The Sorrow Rants On Twilight, Because He Has Nothing Better To Do

[sheic99]

On topic, I read the first book and it was terrible. Not because of what they did to the vampire myth, but because of how a generic its love story is. The smart bookish girl moves to a new town and falls in love with the dark mysterious guy who sits in the back of the lunchroom. He may be cold but she sees the soft side in him that nobody else can...Oh and then some guy attacks his girl and he beats up the jerk.

I refuse to read the next book until I find one redeemable quality about the series.

Why would a 100 year old vampire sit in a high school lunchroom? Shouldn't he have more important things to do?

Let me tell you something about good storytelling. Getting hormone-crazed teenage girls to fall in love with the epitome of manliness is not good storytelling. Do you know what good storytelling is? Getting readers to fall in love (metaphorically) with a 5'6", 140, brutal, ugly-as-sin objectivist with a penchant for destroying people's hands. Drawing from the same piece of literature, the storytelling was so brilliant that I felt sympathy for a man who almost raped someone and shot the woman who was carrying his child.

How dare you compare Alan Moore to Stephanie Meyers. I declare blasphemy! Blasphemy!

 

[jboking]

On topic, I read the first book and it was terrible. Not because of what they did to the vampire myth, but because of how a generic its love story is. The smart bookish girl moves to a new town and falls in love with the dark mysterious guy who sits in the back of the lunchroom. He may be cold but she sees the soft side in him that nobody else can...Oh and then some guy attacks his girl and he beats up the jerk.

I refuse to read the next book until I find one redeemable quality about the series.

Why would a 100 year old vampire sit in a high school lunchroom? Shouldn't he have more important things to do?

I guess the vampires in Meyers world are so bored that they find it necessary to prey on high school girls. I mean, they could be activly fighting vampires, but why do that when you could spend every day in school!

 

[sheic99]

On topic, I read the first book and it was terrible. Not because of what they did to the vampire myth, but because of how a generic its love story is. The smart bookish girl moves to a new town and falls in love with the dark mysterious guy who sits in the back of the lunchroom. He may be cold but she sees the soft side in him that nobody else can...Oh and then some guy attacks his girl and he beats up the jerk.

I refuse to read the next book until I find one redeemable quality about the series.

Why would a 100 year old vampire sit in a high school lunchroom? Shouldn't he have more important things to do?

I guess the vampires in Meyers world are so bored that they find it necessary to prey on high school girls. I mean, they could be activly fighting vampires, but why do that when you could spend every day in school!

If I was a vampire, I would probably be living in a penthouse purchased from a hundred years of stealing and maybe working.

 

[Dommyboy]

I had a conversation with a 'female' *shock* before and was discussing Twilight. She pointed out how dreamy Edward is and then I asked why doesn't he die from the sunlight or get hunted by Vampire Hunters?
She replied with something along the lines of;
"He is just so hot and dreamy. He is too hot to get hunted by hunters."

Heh, this Twilight series is a joke. Anyone else here read the Vampire Hunter D books or the movies? Practically the same as Twilight (plotwise), except you can view it without gouging out your eyes and eardrums.

Also once again, here is my favorite joke of the month. What is Edward Cullen's real name? Count Fagula.

 

[jboking]

*snip*

I guess the vampires in Meyers world are so bored that they find it necessary to prey on high school girls. I mean, they could be activly fighting vampires, but why do that when you could spend every day in school!

If I was a vampire, I would probably be living in a penthouse purchased from a hundred years of stealing and maybe working.

I would have invested some money in a secure bank and wated for the intrest to pile up in order to purchase that penthouse. Honestly though, the sorrow basically hit the nail on the head with his review and he hasn't even read the book. What does that say about the series.

 

[sheic99]

*snip*

I guess the vampires in Meyers world are so bored that they find it necessary to prey on high school girls. I mean, they could be activly fighting vampires, but why do that when you could spend every day in school!

If I was a vampire, I would probably be living in a penthouse purchased from a hundred years of stealing and maybe working.

I would have invested some money in a secure bank and wated for the intrest to pile up in order to purchase that penthouse. Honestly though, the sorrow basically hit the nail on the head with his review and he hasn't even read the book. What does that say about the series.

I place it in the high regard, the same place where I put all young "adult" books....



my fireplace.

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Everyone, I ask a favor: every time you see someone holding a copy of Twilight or one of its sequels, burn the copy and stick Bram Stoker's Dracula or I Am Legend in there, instead.

I'd prefer to give them a copy of Hellsing Vol. 1. Wait. Nevermind. Who's to say that the individual who avidly reads and loves Twilight is intellectually capable of reading right-to-left?

 

[BladesofReason]

Heh, this Twilight series is a joke. Anyone else here read the Vampire Hunter D books or the movies? Practically the same as Twilight (plotwise), except you can view it without gouging out your eyes and eardrums.

I have recently been recommending Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust as an example of vampire romance done right. The two girls I have shown it to (who have read the Twilight books) agree that the relationship between Meier and Charlotte is more compelling then Edward and Bella largely because Meier's vampirism is actually truly detrimental to the relationship, and is something they needed to work through. This is even independent of whether they actually liked the movie (one of them loved it the other not so much).

 

[The Sorrow]

Everyone, I ask a favor: every time you see someone holding a copy of Twilight or one of its sequels, burn the copy and stick Bram Stoker's Dracula or I Am Legend in there, instead.

I'd prefer to give them a copy of Hellsing Vol. 1. Wait. Nevermind. Who's to say that the individual who avidly reads and loves Twilight is intellectually capable of reading right-to-left?

Oh, HELL YES.
Who here besides me would pay to see Anderson destroy the Cullens?

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Heh, this Twilight series is a joke. Anyone else here read the Vampire Hunter D books or the movies? Practically the same as Twilight (plotwise), except you can view it without gouging out your eyes and eardrums.

I have recently been recommending Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust as an example of Vampire Romance done right. The two girls I have shown it to (who have read the book) agree that the relationship between Meier and Charlotte is more compelling then Edward and Bella largely because Meier's vampirism is actually truly detrimental to the relationship, and is something they needed to work through. This is even independent of whether they actually liked the movie (one of them loved it the other not so much).

Funny. I planned on doing the same the next time I hear someone spout some Twilight shit. Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust is great. Hell, I'd even recommend the first Vampire Hunter D as a much better vampire romance. The relationship between Count Lee and Doris has more depth than Edward and Bella's, for God's sake!

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Everyone, I ask a favor: every time you see someone holding a copy of Twilight or one of its sequels, burn the copy and stick Bram Stoker's Dracula or I Am Legend in there, instead.

I'd prefer to give them a copy of Hellsing Vol. 1. Wait. Nevermind. Who's to say that the individual who avidly reads and loves Twilight is intellectually capable of reading right-to-left?

Oh, HELL YES.
Who here besides me would pay to see Anderson destroy the Cullens?

The funny thing is that last night, me and this other dude on this site thought about how awesome it would be if Alucard handled Edward the same way he handled Luke Valentine.
EDIT: I found the conversation.

Alucard could destroy Edward with his sheer awesomeness.

How I would love to see that. I want to see Alucard do to him what he did to Luke Valentine. That would be indescribably awesome.

Oh my god yes! And then he could bring him back as a familiar to get killed again by Anderson!

Awesomegasm!

 

[The Sorrow]

Everyone, I ask a favor: every time you see someone holding a copy of Twilight or one of its sequels, burn the copy and stick Bram Stoker's Dracula or I Am Legend in there, instead.

I'd prefer to give them a copy of Hellsing Vol. 1. Wait. Nevermind. Who's to say that the individual who avidly reads and loves Twilight is intellectually capable of reading right-to-left?

Oh, HELL YES.
Who here besides me would pay to see Anderson destroy the Cullens?

The funny thing is that last night, me and this other dude on this site thought about how awesome it would be if Alucard handled Edward the same way he handled Luke Valentine.

I'd rather Alucard do to Edward what he did to Tubalcaine.
Seriously, kicking the dude's kneecap inside-out is fourteen different kinds of badass.

 

[Lord Beautiful]

Everyone, I ask a favor: every time you see someone holding a copy of Twilight or one of its sequels, burn the copy and stick Bram Stoker's Dracula or I Am Legend in there, instead.

I'd prefer to give them a copy of Hellsing Vol. 1. Wait. Nevermind. Who's to say that the individual who avidly reads and loves Twilight is intellectually capable of reading right-to-left?

Oh, HELL YES.
Who here besides me would pay to see Anderson destroy the Cullens?

The funny thing is that last night, me and this other dude on this site thought about how awesome it would be if Alucard handled Edward the same way he handled Luke Valentine.

I'd rather Alucard do to Edward what he did to Tubalcaine.
Seriously, kicking the dude's kneecap inside-out is fourteen different kinds of badass.

No. I know what he needs to do. Imagine the ways that Alucard killed every major enemy in Hellsing. Now imagine him doing those things to Edward. Simultaneously.

 

[sneakypenguin]

Some more bad news. I was in my electronics stockroom at work and we have a new book in.


About A girl who goes to a new school in new york and finds it hard to fit in with all the social elites there. These social elites are drumroll............ Vampires, glamorous sexy vampires who are among Manhattans upper tier. The back cover reads like a promo for a gossip girl tv show (or similar CW show)
When will the madness end!!!

 

[BladesofReason]

Now that I think about it Vlad and Isabella Von Carstein are pretty damn cool as well. They should rip Edward's spleen out.

 

[qbert4ever]

So if I cover myself in white paint, throw some glitter on, and tell girls that it's unsafe for us to be together while at the same time grinding my hips on them, they'll think I'm hot?

Well, shit. And to think I've been doing things like "respecting them", and "taking them to nice places". Stupid, stupid me.

 

[Zac_Dai]

Seriously why care? Oh wait! This is the internet.

But really the only people who like Twilight are teenage girls and if they want to have fantasies about having sex with sparkly hundred year old vampires let them. Its better than what most of the internet gets off on.

If we want to go with the 'good storyline' argument we could play art wank all day about what that is. But I'm pretty sure some manga about arse kicking and another-take-on-vampires-but-with-a-twist book wouldn't be the shining definition of it. All modern literature is just a rehash of everything written since the Ancient Greeks anyway. Harry Potter didn't ruin Lord of the Rings and Twilight won't ruin Dracula.

 

[Mr. Payne]

Vampires disentigrate because they are hyper-sensitive to our suns alpha radiation. They do not "sparkle", except for maybe like a fraction of a second and you might get a glimpse of the very first fire wave under the skin.

Besides that, I tried to read it cuz the day before I read a book about vampires (WAY better, although name escapes me) and i thought "hey this looks cool"... Two seconds later I nearly commited arson, but my matches were damp.

 

[Aries_Split]

Vampires disentigrate because they are hyper-sensitive to our suns alpha radiation. They do not "sparkle", except for maybe like a fraction of a second and you might get a glimpse of the very first fire wave under the skin.

Besides that, I tried to read it cuz the day before I read a book about vampires (WAY better, although name escapes me) and i thought "hey this looks cool"... Two seconds later I nearly commited arson, but my matches were damp.

Terrible shame.

You could have cleansed the world from one of the worst abominations of literature ever.

 

[qbert4ever]

Vampires disentigrate because they are hyper-sensitive to our suns alpha radiation. They do not "sparkle", except for maybe like a fraction of a second and you might get a glimpse of the very first fire wave under the skin.

Besides that, I tried to read it cuz the day before I read a book about vampires (WAY better, although name escapes me) and i thought "hey this looks cool"... Two seconds later I nearly commited arson, but my matches were damp.

That's why I carry a Bic. Those things always light.