Well, those of that know me (and not a one of you should) know that I absolutely love the Dragon Age series. Yet I have an absolute, undeniable loathing of Dragon Age II. It's a very unusual circumstance for me. There're plenty of games I don?t like, or don?t play, but there isn?t really a game I can say that absolutely hate to this degree.
Now, most pro reviewers have nothing but wonderful things to say about it, and users have reactions ranging from mediocre to great. I think I might actually stand alone when I say that this is one of the worst RPGs I?ve ever picked up, and it?s from Bioware, no less!
In order to properly review the sequel, I have to tell you about my experience with the first. It?s intrinsic to understand why I absolutely loathe the sequel.
Since this is definitely TL;DR, I?ve sectioned it out for ease of reading.
I have a load more of complaints about this steaming pile of dragon shit, but this review has already gotten away from me. I'm more than willing to discuss further, if anyone feels like, but I truly don't think Dragon Age II has any redeeming qualities, and it's actually soured both Bioware and the Dragon Age Franchise to me such that haven't played either game since finishing this fucknut.
Now, most pro reviewers have nothing but wonderful things to say about it, and users have reactions ranging from mediocre to great. I think I might actually stand alone when I say that this is one of the worst RPGs I?ve ever picked up, and it?s from Bioware, no less!
In order to properly review the sequel, I have to tell you about my experience with the first. It?s intrinsic to understand why I absolutely loathe the sequel.
Since this is definitely TL;DR, I?ve sectioned it out for ease of reading.
Dragon Age was my first Bioware RPG. I fell in love with it. People criticize it for a number of reasons, but I really have few bad things to say about. Some things could work better than others, but my love for it transforms the entire game into a sacred object deserving of worship and all who disagree should die in a fire, or something.
The story - or rather, the character design - is what really sets Dragon Age apart from the crowd. The fact that the protagonist is completely silent is important to this point, so remember it.
As per Bioware standard, the dialogue options consist of a Good, Neutral, Evil standard, but(!) the fact that there is no voice acting - none at all - leaves every word up for interpretation. I, the player, am immersed so much more thanks to the ability to imagine the delivery, the intent, of each statement. The options themselves are important, because many are constructed in a way to establish the protagonist as a character in the world itself, not just a window through which the player experiences the world.
The protagonist is able to talk about views on life, love, family, his mother, his feelings - essentially making him a person unto himself. Now, if you're like me, you play your character as close to yourself as possible. The moral choices are often your own. The character build is often similar to yourself.
This is also very, very important.
Most important to making the game wonderfully awesome, gift from God, purpose for living, is the relationship with the supporting cast. Because the principle character is such a living being in his own right his interactions with the others make them feel like real people too. I actually grew to like my companions, almost counting them as actual friends and family.
The romances, always the most important of a Bioware game, were also exquisite. Instead of a few words and a quest to jump in bed, these people had actual, realistic reactions to love and sex. Of the four possible love interests, one stood out the most to me. I won?t say who because those that haven?t played will be spoiled for the end.
Now, a certain event occurs with this character making the sweet romance a tragic affair. I was heartbroken. It haunted me for weeks. The game was no longer the tale of a warrior looking to thwart evil, but was the tragedy of a single man.
I awaited with bated breath for the sequel, soaking up every scrap of information, every possible lead in the hopes of finding something - something - that would give me the slightest hint of what was to come. And then I got the sequel.
The story - or rather, the character design - is what really sets Dragon Age apart from the crowd. The fact that the protagonist is completely silent is important to this point, so remember it.
As per Bioware standard, the dialogue options consist of a Good, Neutral, Evil standard, but(!) the fact that there is no voice acting - none at all - leaves every word up for interpretation. I, the player, am immersed so much more thanks to the ability to imagine the delivery, the intent, of each statement. The options themselves are important, because many are constructed in a way to establish the protagonist as a character in the world itself, not just a window through which the player experiences the world.
The protagonist is able to talk about views on life, love, family, his mother, his feelings - essentially making him a person unto himself. Now, if you're like me, you play your character as close to yourself as possible. The moral choices are often your own. The character build is often similar to yourself.
This is also very, very important.
Most important to making the game wonderfully awesome, gift from God, purpose for living, is the relationship with the supporting cast. Because the principle character is such a living being in his own right his interactions with the others make them feel like real people too. I actually grew to like my companions, almost counting them as actual friends and family.
The romances, always the most important of a Bioware game, were also exquisite. Instead of a few words and a quest to jump in bed, these people had actual, realistic reactions to love and sex. Of the four possible love interests, one stood out the most to me. I won?t say who because those that haven?t played will be spoiled for the end.
Now, a certain event occurs with this character making the sweet romance a tragic affair. I was heartbroken. It haunted me for weeks. The game was no longer the tale of a warrior looking to thwart evil, but was the tragedy of a single man.
I awaited with bated breath for the sequel, soaking up every scrap of information, every possible lead in the hopes of finding something - something - that would give me the slightest hint of what was to come. And then I got the sequel.
Imagine my disappointment to discover that my beloved character, the man who I had come to know as a best friend and trusted companion, would not be making an appearance in the sequel. Instead, you would play as some nobody named Hawke, in some city called Kirkwall that gets mentioned one time in the entirety of Dragon Age.
The immediately dangling plot threads go unresolved, and the aftereffects of the first game get ignored.
Hawke is voiced - immediately destroying immersion. Let me tell you, Hawke - whether you play as Nice!Hawke, Snark!Hawke or Mean!Hawke - is a complete asshole. He?s either a pussy goody two-shoes, a sarcastic little prick or a regular doucher. He also has to be a human being. That?s right, folks. Where once you were allowed to be one of three races ? with six distinct Origins - now you get one race and the same introduction every fucking time. And that really jerks my dick. The first was called Dragon Age: Origins. Because of the six Origins. You know, the one truly unique aspect of the game that all reviews agreed set it apart from every other fantasy RPG.
And there's something very blase about playing as this character. I hate him. I don?t care about him, and I don?t care about his ?journey?. I wanted my Warden back, able to adventure and solve all the hanging threads that he didn?t get to tie up. I wanted to see my choices have consequences, as I was promised.
The immediately dangling plot threads go unresolved, and the aftereffects of the first game get ignored.
Hawke is voiced - immediately destroying immersion. Let me tell you, Hawke - whether you play as Nice!Hawke, Snark!Hawke or Mean!Hawke - is a complete asshole. He?s either a pussy goody two-shoes, a sarcastic little prick or a regular doucher. He also has to be a human being. That?s right, folks. Where once you were allowed to be one of three races ? with six distinct Origins - now you get one race and the same introduction every fucking time. And that really jerks my dick. The first was called Dragon Age: Origins. Because of the six Origins. You know, the one truly unique aspect of the game that all reviews agreed set it apart from every other fantasy RPG.
And there's something very blase about playing as this character. I hate him. I don?t care about him, and I don?t care about his ?journey?. I wanted my Warden back, able to adventure and solve all the hanging threads that he didn?t get to tie up. I wanted to see my choices have consequences, as I was promised.
Hawke's not likeable, he?s not cool, and he just sucks to be saddled with throughout the course of a twenty hour game.
And if that number sounds shockingly low to you, especially for a Bioware RPG, don't be alarmed. It's the actual length of time it took me to beat the game. Dragon Age took me eighty or so hours to beat the main game and the expansion.
'Course, the game might be longer. I don't really know. I haven't been able to play it more than once (well, once and a half, noted below) because it's such a God damn chore. Playing that game feels like poking yourself with a butter knife. It doesn't hurt, but who the fuck would want to do that?
As I said, being stuck with such a shitty character sucks, but the game goes to extra lengths to make itself as horrible an experience as it can.
Unlike regular shitty games, Dragon Age II doesn?t have shitty controls or bad graphics. No, that would be too easy! Dragon Age II goes out of its way to be twenty hours of a fucking fetch quest! Seriously.
I?ve always been a huge proponent of story in games, and any game that doesn't have a solid story gets a low grade from me, but Dragon Age is astonishing for being a linear RPG that doesn?t have a story.
Superficially, it's about the shitty Hawke family going to Kirkwall to escape the events of the first game (pussies) and eventually becoming one of the most prominent and influential families in the city-state. However, one might be surprised to hear that, since the game seems to be more about doing fuck-all because a bunch of whiny losers ask you to.
?But wait!? you might say. ?That?s an RPG staple!?
Indeed it is, good man! However, Dragon Age II seems almost self-aware. Like, it might actually be good if they called it a deconstruction of the standard RPG story. But it's not, and it isn't.
The game is done in a three-act structure, with the first act being about getting money. Seriously. You have to get a set amount of money to proceed ahead. And not in a ?bribe the gate guard? kind of way. The quest is literally, actually, to get enough money to proceed.
To do this, the game awkwardly shoves a bunch of story-related quests in your face. I find that previous statement to be disturbingly ironic because Dragon Age II lacks a real story, and these quests really are a red light.
You have to variously handle a few low-key political goings-on in the game, without actually knowing that these are at all important to anything except for the ?Main Quest? tab in the journal. Fuck it.
Without spoiling the game for anyone sadomasochistic enough to play it, the game reaches a climax you don't see coming (not in a good way) with bad guys you won't meet until past the halfway point of the game, and lead to a conclusion that concludes nothing, and the most obnoxious cliffhanger I?ve ever seen. Ever. In the history of mankind.
What's worse, several of your companions appear only in the first section and you can miss them totally because the game doesn't deign to even hint that they are found here and only here (in fact, I played half way through the game before discovering that I?d missed two, and I presume you can miss a third).
Further, the developers promised that your actions in the first game would carry over. You can import your save, or choose one of three pre-defined states. But they really only make a token attempt at it. A few characters make return appearances (though I only ran across one), a few events reference events in the first, and two characters return regardless if they died in the last game.
And if that number sounds shockingly low to you, especially for a Bioware RPG, don't be alarmed. It's the actual length of time it took me to beat the game. Dragon Age took me eighty or so hours to beat the main game and the expansion.
'Course, the game might be longer. I don't really know. I haven't been able to play it more than once (well, once and a half, noted below) because it's such a God damn chore. Playing that game feels like poking yourself with a butter knife. It doesn't hurt, but who the fuck would want to do that?
As I said, being stuck with such a shitty character sucks, but the game goes to extra lengths to make itself as horrible an experience as it can.
Unlike regular shitty games, Dragon Age II doesn?t have shitty controls or bad graphics. No, that would be too easy! Dragon Age II goes out of its way to be twenty hours of a fucking fetch quest! Seriously.
I?ve always been a huge proponent of story in games, and any game that doesn't have a solid story gets a low grade from me, but Dragon Age is astonishing for being a linear RPG that doesn?t have a story.
Superficially, it's about the shitty Hawke family going to Kirkwall to escape the events of the first game (pussies) and eventually becoming one of the most prominent and influential families in the city-state. However, one might be surprised to hear that, since the game seems to be more about doing fuck-all because a bunch of whiny losers ask you to.
?But wait!? you might say. ?That?s an RPG staple!?
Indeed it is, good man! However, Dragon Age II seems almost self-aware. Like, it might actually be good if they called it a deconstruction of the standard RPG story. But it's not, and it isn't.
The game is done in a three-act structure, with the first act being about getting money. Seriously. You have to get a set amount of money to proceed ahead. And not in a ?bribe the gate guard? kind of way. The quest is literally, actually, to get enough money to proceed.
To do this, the game awkwardly shoves a bunch of story-related quests in your face. I find that previous statement to be disturbingly ironic because Dragon Age II lacks a real story, and these quests really are a red light.
You have to variously handle a few low-key political goings-on in the game, without actually knowing that these are at all important to anything except for the ?Main Quest? tab in the journal. Fuck it.
Without spoiling the game for anyone sadomasochistic enough to play it, the game reaches a climax you don't see coming (not in a good way) with bad guys you won't meet until past the halfway point of the game, and lead to a conclusion that concludes nothing, and the most obnoxious cliffhanger I?ve ever seen. Ever. In the history of mankind.
What's worse, several of your companions appear only in the first section and you can miss them totally because the game doesn't deign to even hint that they are found here and only here (in fact, I played half way through the game before discovering that I?d missed two, and I presume you can miss a third).
Further, the developers promised that your actions in the first game would carry over. You can import your save, or choose one of three pre-defined states. But they really only make a token attempt at it. A few characters make return appearances (though I only ran across one), a few events reference events in the first, and two characters return regardless if they died in the last game.
Now, if this wasn't bullshit enough, there's the characters themselves.
You have your siblings Bethany and Carver. Both of them suck. One dies at the beginning depending on your class and that, I find, is the shittiest thing I've ever seen in a game. Your sibling dies presumably so you don?t have too many of one class or the other, but I could give a fuck.
It comes within ten minutes of starting the game and is so random that I couldn't be bothered to care.
To add, there's not much grieving done over your sibling, but that?s something I'll get to later.
The characters as a whole suck. Their writing, their attitudes, their interactions, all suck. The first was game was so good because each character had a distinct, clear personality that fit into a number of moral archetypes. I suppose Bioware didn't want a copy-paste of those characters, but when you've covered such a broad range of personalities and accompanying moralities, how exactly do write characters for a game that doesn't touch upon any of those? Apparently, you can't.
Each of them is horrible in their own special way, and four of them are bang-able. I?ll break them down for ease of access.
Merrill: An elf that appeared as a brief companion in the first game for the Dalish Origin. She's now completely retooled to fit in with the new elf design Bioware is going for and has a Welsh accent to boot. Fuck her (and that?s even an option). She sucks. She's supposed to be a naive do-good mage that stands apart from other mages by being a dreaded blood mage that thinks no bad end can come of dealing with demons.
Of course, Bioware takes the ?naive young girl? and runs with it to the fucking moon. She actually manages to border on mental retardation as opposed to sweetly daft. There were so many instances where I was begging for her to just shut the fuck up. Having a romantic relationship with her feels like sexually abusing a mentally handicapped girl (Ooh, a rape joke?).
Isabella: The ?bad girl? of this edition. She's a pirate lady you can sleep with in the first game, and the writers at Bioware decided that this should be her dominate trait. Seriously, they figured that ?total whore? would be her default mode. Everything she says is laced with innuendo or some reference to past sexual conquests. You can even stumble into a conversation where she receives magical treatment for an STD. I don't know why you would want to, but you can go ahead and contract syphilis with her.
Anders: This guy was advertized as a returning favorite from Dragon Age: Awakening. I suppose the character's name is the same, but the personality is not at all what it was. He's gone from being a comic-relief type to a noisy little *****. And not in a character development kind of way, but in a whiny punk ass ***** kind of way. You can mount his staff, too, if you're so inclined. Don't know why you would be.
He is part of my list of bullshit-isms. At the end of my Awakenings game, the one I imported, Anders had found a home in the Grey Wardens and was content to be a Warden for the rest of his life. Except, now he apparently said fuck it and decided he hates the Grey Wardens and only cares about bitching and moaning about mages. Do note, he can die at the end of Awakening and still comes back.
Fenris: Another elf, this one a warrior. He was a Tivinter slave so has a gripe against slavers and mages. Emo, whiny and a total douche. You can sleep with him, if you can get around the ?I'm about to cry but I'm trying so hard to be badass? thing he's got.
Aveline: You run into her and her soon-to-be dead husband early in the game. She sticks around with you because? well? why the fuck not? She seems to be the most schizophrenic of all the characters; being a guard she sometimes wants you to make only lawful good decisions. Unless she doesn't. But, fuck her, right?
No, you can't. There's some flirtation, but it flies over her head which I guess was meant to be funny or something.
Varric: A dwarf (one of the only ones in the game) and a rogue. He narrates the story - and that one made me laugh. His ?thing? is that he likes telling stories and is some sort of criminal mastermind. He randomly pops into your life at the game's beginning and you're anchored with him for the rest of the journey. I never was able to care about him, since he's just there for so long during. At least he's inoffensive. The fucker.
Carver/Bethany: Your siblings. A warrior and a mage, respectively, who die if you play as the same class (Carver still dies if you're a rogue). Of course, it doesn't really matter since something will happen at the end of the first act that deprives you of them for the rest of the game.
Carver is a major douche bag who'll resent you for the entire game no matter how you relate to him. Fuck him, anyways.
Bethany is? around. She's not very defined. Her personality is nice enough that she isn't a psycho *****, but her morals are flexible enough to let you be a prick. And you will want to be a prick to your ungrateful fucking siblings.
Unfortunately (for some) you can't bang her.
One will die no matter what, and you can't really say anything about it except for one or two circumstances. Makes the whole ?dying sibling? thing worthless.
Sebastian: He's a DLC only character and sucks. You get a quest or two from him, and he'll lecture you about the local god and why you suck for making shady decisions. If you're a woman, you can have a chaste fling with him, but he's too big a wuss to whip it out like every other man in the game.
You have your siblings Bethany and Carver. Both of them suck. One dies at the beginning depending on your class and that, I find, is the shittiest thing I've ever seen in a game. Your sibling dies presumably so you don?t have too many of one class or the other, but I could give a fuck.
It comes within ten minutes of starting the game and is so random that I couldn't be bothered to care.
To add, there's not much grieving done over your sibling, but that?s something I'll get to later.
The characters as a whole suck. Their writing, their attitudes, their interactions, all suck. The first was game was so good because each character had a distinct, clear personality that fit into a number of moral archetypes. I suppose Bioware didn't want a copy-paste of those characters, but when you've covered such a broad range of personalities and accompanying moralities, how exactly do write characters for a game that doesn't touch upon any of those? Apparently, you can't.
Each of them is horrible in their own special way, and four of them are bang-able. I?ll break them down for ease of access.
Merrill: An elf that appeared as a brief companion in the first game for the Dalish Origin. She's now completely retooled to fit in with the new elf design Bioware is going for and has a Welsh accent to boot. Fuck her (and that?s even an option). She sucks. She's supposed to be a naive do-good mage that stands apart from other mages by being a dreaded blood mage that thinks no bad end can come of dealing with demons.
Of course, Bioware takes the ?naive young girl? and runs with it to the fucking moon. She actually manages to border on mental retardation as opposed to sweetly daft. There were so many instances where I was begging for her to just shut the fuck up. Having a romantic relationship with her feels like sexually abusing a mentally handicapped girl (Ooh, a rape joke?).
Isabella: The ?bad girl? of this edition. She's a pirate lady you can sleep with in the first game, and the writers at Bioware decided that this should be her dominate trait. Seriously, they figured that ?total whore? would be her default mode. Everything she says is laced with innuendo or some reference to past sexual conquests. You can even stumble into a conversation where she receives magical treatment for an STD. I don't know why you would want to, but you can go ahead and contract syphilis with her.
Anders: This guy was advertized as a returning favorite from Dragon Age: Awakening. I suppose the character's name is the same, but the personality is not at all what it was. He's gone from being a comic-relief type to a noisy little *****. And not in a character development kind of way, but in a whiny punk ass ***** kind of way. You can mount his staff, too, if you're so inclined. Don't know why you would be.
He is part of my list of bullshit-isms. At the end of my Awakenings game, the one I imported, Anders had found a home in the Grey Wardens and was content to be a Warden for the rest of his life. Except, now he apparently said fuck it and decided he hates the Grey Wardens and only cares about bitching and moaning about mages. Do note, he can die at the end of Awakening and still comes back.
Fenris: Another elf, this one a warrior. He was a Tivinter slave so has a gripe against slavers and mages. Emo, whiny and a total douche. You can sleep with him, if you can get around the ?I'm about to cry but I'm trying so hard to be badass? thing he's got.
Aveline: You run into her and her soon-to-be dead husband early in the game. She sticks around with you because? well? why the fuck not? She seems to be the most schizophrenic of all the characters; being a guard she sometimes wants you to make only lawful good decisions. Unless she doesn't. But, fuck her, right?
No, you can't. There's some flirtation, but it flies over her head which I guess was meant to be funny or something.
Varric: A dwarf (one of the only ones in the game) and a rogue. He narrates the story - and that one made me laugh. His ?thing? is that he likes telling stories and is some sort of criminal mastermind. He randomly pops into your life at the game's beginning and you're anchored with him for the rest of the journey. I never was able to care about him, since he's just there for so long during. At least he's inoffensive. The fucker.
Carver/Bethany: Your siblings. A warrior and a mage, respectively, who die if you play as the same class (Carver still dies if you're a rogue). Of course, it doesn't really matter since something will happen at the end of the first act that deprives you of them for the rest of the game.
Carver is a major douche bag who'll resent you for the entire game no matter how you relate to him. Fuck him, anyways.
Bethany is? around. She's not very defined. Her personality is nice enough that she isn't a psycho *****, but her morals are flexible enough to let you be a prick. And you will want to be a prick to your ungrateful fucking siblings.
Unfortunately (for some) you can't bang her.
One will die no matter what, and you can't really say anything about it except for one or two circumstances. Makes the whole ?dying sibling? thing worthless.
Sebastian: He's a DLC only character and sucks. You get a quest or two from him, and he'll lecture you about the local god and why you suck for making shady decisions. If you're a woman, you can have a chaste fling with him, but he's too big a wuss to whip it out like every other man in the game.
The game's major fault is the interaction with the characters. While in the first game you could stop and talk to your companions at any time, and have a variety of conversations and interactions. You can just pause a moment to kiss your lover before delving into the deep dark, have a brief discussion about philosophy, or learn something new and unique about them.
In Dragon Age II, you get a couple conversations stretched over the course of six years. If you try to talk to them when they don't ?feel? like it, you get a canned response. All the characters in Dragon Age were centrally located at the camp and you could explore every conversation branch without ever taking them out (which is good if you have a ?set? party). In the shitty-ass fucking sequel, you have to go to that character's house in the city to talk to them, which is a real hassle if you don?t even in like the prick to begin with. And they don't always have anything worth saying, so you might go way the fuck out of your way to discover, oh shit, they have nothing to say!
Fuck you, game!
In Dragon Age II, you get a couple conversations stretched over the course of six years. If you try to talk to them when they don't ?feel? like it, you get a canned response. All the characters in Dragon Age were centrally located at the camp and you could explore every conversation branch without ever taking them out (which is good if you have a ?set? party). In the shitty-ass fucking sequel, you have to go to that character's house in the city to talk to them, which is a real hassle if you don?t even in like the prick to begin with. And they don't always have anything worth saying, so you might go way the fuck out of your way to discover, oh shit, they have nothing to say!
Fuck you, game!
The game trades Dragon Age's approval mechanic (wherein you gain ?relationship points? for saying and doing things characters like, or giving them gifts) for a friendship/rivalry mechanic. This, I'll admit, could have been really cool. But of course this game has to fuck that up.
The first game's approval mechanic was only limited in that you had to agree with that character's point of view to gain the points, be able to unlock new conversation branches, and give them a boost to abilities. The friendship/rivalry was supposed to let the player roleplay effectively by giving each character a reaction to the player's actions. This could be in the form of approval (friendship) or disapproval (rivalry). This would lead to a ?climax? with each character as they either reaffirmed their belief in you, or confronted you about your actions.
As I said, the game fucks it up hard.
You have to play the game as something of a one-dimensional character in order to ?max out? friendship or rivalry and get the associated quests and bonuses. This means that if you try to make a complex individual (like, you know, a person) you'll constantly straddle friendship/rivalry with at least a few characters, making some scenarios based entirely upon who you want to like you.
This is a very bad thing because Dragon Age had a silent protagonist, making every statement something ambiguous. The words might be very nice and endearing to a character I like, but I was really lying to their face to manipulate them. Dragon Age II's voice acting throws that all out, but that part comes next.
One cool thing (and I think this is why the characters suck in so many other regards) is that many of your interactions with NPCs elicit responses from your companions, dependent on who's with you. Trying to fool a guard with Merrill causes her to naively reveal your deception. Trying to let a criminal pass gets you a hearty reprimand from Aveline. But then you get rivalry for no fucking reason, so fuck that up its stupid ass.
Now, you can't, cannot, are not allowed to change your companions' armor. That's right. You get to find loads of armor and equipment that are worth fuck-all to you because only you can wear it anyways.
Meaning Mage!Hawke will find himself with a bunch of shitty armor he can't use, because mages get the best use out of robes. Instead, the game upgrades your companions' armor for you based on relationship stats and accompanying quests, meaning you have to play their little psychotic game of Hawke's Many Personalities to get them end-game ready. Fuck you, man!
The first game's approval mechanic was only limited in that you had to agree with that character's point of view to gain the points, be able to unlock new conversation branches, and give them a boost to abilities. The friendship/rivalry was supposed to let the player roleplay effectively by giving each character a reaction to the player's actions. This could be in the form of approval (friendship) or disapproval (rivalry). This would lead to a ?climax? with each character as they either reaffirmed their belief in you, or confronted you about your actions.
As I said, the game fucks it up hard.
You have to play the game as something of a one-dimensional character in order to ?max out? friendship or rivalry and get the associated quests and bonuses. This means that if you try to make a complex individual (like, you know, a person) you'll constantly straddle friendship/rivalry with at least a few characters, making some scenarios based entirely upon who you want to like you.
This is a very bad thing because Dragon Age had a silent protagonist, making every statement something ambiguous. The words might be very nice and endearing to a character I like, but I was really lying to their face to manipulate them. Dragon Age II's voice acting throws that all out, but that part comes next.
One cool thing (and I think this is why the characters suck in so many other regards) is that many of your interactions with NPCs elicit responses from your companions, dependent on who's with you. Trying to fool a guard with Merrill causes her to naively reveal your deception. Trying to let a criminal pass gets you a hearty reprimand from Aveline. But then you get rivalry for no fucking reason, so fuck that up its stupid ass.
Now, you can't, cannot, are not allowed to change your companions' armor. That's right. You get to find loads of armor and equipment that are worth fuck-all to you because only you can wear it anyways.
Meaning Mage!Hawke will find himself with a bunch of shitty armor he can't use, because mages get the best use out of robes. Instead, the game upgrades your companions' armor for you based on relationship stats and accompanying quests, meaning you have to play their little psychotic game of Hawke's Many Personalities to get them end-game ready. Fuck you, man!
The romances are desperately hollow.
This comes in clash with the first game's romances, where two were directly involved in the main plot (with the potential to change the entire fucking ending for some of us) and the other two were powerful in their own way.
Four characters can be wooed by either gender (a fifth can be semi-loved by a woman) and all of them play out exactly the same way. You flirt a couple times and two years later knock boots, and then you say that you love them at the end.
Two of the romances are semi-related to the plot, but not in any way that matters.
Possibly the worst aspect of the romance system is its total lack of depth. You can tell your love interest once in the entire game that you love them, and that's at the very end of the game! Meaning that you were something like fuck buddies throughout the entire game. Your partner is supposed to move in with you, too, after you copulate the first time, but they never do.
I just? really have very little to say about that because there's just so little there to speak of. It?s almost like Bioware knew that they had to toss it in somewhere. It's very disappointing when one particular romance in the first game defined the whole experience for me.
This comes in clash with the first game's romances, where two were directly involved in the main plot (with the potential to change the entire fucking ending for some of us) and the other two were powerful in their own way.
Four characters can be wooed by either gender (a fifth can be semi-loved by a woman) and all of them play out exactly the same way. You flirt a couple times and two years later knock boots, and then you say that you love them at the end.
Two of the romances are semi-related to the plot, but not in any way that matters.
Possibly the worst aspect of the romance system is its total lack of depth. You can tell your love interest once in the entire game that you love them, and that's at the very end of the game! Meaning that you were something like fuck buddies throughout the entire game. Your partner is supposed to move in with you, too, after you copulate the first time, but they never do.
I just? really have very little to say about that because there's just so little there to speak of. It?s almost like Bioware knew that they had to toss it in somewhere. It's very disappointing when one particular romance in the first game defined the whole experience for me.
I emphasized the dialogue for a very particular reason. As I said, a silent protagonist allows for such ambiguity that in turn allows for such immersion that makes the game a real character-driven story.
Bioware, I guess, said ?fuck you? to that and hired a shitty pair of voice actors. Male!Hawke?s speech sounds as disgustingly uninterested as one could possibly be (and indeed as uninterested I was playing the shitty game) and has a delivery that could only be described as ?standard fantasy British voice?.
Female!Hawke is a little more emotive, but the game sucks so she can fuck off.
You have three choices: Nice, Sarcastic, Mean. Sometimes you have a fourth that allows for questioning or a fifth that?s dependent on your present companions, class, previous actions, whatever. But the fact that each option, in the vein of Mass Effect, is so set-in-stone ruins the entire game. You can't play a deep, thoughtful, character with a variety of motivations and desires anymore.
Whereas in Dragon Age, I could play the game as a good-hearted warrior looking to complete his duty, with some occasional ruthless streaks brought on by the dire situation, Dragon Age II forces you to either play straight as one personality, or seem like a total maniac. You can open a conversation with a sarcastic quip, slide into a promise to provide selfless aid, and tack on a desire to kill all life and no one blinks an eye.
It reminds me of Oblivion's persuade system, where apparently everyone in Cyrodiil communicates via joking, threatening, bragging and complimenting without missing a beat.
I played through as a sarcastic Hawke. And I grew to hate her. She started to come across as juvenile ***** that couldn't take any situation seriously. And while you might think ?that's your fault for clicking sarcastic every time? you have to understand that the only thing ambiguous about this shitty fucking system is the one-word blurb for each statement. The game would have been better off with just using the little symbols.
Consider the phrase ?Okay?. You can say it in a variety of ways, right? Depending on what you want it to mean?
In Hawke's mind, ?okay? apparently means ?You know I'll do it for you?.
To which I reply, ?*****, you don't even know him!?
That continues throughout the entire fucking God damn game! That's what makes Hawke a complete fucking tosser!
I could have just clicked at fucking random and gotten the same fucking experience! This makes interacting with your companions something like a game show. You have to pick what you think they'll respond to and hope you get the desired outcome.
At least the game has the decency to mark the options that begin and end romances, not that the resultant dialogue sounds anything like it.
Some dialogue trees feel like mine fields, littered with vaguely marked options that will give you rivalry and friendship in varying amounts, or (in the case of that fuckwit Anders) try to pressure you into sleeping with your companions. Apparently Anders was the dev's choice for romance.
Bioware, I guess, said ?fuck you? to that and hired a shitty pair of voice actors. Male!Hawke?s speech sounds as disgustingly uninterested as one could possibly be (and indeed as uninterested I was playing the shitty game) and has a delivery that could only be described as ?standard fantasy British voice?.
Female!Hawke is a little more emotive, but the game sucks so she can fuck off.
You have three choices: Nice, Sarcastic, Mean. Sometimes you have a fourth that allows for questioning or a fifth that?s dependent on your present companions, class, previous actions, whatever. But the fact that each option, in the vein of Mass Effect, is so set-in-stone ruins the entire game. You can't play a deep, thoughtful, character with a variety of motivations and desires anymore.
Whereas in Dragon Age, I could play the game as a good-hearted warrior looking to complete his duty, with some occasional ruthless streaks brought on by the dire situation, Dragon Age II forces you to either play straight as one personality, or seem like a total maniac. You can open a conversation with a sarcastic quip, slide into a promise to provide selfless aid, and tack on a desire to kill all life and no one blinks an eye.
It reminds me of Oblivion's persuade system, where apparently everyone in Cyrodiil communicates via joking, threatening, bragging and complimenting without missing a beat.
I played through as a sarcastic Hawke. And I grew to hate her. She started to come across as juvenile ***** that couldn't take any situation seriously. And while you might think ?that's your fault for clicking sarcastic every time? you have to understand that the only thing ambiguous about this shitty fucking system is the one-word blurb for each statement. The game would have been better off with just using the little symbols.
Consider the phrase ?Okay?. You can say it in a variety of ways, right? Depending on what you want it to mean?
In Hawke's mind, ?okay? apparently means ?You know I'll do it for you?.
To which I reply, ?*****, you don't even know him!?
That continues throughout the entire fucking God damn game! That's what makes Hawke a complete fucking tosser!
I could have just clicked at fucking random and gotten the same fucking experience! This makes interacting with your companions something like a game show. You have to pick what you think they'll respond to and hope you get the desired outcome.
At least the game has the decency to mark the options that begin and end romances, not that the resultant dialogue sounds anything like it.
Some dialogue trees feel like mine fields, littered with vaguely marked options that will give you rivalry and friendship in varying amounts, or (in the case of that fuckwit Anders) try to pressure you into sleeping with your companions. Apparently Anders was the dev's choice for romance.
I have a load more of complaints about this steaming pile of dragon shit, but this review has already gotten away from me. I'm more than willing to discuss further, if anyone feels like, but I truly don't think Dragon Age II has any redeeming qualities, and it's actually soured both Bioware and the Dragon Age Franchise to me such that haven't played either game since finishing this fucknut.
