The Ratings War III: Republic of Heaven (Second Round Finals)
- Thread starter The Sorrow
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Logician, there is a riverbank.
Gotta swim like a ************, but it's there.
And the arena hurts Emu just as much. Keeping a match like this from being a one-sided beatdown is not easy (trust me).
Gotta swim like a ************, but it's there.
And the arena hurts Emu just as much. Keeping a match like this from being a one-sided beatdown is not easy (trust me).
Well, my holidays just started as of today. If next round could involve me, then that would be great.
It also gives me a chance to write my next purgatory post. By the way Sorrow, can you compile a list of who's in Round 2?
It also gives me a chance to write my next purgatory post. By the way Sorrow, can you compile a list of who's in Round 2?
Had some free time the last couple days, so I penned mine out a little quicker than the deadline required. I'd ask for review or criticism, because I would love them, but after so many tries, whatever. Do what you all want.
??-sey?Elsey...? a voice called out softly from the darkness around him, ??you?re going to be late for school today, Elsey??
Elsewise narrowly opened his eyes to see Azrael, the Grim Reaper staring him in the face. The creature had started to grow more and more concerned at Azrael?s growth. He almost glowed with strength and power at this point. ?What the hell happened??
?Well, Elsey, you won! You beat all the odds and made me a nice bit of scratch on the side. Congratulations!?
Elsewise scratched his head puzzled, ?But?I was knocked unconscious??
The reaper grinned, ?Yes, only a few seconds AFTER your opponent was. A win is a win, I suppose!.?
Elsewise looked up, ?Is that ?Ivan? kid going to be okay??
Azrael looked down at him puzzled, ?I don?t see how that makes any difference on whether or not you won. He actually came out of there in better shape than you did.?
Elsewise looked down at chest, which the young knight had sliced a hole in with his powers- gone. Azrael smiled, twirling the needle between his fingers. ?You?re not the only one who knows needles, Elsey!?
Elsewise?s arm swung forward and the needle disappeared from Azrael?s hands. ?Don?t touch my needle?? Suddenly, Elsewise?s stomach caved in and he hit the ground hard. Azrael had gotten faster too? Elsewise didn?t even see him coming. The Grim Reaper kneeled over Elsewise, who was struggling to regain his breath. ?Remember who the boss is and we won?t need to go through this again.? Grim Reaper picked Elsewise up by his coat and forced him to his feet. ?It doesn?t really matter anyway; you don?t have a chance in Hell against this next guy.?
Elsewise sighed, in a mixture of exhaustion, aggravation, and the air returning to his chest, ?Didn?t you say that last time??
Azrael continued to smile, ?I said you had 1:120 chances. That?s still a chance. The guy that you?re fighting is a zombie!?
?I can take on a zom??
?Who has more guns that one person should legally be allowed to carry!?
??I still might have?something of a chance?just need a little rest before hand??
Azrael put his arm around Elsewise?s shoulder and pressed him forward. ?And it gets worse? You have to fight him five seconds ago.? Azrael?s arm whipped forward and forced Elsewise back into the portal.
Elsewise fell face first to the ground as he fell from the portal. He looked around where he landed?and he did not like what he saw. The sky burned red like fire and the air around him fried in pain. This must have been Hell? or some place with a lot of demons and a large coliseum. He was surrounded by demons of all shape and sorts, walking toward the arena. An 8-foot tall red eye with wings flew past and Elsewise went back into the ground. He howled at the burning ground before picking himself up. This arena was a damn oven of hellfire. He looked around to see if he could find his opponent among the cavalcade of demonic beings. Across the way, he saw a tall green man, dressed in a black suit. His face was solemn, but determined. There was no guarantee that this was who he was fighting, but if it was, this would be difficult. Still, he had the element of surprise.
Elsewise moved silently, yet quickly, through the crowd of demons toward the decaying man. He was only steps away when a purple demon with large jaws ran across him and he fell yet again. Fell straight at the feet of his zombie enemy, now glaring straight down at him. Now staring down the barrels of two desert eagles. ?Oh Hell??
?HEY HEY HEY, NOW!? Suddenly, a large red demon dressed in a white suit and classy sunglasses stood between the two of them. ?There?ll be plenty of time to fight when all of my audience has paid for their tickets and taken their seats. You two will be led to the ring by my?*ahem*?personal escorts??
Suddenly, a legion of red women, beautiful and lovely, came from nowhere and divided themselves in two equal groups. Both gatherings surrounded one of the competitors and began muttering something. Around Elsewise, the sky turned from burning red to midnight black?
Elsewise thought he was blacking out as the ladies surrounded him. He felt almost infinite, a state of growing into nothing. The women were touching him, kissing him, weaving themselves around him? The darkness only perpetuated them on. They weren?t doing anything dirty to a normal person but to Elsewise, this was almost taboo. The only times anyone had ever voluntarily touched him was with a fist or an examining prod. One women, apparently the ring leader of them all, turned his head toward her. ?Look into my eyes, O great warrior?I want to look into your soul?? Elsewise tried to speak but couldn?t reply. This experience weakened him immensely. He couldn?t move? and in some recess of his inner being, he didn?t want to?This was temptation at its finest? The succubus forced Elsewise?s eyes to her own and stared deeply. ?I see?nothing?? She held him close, ?Oh poor forsaken one, you have no soul?You should stay here with us?The world has no love for you?God feels no connection towards you?Stay here?with us?where your skills are praised and your art of murder loved??
Elsewise was in nirvana and in the worst pain. The more the ladies hung around him, the worse his pain became. His throat started to burn with every kiss and his skin felt like it was frying off every time they simply brushed across his arm. They were what Hell felt like?
Meanwhile, from the darkness he could barely hear the sounds of the other group around his opponent and he seemed to be fighting them off a little bit more efficiently than he was. ?AWAY FROM ME, VILE HARLOTS!? Unfortunately for him, he was outnumbered by the powerful demons, each at least ten times stronger than mortal men, had managed to restrain him narrowly. ?Stare into my eyes, poor soul?Eyes are the windows to the soul, my dear?Show me your past, your heart?s desires?? The zombie glared away as best as he could, but the evil witch forced his eyes into her eyes. ?Ah, you wretched creature?forsaken by your own God??
The green man continued his best to fight. ?God has not forsaken me!? The witch continued to caress his head as he fought, pausing to hiss with her snake-ish tongue. ?Oh my dear, do not pretend to be delusional? the God you worshipped took sides against you in your Cold War?Forced you to perform evil tasks and hide you from the rest of the afterlife?Put pretenses in your job that would guarantee you to burn in Hell? He even forced you to change your name because he couldn?t even accept one such as you as your creation?And now you find out that he has been keeping secrets from you about your family?Stay with us, dear Mikhailo.?
The green man, with a great surge of strength, forced the demons off of him. ?GOD IS NOT WITHIN YOUR REALM OF JUDMENT, DEMONIC WHORES!? He stood proud and tall, as the demons looked up at him. ?God doesn?t call us in times of our choosing! And if this is my new form, a new name is fitting! I AM MALCOLM LYNCH, GOD?S LOYAL SERVANT! Do not turn God?s actions evil in your twisted minds?!?
Unusually, as ?Malcolm? stood straight and away from the witches, he seemed to get farther away from Elsewise. His voice grew fainter and fainter until he simply couldn?t have be heard. Finally, the witches let go of him and left him on the ground. ?See us again sometime, dear Elsewise?? The world around him began to shine with light again as he stands in a lit tunnel leading down ten or twenty meters. Elsewise wandered down, his eyes still trying to adjust to the light. A booming voice could be heard more and more clearly as he walked toward the light at the end of the tunnel.
?And entering the coliseum now, the murder machine manufactured by mortal man! ELSEWISE IPSWITCH!? Elsewise walked out into the burning red sky looking out at the many creatures in the audience yelling at the top of their lungs for death. An unusual sight to be certain?
?And now the mysterious zombie gunman who will blow your head off in a clean pressed suit, MALCOLM LYNCH!? The green man walked out to a smattering of screams and taunts. Elsewise actually respected this man. He managed to fight off demons that kept Elsewise pinned right where he was. Lynch was a man of great strength. And, to be honest, Elsewise wasn?t sure if he COULD beat Malcolm.
Malcolm?s guns gave him the range against Elsewise that couldn?t be overcome. In close range, Malcolm didn?t seem to have a melee weapon?unless he planned to use that big cross. But if that old belief that zombies ate brains was true, close-quarters combat might not be the best idea. Victory might not be possible?
Should be fun?
Elsewise and Malcolm walked to the center of the coliseum, with a ten-foot tall blue ogre demon dressed in referee?s uniform. ?You two ready?? he growled looking at both of them.
Elsewise stopped him for a moment, ?What?s with all this?? The ogre referee snarled toward him, ?It?s a bit of trade-off from heaven?Certain demon?s get the rights to sell admission to your fight and as a result, interference can be cut down to a minimum. So are you ready or not??
Elsewise nodded and Malcolm calmly agreed. ?All right, start fighting at 3?? The crowd began to quiet down as the ref backed up from the two competitors. When he hit the wall, he raised his hand and the crowd began to scream out, ?THREE! ....TWO! ...ONE!... FIGHT!?
The righteous zombie took a step back and unleashed both desert eagles in one swift motion, and started firing with wild abandon. Elsewise hit the ground as fast as he could to dodge the bullets, but the zombie was no fool. He altered his aim and fired into the crawling creature. Several bullets entered his arms and pain crept through his body. Elsewise zoomed up and attacked the zombie with both of his blades. The monstrous man of God, however, was more agile than the average zombie, easily dodging all of Elsewise?s attacks. The father was simply outclassing his sub-human counterpart. Within a moment, he had pulled the large cross off of his belt and, with the press of a button, it turned into a large broadsword.
Elsewise forced the dagger forward to Lynch?s chest, but Malcolm easily parried his blow. He had been a hit man for twenty years. There wasn?t a single weapon on his person that he hadn?t mastered. The holy killer thrust the sword forward, the assassin barely shifting out of the way. Both swung forth their blades and their forces collided and bounced off, sending both weapons back. The zombie, however, had the greater strength and resolve. His sword slammed back into his sheath and he sped behind Elsewise, still recovering from the force of the meeting. His arm wrapped around Elsewise?s neck and forced him upward. ?If you think you can choke me out?? Elsewise wheezed from the hold. However, his attacker?s intentions weren?t quite so innocent.
Quickly, the zombie?s jaws clenched into Elsewise?s skull. His teeth cut through the flesh of his prey like a knife through butter. Unbearable pain tore through the mutant?s skull as the zombie?s mouth clenched tighter and tighter around his head. In desperation, the mutant bit down as hard as he could onto the zombie?s arm. In surprise, not pain, the zombie let his grip slide and Elsewise slipped out of his grip and slid back to escape falling into the same predicament. He dashed forward and slammed his knife into Malcolm?s neck. His reaction was?minimal? The zombie?s nervous system had no holes or vulnerabilities. He was almost invincible. Lynch took his shotgun out and nailed Elsewise with the barrel like a bat. Elsewise fell to the ground as Lynch took the knife out of his neck and tossed it to Ipswitch?s side. Elsewise tried to work himself back to his feet, but weakness overcame him.
His legs failed him as he fell to his knees staring up at the monstrous zombie before him. Blood ran down both his arms; a line ran through his skull and the world began to grow dark around him. Meanwhile, the zombie had a small hole in his neck and looked like he could go on for weeks more. Now, he was pointing a shotgun right between Elsewise?s eyes? He really did never stand a chance?Until Fred Anderson came into play?
Fred Anderson had, in Earth realm, been a bad man to say the least. He had been an avid gambler as a mortal, having killed his wife when she tried to stop his addiction. He had lost every cent of his life?s savings to a fixed casino and had to work as a hit man for the mafia that owned the casino. He killed women and children who were at the wrong place at the wrong time to forgive his gambling debts. He was shot by a cop with a knife in one hand and a sixteen year-old girl in the other, trying to negotiate an escape from a botched job. He now sat in the depths of Bloodsport, attempting to redeem his soul through time spent in this Hell without sin. He had made it 36 years without thinking of a casino. Then, he ran into a fortune teller atheist who predicted that a 1:200 odd fight would go to the heavy underdog. He calculated that if he wagered his salvation, then he would go straight to heaven, and bypass the time spent in this hellhole. And now, his chances were going down the drain? And he was going to spend the rest of his eternal life in Hell, ?No?No?I was so close?? he stood up in the front row and pointed his finger forward. ?DIE DAMMIT!? A large crimson beam shot from his finger and flew towards the zombie. The zombie looked up to notice the blast flying towards him and dove back. The blast hit the ground and dust went flying all about the two opponents. The crowd started a riot from the interference. Suddenly, every demon started beating the hell out of each other, some trying to fix the fight to win their own bets, others trying to stop the chaos. The dirt that flew up turned into a smoke screen and the zombie was blinded from his opponent. If Elsewise was going to win, he had to do it now?
Elsewise grabbed his dagger and zipped forward. He weaved through the dust cloud and slammed the blade deep into the green one?s stomach, blade sideways. The dagger swung through his intestines and came out through his back. No effect. The zombie swung his arm to get him away. Elsewise ducked and swished the knife, still stuck in his stomach, through his side, cutting the zombie?s entire torso so his left side almost hung off his legs. Even that didn?t kill him. But, as the blade exited the zombie?s body, the dagger managed to slice through his kidney?The zombie felt something shift and knew he was done. His liver grenade had been activated, inside of him.
?You fo-!? And a large explosion filled the arena. Dust filled the arena and the burning earth made it impossible to see. The crowd stopped its chaos to look down into the coliseum, desperate to see who had won. Elsewise found himself lying on the ground having heavy difficulty breathing. He found a pair of legs next to him, but no torso? He couldn?t feel anything so he wasn?t sure if they were his or Lynch?s?
Elsewise turned his head as the sky seemed to clear around him. He closed his eyes, not caring that the ground under him still burnt, ?Just?just need a little?rest??
Elsewise narrowly opened his eyes to see Azrael, the Grim Reaper staring him in the face. The creature had started to grow more and more concerned at Azrael?s growth. He almost glowed with strength and power at this point. ?What the hell happened??
?Well, Elsey, you won! You beat all the odds and made me a nice bit of scratch on the side. Congratulations!?
Elsewise scratched his head puzzled, ?But?I was knocked unconscious??
The reaper grinned, ?Yes, only a few seconds AFTER your opponent was. A win is a win, I suppose!.?
Elsewise looked up, ?Is that ?Ivan? kid going to be okay??
Azrael looked down at him puzzled, ?I don?t see how that makes any difference on whether or not you won. He actually came out of there in better shape than you did.?
Elsewise looked down at chest, which the young knight had sliced a hole in with his powers- gone. Azrael smiled, twirling the needle between his fingers. ?You?re not the only one who knows needles, Elsey!?
Elsewise?s arm swung forward and the needle disappeared from Azrael?s hands. ?Don?t touch my needle?? Suddenly, Elsewise?s stomach caved in and he hit the ground hard. Azrael had gotten faster too? Elsewise didn?t even see him coming. The Grim Reaper kneeled over Elsewise, who was struggling to regain his breath. ?Remember who the boss is and we won?t need to go through this again.? Grim Reaper picked Elsewise up by his coat and forced him to his feet. ?It doesn?t really matter anyway; you don?t have a chance in Hell against this next guy.?
Elsewise sighed, in a mixture of exhaustion, aggravation, and the air returning to his chest, ?Didn?t you say that last time??
Azrael continued to smile, ?I said you had 1:120 chances. That?s still a chance. The guy that you?re fighting is a zombie!?
?I can take on a zom??
?Who has more guns that one person should legally be allowed to carry!?
??I still might have?something of a chance?just need a little rest before hand??
Azrael put his arm around Elsewise?s shoulder and pressed him forward. ?And it gets worse? You have to fight him five seconds ago.? Azrael?s arm whipped forward and forced Elsewise back into the portal.
Elsewise fell face first to the ground as he fell from the portal. He looked around where he landed?and he did not like what he saw. The sky burned red like fire and the air around him fried in pain. This must have been Hell? or some place with a lot of demons and a large coliseum. He was surrounded by demons of all shape and sorts, walking toward the arena. An 8-foot tall red eye with wings flew past and Elsewise went back into the ground. He howled at the burning ground before picking himself up. This arena was a damn oven of hellfire. He looked around to see if he could find his opponent among the cavalcade of demonic beings. Across the way, he saw a tall green man, dressed in a black suit. His face was solemn, but determined. There was no guarantee that this was who he was fighting, but if it was, this would be difficult. Still, he had the element of surprise.
Elsewise moved silently, yet quickly, through the crowd of demons toward the decaying man. He was only steps away when a purple demon with large jaws ran across him and he fell yet again. Fell straight at the feet of his zombie enemy, now glaring straight down at him. Now staring down the barrels of two desert eagles. ?Oh Hell??
?HEY HEY HEY, NOW!? Suddenly, a large red demon dressed in a white suit and classy sunglasses stood between the two of them. ?There?ll be plenty of time to fight when all of my audience has paid for their tickets and taken their seats. You two will be led to the ring by my?*ahem*?personal escorts??
Suddenly, a legion of red women, beautiful and lovely, came from nowhere and divided themselves in two equal groups. Both gatherings surrounded one of the competitors and began muttering something. Around Elsewise, the sky turned from burning red to midnight black?
Elsewise thought he was blacking out as the ladies surrounded him. He felt almost infinite, a state of growing into nothing. The women were touching him, kissing him, weaving themselves around him? The darkness only perpetuated them on. They weren?t doing anything dirty to a normal person but to Elsewise, this was almost taboo. The only times anyone had ever voluntarily touched him was with a fist or an examining prod. One women, apparently the ring leader of them all, turned his head toward her. ?Look into my eyes, O great warrior?I want to look into your soul?? Elsewise tried to speak but couldn?t reply. This experience weakened him immensely. He couldn?t move? and in some recess of his inner being, he didn?t want to?This was temptation at its finest? The succubus forced Elsewise?s eyes to her own and stared deeply. ?I see?nothing?? She held him close, ?Oh poor forsaken one, you have no soul?You should stay here with us?The world has no love for you?God feels no connection towards you?Stay here?with us?where your skills are praised and your art of murder loved??
Elsewise was in nirvana and in the worst pain. The more the ladies hung around him, the worse his pain became. His throat started to burn with every kiss and his skin felt like it was frying off every time they simply brushed across his arm. They were what Hell felt like?
Meanwhile, from the darkness he could barely hear the sounds of the other group around his opponent and he seemed to be fighting them off a little bit more efficiently than he was. ?AWAY FROM ME, VILE HARLOTS!? Unfortunately for him, he was outnumbered by the powerful demons, each at least ten times stronger than mortal men, had managed to restrain him narrowly. ?Stare into my eyes, poor soul?Eyes are the windows to the soul, my dear?Show me your past, your heart?s desires?? The zombie glared away as best as he could, but the evil witch forced his eyes into her eyes. ?Ah, you wretched creature?forsaken by your own God??
The green man continued his best to fight. ?God has not forsaken me!? The witch continued to caress his head as he fought, pausing to hiss with her snake-ish tongue. ?Oh my dear, do not pretend to be delusional? the God you worshipped took sides against you in your Cold War?Forced you to perform evil tasks and hide you from the rest of the afterlife?Put pretenses in your job that would guarantee you to burn in Hell? He even forced you to change your name because he couldn?t even accept one such as you as your creation?And now you find out that he has been keeping secrets from you about your family?Stay with us, dear Mikhailo.?
The green man, with a great surge of strength, forced the demons off of him. ?GOD IS NOT WITHIN YOUR REALM OF JUDMENT, DEMONIC WHORES!? He stood proud and tall, as the demons looked up at him. ?God doesn?t call us in times of our choosing! And if this is my new form, a new name is fitting! I AM MALCOLM LYNCH, GOD?S LOYAL SERVANT! Do not turn God?s actions evil in your twisted minds?!?
Unusually, as ?Malcolm? stood straight and away from the witches, he seemed to get farther away from Elsewise. His voice grew fainter and fainter until he simply couldn?t have be heard. Finally, the witches let go of him and left him on the ground. ?See us again sometime, dear Elsewise?? The world around him began to shine with light again as he stands in a lit tunnel leading down ten or twenty meters. Elsewise wandered down, his eyes still trying to adjust to the light. A booming voice could be heard more and more clearly as he walked toward the light at the end of the tunnel.
?And entering the coliseum now, the murder machine manufactured by mortal man! ELSEWISE IPSWITCH!? Elsewise walked out into the burning red sky looking out at the many creatures in the audience yelling at the top of their lungs for death. An unusual sight to be certain?
?And now the mysterious zombie gunman who will blow your head off in a clean pressed suit, MALCOLM LYNCH!? The green man walked out to a smattering of screams and taunts. Elsewise actually respected this man. He managed to fight off demons that kept Elsewise pinned right where he was. Lynch was a man of great strength. And, to be honest, Elsewise wasn?t sure if he COULD beat Malcolm.
Malcolm?s guns gave him the range against Elsewise that couldn?t be overcome. In close range, Malcolm didn?t seem to have a melee weapon?unless he planned to use that big cross. But if that old belief that zombies ate brains was true, close-quarters combat might not be the best idea. Victory might not be possible?
Should be fun?
Elsewise and Malcolm walked to the center of the coliseum, with a ten-foot tall blue ogre demon dressed in referee?s uniform. ?You two ready?? he growled looking at both of them.
Elsewise stopped him for a moment, ?What?s with all this?? The ogre referee snarled toward him, ?It?s a bit of trade-off from heaven?Certain demon?s get the rights to sell admission to your fight and as a result, interference can be cut down to a minimum. So are you ready or not??
Elsewise nodded and Malcolm calmly agreed. ?All right, start fighting at 3?? The crowd began to quiet down as the ref backed up from the two competitors. When he hit the wall, he raised his hand and the crowd began to scream out, ?THREE! ....TWO! ...ONE!... FIGHT!?
The righteous zombie took a step back and unleashed both desert eagles in one swift motion, and started firing with wild abandon. Elsewise hit the ground as fast as he could to dodge the bullets, but the zombie was no fool. He altered his aim and fired into the crawling creature. Several bullets entered his arms and pain crept through his body. Elsewise zoomed up and attacked the zombie with both of his blades. The monstrous man of God, however, was more agile than the average zombie, easily dodging all of Elsewise?s attacks. The father was simply outclassing his sub-human counterpart. Within a moment, he had pulled the large cross off of his belt and, with the press of a button, it turned into a large broadsword.
Elsewise forced the dagger forward to Lynch?s chest, but Malcolm easily parried his blow. He had been a hit man for twenty years. There wasn?t a single weapon on his person that he hadn?t mastered. The holy killer thrust the sword forward, the assassin barely shifting out of the way. Both swung forth their blades and their forces collided and bounced off, sending both weapons back. The zombie, however, had the greater strength and resolve. His sword slammed back into his sheath and he sped behind Elsewise, still recovering from the force of the meeting. His arm wrapped around Elsewise?s neck and forced him upward. ?If you think you can choke me out?? Elsewise wheezed from the hold. However, his attacker?s intentions weren?t quite so innocent.
Quickly, the zombie?s jaws clenched into Elsewise?s skull. His teeth cut through the flesh of his prey like a knife through butter. Unbearable pain tore through the mutant?s skull as the zombie?s mouth clenched tighter and tighter around his head. In desperation, the mutant bit down as hard as he could onto the zombie?s arm. In surprise, not pain, the zombie let his grip slide and Elsewise slipped out of his grip and slid back to escape falling into the same predicament. He dashed forward and slammed his knife into Malcolm?s neck. His reaction was?minimal? The zombie?s nervous system had no holes or vulnerabilities. He was almost invincible. Lynch took his shotgun out and nailed Elsewise with the barrel like a bat. Elsewise fell to the ground as Lynch took the knife out of his neck and tossed it to Ipswitch?s side. Elsewise tried to work himself back to his feet, but weakness overcame him.
His legs failed him as he fell to his knees staring up at the monstrous zombie before him. Blood ran down both his arms; a line ran through his skull and the world began to grow dark around him. Meanwhile, the zombie had a small hole in his neck and looked like he could go on for weeks more. Now, he was pointing a shotgun right between Elsewise?s eyes? He really did never stand a chance?Until Fred Anderson came into play?
Fred Anderson had, in Earth realm, been a bad man to say the least. He had been an avid gambler as a mortal, having killed his wife when she tried to stop his addiction. He had lost every cent of his life?s savings to a fixed casino and had to work as a hit man for the mafia that owned the casino. He killed women and children who were at the wrong place at the wrong time to forgive his gambling debts. He was shot by a cop with a knife in one hand and a sixteen year-old girl in the other, trying to negotiate an escape from a botched job. He now sat in the depths of Bloodsport, attempting to redeem his soul through time spent in this Hell without sin. He had made it 36 years without thinking of a casino. Then, he ran into a fortune teller atheist who predicted that a 1:200 odd fight would go to the heavy underdog. He calculated that if he wagered his salvation, then he would go straight to heaven, and bypass the time spent in this hellhole. And now, his chances were going down the drain? And he was going to spend the rest of his eternal life in Hell, ?No?No?I was so close?? he stood up in the front row and pointed his finger forward. ?DIE DAMMIT!? A large crimson beam shot from his finger and flew towards the zombie. The zombie looked up to notice the blast flying towards him and dove back. The blast hit the ground and dust went flying all about the two opponents. The crowd started a riot from the interference. Suddenly, every demon started beating the hell out of each other, some trying to fix the fight to win their own bets, others trying to stop the chaos. The dirt that flew up turned into a smoke screen and the zombie was blinded from his opponent. If Elsewise was going to win, he had to do it now?
Elsewise grabbed his dagger and zipped forward. He weaved through the dust cloud and slammed the blade deep into the green one?s stomach, blade sideways. The dagger swung through his intestines and came out through his back. No effect. The zombie swung his arm to get him away. Elsewise ducked and swished the knife, still stuck in his stomach, through his side, cutting the zombie?s entire torso so his left side almost hung off his legs. Even that didn?t kill him. But, as the blade exited the zombie?s body, the dagger managed to slice through his kidney?The zombie felt something shift and knew he was done. His liver grenade had been activated, inside of him.
?You fo-!? And a large explosion filled the arena. Dust filled the arena and the burning earth made it impossible to see. The crowd stopped its chaos to look down into the coliseum, desperate to see who had won. Elsewise found himself lying on the ground having heavy difficulty breathing. He found a pair of legs next to him, but no torso? He couldn?t feel anything so he wasn?t sure if they were his or Lynch?s?
Elsewise turned his head as the sky seemed to clear around him. He closed his eyes, not caring that the ground under him still burnt, ?Just?just need a little?rest??
wesdabigman said:
I enjoyed it, as a fight. There was suspense, although the outcome became obvious when you put Elsey at a disadvantage over and over again. The paragraph in which you suddenly started describing Fred felt very out of place and run-on. Too long, simply, to put in the place it was. Acting out situations of suspense to then solve them with deus ex machina works once or twice if it is really relevant to the story of the other involved parties, but otherwise just becomes cheap.
As progress for the characters, I can't see much of it. But you might, as I tend to, show that progress in a later entry. Don't do this if you wish to win. You have to focus on the most revolutionising moments of your character in the fights, for that is what will be judged. I positively suck at this, as I write more like a short story for my characters, making the fights rather uninteresting.
wesdabigman said:
Yeah, my only thoughts on this are that deus ex machina = bad bad bad. The fight itself was well done, but that was... eh.
I really liked the before-bout chatter though. Really drew me in.
I really liked the before-bout chatter though. Really drew me in.
Feedback would be nice, but my real intention here is to foreshadow events to come. Let's just say that Jericho will have a more active role in my entries from now on, even if he's not the centre of attention.
The Ratings War 3
Chapter 1x
PowerThirst
What?s that? You want strawberry? Well how about Rawberry? Chapter 1x
PowerThirst
Made with lightning, real lightning!
Sports (AAAHHHH!)! You?ll be good at them!
It?s an energy drink for men! Menergy.
These aren?t your dad?s puns, these are energy puns! Turbopuns.
Science, energy, science, energy, electrolyes, turbolytes, powerlytes, more lights than your body has room for!
You?ll be so fast, Mother Nature will be like, ?Slow down!? And you?ll be like, ?Fuck you!? and kick her in the face with your energy legs!
Mmm? legs?
Athena snapped out of her daydream and looked around. Axle was tinkering with the radio he found, as he had been since they arrived. She stared at him for a time, catching a glimpse of a single bead of sweat gliding down his face as he concentrated on his work. As she examined him, she felt something deep within. A fluttering in her stomach, feeling light as a feather?
Fuck, I can?t eat him! He?s too important for me to do that.
She snapped out of her stupor and continued to look around her; anywhere but at the man that gave her these uncontrollable feelings. Shaking her head, she realised that half of the contestants were gone? half the menu out of order.
At least we?re still around for the next course...
---------------------
Jericho smiled as he snapped pictures of his tickets to fame. They had won one round already; all they needed to do was hold out for a few more.
Everything?s riding on you guys; don?t fail me now!
He held that thought for a second as he skimmed over his photographs, eying something that had blocked his view at one point. As he studied the obscurity for a few seconds, he came to a shocking realisation. Peering over the edge of the cloud that he sat on, his fears were confirmed.
?Judas. Fucking Judas, every single time!?
Judas sat a few atmospheric layers below him, taking snapshots of the scenery below. Jericho resented him as the man that foiled every one of his get-rich-quick plans so far; using sly tactics like fake IDs and convincing acquaintances to get to places where no reporter (or person, for that matter) normally could. Iscariot P.D. was his alias, as Jericho had discovered while covering a different story? which he subsequently stole. He held up his camera to get a better look at him.
?What are you up to? oh God.?
The photos that Judas produced weren?t just snapshots; they were all close-ups of the very two contestants he himself was backing: Axle and Athena. Jericho felt sick; he knew that things were about to go downhill for him.
I need to find out what he?s up to? why he?s here. I am not letting him take this one away from me. Not this time.
?Job, take care of my stuff. I?ll be back soon.?
And with that, he left.
---------------------
Axle was feeling many things at the moment, but the dominant one was frustration. He knew that he should be working on the next round, but the radio intrigued him. Something about it was fascinating; something unearthly. Of course, contact with the dead was certainly not the most ordinary of features in a common wireless.
Where did it come from? What is it for? What does it even do?
So many questions, so little time. All he was sure of was that it was important for something. And whatever it was, he would need to keep a close eye on it.
---------------------
Jericho burst into the empty office, panting from exhaustion as he collapsed onto the nearest chair.
I should really use my wings more often.
Standing up once more, he straightened himself out and stepped through the cubicle aisles, coming to a halt at the cubicle reserved for Judas.
And he gets a bigger cubicle than me. What a heaven we live in!
Without a moment?s consideration he rummaged through all of his files, searching for something that may resemble what he was looking for. Eventually he happened upon a particular file, one with a red binding and a seal running over the side. Whatever was inside, it was substantial. Heavy, too.
A faint creak echoed ominously across the office.
Someone?s coming.
Unsealing the binding, he poured the file?s contents over the otherwise neat desk and examined the contents. Various odd and ancient manuscripts were strewn about the desk, but the thing that caught his eye in particular was a large tome; one that looked awfully similar to a children?s picture book. In ironically rainbow letters, the title read:
A is for Apocalypse!
The footsteps were getting closer.
Flipping through the pages, he saw recitations of old memories from when he first died; group circles gathering to learn the basics about life after death. It wasn?t until W until he stopped flipping, gasping as he dropped the book onto the table in fright.
W is for War!
The image on the page was one he remembered distinctly well. The first contestant to ever come face to face with Axle and Athena; the one that Athena absorbed not too long ago.
Evil.
?Having fun rummaging through my stuff??
Jericho swivelled around to come face to face with the last person he wanted to meet. Going sickly pale, he swiftly compacted the file back together.
?Ah, Jerry. When will you learn not to go through other people?s stuff??
?When will you learn not to steal other people?s stories, Judy??
?Sharp as always! Shame you never find anything good to write about. To clarify, I?m only nicking your story because you sabotaged mine. And besides, you should make your account?s password harder to memorise.?
Jericho paused for a moment. ?You have my password??
Judas smirked. ?Let?s just keep it at this: Miss Magdalene in IT is one fine woman. Listen, I?ll forget about what happened here if you let me continue my studies. Anyway, it?s more interesting that way.?
He winked as he strolled elegantly towards the exit; the angelic Casanova disappearing from view. When Jericho had stopped fuming, he pondered what he had learned:
Well, now I know that I?m helping a Horseman into the position of gods, whether it be direct or not. Worse still; Judas is stealing my story!
There was only one thing he could do: play his game.
I don?t like this one bit.
As Sorrow and Zemmy have already said, it's fine.Dastardos said:
Anyway, Shanks did it in RW2. And trust me when I say that it worked well.
Round 2
"Nooo!" Malcolm screamed, grimacing at the sight. One of these... creatures had done what Malcolm could not. Standing there, huffing and puffing, the creature watched Elsewise's head fly off into the distance.
The coliseum finally broke out into an all out brawl. Everyone started beating and trying to kill each other. Madness. Screaming in rage, adrenaline and fury pumped through Malcolm's veins. Firing his guns like a mad man, he shot, slit, impaled, and murdered every creature that got in his way, as he ran towards Elsewise's fallen body.
Approaching it Malcolm dropped to his knees and stared at it. He was dead.
Screaming in agony and pain Malcolm bellowed "You fools! He was supposed to win!"
Staring into the dusty red sky, Malcolm saw three angels come to take him, as the war continued.
"HE WAS SUPPOSED TO WIN!"
As the angels came closer to Malcolm, he pulled his pistol out. Placing it against his head he pulled the trigger.
Click
"Fuck" Malcolm muttered as he reloaded the gun. Quickly he inserted the new clip and put the barrel to his head, when the angels arrived. Two went for his arms, and one for his neck. Screaming Malcolm pulled his cross out, and shot the blade out.
Swinging it at the angels, he managed to keep them away from him as he sprinted in madness away. Sprinting to the quietest area he could find, he stared in fear at the angels pursuing him.
Not thinking clearly he stood in awe as they essentially teleported to his new location. Shaking his head he stared into one of the angel's eyes, as she levitated right in front of him.
"It's time to go home Malcolm." She whispered, motioning the others, they tried to grab him again.
"No. He was supposed to leave. HE was supposed to win!" swinging the pistol up, he pressured it against the angel's head and pulled the trigger. Her brains splattered out, making the dark red sand even darker. As her body suddenly stopped levitating and fell to the ground, all grace and light left her body. She looked human.
"He was supposed to win."
Pulling the gun up once more, Malcolm pressured it against the side of his head, and quickly pulled the trigger, as the remaining angels rushed at him.
BLAM
------------------------------
Malcolm sat in content silence in the lobby. His foot was rapidly tapping on the floor, making an annoying clicking sound. He was nervous, scared. Things had not gone as he had expected so far. Things he had heard from others, the revelations, the schemes that were planned. It just didn't feel right to him.
Malcolm had come against quite a predicament. Did he betray his conscious or does he betray his god, his savior, his hero, his life. He knew that sometimes you had to go against better judgment and do what's right but this... he had never expected this.
Breaking into a cold sweat, Malcolm knew he wasn't ready for this. He wanted to leave, to wish it all away. Everything.
A scrawny, short man appeared from around the corner. His quiet voice squealed, "Malcolm and Elsewise please come to the portal room."
------------------------------
Crawling out of the portal, Malcolm bled on the ground. Micah had really messed him up. His blood stained the tiles, as he waited for some form of help. He tried to scream but nothing exited his throat. Dry tears ran down his face as he laid there.
Laid and waited.
Finally a woman came into the room. She screamed at the sight of him. His body had started to decay, his skin sizzling and burning off the bone. Her screams alerted others though. God and other faculty members rushed in. God knelt beside Malcolm, and brushed his hand over Malcolm's dying face.
As the hand finished its course, Malcolm's body started to illuminate. Levitating a few inches off the ground, the skin started to heal itself. Body parts that had fallen off crawled back inside of him. The irony though was that he wasn't fully repaired. He was only repaired back to his zombie state.
As the repair process continued, Malcolm slowly fell into a heavy sleep. Awakening he felt reborn.
"Congratulations, you gave me quite a scare there, thought you were gonna die." God sarcastically told Malcolm.
In a quiet, low voice, Malcolm asked the question that had really been bothering him. "You had mentioned you hid from me that you could resurrect my family because it would be in the best interest of the world. What does that mean? How does my family being alive again affect the world?"
"It affects the world because I can't run around raising the dead. If I resurrect one family, what about the billions of other lost loved ones? Plus I can't really have a family of zombies running around earth without causing trouble, can I?"
"Wait..." Malcolm stuttered, "You can't make us human again?"
"Well I could, in theory."
"Well then why the hell wouldn't you? Why would you want my family to go through the pain of being...this?"
"It's complicated. You seem to not realize that I can't just do what ever the fuck I want. The Republic of Heaven isn't a dictatorship. Resurrecting a whole family back to human state will be vetoed."
"And why's that?"
"Because the first person to be resurrected back to human state is supposed to be my son."
"So I essentially have nothing to fight for that would affect me? I don't want my family to go through the pain of being undead."
"So be it then. Just remember, you can't have your cake and eat it too."
Malcolm quietly approached the portal, weighing the outcomes silently. There was no easy thing to do, but he knew what he must do. He had to help the person who needed it, deserved it, more.
Walking through the portal, Malcolm reappeared on the other side, standing knee deep in thick red sand. In the distance were bright lights. The light tore through the red dust, illuminating the land.
Silently walking forwards Malcolm reloaded his guns. In the distance he could hear blaring music and loud screaming. Up above him the sun was not yellow, it was red. He was in an inferno.
Getting in eye sight of the coliseum Malcolm slowly started to enter. Going through the gates, the demons yelled and screamed at him. Throwing things and yelling obscenities and telling him how he had better make sure they won their bets.
Trying to ignore it, Malcolm continued to press through the crowd, when he felt something grab his shoulder. The man's skin was as red as the sun, he had thick black horns sprouting out of his forehead, and a little pointed tail that looked as sharp as a butchers knife.
"Come with me. I have something you may want to see."
"Fuck you." Malcolm muttered in reply, continuing his trek to the center of the coliseum.
"It doesn't work that way." The man whispered into Malcolm's ear.
The man started to walk away, and as much as Malcolm tried not to follow him, he did. It was as if he was on a leash. Following him like an obedient dog, the man lead Malcolm underneath the coliseum.
Pushing open a door, they entered a room that was pitch black. Stepping to the side, the man shoved Malcolm into a chair. Snapping his fingers, the lights in the room flickered on.
"Call me Lucifer" He quietly said.
------------------------------
Exiting the room, Malcolm's view of the fight was reimagined. It wasn't just about him, or his glory. It was about what was better for others.
Malcolm walked with his head hung low back to the coliseum. Entering the ring he stood in his corner, silent. Directly in front of him, Elsewise entered. Grasping his dagger and needle, he was prepared to fight.
After several moments of nothing a man from the crowd screamed, "Start fucking killing each other!" and it was off.
Screaming Elsewise charged across the field towards Malcolm. Malcolm quickly fired a few rounds at him, deliberately missing. As the bullets all wisped passed Elsewise, he lowered his arm, and rammed Malcolm. Malcolm flew backwards. Crashing into the stone wall, Malcolm left an imprint of his body on it. Slumping over, Elsewise jumped on top of him, slashing his daggers across Malcolm?s cold body. Blood splattered all over him, but Malcolm lay still, not resisting or fighting back.
The audience watched in horror at this. Half of the noise was cheers, the other half was people asking why the hell Malcolm wasn?t doing anything. As Malcolm continued to let Elsewise slash and destroy his body, the crowd decided they had had enough of this.
Everyone started to charge the combatants. Rioting down the stands they bull rushed and slaughtered security. All hell broke lose when they got the security official's weapons. Griping the firearms and swords, the charge officially began.
Hearing the screams, Elsewise turned around and saw a few of the taller, stronger Demons approaching him. Jumping as high as he could, Elsewise barely dodged the blade. Landing, he swung himself in a 360 degree turn, holding his blades out, digging them straight through the stomach of the demons around him.
Leaving a small slit in them, their intestines and guts poured out onto the sand, as their bodies slumped over. By the time Elsewise finished this there was no way for him to return back to Malcolm. To many demons were between him and Malcolm.
Malcolm slowly started to stand up, blood pouring like a waterfall out of his chest. Pulling his pistols he started quickly firing at anything around him. Slaughtering the shit around him, he started to jog towards Elsewise. Elsewise in his view, he fired his pistol at him. The bullet dug through his leg, and he fell over.
Hurrying Malcolm approached him and yelled, "Finish this now Elsewise!"
Elsewise stood up and swung his dagger towards Malcolm's neck. As the blade almost skimmed his neck, Elsewise dropped the blade. From behind him one of the bigger demons in the coliseum stood. The demon grasped Elsewise by the neck, and held him up high. Using Elsewise's body as a club, the creature swung him at Malcolm, knocking Malcolm backwards. Grasping his sword, the demon swung it, clearly cutting through Elsewise?s neck, separating his head.
"Nooo!" Malcolm screamed, grimacing at the sight. One of these... creatures had done what Malcolm could not. Standing there, huffing and puffing, the creature watched Elsewise's head fly off into the distance.
------------------------------
"He was supposed to win."
Pulling the gun up once more, Malcolm pressured it against the side of his head, and quickly pulled the trigger, as the remaining angels rushed at him.
BLAM
The bullet tore through Malcolm's dead flesh, skimming the bottom of his decaying brain and exiting his cheek. Falling over backwards, the blood poured out of the holes in his cheeks.
His body laying there, motionless, the two angels picked him up, his heart barely beating. Bringing him up, they took him out of the warzone and back to the Republic of Heaven.
Elsewise was dead. Malcolm had won.
------------------------------
Pushing open a door, they entered a room that was pitch black. Stepping to the side, the man shoved Malcolm into a chair. Snapping his fingers, the lights in the room flickered on.
"Call me Lucifer" He quietly said. "I've found it's...what's the word... more entertaining to watch a fight were the two contestants actually know each other."
Across from Malcolm sat a terribly disfigured man. He took the shape of a human but could barely retain it. He looked as if made of water. Sitting in a trenchcoat his face was left to imagination, as with the rest of his body.
"Elsewise?" Malcolm asked.
"The one and only" he slowly replied.
Sitting in silence they both studied their disfigured bodies. Breaking the silence Lucifer spoke up, "Don't you think it's funny that your 'god' forced you two to fight? You two are almost like brothers! Both disfigured, mutated and changed by man and both of you want to live a human life! It's rather humorous if you think about. Well go on Elsewise use good manners and explain your predicament to your new friend Malcolm!"
Elsewise still refused to speak. Trying to break the awkward silence, Malcolm decided to go first. "Well from what the freak has said so far, it sounds like we are somewhat similar. My family died in the nuclear reactor explosion in Chernobyl. God resurrected me to do his dirty work as a hitman. He entered me in this tournament promising that if I won, my family would be resurrected. He didn't mention until after the first round he'd only resurrect them back to zombie state. To be freaks like me."
Grunting Elsewise decided to speak. "Similar to me. I was man made in a laboratory designed to be a killing machine. I escaped and have been in hiding for my whole life, until this. I've been promised the gift of life if I can win this damned thing."
Laughing Lucifer butted in again. "Now that you two now know everything about each other, you can go fuck but, oh wait, you two still have to fight now!"
Malcolm hadn't expected to have to kill someone who only wanted to live a normal life. To crush the hopes and dreams of a hunted man, an outcast from society. Malcolm had come against quite a predicament. Did he betray his conscious or does he betray his god and his life.
He had nothing to live for anymore. God had been using him his whole undead life, and wouldn't even give him the joy of seeing his wife smile again. Fuck him. Malcolm was ready to see her again.
?I can?t believe this.? Rahk-Tahl ground his teeth and glared at the angel. ?Another child!??
The angel shook his head. ?No, Rahk.? His voice was laced with barely-contained distaste. ?Devon is no child. He managed to-?
?I saw the fight!? Rahk snapped. ?He tricked the Conduit into killing himself. Without landing a blow. I saw.?
?Then surely you realize that this ?child? presents a legitimate threat to you.?
?Threat?? Rahk scoffed. He crossed his arms and spat at the angel?s feet. ?He?s a mortal. He?s not even Enlightened! How do you expect him to defeat me??
?We don?t.?
Rahk paused, cocking an eyebrow at the flaxen-haired angel. For the first time, he noticed the mutable face, flowing from one visage to another. The effect was unsettling and almost nauseating. ?What do you mean? I thought that this was supposed to be a fair tournament.?
?We are? making an exception.?
?? What??
The angel bowed slightly. ?Rahk-Tahl, you must understand. Devon is vital to our plans.?
?Plans?! What plans??
?You only need know that this is a test for the boy. Do not kill him. Or you will be? punished.? The angel turned and began drifting away, his feet never skirting the ground.
Rahk took a step forward, making to grab the angel?s arm. ?Wait. What? what happens if I lose??
The angel turned to Rahk, its visage that of a calm, restful child. ?We have a contingency plan. The boy is? surprising. It would not be unexpected for him to demolish you beyond a shadow of a doubt.? His face smoothly flowed into that of a screaming woman before his form dissipated, wisps of golden smoke all that remained.
?Alright, mates, here's the skinny. Ya got more'n two ticks until the fight begins, an' I won't be toleratin' no skirtin' th' rules. Ye fight afore ah calls it, an' ah'll send botha your sorry rumps down t' th' mercy o' Hell itself.? Their dark-skinned guide spoke cheerily, his rolling accent grating on Rahk?s nerves. To force them to hike through the jungle when they could just as easily have been transported directly to the arena was cruel beyond belief.
?Ah, here we are.? The guide?s accent disappeared suddenly as a river came into view, frothed with swift-moving water. A pair of shoddy rafts were tied to a large boulder. Constructed of seven long, thin logs lashed together with fraying vines, Rahk was unsure if they could have held a small child, much less him. The rafts each had a construction resembling a railing, reaching up just below Rahk?s knees. All in all, the crafts looked shoddier than anything he would have considered safe.
?You must be kidding.? Devon said, crossing his arms as Rahk clambered into his raft. ?I?m not getting in that thing.?
Their guide?s eyebrows shot up. ?So you forfeit??
Devon?s mouth worked wordlessly before letting out a long, loud sigh. He climbed into the raft carefully, clutching the ?railing? and grumbling. The guide laughed. ?Right, fella?s. Good luck, and stay dry!? With that, he sliced the ropes holding the rafts to the shore, and sent them off. The rafts slid into the current to opposite sides of the river. Rahk was farthest from the shore, skirting a sheer cliff face dotted with roots.
Initially, the ride was smooth. Rahk drew himself to be as tall as possible, watching Devon as his raft drifted farther. Devon responded with nothing more than a glare, fingering the pistol slipped into the pocket of his trousers. ?Oh dear. The boy has a gun, and I?ve got nothing.? Rahk thought with a grimace.
A loud crash sounded behind Rahk as he was pitched to the slicked logs. He glanced back and saw a significant crack in the railing of his raft; he had struck the cliff face. As he stood, a great whistle echoed through the river, seemingly rushing against the current of the river. The shrill cry pained Rahk?s ears. He hardly registered the soft whisper that followed the screech. ?Begin.?
Pain blossomed in Rahk?s calf, punctuated with a sharp bang. Rahk dove back to the raft surface, pressing on the wound and growling. He heard Devon?s raft smash against something and another shot fly. Rahk stood quickly, drawing the blackened knife from his belt and flinging it as Devon rose to his feet.
The blade sailed through the air and pierced Devon?s hand. His pistol fell, clattering into the rushing water as Devon dove for it, curses spewing from his lips. He yanked the knife from his hand and tossed it into the water, watching Rahk warily. ?What now, huh??
Rahk yelled back ?You could always surrender!?
?Not an option.?
Another crash smacked Rahk?s raft, sending him closer to Devon. The same happened to Devon. The river thinned quickly, causing the rafts to smash against the cliff faces, violently rocking the craft. As his raft hit the cliff once more, Rahk felt inspiration strike.
He glanced back and forth, judging the distance between his raft and the cliff face, angling himself towards Devon. The boy rose on his toes, glaring at Rahk, a look of confusion crossing his face. ?What are you doing?!? He yelled, the sound echoing through the canyon.
As Rahk?s raft smashed against the cliff face, he turned towards the cliff face and inhaled. He felt force build in his larynx and resisted. As the raft crashed once more, knocking Rahk from his feet, he released the pressure. A great howl burst from hips lips, shattering the flimsy raft and sending him hurtling towards Devon. Rahk made one final preparation as he soared; he hardened his fists, lifted them towards the boy, and hoped for the best.
They collided with a loud smack. Rahk lashed one arm around Devon?s waist, carrying him in his spinning flight. He kept his other fist straight as they struck the cliff face, his diamond-hard fist sinking into the stone. A cry of pain pierced Rahk?s ears, quickly cut as Devon struck the cliff face headfirst. Rahk hung by his fist, breathing heavily as Devon?s unconscious body slipped into the torrent below.
The angel shook his head. ?No, Rahk.? His voice was laced with barely-contained distaste. ?Devon is no child. He managed to-?
?I saw the fight!? Rahk snapped. ?He tricked the Conduit into killing himself. Without landing a blow. I saw.?
?Then surely you realize that this ?child? presents a legitimate threat to you.?
?Threat?? Rahk scoffed. He crossed his arms and spat at the angel?s feet. ?He?s a mortal. He?s not even Enlightened! How do you expect him to defeat me??
?We don?t.?
Rahk paused, cocking an eyebrow at the flaxen-haired angel. For the first time, he noticed the mutable face, flowing from one visage to another. The effect was unsettling and almost nauseating. ?What do you mean? I thought that this was supposed to be a fair tournament.?
?We are? making an exception.?
?? What??
The angel bowed slightly. ?Rahk-Tahl, you must understand. Devon is vital to our plans.?
?Plans?! What plans??
?You only need know that this is a test for the boy. Do not kill him. Or you will be? punished.? The angel turned and began drifting away, his feet never skirting the ground.
Rahk took a step forward, making to grab the angel?s arm. ?Wait. What? what happens if I lose??
The angel turned to Rahk, its visage that of a calm, restful child. ?We have a contingency plan. The boy is? surprising. It would not be unexpected for him to demolish you beyond a shadow of a doubt.? His face smoothly flowed into that of a screaming woman before his form dissipated, wisps of golden smoke all that remained.
?Alright, mates, here's the skinny. Ya got more'n two ticks until the fight begins, an' I won't be toleratin' no skirtin' th' rules. Ye fight afore ah calls it, an' ah'll send botha your sorry rumps down t' th' mercy o' Hell itself.? Their dark-skinned guide spoke cheerily, his rolling accent grating on Rahk?s nerves. To force them to hike through the jungle when they could just as easily have been transported directly to the arena was cruel beyond belief.
?Ah, here we are.? The guide?s accent disappeared suddenly as a river came into view, frothed with swift-moving water. A pair of shoddy rafts were tied to a large boulder. Constructed of seven long, thin logs lashed together with fraying vines, Rahk was unsure if they could have held a small child, much less him. The rafts each had a construction resembling a railing, reaching up just below Rahk?s knees. All in all, the crafts looked shoddier than anything he would have considered safe.
?You must be kidding.? Devon said, crossing his arms as Rahk clambered into his raft. ?I?m not getting in that thing.?
Their guide?s eyebrows shot up. ?So you forfeit??
Devon?s mouth worked wordlessly before letting out a long, loud sigh. He climbed into the raft carefully, clutching the ?railing? and grumbling. The guide laughed. ?Right, fella?s. Good luck, and stay dry!? With that, he sliced the ropes holding the rafts to the shore, and sent them off. The rafts slid into the current to opposite sides of the river. Rahk was farthest from the shore, skirting a sheer cliff face dotted with roots.
Initially, the ride was smooth. Rahk drew himself to be as tall as possible, watching Devon as his raft drifted farther. Devon responded with nothing more than a glare, fingering the pistol slipped into the pocket of his trousers. ?Oh dear. The boy has a gun, and I?ve got nothing.? Rahk thought with a grimace.
A loud crash sounded behind Rahk as he was pitched to the slicked logs. He glanced back and saw a significant crack in the railing of his raft; he had struck the cliff face. As he stood, a great whistle echoed through the river, seemingly rushing against the current of the river. The shrill cry pained Rahk?s ears. He hardly registered the soft whisper that followed the screech. ?Begin.?
Pain blossomed in Rahk?s calf, punctuated with a sharp bang. Rahk dove back to the raft surface, pressing on the wound and growling. He heard Devon?s raft smash against something and another shot fly. Rahk stood quickly, drawing the blackened knife from his belt and flinging it as Devon rose to his feet.
The blade sailed through the air and pierced Devon?s hand. His pistol fell, clattering into the rushing water as Devon dove for it, curses spewing from his lips. He yanked the knife from his hand and tossed it into the water, watching Rahk warily. ?What now, huh??
Rahk yelled back ?You could always surrender!?
?Not an option.?
Another crash smacked Rahk?s raft, sending him closer to Devon. The same happened to Devon. The river thinned quickly, causing the rafts to smash against the cliff faces, violently rocking the craft. As his raft hit the cliff once more, Rahk felt inspiration strike.
He glanced back and forth, judging the distance between his raft and the cliff face, angling himself towards Devon. The boy rose on his toes, glaring at Rahk, a look of confusion crossing his face. ?What are you doing?!? He yelled, the sound echoing through the canyon.
As Rahk?s raft smashed against the cliff face, he turned towards the cliff face and inhaled. He felt force build in his larynx and resisted. As the raft crashed once more, knocking Rahk from his feet, he released the pressure. A great howl burst from hips lips, shattering the flimsy raft and sending him hurtling towards Devon. Rahk made one final preparation as he soared; he hardened his fists, lifted them towards the boy, and hoped for the best.
They collided with a loud smack. Rahk lashed one arm around Devon?s waist, carrying him in his spinning flight. He kept his other fist straight as they struck the cliff face, his diamond-hard fist sinking into the stone. A cry of pain pierced Rahk?s ears, quickly cut as Devon struck the cliff face headfirst. Rahk hung by his fist, breathing heavily as Devon?s unconscious body slipped into the torrent below.
Kindly tear this apart and tell me how horrible it is. I really dislike this piece; I couldn't seem to make it read well. Suggestions, comments, insults, all are welcome.
Good luck Logy, not that you need it.
It did not flow well. The actual story is decent, but the writing is... choppy? I think that's the best word. I think that, if you had taken an hour or so to read it aloud, you would see what I mean.Dastardos said:
I meant the sentence structure more than the entire piece. There were a number of sentences that simply sounded awkward, for example;Higurashi said:
Huh. On second read, that's because there's a tense change AND he forgot to capitalize the "G" in God.