The sad little man in the corner needs some advice.

[CrazyBerk]

Yeah. I'm referring to myself. Anyways. The last few threads I've made have all been about this same girl that I'm falling for haha... And we're actually at a point where we've both admitted we like each other. But... she's wary of being in a relationship, because she "knows how I can be". I can occasionally become extremely depressed and even have suicidal tendencies... Trust me, my local law enforcement knows this lol... And she "doesn't want to hurt me if something bad between us happens".

Fellow Escapists, I like this girl a whole lot and have for a long time. Should I say something to convince her otherwise? What should I say? I have no other outlet for advice, so any input would be met with gratification on my end.

You claim that you have suicidal tendencies, yet on your profile it claims your interests include "Not dying"..HYPOCRISY!

 

[Soljourn]

Ok, I'm going to say something here that hasn't even been considered (I think). What if the OP's depression isn't something that can just be dealt with? Some people suffer from it for their entire lives, even while going through therapy and on medication. If the OP were to wait until he was all better, then he may be waiting for his entire life.

Now...if I were in your position, liking this girl and she liked me but she was afraid to hurt me, this is what *I* would say. "Listen...we like each other. That's been established. I understand you're afraid of hurting me and I may decide to take drastic measures. Thank you for considering how I feel about this. It means a lot to me, and proves to me that you're the kind of girl I want to be with. I'm not telling you not to worry, but it's my chance to take and I'm aware of the possible outcome. I'm still willing to take that chance, and I hope you will be willing to take it as well."

Just me, though. Take it or leave it.

 

[jultub]

I can occasionally become extremely depressed and even have suicidal tendencies... Trust me, my local law enforcement knows this lol...

Yep, that's pretty hilarious, alright.

Haha, I have a tendency to laugh at my own misfortunes.

Better laugh than cry, right?

Aaanyways, I have no idea what you should do. Getting out of a depression isn't easy, so I don't think that's helpful advice. But it's all I can give, hope it works out in the end.

 

[TerribleAssassin]

Get over the depression. Get your life back on track then ask her our.


Good luck my freind.

 

[mik hardcore]

Ok, I'm going to say something here that hasn't even been considered (I think). What if the OP's depression isn't something that can just be dealt with? Some people suffer from it for their entire lives, even while going through therapy and on medication. If the OP were to wait until he was all better, then he may be waiting for his entire life.

Now...if I were in your position, liking this girl and she liked me but she was afraid to hurt me, this is what *I* would say. "Listen...we like each other. That's been established. I understand you're afraid of hurting me and I may decide to take drastic measures. Thank you for considering how I feel about this. It means a lot to me, and proves to me that you're the kind of girl I want to be with. I'm not telling you not to worry, but it's my chance to take and I'm aware of the possible outcome. I'm still willing to take that chance, and I hope you will be willing to take it as well."

Just me, though. Take it or leave it.

Just going back to the point I made earlier, it may not just be that she's is afraid of hurting OP, but is also afraid of how she could be affected. If she is not strong enough to deal with the situation, going further could be very harmful to the relationship that they have now.

EDIT: I'm not damning the possibility of something happening between you two, I'm just saying one should weigh up the consequences for all the parties involved.

 

[Natdaprat]

I suggest not asking the internet.

 

[Aesir23]

I would suggest getting therapy beforehand. Once/if your depression improves and she knows you're getting help, she may be less hesitant about getting into a relationship with you.

 

[The Austin]

If you don't get over the depression, than tell her that you think being with her can make you happy.

That is HORRIBLE advice, you know why? Because it makes it sound like your happiness completely depends on her. In this case, at best she'll feel too guilty to reject you, and you'll have a short lived, shallow relationship, and at worst, she'll reject you outright because she'll be scared off by the thought of baring the responsibility of being the only happiness in your life. Either way, using this tactic will end horribly, and she'll end up hating you for it.

Jesus fucking Christ, I included a footnote at the end of my post that said "I'M NOT GOOD WITH RELATIONSHIPS".

You don't have to nark me out, OK?

Yes, I fucking do. If you know you suck with relationships, you have no business to be giving advice in the first place. Instead of making that post, and then adding a footnote that says "but I'm an idiot" it would have been much better if you had posted NOTHING.

It's like writing a self help book, and then on the last page pointing out that you're a 40 year old man who still lives with his mother.

No, you fucking don't have to nark me out.
He asked for advice, and I gave advice, and coming from someone saying it would have been better advice to write nothing is rather hypocritical, considering that you can to this thread to do nothing but troll.

I mean, Christ!

 

[Nmil-ek]

Sort yourself out first IMO not been depressed sicne my teens but I know what chasing lofty ambitions can do in that state, relationships are a serious time, money and effort strain are you secure you can handle more work? Everytime I get depressed I ask myself what do I want in life? Not the big stuff just immediate, better clothes, to look alittle better, more games, a better diet whatever I can realisticly work towards and acheive to that end I come out of it better than before and more importantly feeling better.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I always thought a relationship was about knowing the other persons flaws and loving them regardless. She shouldn't be scared to hurt you, everyone will get hurt once in their lives. If she likes you that much, she'll see past it. My boyfriend knows how depressed I get and has stuck by me.

 

[swolf]

You should probably work on getting through your depression first before getting into a relationship. Many people can easily break after going through a bad break up and if you're already depressed, that may not end well. Hell, if you've already attempted suicide a few times you're probably more likely not to be too good at handling it.

If you can get through your depression then you should be a much happier person. Being with her then would likely be much better for ya.

This^. Seriously, that's my advice. I mean, focus on stabilizing yourself as much as possible before attaching yourself to somebody else. I know, that's probably not what you wanted to hear but it's (in my opinion) the truth. I know that I had issues trusting women (BAD breakup, like really bad) and stuff so I was advised to take a year off from all things romantic. By that, I mean no dating, no sex, nothing. I followed that to the best of my ability and took the time to focus on myself, find problems, and solve them (or find the best ways to solve them should they come up). Now, I'm in love with a woman who is now my wife and mother of my child and I simply couldn't be happy. You can't learn from your past if you don't take the time to study it and truly realize what happened and how you can avoid the same negative outcomes from repeating.

I always thought a relationship was about knowing the other persons flaws and loving them regardless. She shouldn't be scared to hurt you, everyone will get hurt once in their lives. If she likes you that much, she'll see past it. My boyfriend knows how depressed I get and has stuck by me.

I think her concern may be of losing him via suicide or witnessing the associated actions (anger, self-mutilation, suicide attempts, etc). It's a valid concern in my opinion. I mean, she may be subconsciously concerned for the children which they may have in the future. How would it affect them if their father committed suicide? I have a friend whose mother attempted it a few times before actually committing it and it tore him up.

 

[swolf]

If you don't get over the depression, than tell her that you think being with her can make you happy.

That is HORRIBLE advice, you know why? Because it makes it sound like your happiness completely depends on her. In this case, at best she'll feel too guilty to reject you, and you'll have a short lived, shallow relationship, and at worst, she'll reject you outright because she'll be scared off by the thought of baring the responsibility of being the only happiness in your life. Either way, using this tactic will end horribly, and she'll end up hating you for it.

Jesus fucking Christ, I included a footnote at the end of my post that said "I'M NOT GOOD WITH RELATIONSHIPS".

You don't have to nark me out, OK?

Yes, I fucking do. If you know you suck with relationships, you have no business to be giving advice in the first place. Instead of making that post, and then adding a footnote that says "but I'm an idiot" it would have been much better if you had posted NOTHING.

It's like writing a self help book, and then on the last page pointing out that you're a 40 year old man who still lives with his mother.

No, you fucking don't have to nark me out.
He asked for advice, and I gave advice, and coming from someone saying it would have been better advice to write nothing is rather hypocritical, considering that you can to this thread to do nothing but troll.

I mean, Christ!

Relax. I don't mean to "nark" you but here's my view on your post. It's bad advice because it may make the partner feel obligated to enter and stay in the relationship with the person. Would you feel comfortable if you thought that ending a relationship with somebody that you no longer wanted to be would likely end in them hurting themselves or, worse, dying? That also starts a bad precedent as some men use as a negotiation tactic to get sex, a way that is widely considered a form of rape. If she chooses to help him, that's her choice and a romantic relationship should also be her choice. I understand that you aren't good with relationships so I'm not angered/annoyed by your comment. Just wanted to let you know of the flaw in your logic in a polite manner.

 

[The Austin]

If you don't get over the depression, than tell her that you think being with her can make you happy.

That is HORRIBLE advice, you know why? Because it makes it sound like your happiness completely depends on her. In this case, at best she'll feel too guilty to reject you, and you'll have a short lived, shallow relationship, and at worst, she'll reject you outright because she'll be scared off by the thought of baring the responsibility of being the only happiness in your life. Either way, using this tactic will end horribly, and she'll end up hating you for it.

Jesus fucking Christ, I included a footnote at the end of my post that said "I'M NOT GOOD WITH RELATIONSHIPS".

You don't have to nark me out, OK?

Yes, I fucking do. If you know you suck with relationships, you have no business to be giving advice in the first place. Instead of making that post, and then adding a footnote that says "but I'm an idiot" it would have been much better if you had posted NOTHING.

It's like writing a self help book, and then on the last page pointing out that you're a 40 year old man who still lives with his mother.

No, you fucking don't have to nark me out.
He asked for advice, and I gave advice, and coming from someone saying it would have been better advice to write nothing is rather hypocritical, considering that you can to this thread to do nothing but troll.

I mean, Christ!

Relax. I don't mean to "nark" you but here's my view on your post. It's bad advice because it may make the partner feel obligated to enter and stay in the relationship with the person. Would you feel comfortable if you thought that ending a relationship with somebody that you no longer wanted to be would likely end in them hurting themselves or, worse, dying? That also starts a bad precedent as some men use as a negotiation tactic to get sex, a way that is widely considered a form of rape. If she chooses to help him, that's her choice and a romantic relationship should also be her choice. I understand that you aren't good with relationships so I'm not angered/annoyed by your comment. Just wanted to let you know of the flaw in your logic in a polite manner.

You see, since YOU put it in a nice, polite matter, I can actually understand your logic, and appreciate it. I can see your point, and I agree that it's not fair to keep someone in a relationship out of fear that they will harm themselves.

But as for the other guy, it's kind of hard to understand the point when the guy is screaming "You're an idiot!"

 

[swolf]

snip

To put it in the words of King Leonidas from "300": "There's no reason we can't be civil"...I love that scene.

 

[swolf]

I in fact AM angered and annoyed by his comment. He has no business giving advice on a topic that he admittedly knows nothing about. If you have to put a disclaimer in your post telling people that you're bad at relationships, after giving them advice, then you shouldn't be giving the advice out in the first place.

Just like I wouldn't give an architect advice on how to build a building, seeing as I know NOTHING about it, he shouldn't be giving advice in a field he knows nothing about.

I understand, but if you reason with him, he's more likely to listen and see your point than if you just get angry. Since we're on the topic I'll use this as an example, would you rather listen to your partner and see their point of view if they're yelling at you or just talking? I would prefer if he edited his comment but I find the disclaimer acceptable. You know, since who would follow that advice if it's from somebody who openly admits they don't know what they're talking about. As an architect listening to a layman would politely ignore their words. Hopefully, people see it that way...breathe, relax, and try to remain calm. Peace!

 

[AWDMANOUT]

Yeah. I'm referring to myself. Anyways. The last few threads I've made have all been about this same girl that I'm falling for haha... And we're actually at a point where we've both admitted we like each other. But... she's wary of being in a relationship, because she "knows how I can be". I can occasionally become extremely depressed and even have suicidal tendencies... Trust me, my local law enforcement knows this lol... And she "doesn't want to hurt me if something bad between us happens".

Fellow Escapists, I like this girl a whole lot and have for a long time. Should I say something to convince her otherwise? What should I say? I have no other outlet for advice, so any input would be met with gratification on my end.

You claim that you have suicidal tendencies, yet on your profile it claims your interests include "Not dying"..HYPOCRISY!

Smart little Hobbit.

It's a long story lol. Which is why it's sometimes aggravating that people assume I'm STILL suicidal, when they don't really know everything.
But still, suppose it is my fault for not clarifying. And putting it on the internet.

 

[Blimey]

Fellow Escapists, I like this girl a whole lot and have for a long time. Should I say something to convince her otherwise? What should I say? I have no other outlet for advice, so any input would be met with gratification on my end.

Yeah, don't fucking try to hurt/kill yourself.

Problem solved.

 

[child of lileth]

Personally, after reading the OP, I'd say leave her alone. It sounds like she just has your best interest in mind. If you keep insisting, it'll make you seem like a creep.