The truth about you

[Shadowcreed]

Hello fellow Escapist forum dwellers,

While doing my daily nerd-routine of checking facebook, voice-chatting with my guildies, playing games and looking around game forums, I've stumbled upon a cartoon that stroke home..

(yeah its a bit of a read)

The situation described in the picture is almost identical as to one that I've experienced. Me being the nerdy kind of guy and she being the outgoing type.
I never really liked going out to pubs or dancing halls or [insert social activity here]. I don't think its the activity itself that stops me, its the people. I'm not a people person, at all. I prefer to stick with a small group of social outcasts having fun opposed to pretend I'm enjoying myself at some party with a bunch of err.. 'loud' people that had a little too much to drink (another situation I've encountered when I actually did go out to a club. The ambiance at clubs / parties / festivals is not appealing to me, I feel like it's to crowded and most of the people seem pretentious to me. I get that they like to be with friends but is it really all that much fun for some people to drink some bitter beverage and be impaired to have a decent conversation because of the excessively loud """music""" playing? (referring to dubstep with the quotes there, not my kind of thing, but to each his own =] )

Now I wonder if any of my fellow Escapists feel some resemblance to this. Do you feel addressed by this cartoon? I remember my would-be love-story... I did everything I could to make her happy, but I don't feel that I've been there for her, never was I physically present, mainly because she loved to go clubbing and I really did not enjoy that at all. I suppose that's why things never really worked out the way I wanted them too.

I seem to have stretched my post a bit, feel free to ignore this if you're not interested in such a big read.

 

[Shadowcreed]

Also, not entirely sure where I should have created this topic, the advice forums seemed closest to my intentions.

 

[Phasmal]

I would be the girl in this situation; and there have been many guys I would have loved to have said all that too.
The problem isn't with being introverted itself; my boyfriend is totally socially awkward. The problem is not being a man, coming out with it and saying `I want to go out with you`. Instead, guys like that just pine in your general direction and hope you will notice; its weak.

 

[artanis_neravar]

I would be the girl in this situation; and there have been many guys I would have loved to have said all that too.
The problem isn't with being introverted itself; my boyfriend is totally socially awkward. The problem is not being a man, coming out with it and saying `I want to go out with you`. Instead, guys like that just pine in your general direction and hope you will notice; its weak.

That's why I'm an "asshole", always intentionally and I never mean any of it (and the people I'm close to know this) but it keeps people on their toes. I enjoy poking fun at people and goading them on in a friendly way (I'm sure there's a psychological reason for that I just don't feel like getting into it). In fact I picked on my crush (I haven't said anythign to her about how I feel because I am currently unemployed and would rather get my life in order before I potentially bring someone else into it) recently until she threatened to kick me in the head, at which point (according to my friend) my eyes lite up and I got a huge smile and I told her to do it and that I want to see if she actually can. Now I seem to have lost my train of thought so hopefully that actually makes sense.

Snip

Nope not directed at me, I love the out doors, I love drinking with my friends, but I hate clubs and not a huge fan of bars, they are crowded loud and and irritate the hell out of me, and girls that enjoy clubing just do appeal to me.

 

[drisky]

Meh, the comic kinda seems like a bit of a straw man. Just because a guy doesn't ask a woman out doesn't mean he's a pale, insecure, socially-incompetent nerd.

Now I wonder if any of my fellow Escapists feel some resemblance to this. Do you feel addressed by this cartoon?

Nah. I feel like the cartoon might be trying to address me, but there is a kind of self-indulgence to it that seems to me like it reflects a bit of its own insecurity. Women have been fighting for decades in our society to gain equality with men, but then this character not only demands men approach her (allowing her to be sexually passive), but invents an insulting narrative for any man who doesn't approach her? At least she didn't take the full step into narcissism mode and then complain about the quality of men available to her.

Actually she is the one who approached her new boyfriend, she made the effort to get to know him. It does not say which of them explicitly declared them to be a couple, but it seems they just hit it off and mutually agreed to see each other.

Still both characters are pricks, the guy pulling "we are ment to be together" entitlement. The girl has quite a few more glaring flaws because her speech was longer. She is two faced for she saying she appreciates him being there but pointing out ever reason why she has always hated him. She is a hypocrite for trying to say you should be honest with people about there flaws, when she waited to tell him about any of his issue until now and in the most mean spirited way possible. And she talks in terms of the biological imperative despite being school aged. The brings up the hypocrite portion again because a big part of her rant is how being intellectual is a bad thing when she is basically saying "We are nothing but chemical beings with the propose of producing offspring". Thats completely living life the way science tells her too. Any one under the age of 23 who talks in terms of what is best for the genetic improvement of the human race (rather than social) is an overly intellectual pretentious asshole, the very thing this comic seeks to condemn (or at least one of them).

The comic says more then the key issue, which is you shouldn't feel entitled to a relationship just because you treat someone nicely. There is more to it than that and life is not a teen drama.

 

[razor0512]

Thank you for posting that. It describes me almost perfectly. I've always been a shy and nerdy guy throughout my high school life and now that I'm in college I'm finally regretting the things I did (and didn't do) when I was younger. Though the reason I pursued those nerdy hobbies is because I was genuinely interested in them (and was partly resigned to them). I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone nor trying to make myself look smart. I was also a socially awkward introvert and I hated going to parties or pubs so I mostly stayed home reading and playing video games.

The repercussions of these habits are now taking a toll on my social life. I have many 'friends' though they're more of acquaintances. Most of my 'friends' see me as a boring and shallow guy and don't take me seriously so I feel lonely most of the time without having anyone to confide with. Thanks for posting that comic clip. It was really eye opening. I finally know what's wrong with me.

 

[Shadowcreed]

Thank you for posting that. It describes me almost perfectly. I've always been a shy and nerdy guy throughout my high school life and now that I'm in college I'm finally regretting the things I did (and didn't do) when I was younger. Though the reason I pursued those nerdy hobbies is because I was genuinely interested in them (and was partly resigned to them). I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone nor trying to make myself look smart. I was also a socially awkward introvert and I hated going to parties or pubs so I mostly stayed home reading and playing video games.

The repercussions of these habits are now taking a toll on my social life. I have many 'friends' though they're more of acquaintances. Most of my 'friends' see me as a boring and shallow guy and don't take me seriously so I feel lonely most of the time without having anyone to confide with. Thanks for posting that comic clip. It was really eye opening. I finally know what's wrong with me.

Yeah, it had quite an impact on me as well - though I don't think these attributes that the comic points out is nessesairly a bad thing, or true at that. I'm not a shy person, I'm just not interested in what the majority of people like to do, I never liked to drink, don't like the new music styles of dubstep or hardcore and whatnot. I suppose I'm a bit of an outcast though I've got plenty of other things that I do enjoy. The comic pretty much sums up 'regular' behaviour and a fairly dickish attitude and makes this into a requirement for having a relationship.

I feel that you should, by no means, feel that there's ""something wrong"" with you if you exact this behaviour because there really isn't. Its just not the common behaviour that people show.
I hope there still are girls that would rather have a comforting and caring boyfriend than an arrogant pick-up artist.

Incidentally, I've known a few women who like assholes and I've seen how their personalities developed as they got older. And let me tell you, I am so glad I never hooked up with one of them.

The girl I was (am?) in love with also seems to be turning out quite the... well, ***** really. She was involved with a wrong guy before and I really do believe he left his mark on her, in the same way that she left her mark on me. Its just painful to know you can't be with someone you love.

 

[Shadowcreed]

Yeah I need to move on from her, still there's always this little part of me that thinks of her. Its probably not a bad thing to remember, keeps me a bit cautious when dealing with relationships.
Also an important note: I don't think she's a *****, she just acted like one, to me anyway. Its all in the past now. I'm a bit concerned about her and the way she's acting up but hey, not my call, I'm not the one living her life. I just hope she's happy and that should do it for me, it should =)

 

[Odd Owl]

Thank you for posting that. It describes me almost perfectly. I've always been a shy and nerdy guy throughout my high school life and now that I'm in college I'm finally regretting the things I did (and didn't do) when I was younger. Though the reason I pursued those nerdy hobbies is because I was genuinely interested in them (and was partly resigned to them). I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone nor trying to make myself look smart. I was also a socially awkward introvert and I hated going to parties or pubs so I mostly stayed home reading and playing video games.

The repercussions of these habits are now taking a toll on my social life. I have many 'friends' though they're more of acquaintances. Most of my 'friends' see me as a boring and shallow guy and don't take me seriously so I feel lonely most of the time without having anyone to confide with. Thanks for posting that comic clip. It was really eye opening. I finally know what's wrong with me.

It seems like you're being very hard on yourself. I very much doubt there's anything wrong with you or your hobbies. You may have some room to grow socially, but there's nothing wrong with that. May I ask why your "friends" see you as a boring, shallow person, or how it is that they do not take you seriously?

 

[Doclector]

The thing that gets me when people say this, is that they assume that the first time you made that mistake you had a choice, and that it would've been easy not to make that mistake over and over again.

I'm probably going to rant for a while, because this just so happens to have pressed my berserk button (tvtropes it if you have a couple of spare hours).

See, I didn't live in a real good area when I was a kid. It was a crime ridden hell hole in fact. To make matters worse, all the kids in school saw that I was different and thought it would be nice to make my life a misery.

So, when I was a kid, the best thing to do was stay indoors, escape into virtual (or film) worlds in which I, or at least for a change, one of the good guys could win. Hell, I watched a whole lotta horror films. Why? Because facing a freddy, jason, or even an alien was preferable from the all too real horror waiting for me in the outside world. You think I wouldn't rather have been out, partying, making friends, learning how the ins and outs of that insane L word work? Sure, I love videogames and films, I still play them now, and I'm hoping to become a horror director, but if I had been given a chance to get out more, I'd have taken it and never looked back.

I left school at the normal age in england, 16.

I'm now 20 and I've practically just won the fight against my fear of the outside world.

For most of my adult life I thought someone was out to get me, because for all of my childhood, somebody was. Again and again and again, I made the mistake of staying in, staying safe, when I could've been out making some real progress towards being a half decent human being. I know now it was a mistake, but back then, how was I to know? I could've stepped out my door and been stabbed for all I knew. Hell, that was what I had came to expect. It was only through sheer coincidence and some very persistant friends that I was dragged out into a real world that wasn't anywhere near as much of a nightmare than I remembered it.

And there were roadblocks too. I almost re-united with the real world when I was 18, but then some people took advantage of my naivity. I almost did it around my 19th birthday, and a complete b*** took advantage of me then, too. Both times knocked me further down.

I'm still clueless about that accursed L word. I don't know any of the signals. Being mildly autistic doesn't helped, but I never saw that as an excuse, I aint' starting now, and besides, I know damn well it's lack of experience that leaves me stupid in that area. And the thing is, people will never give me a chance. There is no woman willing to cope with someone so clueless. I will likely never catch up because people will always be too quick to judge.

So, next time someone makes this "awkward nerd" mistake-Remember it might not all be their fault, and it's never easy to get out of that hole.

Wooh. I needed that.

 

[MammothBlade]

Some of this makes sense, but then it falls flat on its face with a ton of unhelpful half-truths. It's nowhere near as simple as that. Assuming that if I follow my masculine, primal instincts everything will work out? I don't have the courage or self-confidence to follow them, and infact I don't know what they are. I am plagued by social anxiety which makes it difficult to make friends, let alone start a relationship. I would like to improve drastically, but am in a catch-22 situation where every time I try to go out and develop social skills, things go badly wrong and I don't know how to deal with it and retreat back into my shell.

So it's unfair to blame people for their lacking social skills or confidence, or for being introverted - which by the way is absolutely normal. Or to suggest that every lonely virgin guy has some sort of warped, misogynistic attitude which instantly explains their failure in relationships - by no means is it exclusive to virgins either, there are plenty of guys who have bedded women who have exactly the same attitude, but are just generally better at seduction. Me, I think I have a decent mental attitude towards women but I have an extreme fear of rejection. Fearing that I will somehow fall into a "nice guy" cliche makes matters worse. I'm absolutely paralysed when it comes to dealing with romantic interests, whether male or female.

I'm still clueless about that accursed L word. I don't know any of the signals. Being mildly autistic doesn't helped, but I never saw that as an excuse, I aint' starting now, and besides, I know damn well it's lack of experience that leaves me stupid in that area. And the thing is, people will never give me a chance.

So, next time someone makes this "awkward nerd" mistake-Remember it might not all be their fault, and it's never easy to get out of that hole.

Also, this is so true.

 

[Svenparty]

Don't waste your time trying to impress a girl while she talks to you about other guys because it will never work out. What I want to know is how she got through this (frankly a little personal) sermon without stickman pulling a stick knife on her.

 

[Hectix777]

DAYUM! Girl just shot homeboy down!

Naw, but for reals I gotta agree with this. It's also the very reason why I stopped watching Japanese cartoons, because there's always that one nerdy dude whose the hero and get's the hot chick even though he lacks an masculinity or any sense of manhood whatsoever. The kinda character that makes you want to jump in to the TV, pick the guy up over you shoulder, and supplex him. I'm not saying he should be a d-bag, but he should have at least the common decency to admit that he has considered ,"hitting that," instead of saying,"I love her." And I'm not trying to step on any toes, but I agree with the girl here, she pretty much just smacked the general tropes of a protagonist of modern romance protagonists. And I do see couples like that, one I'm around a lot, and they honestly scare me. They have this weird relationship that seems almost inhuman, because yeah he's the classic nice guy and she's the classic girl-next-door but I've never seen them have a lovey-dovey conversation, argue, or even talk about their day, and I honestly think they're attached at the hip.

I do sometimes embrace my inner man(fighting with friends, rocking on the guitar, engaging in my most innate sense of violence, being a d-bag sometimes) but I've never been like,"I'd hit that," because not too many pretty women at my school. But yeah, this kinda made me fell better about myself. Sure I'm single, but I'm a little happier about my flaws; that I'm not Mr. Right but Mr. Right for someone. So I'm not going to change for the ladies, maybe for me, but bot the ladies in the hopes of becoming, the perfect man. In fact it kind of makes me reevaluate what I want in a romantic relationship. Yeah, I want the girl that I can tell secrets to, confide in, cuddle, blah, blah, blah but I also want to be with someone who has their own mind, who'll call me out, poke fun at me, drag me places. Y'know kinda take charge without me looking like a wimp, how can I put this... I want to be with a girl, who instead of breasts, has chesticles, they have hutzpah, balls. An old country singer said it takes balls to be a women, and that's the kinda girl I wanna meet.

Also I don't get the point of clubs other than a place where the mafia plans drug deals and other movie stuff. Plus it feels like there's a chance I'll run into a guy that's practically a reject from the Jersey Shore. Take me camping, hiking, skydiving, bungee jumping, cattle herding, bare handed grizzly fight, and even explosive alligator wrestling, just don't take me to the club.

 

[Motiv_]

The lady seems like a giant *****. Not entirely sure what the attraction was. I feel somewhat bad for the guy, though he kinda killed what little sympathy I had for him when he started throwing a massive pity party for himself near the end in hopes of winning said girl's affection.

 

[Batou667]

I've seen that cartoon before and I like it. Of course it's exaggerated, both for comic effect and to hammer home the point - namely, that being a clingy, whiney, disingenuous "nice guy" beta won't endear you to girls. People have posted stuff on here before (both their own comments and links to blogs) which make the point far better than I could, but in a nutshell: the "nice guy" isn't so nice. He's self-obsessed and manipulative - he doesn't offer all this help with homework and relationship advice and stuff out of genuine kindness, he does it because in his mind, if he does enough favours then one day he'll qualify for sex as payment. Yep, when it comes to it, it's as simple as that. One of the reasons that I have so much contempt for "nice guys" is because in my younger years I used to display a lot of that behaviour myself. It never did me any favours, I might add.

I never really liked going out to pubs or dancing halls or [insert social activity here]. I don't think its the activity itself that stops me, its the people.

Then don't go to pubs or nightclubs! Just get yourself out there. My very best bit of "how to meet people" advice is: work and study. Studies have shown that after pubbing and clubbing, the next places you are most likely to find a romantic interest are at a place of work or study. So: get a part-time job, or perhaps take some evening classes (it can be anything: languages, martial arts, flamenco dancing...). Even if you don't find Ms Right, you may well make a few platonic friends and/or some money or new skills, so it's well worth doing.

 

[Vegosiux]

I say, if you have to say all that stuff, I'm not too sure you actually believe it; but are instead just trying to wash your hand of whatever you feel they're dirty from. Laying blame onto others is a human thing to do, but go overboard with it and you still deserve a kick in the teeth.

 

[Sandernista]

No.

I have been a similar person, but that does not describe me.

Katatori-Kun is amazing as always.