The worst book/story your ever read.

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soren7550

Overly Proud New Yorker
Dec 18, 2008
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Only counting something that has been published by and actual book publication, because several people had to read it over and go "Yes, this is fit to preserve for the ages and to make money off of", I have to go with The Diary of Pelly D. Large parts of it are written in 'txt sp33k', it poorly describes its settings and people (you find out about two thirds or so through that the people are part fish and they live on another planet), it skips over large parts of its own story (at parts it will quite literally say '[guy reading the diary] read that [stupid fucking main character] did [thing that would have contributed something to the plot but was instead just mentioned in this sentence]'). Also, let's not forget that Pelly D really loves sparkling strawberry water!

I borrowed this book from the library a few years ago, mistakenly thinking that it'd be like Mass Effect. Boy, was I wrong.

Also worth mentioning (besides Twilight), are a series of 'found diaries' that were 'written by various anonymous girls with problems [teen pregnancy, drug addiction, etc.]', which are all actually written by the same untalented *****.
 

Glongpre

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Jun 11, 2013
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Life of Pi for sure.

Boring. As. Hell. ZZZzzzZZzz.

I would rather read Shakespeare. Yuck.
 

vid87

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May 17, 2010
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"A Prayer For Owen Meaney" by Johnathan Irving.

I'm assuming this kind of "humor" works for some people, but from nearly the first paragraph I hated the story and everyone in it. It's about John the narrator's recollection about his friend Owen (who sounds so short I'm assuming he's a Little Person) who impacted his life by being a colossal dick and believing God has plans for everyone. Here are the highlights that makes this a part of my personal hell:

-John's mom says to his face that he was an accident, even joking about it.

-Said mom dies when Owen accidentally beans her with a baseball - John's fine with it.

-Owen steals the dead mom's dress dummy and the claws off John's favorite stuffed armadillo because he feels bad - John's fine with it.

-Owen, despite being like 3 ft tall, is the best Ghost of Christmas Future for a play and can verbally abuse his idiot parents.

-John fantasizes about screwing his cousin when he (and an uninvited Owen) goes on vacation.

-To avoid getting drafted into the army, Owen saws off part of John's finger, then realizes John already has some kind of disability or something so it was pointless - John's fine with it.

-John's dad turns out to be a local priest, because it's ALWAYS the local priest.

-*The climax: Owen, who tells John they need to practice dunking basketballs because "I've got a feeling", fulfills his god-given destiny, the one alluded to throughout the entire story, by sacrificing himself for a bunch of random foreign kids from a lone terrorist by taking a hand-grenade and dunking it out a window LIKE A BASKETBALL.

So goddamn stupid.
 

synobal

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Jun 8, 2011
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Almost anything from the current fad of YA dystopian novels, featuring a female protagonist and has the obligatory love triangle.
 

Scarim Coral

Jumped the ship
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Oct 29, 2010
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This biography book Mad World by Paula Byrne. I only bought it because I needed to read more biography book for my Engliash class and it was super cheap in this discount book store and I had read good reviews about it. I couldn't make sence of the book nor was I able to follow what was going it despite rereading it a couple of times.
 

saintdane05

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Aug 2, 2011
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The Overton Window is a novel by Glenn Beck. That should be cause for alarm, but it gets worse.
If you've ever watched one of Beck's Fox News performances, you'll feel that "The Overton Window" opens on familiar territory. In his author's note, Beck refers to this book as "faction" and explains: "As you immerse in the story, certain scenes and characters will likely feel familiar to you. That is intentional, as this story takes place during a time in American history very much like the one we find ourselves living in now. But while many of the facts embedded in the plot are true ? the scenarios I create as a result of those facts ? are entirely fictional. Let's hope they stay that way."

Actually, what's embedded in that passage is the key to the Beck rhetorical method, which is to assert the outrageous or malevolently incredible, followed by an aw-shucks denial that he means what he just said. In an interview this week with USA Today, for example, he was asked to predict the next presidential election and replied, "That assumes we're going to have an election?. Just kidding."

Right.

The protagonist of "The Overton Window" is Noah Gardner, a dashing young bachelor about town ? New York ? working as an executive in the high-powered public relations firm founded by his ruthlessly villainous father. Dad, it quickly emerges, is the living prime mover in a plot stretching back nearly 100 years to subvert American constitutionalism and supplant it with the tyranny of an economic and political elite, while throwing everyone ? including right-to-lifers, "tea party" activists, Libertarians and NRA members ? into concentration camps. (Hint: Woodrow Wilson and Theodore Roosevelt are bad guys in this imagined history.) Noah, however, falls for the daring, beautiful Molly Ross, who is working as a temp at the agency and is part of an insurgent group dedicated to resisting the conspiracy.

This is as good a place as any to provide the inevitable sample of the book's prose, so here's Noah's first impression of Molly:

"Something about this woman defied a traditional chick-at-a-glance inventory. Without a doubt all the goodies were in all the right places, but no mere scale of one to 10 was going to do the job this time. It was an entirely new experience for him. Though he'd been in her presence for less than a minute, her soul had locked itself onto his senses, far more than her substance had."

You really can't make this stuff up.

Anyway, the malleable Noah and his liberty-loving squeeze manage to penetrate ? well, they use his card key ? an office where the conspirators have loaded into the computers, what else, a PowerPoint presentation on their whole dastardly scheme to take over "finance, energy, labor, education, infrastructure, media, emergency management, law enforcement and continuity of government." While it loads, Noah delivers a chilling soliloquy on the evils of cap-and-trade. Once the plot is up on the screen in horrifying schematic detail, Noah and Molly get a full sense of the conspiracy's scope ? "Education: Deemphasize the individual, reinforce dependence and collectivism, social justice and 'the common good.'"
Ultimately the couple realizes that the plot is about to move to its final stage by using a stolen nuclear weapon to stage a phony terrorist incident, triggering an economic collapse, the abolition of all civil liberties and a final descent into authoritarianism conducted by Gardner père et al. Ultimately, Noah finds himself desperately trying to save freedom ? and Molly. Gosh.
In a foreword, Beck notes that his thriller belongs in a category called " 'faction' -- completely fictional books with plots rooted in fact." He attaches an afterword of nearly 30 pages that contains citations to references in the story: information on the financial bailout, unemployment, measures to ensure government operation after a disaster and the like. He laces his plot with these facts in the same manner he employs them on his TV show, to lend credence to his fantasy of a nefarious government scheme to subvert the Constitution.

But enough seriousness -- this is a thriller! Anyone who has tuned in to Beck's show knows that he is sometimes joined on-screen by best-selling thriller writers such as Vince Flynn and James Rollins. In his foreword, Beck notes his love of the genre and acknowledges that "the goal of most thrillers is to entertain." Sadly, he seems to have learned little from his thriller-writing friends.

Thrillers often are marred by laughable prose, but few have stumbled along with language as silly as this one. When Gardner's son, Noah, meets patriot Molly Ross early in the novel, Beck writes: "Something about this woman defied a traditional chick-at-a-glance inventory." It gets worse: When Noah notices that a few strands of Molly's hair have fallen out of place, Beck tells us, "these liberated chestnut curls framed a handsome face made twice as radiant by the mysteries surely waiting just behind those light green eyes."

The suspense of "The Overton Window" comes largely from wondering when the thrills will begin. There's the obligatory prologue murder, but then the pulse of this novel flatlines. In place of thrills, we get entire chapters in which characters lecture on the rightness of their viewpoints. A moment of cliche action erupts when a New York City taxi with Noah inside jumps a curb and nearly hits a hot dog stand. Later an atomic bomb goes off, but the mushroom cloud settles without so much as a dusty throat for anyone.

Far more entertaining is the cameo appearance by former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, who leers at Molly in an elevator and then gives Noah "a man-to-man stamp of approval indicating their shared good taste in fine feminine company," after which Noah helpfully explains to Molly: Spitzer's "a total horndog."

A sure-fire killer of a thriller is predictability. Yet from the moment Noah lusts after Molly on page 9, we know he will have his epiphany, defy his terrible father and come over to the cause. It takes a while, but Noah finally makes the leap in his last utterance before the epilogue. His conversion is meant to rouse dormant patriots among Beck's readers and bring them onto the battlefield: "We have it in our power," Noah proclaims, "to begin the world over again."

Beck portrays his do-gooders as peaceful to the point of sappiness -- they live in simply furnished cabins with handmade quilts and "things [that] . . . had been built and woven and carved and finished by skilled, loving hands." But this earthiness is grounded in a fervor, an obsession, to save America at any cost. Molly and her crowd assert their Second Amendment right to bear arms and are well stocked with weapons. They even make their own ammunition. Their insistence on nonviolence appears as disingenuous as anything out of the mouth of their nemesis, the insidious manipulator of reality Arthur Gardner. "There's nothing I wouldn't give up to defend my country," Molly says. "No matter how hard it might be, there's nothing that's in my power that I wouldn't do."

The danger of books like this is that radical readers may take the story's fiction for fact, or interpret the fiction -- which Beck encourages -- as a reflection of a reality that they must fend off by any means necessary. "The Overton Window" risks falling into the tradition of other anti-government novels such as "The Turner Diaries" by William L. Pierce, which became a handbook of extremists and inspired Timothy McVeigh to blow up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City in 1995. As Beck tells his soldiers in the voice of Noah: "Put up or shut up . . . go hard or go home. Freedom is the rare exception . . . not the rule, and if you want it you've got to do your part to keep it."
 

Silvanus

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Jan 15, 2013
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Measure for Measure.

Terribly thought-out, terribly paced, terrible characters doing illogical and stunningly boring things. All-round terrible story.

I love some Shakespeare; I love Othello and The Merchant of Venice. But Measure for Measure seems like it was written by two tarantulas fighting on a keyboard, only one of whom has the vaguest sense of plot direction and pace.
 

King of Asgaard

Vae Victis, Woe to the Conquered
Oct 31, 2011
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For me, it's a toss up between these:

-Atonement by Ian McEwan. It's touted as a great bit of story telling, with interesting characters, but what there actually is is a criminally simple plot, one-note characters and, frankly, nothing happens. There are pages upon pages of descriptions of the surroundings, which are completely irrelevant. I cannot for the life of me understand how this dross got the acclaim it did. And yes, I saw the film and I thought it was worse.

-The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. Terrible. Just terrible. Combine a boring, nonsensical plot (which is 'excused' with the reasoning that there was no plot per se, just a retelling of events from the protagonist's point of view) with completely unlikeable characters and which reads like the author, who is also a poet, basically showing off her illustrious vocabulary. It is painful to read.

-The Long and The Short and The Tall by Willis Hall. It's a play set in WWII filled with crappy morals and one dimensional characters. Boring and pointless, there's little more to say about it, besides that the ending was the only good bit about it.

-The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham. UGH. This was so boring. That's all there is to say. That and the last few pages were just needless padding, but still as dreary as what preceded it.

I realise I'll probably catch flak for these, because they've garnered quite an acclaim, but I just couldn't stand them.
 

Dfskelleton

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Apr 6, 2010
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I've gone out of my way to read some truly awful creepypastas with some friends before. Now, there are some that are endearing in their stupidity (THE DAY OF ALL THE BLOOD) but there are a few that are just painful.

One in specific: Sonic.exe. It's horribly written, makes little to no sense, and is an exemplary display of the most overused horror story tropes. The fact that some people actually find it scary at all utterly begets me.

Alternatively, Slenderman immediately stops being frightening or mysterious in any way once you read the first poorly crafted creepypasta about him.

Realitycrash said:
Paradise Lost: Hey; I actually liked that one. And it didn't even get boring until the very end.
Seeing as how Paradise Lost has been brought up several times on this thread, I'm going to back you up by saying that I too enjoyed that poem. It certainly isn't for everyone, and it does have some dull parts, but I liked it.
The same goes for The Divine Comedy; a lot of people stop at Inferno, but with the right translation that captures Dante's poetic prowess, the slowest parts become bearable. Plus, being able to finish it is a very satisfying feeling.
 

Sabitsuki

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Apr 20, 2013
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I would probably have to say Stephen King's 'The Mist'

Mostly because it just felt too short. None of the characters really developed or really got that deep characterization you expect from Stephen King. He attempts to flesh out David's background, but given the circumstances, suddenly talking about his career as a commercial artist just feels like a non-sequitur when it has absolutely no bearing on current events or his personality.

I understand the characters are in an absurd and stressful situation but they act without any rhyme or reason. David spends 90% of his time worrying about whether or not his wife is dead, he meets some random lady who's worrying about whether or not her husband is dead, and in less than a freaking day these two are fucking in the Supermarket backroom. Sure man-eating monsters would likely rattle people considerably, but the entire reason the main cast isn't able to just wait out in the food-packed supermarket until the ends of days relies on most of the people there being totally cool with a crazy old lady demanding David's child be sacrificed. I feel like it'd take more than two freaking days for people to turn into child-killing fanatics.

Just generally too much time is spent on flat characters doing nothing, and not really feeling any tension about the situation they are in because no one could possibly care what happens to any of them.
 

Toilet

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Feb 22, 2012
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Super Mario Bros. 3: Brick by Brick.

Read the ebook and I was embarrassed for Bob, it's bad and at worst shows how mentally detached he is. He says the reveal of SMB3 had the same impact 9/11 had on him. One one hand it would make a good case study on how social detachment, escapism and obsession can wreak havoc on the mind but on the other hand it's a bad book.
 

SoManyCrimes

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Mar 22, 2013
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The Vesuvius Club . Pointless and irritating; an author trying to riff on genres he doesn't understand. Much like The Act of Roger Murgatroyd , which comes a close second.

Still, I should be grateful. Vesuvius Club was the first book I ever stopped reading halfway through, and I haven't looked back! And not just books: games, movies, tv shows... you've got a short amount of time to convince me to keep going, or I'll give up. Saves me a hell of a lot of time.

But I'm only counting things I've paid to read. I'm an editor who mostly works with people hoping to self-publish. I'm happy to help anyone who's enthusiastic about writing, and most stuff is really promising, but you wouldn't believe some of the stuff that I had to work on when I was starting out.
 

Artina89

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Oct 27, 2008
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Funnily enough, I am currently listening to a dramatic reading of My Immortal read by Cloud8745 and DarkxideX. I find it funny because their sanity deteriorates as they carry on reading it. I have also listened to Hellfirecomms dramatic reading of My immortal. It definitely ranks as one of the worst pieces of prose I have ever listened to:


I have heard that the writer of My immortal also wrote another fanfiction based on Twilight. I stumbled upon it when I found it in my recommended video's section.


This reading is also by Cloud8745 and DarkxideX as well, and it is just as dreadful as My immortal.
 

Johanthemonster666

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May 25, 2010
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Toilet said:
Super Mario Bros. 3: Brick by Brick.

Read the ebook and I was embarrassed for Bob, it's bad and at worst shows how mentally detached he is. He says the reveal of SMB3 had the same impact 9/11 had on him. One one hand it would make a good case study on how social detachment, escapism and obsession can wreak havoc on the mind but on the other hand it's a bad book.
Did haven't to read this to pick up on that. That's a shame though, I figured that would be an area where Bob was at least expert enough in to make it interesting.
 

Fdzzaigl

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Mar 31, 2010
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Honestly, I can't remember the horrible stories I've read. If I'm reading something truly horrible I just quit.
Guess the answer would be something of my own making, because at least I remember having made those things.

The series that disappointed me the most though, was Stieg Larssons "Millennium" trilogy. I really felt that it was overrated: each of those books has almost nothing going on for the first 60%, which is like 300 pages. Really had to force myself to carry on reading sometimes. They weren't really horrible because the remaining pages had interesting stuff, but still: it's a miracle that they sold so well imo.

Reincarnatedwolfgod said:
I saw the worst thing I read is My Immortal(the creator must be a troll). I'm sure there exist a worst fanfics are out there but I have no interest in knowing of their existence. Well I was listening to it in a video form while barely reading it but still closes enough to reading it.

so far I just listened 2 videos. It was funny; but I heard enough of it and I won't be listening any more of this because I value my IQ.
If you look on tvtropes you can find a drinking game for this fanfic that will kill you with alcohol poisoning. If you drink water for this drinking game will probably kill with water intoxication.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/DrinkingGame/MyImmortal
God, just from reading the preview of those videos my brain almost imploded. I dare not click them :p
 

The Artificially Prolonged

Random Semi-Frequent Poster
Jul 15, 2008
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I had to read a book in school called War of Jenkins' Ear. It was about some kid called Jenkins who hates the broading school he goes to but then makes friends with the new kid and you think this quite boring book will be all about friendship and all that. But turns out this new kid is not all he seems. In fact he turns out to be...

the reincarnation of Jesus

To be fair as insane plot twists go it's a good one. I certainly didn't see it coming. No idea what happens as I put the book down soon after in a mixture of boredom and shear disbelief.
 

Soviet Heavy

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Jan 22, 2010
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Jack Nief said:
Baldur's Gate. Noooo no no no no not the game, the book series by Philip Athens, and Drew Karpyshyn
Here's a tip: NEVER BUY A DREW KARPYSHYN BOOK. There is a huge difference between writing for a video game and writing a novel, but Drew seems convinced that he can do both. He cannot. I have enjoyed exactly half a book that he wrote. The first half of Darth Bane: Path of Destruction. But whenever he is writing adaptations of other people's stories, or writing novelized sequels to games, he fucking sucks.

Revan? One of the worst pieces of tie-in fiction I have ever read. Not only takes a massive shit on the brilliant Knights of the Old Republic 2, but it turns Revan into a blistering moron and treats the Exile like a schlub. The man is a hack writer when he puts pen to paper, rather than for games where he should have stayed.
 

ninjaRiv

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Aug 25, 2010
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I read a book called Ancestor by Scott Sigler. One of the worst things I've ever read besides some of my own stuff. I reviewed it and Sigler was pretty cool about it, actually. But man was that a terribly boring book.
 

ninjaRiv

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IGNORE THIS POST. Too many fucking tabs open. Am I right? Ya'll know how it is...