those special cases, if you don't give them a bit of a smack they grow up to be little shits.

In closing. Physical violence is always effective, but for most kids it's TOO effective, and they don't need it. It should only be used in special cases for kids who refuse to cooperate under any other circumstances.

 

[Irridium]

There's a difference between "savagely beating" and "smacking upside the head a few times".

My dad smacked me a few times. All the times he did it were because I was being a little monster and deserved it 100%.

I'm not saying you should hit them for every little transgression. Just when they're really being unruly.

 

[Farseer Lolotea]

Maybe swatting the kid on the tush, once, hard enough to sting but not leave a mark? I'm not going to fault that. But anything more is most likely excessive.

 

[Raddra]

Its quick, its effective and it works.
Not hitting your kids just turns them into spoiled little cunts who think they are invincible.
If you love your kids, beat them.

This x2

I got smacked as a kid and I ended up fine with a degree. It doesn't 'traumatize' the kids like some yell, it teaches them right from wrong. My parents wouldn't smack my older sister though, she turned out as uneducated drug using scum.

Not saying kids should be beat for fun, there is a line that shouldn't be crossed and all that's required is a swift crack in the right area but a good smack teaches kids right from wrong.

 

[theloneassassin]

It's just a lazy way to punish someone. Do some real parenting instead.

Thank you! That one made me smile, I really wish more kids had things explained to them no matter how bad the truth may be.

 

[Xpwn3ntial]

So you're saying to smack him in the head without explanation? At least treat him like a human being and tell him all about what he is doing and why it will hurt him in the end. Give him a few chances and if it does not work take a it a step farther. Why hit someone who has never been taught what was right in wrong in the first place? Let's say you were at work and your boss who is much taller then you hit you in the head because you made a small mistake and you had no idea that it was wrong. How would you feel?

I thought it was common knowledge this was discipline we were talking about and not overall parenting. Of course the child should be told what was wrong and why, otherwise they will never be able to correct for it. If the child had no knowledge of right and wrong, then technically it wasn't wrong in the first place and still has to be told what was wrong.

By the way, your last question is how I was disciplined. I aim to improve upon that system.