The perfect murder

[LitleWaffle]

Here's Steve's: Rent an apartment across from the victim and wait for an icicle to form outside your window. When it does, use it as an arrow and shoot the victim with a bow through their window. The ice arrow will quickly melt upon killing its target and the police won't find a murder weapon.

Well you would obviously be the first suspect if you were there when ice could form, as it would be to short of intervals between your legal arrival and the killing, or the kill would take way to long waiting for the ice to make it efficient if you weren't there in the winter, so not a very good idea. Also, shooting icicles with a bow is really difficult.

Mine would be depending on the target, but if I had to pick, I would replace someone's diabetes medication with high dosage sugar pills. And if they do find my fingerprints, then I just say that I thought about buying them but then put it back when my friend already had picked one up.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

I'm pretty sure a lot of us watch Dexter, right? That seems pretty perfect to me.

Gotta agree. I'll leave that question to the killers that haven't been caught.

 

[ajh93]

OK,so you cook the soon-to-be-murdered dinner every night for however long it takes,but don't let anyone know you are cooking for them.then when they trust you,you slowly begin adding small amounts of powdered glass in their food,mixing it in real thorough like.do this for a few weeks or month or so,and they should internally bleed to death.then dispose of the body.personally i like burning them in empty oil drums down by the bay where the homeless live to it just looks like they're cooking beans,or what have you.
but then,that's just me ;P

 

[ReaperzXIII]

Create a feud between one person and another, if the target is married then begin by planting suspicions into the wife's head that her husband is cheating, once the feud is significantly fueled make them break into a proper fight, knock both of them out and kill the target with a knife (wearing gloves of course, no fingerprints), leave the knife in the other persons hands and spread blood on their clothes, hide the body in a bin bag and leave it in the other persons house and before that put the other person (OP) in their bed and leave them to discover the knife and clothes in their drawer.

When the detectives come in, work closely with the detectives to avoid them picking up any clues it was you and make sure all the clues lead to the OP, the OP will think that they did it and try to frantically get rid of the body and make people think they are acting suspiciously, thus creating the perfect suspect.

 

[sumanoskae]

Indirect manipulation. Convince them to kill themselves by befriending them and screwing up their life from the inside. Or get someone else to do it

Alternatively, I suggest piano wire as a murder weapon, it leaves no blood and it's quiet. If there's a meat processing factory nearby, that might make a good dumping site

 

[Mikeyfell]

go over to your victim's house
put "Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days" in their console and glue it shut
then sneak out
they'll kill them selves eventually.

 

[Jfswift]

I was listening to the XFM vault [http://www.pilkipedia.co.uk/wiki/index.php?title=Xfm_Shows] of the Ricky Gervais and Steve Merchant Show yesterday and they got onto discussing the perfect murder. So what would you Escapists' perfect murder be?

Here's Steve's: Rent an apartment across from the victim and wait for an icicle to form outside your window. When it does, use it as an arrow and shoot the victim with a bow through their window. The ice arrow will quickly melt upon killing its target and the police won't find a murder weapon.

One of my gun expert friends suggested something similar. Using a pneumatic ice gun. It'd work great and you'd never know who fired it.

 

[SnipErlite]

How about a piece of wood as a bunt instrument? Burn the evidence?

Ha! Problem here is that you'd have to get into their apartment. With the icicle you can shoot them at range!

Who said I can't do that? Maybe I'm murdering a friend or acquaintance. Didn't it turn out to be statistically more likely you'd be killed by a family member or something? I dunno.

But yeah me and a friend spent about 20 minutes working out a perfect murder. It involved killing a good friend and an even better friend as an accomplice, to assist with the murder and to throw any witnesses off the scent.

How about a piece of wood as a bunt instrument? Burn the evidence?

Roald Dahl wrote a short story sort of like this:

Spoiler

A woman bludgeons her husband to death with a frozen leg of lamb, then puts it in the oven to cook. She leaves the house, comes home and "discovers" the body, and serves the lamb to the police as they're investigating the scene.

ROALD DAHL. THAT'S who wrote that story!

Thank you I haven't read that story in aaages, I always wondered who wrote it.

And no, I never bothered to just google it lol

 

[sarge1942]

there is the story of the man who murdered someone and buried them underneth his floorboards, no body so he wasn't a murder victim, he was a missing person, and if you are a phycopath than your concience won't get to you.

 

[Silent observer]

As I've said before, I'd simply be the one to 'find' the body...

 

[ProfessorLayton]

Yay for the undercover cop! But that proves the point doesn't it. Eventually he got caught. Though, I must admit there have been crimes that do go unsolved only because of lack of evidence or technology.

Very true but tell that to the 250+ people he killed. Forensics didn't do a thing; it was his own stupidity. There is audio of him straight up telling this cop about the horrible things he did. Yeah, he did get caught eventually but he spent years killing hundreds of people. Thankfully, he was caught eventually but some people do get away with murder if they're clever.

 

[Macgyvercas]

That's what I was thinking too!

Although I'm certain Dexter slipped up at least once. Might have been in Season 1.

He's just very good at throwing people off his trail.

Dexter's massive advantage is that he has access to any investigation into his own crimes.

This is true. And he's destroyed evidence on more than one occasion.