"I'm think that means we have nothing to worry about."
Lucia shrugged. "They're always like that," she told the big wolf. "I'd know... I used to work with them everyday." She looked towards the door. "Did you know?"
"I was there when they told him." Nikolai replied. His tone was neither apologetic nor defensive. It was simply a statement of fact.
"How did he take it?" she asked. "When he found out, I mean."
Nikolai said nothing for a second, as he recalled back.
"He was... quiet." he told her "But also calm. I think maybe a part of him already knew, I don't know."
They slipped back into silence again for a short time, before Nikolai raised his head to look at her.
"When we fought, Acolyte became one of us." he began to explain. "When I was still in... that place, I had many secrets. For months, I worked for Master. The real Master, not Azrael. He promised me freedom, so I lied when he told me to lie, killed when he told me to kill. Your Orphan was not the first..."
As he went on, Nikolai began to speak through gritted teeth. He had thought The Pit would release it's hold on him the further away he went. However, ever since they had started helping him to think like a Man again, the memories had taken on a new aspect. Pain.
"My Pack were the only ones who knew. They spent every day surrounded by enemies. They worked with them, hunted with them. I am strong, but one word from any of them would have killed me. They kept my secret, so now I keep theirs. That is how it must be."
"We're not in the Pit anymore, Nikolai," Lucia said, looking at him now. "The rules there no longer apply to us. Anything that happened there... none of that matters anymore. It's behind us now."
"It does matter." Nikolai answered firmly. "Acolyte was a Free Man that day. He was my Pack, my brother. I keep his secrets, even from you."
Hunching over, Nikolai buried his knuckles into his scalp in frustration.
"There are many things I want to change, many things that must change... but even then, it does matter. My strength, my friends, my family, all of it comes from that place..."
He took out one of his books, now looking well worn, and rifled through it with his giant thumb.
"For you, that place is just a page that you can tear out and throw away. You can look at parts you like better instead. For me, it is everything, even the good things. Anything else is just... whispers in my head, that don't make sense but won't stop either!"
In a fit of almost infantile frustration, he threw the book across the room, and hung his head.
"You're wrong," Lucia whispered in an emotionless tone. "It is just a page, but I can never just forget about what happened there." Pulling up her shirt to her naval, she showed him her brand. "I will bare the memories of that place for the rest of my life. While my suffering may never compare to yours, I think you overestimate my strength."
Pushing herself to her feet, she walked across the room and picked up the book. "You are more than the place that made you, Nikolai," she told him, looking down at the worn book in her hands.
"What am I then? Nikolai asked desperately, getting to his feet. "Do I want to know why I was sent into that place? That maybe I deserved all of it? Do I want to know what I lost when I became this?"
He walked over to her, and gently held her by the shoulders. Despite being a grown woman, she was hardly half his height. A part of Nikolai couldn't help but see her as being a lot younger than she was.
"I have a family now, and maybe also a home. I want that to be enough. I want to be happy with you, Acolyte, Natalia and all the others. Why won't the whispering stop?"
"Those books you're reading," Lucia began, "books like those help us understand the world we live in. They reflect reality, but they are still fiction. Real life... it's not as poetic as those stories make it out to be." The point she was driving at was harsh, but she felt it had to be made. "Sometimes a person is too damaged to ever fully recover from trauma. It's like... scars on your mind. As if they were etched on your flesh, they can't be mended. What you've been through... no one else could have survived it. You are strong Nikolia, but you are not invincible." She furrowed her brow. "Maybe the whispers will go away someday, but there is no way to be certain. In the end, it's out of your control. What's important is that you don't let it get to you. Remember that you have people that love you and that would do anything for you... and that ultimately the whispers hold no power over you. You are who you want to be. Never let anyone or anything else define who you are."
As Lucia spoke, Nikolai's brow furrowed in the way it did when he was thinking very hard. When she was finished, he simply looked at her and nodded.
"Yes." he said. "Thank you. I'm... sorry."
He hugged her, a little awkwardly, always having to hold back from expressing himself fully. That much would always be a part of his life, inside a body formed to tear flesh and crush bone.
"We should focus on Acolyte." He told her. "He needs to get better. Everything else can wait."
"Couldn't agree more." chimed in the voice of Dr. Elewa, as he now stood outside his office with Acolyte at side. The latter looked dour, but the Doctor's smile made up for the rest of the atmosphere in the room.
"I take it there's good news?" Lucia asked in a hopeful tone.
"The prognosis is still ongoing." Dr. Elewa answered "But there's no reason to fear the worst yet. It's clear to me that you're a..." his eyes lingered on Nikolai's metal leg for a second "resilient bunch. Right now, I'd say a little optimism could go a long way."
Acolyte certainly didn't look optimistic, as he excused himself with a stiff nod of the head, and left.
"You two may not be my patients, but I strongly suggest you relax for the rest of the day." the doctor continued. It's not often we throw parties around here, but when we do, they're usually nights to remember."
Lucia watched with a frown as Acolyte wandered off. "You won't get any argument from me," she told the doctor. "I could probably sleep for a week straight at this rate."
"Well, rest is good, but I wouldn't want you to miss all the fun." he replied with a wink.
Nikolai suddenly felt a little uncomfortable, though he didn't quite understand why.
"Anyway..." Dr. Elewa continued, slightly more serious. "You should go and catch up with your friend first. It is mostly good news so far, I can assure you. However, when it comes to these sorts of things, even the good news can be a lot to process."
"I'll do my part," she promised him. "Doesn't take much from me to make that idiot grin. Thank you, Doctor." She smiled and nodded as she walked by at a brisk pace. Hopefully he hadn't gotten too far already.
Lucia shrugged. "They're always like that," she told the big wolf. "I'd know... I used to work with them everyday." She looked towards the door. "Did you know?"
"I was there when they told him." Nikolai replied. His tone was neither apologetic nor defensive. It was simply a statement of fact.
"How did he take it?" she asked. "When he found out, I mean."
Nikolai said nothing for a second, as he recalled back.
"He was... quiet." he told her "But also calm. I think maybe a part of him already knew, I don't know."
They slipped back into silence again for a short time, before Nikolai raised his head to look at her.
"When we fought, Acolyte became one of us." he began to explain. "When I was still in... that place, I had many secrets. For months, I worked for Master. The real Master, not Azrael. He promised me freedom, so I lied when he told me to lie, killed when he told me to kill. Your Orphan was not the first..."
As he went on, Nikolai began to speak through gritted teeth. He had thought The Pit would release it's hold on him the further away he went. However, ever since they had started helping him to think like a Man again, the memories had taken on a new aspect. Pain.
"My Pack were the only ones who knew. They spent every day surrounded by enemies. They worked with them, hunted with them. I am strong, but one word from any of them would have killed me. They kept my secret, so now I keep theirs. That is how it must be."
"We're not in the Pit anymore, Nikolai," Lucia said, looking at him now. "The rules there no longer apply to us. Anything that happened there... none of that matters anymore. It's behind us now."
"It does matter." Nikolai answered firmly. "Acolyte was a Free Man that day. He was my Pack, my brother. I keep his secrets, even from you."
Hunching over, Nikolai buried his knuckles into his scalp in frustration.
"There are many things I want to change, many things that must change... but even then, it does matter. My strength, my friends, my family, all of it comes from that place..."
He took out one of his books, now looking well worn, and rifled through it with his giant thumb.
"For you, that place is just a page that you can tear out and throw away. You can look at parts you like better instead. For me, it is everything, even the good things. Anything else is just... whispers in my head, that don't make sense but won't stop either!"
In a fit of almost infantile frustration, he threw the book across the room, and hung his head.
"You're wrong," Lucia whispered in an emotionless tone. "It is just a page, but I can never just forget about what happened there." Pulling up her shirt to her naval, she showed him her brand. "I will bare the memories of that place for the rest of my life. While my suffering may never compare to yours, I think you overestimate my strength."
Pushing herself to her feet, she walked across the room and picked up the book. "You are more than the place that made you, Nikolai," she told him, looking down at the worn book in her hands.
"What am I then? Nikolai asked desperately, getting to his feet. "Do I want to know why I was sent into that place? That maybe I deserved all of it? Do I want to know what I lost when I became this?"
He walked over to her, and gently held her by the shoulders. Despite being a grown woman, she was hardly half his height. A part of Nikolai couldn't help but see her as being a lot younger than she was.
"I have a family now, and maybe also a home. I want that to be enough. I want to be happy with you, Acolyte, Natalia and all the others. Why won't the whispering stop?"
"Those books you're reading," Lucia began, "books like those help us understand the world we live in. They reflect reality, but they are still fiction. Real life... it's not as poetic as those stories make it out to be." The point she was driving at was harsh, but she felt it had to be made. "Sometimes a person is too damaged to ever fully recover from trauma. It's like... scars on your mind. As if they were etched on your flesh, they can't be mended. What you've been through... no one else could have survived it. You are strong Nikolia, but you are not invincible." She furrowed her brow. "Maybe the whispers will go away someday, but there is no way to be certain. In the end, it's out of your control. What's important is that you don't let it get to you. Remember that you have people that love you and that would do anything for you... and that ultimately the whispers hold no power over you. You are who you want to be. Never let anyone or anything else define who you are."
As Lucia spoke, Nikolai's brow furrowed in the way it did when he was thinking very hard. When she was finished, he simply looked at her and nodded.
"Yes." he said. "Thank you. I'm... sorry."
He hugged her, a little awkwardly, always having to hold back from expressing himself fully. That much would always be a part of his life, inside a body formed to tear flesh and crush bone.
"We should focus on Acolyte." He told her. "He needs to get better. Everything else can wait."
"Couldn't agree more." chimed in the voice of Dr. Elewa, as he now stood outside his office with Acolyte at side. The latter looked dour, but the Doctor's smile made up for the rest of the atmosphere in the room.
"I take it there's good news?" Lucia asked in a hopeful tone.
"The prognosis is still ongoing." Dr. Elewa answered "But there's no reason to fear the worst yet. It's clear to me that you're a..." his eyes lingered on Nikolai's metal leg for a second "resilient bunch. Right now, I'd say a little optimism could go a long way."
Acolyte certainly didn't look optimistic, as he excused himself with a stiff nod of the head, and left.
"You two may not be my patients, but I strongly suggest you relax for the rest of the day." the doctor continued. It's not often we throw parties around here, but when we do, they're usually nights to remember."
Lucia watched with a frown as Acolyte wandered off. "You won't get any argument from me," she told the doctor. "I could probably sleep for a week straight at this rate."
"Well, rest is good, but I wouldn't want you to miss all the fun." he replied with a wink.
Nikolai suddenly felt a little uncomfortable, though he didn't quite understand why.
"Anyway..." Dr. Elewa continued, slightly more serious. "You should go and catch up with your friend first. It is mostly good news so far, I can assure you. However, when it comes to these sorts of things, even the good news can be a lot to process."
"I'll do my part," she promised him. "Doesn't take much from me to make that idiot grin. Thank you, Doctor." She smiled and nodded as she walked by at a brisk pace. Hopefully he hadn't gotten too far already.