The weirdest thing you have ever written
- Thread starter Joseph Harrison
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I'm writing a short story, first person narrative, that changes perspective every chapter as the narrator of the next chapter kills the narrator of the last. It was really just a style exercise but I kind of like it.
I've done some short stories heavily centered around bondage, s&m and, damsels in distress. The fan-fiction ones would probably be the weirdest. Strange or not though, they're pretty popular on deviantart!
http://shoggoth8852.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24#/d1xd1y9
I think this is my most popular story. The really weird part is that most of the stories I've written don't include sex...except for the ones that do and the ones that do have sex have terrible, terrible sex because sex is just boring as all Hell to write about.
http://shoggoth8852.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=24#/d1xd1y9
I think this is my most popular story. The really weird part is that most of the stories I've written don't include sex...except for the ones that do and the ones that do have sex have terrible, terrible sex because sex is just boring as all Hell to write about.
Well lets see... I don't remember how or why I wrote this, but it is probably the strangest think I have ever come up with.
...wow. I'm really not sure why I have that text file saved on my computer, nor do I know what I was smoking when I wrote that.
If anyone has any ideas, please let me know, because I WANT MORE!!
Well you see, if a deity exists, they would obviously have the power to influence events in order to create an outcome of their choosing.
For example: Imagine that you have a massive tuft of hair in your asshole, and this tuft is so big that it is constantly itching you and reminding you of it's presence. A deity could use this to prevent a nuclear war from occurring.
Ah, you think I'm insane, do you? Well fear not. I shall enlighten you by weaving a series of events that could potentially follow this event, eventually resulting in the end of a nuclear war. (keep in mind that the deity is influencing all these events, thus allowing them to happen and the chain to continue.)
Alright, so first event. You wake up, and after scratching at this rather itchy tuft of hair, you finally decide that enough is enough, and make plans to go to the store and purchase an electric shaver, in order to finally rid yourself of this nuisance. You go through your normal morning routine, and eventually make it to the store (cursing all the way, as the hair itches as you walk.). Upon arriving there, you meet a cute girl who happens to be employed there. Due to a change in the store layout, you are unable to find the location of the shavers, and ask the girl for your help. She directs you to the aisle, where you find the shavers. As you select the appropriate brand, she decides to make some small talk (probably to procrastinate a bit). Picking a topic close at hand (why you need a shaver when you are clean shaven), she strikes up a conversation, but your mind is not focusing on this at the moment, and you unconsciously blurt out the exact reasons as to why you need another shaver. You drop the shaver you were holding, in horror, as you realize what you just said, but luckily, the girl seems to take it as a joke, and laughs loudly. You quickly recover your composure and decide to play along with the idea that you were just joking. Eventually, the girl states that she finds you funny, and offers you her number. Deciding that there are far worse ways to spend an evening, than going on a date with this cute girl, you take it.
Flash forward three years. Your relationship with the girl has grown, and the two of you eventually marry. Being with her seems to give you a massive confidence boost, and you find that when she is near, your public speaking abilities are massively increased. Upon hearing a small speech you prepared for a friend's wedding, she suggests that you should go into politics (your speech making abilities would benefit you greatly there). After several days of mulling it over, you decide to join a political party and are almost immediately successful in your election campaigns. Working your way through the ranks at a meteoric pace, in a few short years you find yourself to be the head of your chosen political party. Your new found speech writing skills seem to have deserted you, however, and you find yourself unable to come up with an idea on what to campaign for in your upcoming election. Grasping at the straws, you decide to bring it back to where it all began, and begin your campaign against the great evil that is asshole hair. Upon beginning your campaign for this, you are shocked to find out that your platform has a massive amount of public support. It appears that the problem of having excess ass hair is far more widespread than you originally thought. You win the next election by a landslide.
Three months into your job as Prime Minister of Canada later, you are alerted by the Chief of Defense, that Russia has began mobilizing it's troops and has aggressively invaded into the northern islands of Nunavut and the North West Territories. You give the order to mobilize the Canadian troops and mount a defense, before contacting the Russian President. In true Canadian style, you ask him his motivations for invading Canada, and of the possibility of making a deal to end the hostilities. To your disbelief, he reveals that the reason he has invaded was not for Canada's resources or their smoking hot women, but because he is of the opinion that razors made in Canada are the most efficient at removing anal hair. It appears that Russia also has the problem of having massive tufts of hair in their poopers. After a moment of stunned silence, you quickly offer a trade agreement that would allow the buying and selling of razors across the border, without imposing any tariffs, as well as lowering the price for your Russian buyers. You believe that slightly decreased profits for razor manufacturers was more than made up for by a potential cease in the hostilities. After all, if the USA (Canada's Ally) got involved, the conflict could quickly turn nuclear. Much to your relief, the Russian President accepts your offer and begins to withdraw his troops. The nation is safe once again, and has gained new found prosperity, as razor manufactures are forced to open more factories in order to keep up with the massive demand of their Russian buyers. This creates more jobs, and economic prosperity for Canada.
So there. I have created a potential scenario where hair in your asshole could lead to you getting married, becoming a successful politician, staving off a nuclear war, and boosting Canada's economy. If I could think of a situation where this could work, I'm sure that a deity could do even better than me.
Therefore: A God does not need miracles, and can use anything for good. Even hair in your asshole.
For example: Imagine that you have a massive tuft of hair in your asshole, and this tuft is so big that it is constantly itching you and reminding you of it's presence. A deity could use this to prevent a nuclear war from occurring.
Ah, you think I'm insane, do you? Well fear not. I shall enlighten you by weaving a series of events that could potentially follow this event, eventually resulting in the end of a nuclear war. (keep in mind that the deity is influencing all these events, thus allowing them to happen and the chain to continue.)
Alright, so first event. You wake up, and after scratching at this rather itchy tuft of hair, you finally decide that enough is enough, and make plans to go to the store and purchase an electric shaver, in order to finally rid yourself of this nuisance. You go through your normal morning routine, and eventually make it to the store (cursing all the way, as the hair itches as you walk.). Upon arriving there, you meet a cute girl who happens to be employed there. Due to a change in the store layout, you are unable to find the location of the shavers, and ask the girl for your help. She directs you to the aisle, where you find the shavers. As you select the appropriate brand, she decides to make some small talk (probably to procrastinate a bit). Picking a topic close at hand (why you need a shaver when you are clean shaven), she strikes up a conversation, but your mind is not focusing on this at the moment, and you unconsciously blurt out the exact reasons as to why you need another shaver. You drop the shaver you were holding, in horror, as you realize what you just said, but luckily, the girl seems to take it as a joke, and laughs loudly. You quickly recover your composure and decide to play along with the idea that you were just joking. Eventually, the girl states that she finds you funny, and offers you her number. Deciding that there are far worse ways to spend an evening, than going on a date with this cute girl, you take it.
Flash forward three years. Your relationship with the girl has grown, and the two of you eventually marry. Being with her seems to give you a massive confidence boost, and you find that when she is near, your public speaking abilities are massively increased. Upon hearing a small speech you prepared for a friend's wedding, she suggests that you should go into politics (your speech making abilities would benefit you greatly there). After several days of mulling it over, you decide to join a political party and are almost immediately successful in your election campaigns. Working your way through the ranks at a meteoric pace, in a few short years you find yourself to be the head of your chosen political party. Your new found speech writing skills seem to have deserted you, however, and you find yourself unable to come up with an idea on what to campaign for in your upcoming election. Grasping at the straws, you decide to bring it back to where it all began, and begin your campaign against the great evil that is asshole hair. Upon beginning your campaign for this, you are shocked to find out that your platform has a massive amount of public support. It appears that the problem of having excess ass hair is far more widespread than you originally thought. You win the next election by a landslide.
Three months into your job as Prime Minister of Canada later, you are alerted by the Chief of Defense, that Russia has began mobilizing it's troops and has aggressively invaded into the northern islands of Nunavut and the North West Territories. You give the order to mobilize the Canadian troops and mount a defense, before contacting the Russian President. In true Canadian style, you ask him his motivations for invading Canada, and of the possibility of making a deal to end the hostilities. To your disbelief, he reveals that the reason he has invaded was not for Canada's resources or their smoking hot women, but because he is of the opinion that razors made in Canada are the most efficient at removing anal hair. It appears that Russia also has the problem of having massive tufts of hair in their poopers. After a moment of stunned silence, you quickly offer a trade agreement that would allow the buying and selling of razors across the border, without imposing any tariffs, as well as lowering the price for your Russian buyers. You believe that slightly decreased profits for razor manufacturers was more than made up for by a potential cease in the hostilities. After all, if the USA (Canada's Ally) got involved, the conflict could quickly turn nuclear. Much to your relief, the Russian President accepts your offer and begins to withdraw his troops. The nation is safe once again, and has gained new found prosperity, as razor manufactures are forced to open more factories in order to keep up with the massive demand of their Russian buyers. This creates more jobs, and economic prosperity for Canada.
So there. I have created a potential scenario where hair in your asshole could lead to you getting married, becoming a successful politician, staving off a nuclear war, and boosting Canada's economy. If I could think of a situation where this could work, I'm sure that a deity could do even better than me.
Therefore: A God does not need miracles, and can use anything for good. Even hair in your asshole.
...wow. I'm really not sure why I have that text file saved on my computer, nor do I know what I was smoking when I wrote that.
If anyone has any ideas, please let me know, because I WANT MORE!!
Probably from my Star Wars/Firefly fanfiction. I had just finished watching Eraserhead for the first time...
Kore stumbled onto one knee, reaching out to the cool sandstone wall for support. His head started aching. He focused on his breathing, which seemed to quicken and shorten. His heartbeat pounded in his ears as his consciousness drifted away. His mind was filled with white light, which faded, revealing a beautiful brunette woman dancing in a purple dress. She swayed around an elegant ballroom, red walls accented by golden light fixtures, trims and borders. As she twirled, the scene flashed, and suddenly the dress was in tatters. Her hair was disheveled, and her makeup had smeared. Large chunks of skin were missing out of her arms and legs, revealing bone and worn machinery. Many of her fingers were broken and bent into odd angles. She continued dancing, but the ballroom was gone, replaced by a rounded platform surrounded by dull green water. There were droid limbs and wiring hanging from the rounded ceiling. She pranced around the rusted reactor core gracefully, Kore noticed she was barefoot. The woman smiled at him, as if he were actually present for the performance. Her face was filled with warmth and understanding. As the dance came to an end, a cylinder began rising out of the center of the platform. The woman jumped onto it as it rose up. Cracked, brittle, used up rods of uranium were revealed as the cylindaric platform rose higher. Only one rod was faintly glowing, faded and old, ready to give out. The woman bowed, her elevation ceasing near the ceiling. She reached up and took hold of some of the more sturdy wiring and put it around her neck. The platform under her sank about two feet, so that she hung from the ceiling, not moving, not choking, not even altering her facial expression, simply hanging there. After about a minute her shoulders slumped. The dance was over. And almost instantly, the heads of the droids laying around the core perked up, devoid of power or not. They focused on her and their mouths fell open, rust falling away. A slow shrill screach of machinery whined to a crecendo, as the decommissioned droids mourned the loss of their beauty.
Kore awoke in a puddle of vomit.
Kore awoke in a puddle of vomit.
I just wrote selfcest scene in which an immortal lesbian alien princess, who is currently trapped deep within the recesses of her own subconscious, accidentally clones herself through the starfish effect but is not at all displeased with the results. However, they're quickly interrupted by an anthropomorphic Phoenix burning into the room.
It actually does make sense in context.
It actually does make sense in context.
A while ago I thought of an interesting concept: what if the Internet was a medieval fantasy world? I postulated that popular sites would be grouped together by what purpose they serve- i.e. social media sites, video-sharing, forum boards- and these would be the nations of the world, with each individual site acting as the powerful noble families. Major fanbases, like Trekkies or Bronies, would act like religions, with legions of devoted followers in every corner of the Internet. How powerful each family or country would be is based on how popular they are on the Internet we know: so Facebook, Google, and YouTube would be the top dogs right now.
4Chan would be the wretched hive of a city that no one ever wants to go to. Like Detroit.
So yeah, I started writing a really weird story that basically follows this concept, and centered it on investigating the "Brony Collective", which is a rising power all throughout the great Kingdoms of the Internet. Haven't finished it yet, but I'm getting quite close. Hope to have it done within the month.
4Chan would be the wretched hive of a city that no one ever wants to go to. Like Detroit.
So yeah, I started writing a really weird story that basically follows this concept, and centered it on investigating the "Brony Collective", which is a rising power all throughout the great Kingdoms of the Internet. Haven't finished it yet, but I'm getting quite close. Hope to have it done within the month.
I can't believe at one time I said that Applejack was the best pony. Thank god I've seen the light.
I wrote a threatening letter once too. About breaking thumbs and stuff like that. It was changed before sending, didn't want to see jail.
I wrote a threatening letter once too. About breaking thumbs and stuff like that. It was changed before sending, didn't want to see jail.
I once wrote a short story which started off as a typical high school drama piece, then took a turn for the odd with the introduction of Captain Mustard, a magnificent super hero with a tiny golden cape who tried to get the main character to join him on his graham-cracker steed on a journey to the center of reality at the crux of the universe. The main character refused, the captain went on his way, and the story went back to high school dramedy. I've written weirder, but that one stands out to me for some reason.
Still has nothing on my friend's poem about the time Godzilla knocked up Cthulu and their subsequent trip to the abortion clinic.
Still has nothing on my friend's poem about the time Godzilla knocked up Cthulu and their subsequent trip to the abortion clinic.
Lovecraftesque type horror stories. All hand written and can't be arsed to type em out. They're not very good haha
I once started to write a book about an Elephant that tried to take over the world on a Wednesday but it was too weird to finish
'My twin sister was born pregnant because of me'
Not as weird as your scorpion king 3 review.Marter said:
Though to me it was not weird, to some people it might be:
a short story about a guy who commited suicide and was reincarnated in the same time as his previous life was, to a different person (which he interacted with in the previous life), and upon seeing the news about the suicide of his "previous self" he remembered that it was him, and went on to reconstruct/reclaim the good parts of his previous life from the better starting point of his current life, which was basically his plan all along, which was why he commited suicide in the first place.
a short story about a guy who commited suicide and was reincarnated in the same time as his previous life was, to a different person (which he interacted with in the previous life), and upon seeing the news about the suicide of his "previous self" he remembered that it was him, and went on to reconstruct/reclaim the good parts of his previous life from the better starting point of his current life, which was basically his plan all along, which was why he commited suicide in the first place.
Now, if I may ask, how was that weird?WaysideMaze said:
I mean, I know that it's impossible to do a film of that caliber justice, but weird? Insufficient, inadequate -- those are words I'd believe! But they'd also apply to every review ever done of Scorpion King 3.
I recall writing about a man in Victorian garb who referred to himself as "The Waterbuffalo" and traveled about in a magical, flying, horsedrawn carriage.
I had to write a "creative essay based on 9/11" for my creative writing class, due on 9/11. We went around the room and everyone read their things out loud. Most of them were about being in the towers when they were hit and being scared/confused. Mine was about the reptilians.
I can't as it's a government file. I can abridge basically when I was still in training and working at the county jail I had to write a behavior report about a homeless weirdo who while in his cell kept pouring his food into a gaping wound on his arm and eating out of it. He kept doing devil horns at other inmates and they said he was trying to curse them and they tried to beat him up but when the grabbed him his many sores oozed milky yellow liquid. So they freaked out and starting hitting each other instead. It's very dry, boring, and I forget a lot of the details (it was like 10 years ago) but it was definitely at least in the top 5 weird reports I've written. I think when you write a police/corrections report the dry nothing but the facts nature using no colorful language or worlds like 'enormous' (you have to say 6 inches in diameter or similar statement.) makes them all the funnier to read. Like a deadpan story.Joseph Harrison said: