The Temporary Break Up

[Skarvey]

Ok so my girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half. We have our quarrels like any relationship, but we never broke up over it. The past few weeks she was acting a bit distant, and I was worried, so I tried to spend more time with her. Nothing really improved.

Then one day she calls me up and gives me the "we need to talk." I went over to her place and we talked for a while. She said she felt tied to me and that there were things she wanted to experience that she couldn't do while she was with me. She also told me she loved me deeply and that I was the only person she could see spending her life with, but that scared her a bit because she felt there was so much she hadn't experienced.

I'm truly in love with her and I trust her completely so I said that, as much as I didn't want to, we could break up. She says she doesn't want to do this but feels that she needs to and only wants it to be temporary and I trust her and hope that the time apart will only strengthen the bond between us, but I don't know how we're going to get through this.

Whats the deal here? Have I doomed my relationship or can these things work out? Is there anything I can do to get her back?

 

[About To Crash]

Honestly? If you love her, cheesy as it is, you have to let her make a choice. I don't see how you figured you "doomed" your relationship, but you don't need to go nuts trying to get her back.
I would say the "deal" here is that she found just what she said, that there are aspects of her life she feels she can't enjoy with you, maybe it's that she wants space, and time to do whatever she will, but maybe it's also that she's found someone else. Yeah, that may seem like a dick thing to say, but my point is that what you don't want to do is obsess over it, because really, that won't help anything.
Let's say she did find someone else. Alright, then you have a few options: 1) Wallow in despair and self-pity, so that all your friends can loathe every moments with you, 2) Go on a psychotic rampage and kill whoever new it is and end up as a story on Nancy Grace, where she blames your parents and the schools, or 3) Move on with your life.
The point I'm taking far too long to make is that maybe it is over, maybe it's not. If you manage to not obsess over it, and she does want to get back together for ever and ever, great. But if not, then you'll already be fine about. Sure, pay attention to how she's doing and whether or not she thinks she'll come back, but for god sakes don't ever go overboard.

 

[Internet Kraken]

Think about it. What can she experience that she can not experience while she is with you?

You may have just screwed up your relationship. Of course if you didn't let her go the same thing would have happened. She would have felt suffocated and broke up with you completley.

So you can only hope that things work out for the best.

 

[Leorex]

if you love her then you need to give her space. because she feals like she is dependent on you, and she is scared of not expearincing single life.

 

[quiet_samurai]

Hah.... I have heard this before. "I'm missing out on so much" translates to "I'm bored with you and want to strut around with my single friends for a while." She only made it seem hopeful becausse she doesn't want to heart your feelings. But you just wait my friend, unless you can totally let go of her, and completely move on, the real drama is only just around the corner... just wait and see.

 

[Nyeb]

I might be naive, but i think it'll work out. She needs some time for other things. You two seem to have a strong connection. If she really feels that way about you, she'll be back. Until then, enjoy the break.
Do things you couldn't do with her. Buy a game, beat it in a day. Hang with online pals playin' whatever game on whatever console. Do things you couldn't or didn't want to do with her.
Meet other chicks, in case it doesn't work out with your "love" then at least you'll be able to find someone else. Two words that helped me? "It's complicated." That shuts plenty of nosy people up.
I don't know, man. Maybe you've both got something you need to get out of your collective systems. Then maybe give it another shot. 'Till you do, there's always Katie. Naw, I don't know any girls around you, but wouldn't it be crazy if there was a chick named Katie that you liked? 1 in 1000, but still.

 

[Senrab]

Hire a hooker and call it a night.

 

[Arcade_Fire]

Yeah... don't let her string you along. There's a 99% chance you'll get the "I really thought we could be together again BUT" speech within three months.

Still, if you really think that 1% chance is worth sticking around for, I'd recommend confronting her about it. If there's a realistic chance of you two getting back together, she needs to tell you yes or no now as opposed to this vague "I'm scared" bullshit.

 

[Evilbunny]

Then one day she calls me up and gives me the "we need to talk." I went over to her place and we talked for a while. She said she felt tied to me and that there were things she wanted to experience that she couldn't do while she was with me. She also told me she loved me deeply and that I was the only person she could see spending her life with, but that scared her a bit because she felt there was so much she hadn't experienced.

She's cheating on you. Sorry, man.

 

[RapidCrash]

I am completely appalled by most other comments here.

It really is nothing to completely worry about, I've seen this in other relationships. Some people really do need their space. What things might she need? Well hanging out with other friends is one, many women may feel confined to only going out with the boyfriend half the time, having that space to go out and party with a group rather than just one guy might be something she wants. There are also other things that she may want, but I'll guarantee you it probably doesn't involve sex.
If you're so worried, why not ask her? If what she said is true about her and you, it wouldn't destroy your relationship (unless it was already gone to hell before-hand). Being worried about something like that wouldn't be harmful by discussing it, just as long as you don't imply that she may be doing certain things. It would be perfectly legitimate if you were confused, so don't be afraid to call her up and ask.

 

[crypt-creature]

Yup... Shes banging other dudes. Lots of other dudes. Possibly some chicks too. And all without protection.
See, this is what I hate about women. They can not ever be honest with guys. Always have to lie and make crap up. Basically your relationship is over but she did not have the decency to end it so made you end it so when you catch her with 5 other guys all humping away you no longer have the right to be mad since technically it was you who ended it.

Men do the same thing. I've met plenty, and dated some too.

I am completely appalled by most other comments here.

It really is nothing to completely worry about, I've seen this in other relationships. Some people really do need their space. What things might she need? Well hanging out with other friends is one, many women may feel confined to only going out with the boyfriend half the time, having that space to go out and party with a group rather than just one guy might be something she wants. There are also other things that she may want, but I'll guarantee you it probably doesn't involve sex.
If you're so worried, why not ask her? If what she said is true about her and you, it wouldn't destroy your relationship (unless it was already gone to hell before-hand). Being worried about something like that wouldn't be harmful by discussing it, just as long as you don't imply that she may be doing certain things. It would be perfectly legitimate if you were confused, so don't be afraid to call her up and ask.

Good advice, some of which I would just have repeated.

But, sooner or later she is going to have to realize that if she wants to be with you, she can't just take a break if there is something she feels that she needs to do with her life. It might mean spending time apart while you're going after different goals, but it doesn't mean you two need to take a break from each other.
Not knowing what it is that she wants to achieve during this 'break' puts a slight limitation on advice.

 

[ThrobbingEgo]

Depends if she's "breaking up" to get some space or to play the field. You might want to ask her about what the ground rules are during your break - and decide if you want to continue your relationship accordingly. How long do you think "temporary" is?

You might just be her "backup plan."

 

[CabbageFace]

I'll tell you this - I said the same thing to a girl once - I was nuts about her, would have probably married her, but had the dumb freakout 'is this the only girl I'll ever sleep with' etc. So we broke up for a bit, she met someone else and I didn't. Unless you count my hand >_>. Boy did I regret that.

She may well realise pretty quick smart that she is quite happy with you - give her a little time and see what happens.

 

[Skarvey]

The thing is, at first, she just wanted to do a relationship hiatus, and that was before we talked about it. I came out with what I felt I had was wrong, basically that I'd hit a rough patch in my life with school and work and was just using her as a rock. And she came out with what she was feeling. She's always been an unhappy pessimist and a few of my "friends", who talk to her frequently, convinced her that our relationship is unhealthy. She's very stubborn about most things, but she's also very prone to suggestion. The really jerky thing is that these were the same friends who told me to break up with her when the relationship was first starting out and I was bothered because she was so clingy. Also, she said she really enjoys us being "friendly" together but we never do anything romantic, and I know, that sounds like the kiss of death, but let me explain. HER FAMILY IS ALWAYS AROUND. Her dad is scary jacked, and her little brother has the annoying habit of running into her room unannounced. Macking it is next to impossible and I take every chance I can get but lately, its just not happening.

Anyway, when we talked about it, I first convinced her not to do it, that if we could be together, we could work it out. But then I remembered what I felt like when I wanted to break up with her. Just the possibility of flirting with other chicks, more over the possibility to deny other chicks, of being able to hang out and do stuff without worrying "what would she say about this?" And like I said, I do trust her, so I then convinced her she had to do it, for the sake of our relationship, we had to go on hiatus, because I couldn't live with myself if I forced her to compromise. I can accept it if she's gone, I'm not pathetic and I understand that even if we do get back together, it might not work out. But above all, I want her to be happy. If that means gang-banging 5 other dudes, so be it.

 

[quiet_samurai]

The thing is, at first, she just wanted to do a relationship hiatus, and that was before we talked about it. I came out with what I felt I had was wrong, basically that I'd hit a rough patch in my life with school and work and was just using her as a rock. And she came out with what she was feeling. She's always been an unhappy pessimist and a few of my "friends", who talk to her frequently, convinced her that our relationship is unhealthy. She's very stubborn about most things, but she's also very prone to suggestion. The really jerky thing is that these were the same friends who told me to break up with her when the relationship was first starting out and I was bothered because she was so clingy. Also, she said she really enjoys us being "friendly" together but we never do anything romantic, and I know, that sounds like the kiss of death, but let me explain. HER FAMILY IS ALWAYS AROUND. Her dad is scary jacked, and her little brother has the annoying habit of running into her room unannounced. Macking it is next to impossible and I take every chance I can get but lately, its just not happening.

Anyway, when we talked about it, I first convinced her not to do it, that if we could be together, we could work it out. But then I remembered what I felt like when I wanted to break up with her. Just the possibility of flirting with other chicks, more over the possibility to deny other chicks, of being able to hang out and do stuff without worrying "what would she say about this?" And like I said, I do trust her, so I then convinced her she had to do it, for the sake of our relationship, we had to go on hiatus, because I couldn't live with myself if I forced her to compromise. I can accept it if she's gone, I'm not pathetic and I understand that even if we do get back together, it might not work out. But above all, I want her to be happy. If that means gang-banging 5 other dudes, so be it.

Wait...... how old are you two?

 

[Skarvey]

She's 17, and still lives with her parents, I'm 19, I live at university for the most part, right now, I'm renting with some friends.