The Threat of Home Invaders

[JAWZxZ]

I begin to remove my clothes as soon as I hear a sound. Then I grab my assorted body paints and begin to daub myself with ancient warrior designs. I grab half of a pool cue and a butcher knife, genitals flapping as I charge around my home. If there actually is a home invader, they'll probably flee in terror. Also, you look badass if its a false alarm.

 

[Tyrant T100]

Well I'll either be naked or in pyjamas but it doesn't exactly take long to pull pyjama bottoms on. I'd put my stab-proof riot vest and M1 helmet on however.
I also have a collection of gas-masks that I could equip.
In terms of weapons in my bedroom.

I have an Iron bar and a hunting slingshot.
I'm getting a crossbow soon and some "bruiser" swords. (Reproduction swords intended for combat, unlike those pathetic display katanas)

I can imagine it now, Running out into the living room wearing improvised riot gear swinging a sword and screaming.

 

[Soods]

I'd just keep doing whatever I was doing, but if there is more sounds I may check every room with the biggest knife I can find in the kitchen.

EDIT: First I make sure I'm not naked.

 

[Quellist]

I'd charge out swords-a-swingin', stark-naked, with a creepy baby mask on. Even if there's no one there; it's a bloody hilarious thing to do.

This, totally this, except I have i crowbar (well i read the Zombie Survival Guide)

 

[KiKiweaky]

I remember grabing a knife and stalking down my hallway before when i heard something upstairs... Still dont know why as there was no way in hell I was going to stab anyone, hell they have even asked me to help them load the tv into their van parked outside.

 

[The Gnome King]

The first thing I grab is my cell phone to call the police if necessary. Then the next thing I grab is my .40 out the closet. I don't worry about pants. I would go into the kitchen and check it out. If nothing I would secure my gun back in its place and go back to sleep. If it was someone I would call the police while I take a defensive position somewhere close. If he makes a threatening gesture I shoot him. If not than I wait for the cops to show up.

Wow - this, exactly. First, cell phone to call the cops. Next, gun and wake up the wife who could easily cover me - she's a much better shot than I am. By now our rather large dogs would probably be handling the situation in their own way, though.

 

[Tuesday Night Fever]

Depends on where I am in the house. The three rooms I'm most likely to be in at any given time each have a firearm and ammunition for home security. The first has a Springfield Armory M1911A1 .45ACP handgun, the second as a Remington M870 12-gauge pump-action shotgun, and the third has a Colt AR-15 HBAR.

If my property is being invaded, I'm fully prepared to defend it and the people I love.

Even if I just stepped out of the shower naked.

That said, I don't think a home invasion is particularly likely. I live in a generally good area. Our crime rate is incredibly low, and the crimes that we do have around here tend to be pretty minor.

As for why I have the armaments despite the generally good area I live in... I enjoy going down to the range 20 minutes from my home and shooting targets. It's good for stress relief. And if I had the money to afford it, I'd probably collect firearms for display purposes only since I'm an admirer of the craftmanship of WWII-era weaponry.

 

[Zarmi]

Sadly don't have a weapon at hand, but if I did, I'd get it. And seeing as I have been in the situation, where I was asleep, woke up as someone was going through my stuff, chased the person in boxers and nothing else. When it happens, you just don't care.

 

[sheah1]

Well apparently we were robbed yesterday morning. I was actually awake and up in my games room but I assumed the sounds were my grandad (he sleeps on the ground floor). They didn't take much of import but the stuff they did take was sentimental, 'specially for my mum. Pricks.

 

[funguy2121]

i'll set the scene:
you're alone, and you hear a sound that you didnt make. you think it might be a home invader. what do you do?

do you get a weapon? do you improvise one?

and, if you're naked/semi-naked, do you put on clothes (lets say you were asleep/just had a shower/lounging with your assorted genitals out)?

i made this thread because i just heard a clatter from my kitchen sink (which has a window a person can climb through next to it) and went to investigate (it was my cat) but i stopped to put on jeans. just in case there was a burglar who saw me standing there half naked.

Has anyone embedded the autotune-the-news song? No?

Oh, those home intruders, they are so dumb. They are ve-ry dumb. For real

 

[tavelkyosoba]

grab my shotgun from under my bed (it's a break barrel and I keep it UNLOADED)

First I load a birdshot shell and go investigate...in my underwear. People look scarier with shotguns if they're in their underwear, true fact.

If it IS someone, I threaten with the shotgun and if they attack, I have a less-than-lethal load in the chamber to give them pause.

If they continue to attack I can follow up with a buckshot load which will end the intrusion.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

A guy broke in and tried to steal my mums handbag and her seriously huge and mental persian cat woke her up and chased him out the house.

True Story.

Spoiler: dramatisation

 

[SeriousIssues]

If I was naked that would just make it even more scary for the burglar, not me.
I'd probably pick up the guitar hero guitar in my room until I can get to at least a kitchen knife or bat.

 

[Jovip]

Grab the katana i keep next to my bed, maybe throw on some jeans if the need strikes me.
Or if i wanna be quick just take my ka-bar. but the katana has more of a fearful reputation.
Either way, grab my weapon of choice and see what's in my house.

 

[Da Orky Man]

Grab the phone, but don't use it yet. Get my 126 year old, mint condition bayonet and start looking. And by mint condition, I mean it could still be easily used.

 

[CastIronWin]

i'd probably just walk into the kitchen in my birthday suit with my viking axes in hand, blurry eyed saying 'who there? who there? ima gun fuck you up bra!'

 

[synobal]

I tell me dog to attack, he's an ex-police dog and has all the training to take down suspects. He'd lay them out in a second.

 

[Use_Imagination_here]

Wait till my dad threatens him with a shougun. I'll help by giving angry glares.

 

[Trivun]

I'm by the computer at the moment, but the room with the family computer is right by the kitchen, so I have easy close access to knives if I need to defend myself. Also, I have a dog, who's lovable and friendly normally but wouldn't hesitate to bite and maul someone who broke in. Finally, right by the computer is a pair of scissors in the stationary pot, they're pretty sharp, so in an emergency I could use those for stabbing intruders if I feel I'm in danger.

If I was in bed, well, I could drag my bookshelf that's by the side of the door into the door frame so that no-one could get in, then escape from my bedroom window, since it opens onto the roof of the back of the house and onto the conservatory. I'd be half naked since I sleep in my boxers, but still. Otherwise, the only weapon I have is my laptop, which is pretty damn heavy. I have no fear of damaging it, by the way, since it's already broken and I'll be replacing it with a top-range XPS 15 within the next month or so. I can use it as a blunt instrument. In that case, I'd take my boxers off first and charge screaming onto the landing with it, as hopefully the sight of a screaming naked madman wielding a computer would scare off any intruders pretty quickly .