The other side of "Girls only date jerks"

[Watcheroftrends]

I decided I would attempt to garner the interest of women by becoming a "jerk". I exercised heavily, dressed flashy, and scrutinized my appearance down to the fine details. I began walking with my shoulders back and head held high. I would say to myself "You're king shit dude - everyone wants your attention" whenever I went into social situations. My conversations with women consited of me trying to come up with clever insults that bordered on demoralizing/funny while trying to continually act like I was filled with boundless energy by talking loud and obnoxiously.

The results: It worked. And I hate it. Seriously, it's almost depressing. I'm not the type of guy who really wants to have sex constantly. I like deep conversations and would readily share insecurities if it would give me a greater perspective on life. I can't be who I am, though. I have to be a dominant, borderline rude douchebag to get any attention. It's shallow attention at that, too. I've yet to share any meaningful events with the women I've met. None of them really know me.

I take a step back and get sort of sick knowing that I'm just playing a game intended to produce offspring. I see who I am pretending to be and it's totally pointless. Maybe I take life too critically, but I don't see how a lasting relationship like marriage can come from the stupidity that dating appears to be in our culture.

 

[Yassen]

I'm sorry but I laughed at the start of your second paragraph. Probably because I was expecting something along the lines of "And guess what? Being a jerk actually makes people hate you, who'd have thought?" But nope, it gets you laid, and I found that hilarious.

It really comes down to one thing: confidence. If your confidence borders on douchbaggery it rarely matters. I've had a girl honestly admit she likes guys who are jerks and are mean to her. Why? Because they're confident. So why not try being a confident nice guy?

 

[Kopikatsu]

confident nice guy

Does not compute.

Anyway, I asked a girl who always complained that the guys she dated were so horrible why she dated them. She said that they pissed her off so much that she couldn't stop thinking about them and just went out with them because of it.

No part of that is logical. Not a single part.

 

[KoudelkaMorgan]

Some girls date other girls, did I just blow your mind?

I don't know any of them that date jerks though. I have a friend that pretty much gives it away to anyone that that talks to her on more than 3 days on facebook then moans when they inevitably dump her. I wouldn't call them jerks so much as lucky bastards that dodged a bullet though.

I have a gay friend that IS a giant douche, but he hasn't gotten laid since middle school as far I know.

Chances are that if you are attractive, it doesn't matter how you act, you will attract someone. The chances might just be higher if you act like someone that wants to get laid.

Who'd have thought?

 

[LetalisK]

So why not try being a confident nice guy?

Because for too many people being "nice" means being a doormat.

OT: Nice humblebrag. But at least you learned something. Your next task is to learn that being attractive, confident, and dominant does not have to include "borderline rude douchebag" behavior or betraying who you are as a person. This doesn't have to be an either-or thing.

 

[Cazza]

If you still cared about your appearance (dressing nicely). Shoulders back which is good posture. Being confident when you talk. Without the insults. I believe you would have better results. You're ticking many of the right boxes but tick 1 bad one. Doing that I believe those girls would still be interested.

 

[Frission]

If you still cared about your appearance (dressing nicely). Shoulders back which is good posture. Being confident when you talk. Without the insults. I believe you would have better results. You're ticking many of the right boxes but tick 1 bad one. Doing that I believe those girls would still be interested.

I agree. There's a line between being a sad sack and being a jerk. You probably were better by being more boisterous. Besides where are you meeting these women? In bars and parties. Most people don't go there for "deep" conversations.

Besides, you have to remember that you're doing a too broad generalization. Some girls might hate you for it, but since you're being more aggressive you are probably talking and flirting with a lot more women.

Some women might like shy and nerdy, but we live in a society where men are expected to make the first move. They might be criticized if they make the first move. It's frustrating and does show a problem in gender roles in society.

Please just don't make broad generalizations.

 

[krazykidd]

Duh . People have been saying this for years . This is not news . So good for you . You learned life lesson number 1 . People are idiots . And being a douche gets you laid . Not if only all the foreveralone people would follow in your footsteps . Maybe you should write a book for helpless nice guys . You'd make tons of cash .

Capcha: basket case . I know i am , stop stating the obvious capcha .

 

[Aaron Sylvester]

Thanks for conducting the experiment. If you're "sick of the game" then stop playing it, simple.

This game has been played for hundreds of years (perhaps thousands) across countless cultures, the concept has stayed the same through the ages. Today is no different.

There have always been women who have been swept off their feet by "jerks" and always been women who are interested in having deep, meaningful conversations to pursue a relationship that goes beyond first impressions.

The reason you didn't run into very many of them is because they are just as uncommon as a GUY who likes having deep, meaningful relationships and not just getting into their pants.

The concept never really needed proving or testing, but you found that out on your own didn't you

 

[bluepilot]

I decided I would attempt to garner the interest of women by becoming a "jerk". I exercised heavily, dressed flashy, and scrutinized my appearance down to the fine details. I began walking with my shoulders back and head held high. I would say to myself "You're king shit dude - everyone wants your attention" whenever I went into social situations. My conversations with women consited of me trying to come up with clever insults that bordered on demoralizing/funny while trying to continually act like I was filled with boundless energy by talking loud and obnoxiously.

The results: It worked. And I hate it. Seriously, it's almost depressing. I'm not the type of guy who really wants to have sex constantly. I like deep conversations and would readily share insecurities if it would give me a greater perspective on life. I can't be who I am, though. I have to be a dominant, borderline rude douchebag to get any attention. It's shallow attention at that, too. I've yet to share any meaningful events with the women I've met. None of them really know me.

I take a step back and get sort of sick knowing that I'm just playing a game intended to produce offspring. I see who I am pretending to be and it's totally pointless. Maybe I take life too critically, but I don't see how a lasting relationship like marriage can come from the stupidity that dating appears to be in our culture.

I can happily inform you that the technique does not work on all women.

After you have given a lady the full works, if she yells at you, slaps you, stomps on your toes, kicks you in the balls, knees you in the solar plexus or sprays you with eye-stinging liquid, then yeah, you should marry that one

 

[manic_depressive13]

I don't see how your little anecdote proves girls only date jerks. You just demonstrated that people who are mean and shallow attract vapid assholes. If you act a particular way you will attract a particular kind of person. Unfortunately there are lots of vapid assholes and not many decent people, and that goes for both genders.

 

[Doclector]

Well, either the excercise and increased care for your appearance made you more attractive, and that's the end of it, or...all those stereotypical forever alone guys were right. Which is thoroughly depressing for me to wake up to, honestly.

Should be said though, I'm screwed either way. Hell, I've tried and I can't be a douchebag, not in that way. Somebody would have to be an asshole to me for me to be an asshole back, and then I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to fuck that person. As for being attractive, well...yeah. There ain't enough nice t-shirts and hair treatments in the world to make me into something that you could call "human" without bursting out laughing.

Now, if you excuse me, I've been put into a rather bad mood by this, I'm going to go get some tea.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

The best way to attract women is to do 90% of all the things you did.

1. Care about yourself is a huge one. When a guy says "I dont really care too much about my appearance" to seem humble thats already a shot in the foot. In general being humble doesnt score any points because being humble in that regard is easy. All it is is not caring anymore. You deserve to care about yourself and how you look. So do it. If a girl sees you care about yourself its a good indicator you have effort to care about something else as well. Obviously dont take this overboard.

2. Walk and act like you matter. Being nice and friendly doesnt mean letting everyone else talk. It means you say "Im an interesting and nice person, it isnt enough to just say these things to myself i have to SHARE them with others for it to mean anything". So be confident and be nice and interesting. Share your stories loudly if they are funny and laugh with everyone else. Dont be afraid to laugh at yourself sometimes but dont depreciate yourself too much to make it seem like you dont value yourself. The main thing that not acting confidently says is "I dont think i matter". And if people see YOU dont think you matter why would they? People take a lot of their judgement on you based on how they see you perceive and treat yourself. Not all but more than you would think.

3. Talk to everyone who shows interest in knowing about you. People are subjective. If you use ANY "Technique" or show ANY personality trait youve INSTANTLY lost about 20% of people right away just because of peoples tastes. Thats perfectly fine but its easier to decide youre a failure with a much smaller "target audience". If you stop being shy about talking and engage with everyone you can youve already started to jump over this by covering a wider base. The OP found his douche tactic worked because, although it turned off a good 50% of women, he talked to so many people so easily it seemed like a success.

4. Be energetic and fun. Being eager to do things is a gigantic plus. Youre young (probably). This is the time for living. Its a VERY attractive trait in people at this age to be eager and outgoing and brimming with energy. ALWAYS call mike on rockband. Go skydiving. Do things that you know if other people did you would say "THATS SO COOL!". Thats attractive already because relationships are about sharing. If youre fun already then people WANT you to share that with them so they can enjoy that fun part of your life as well. People dont want to take the promise of "Ill be fun AFTER we start dating".

The backhanded insults just arnt necessary as long as you do these four things. The most important fact to remember is this. Youre out there looking to SHARE yourself. And in return youre going to get part of the life of someone else. Think clearly on what your would love to receive, the most awesome life to become part of. One thats insane, fun, exciting and would remember forever. Then do your best to be able to offer that to someone else. You can expect to go out looking for a "trade" offering nothing or something meager and win except in circumstances where the person is tailor made for you. Offer something amazing! Make it a privilege to become part of your life. To share in the things you do. Make it attractive. If you love your life and you show it people will want to become part of it. If you hate it and try and "fix it" by latching onto someone else thats almost parasitic. Avoid it. You have to enjoy yourself before someone else can. Thats the most i can offer.

 

[manic_depressive13]

People forget women aren't logical too much. Hell, people aren't logical most of the time. But women? Especially them.

What the fuck is wrong with you people? This has to be the second time within a few days I've seen someone insisting women are less logical than men. It makes me want to shit in my pants.

 

[Angie7F]

I dunno, but do you choose the women solely on their personality without judging them with their looks and how they carry themselves in public?

 

[Playful Pony]

Be fit, work out. Dress nicely (avoid the paint-stained jeans and scruffy jacket), have a deliberate hairdue and walk confidently, such as you describe... Then just be... Nice! Be the kind of nice person you want to be, talk about the things you want to talk about.

Girls like atractive looking males... I know, shocker. Who would have thought?! If you look good in body, hair, clothes and walk you'll already have 'what it takes'. You may not get as much as the douchebags, but when you do the girls tend to me a much nicer kind of lady... Oh yes, if you are a man, go for a lady. If you are a boy, go for a girl. Douchebags are boys. Nice, confident MEN is what the ladies want!