THERE'S A BIRD IN MY ROOF AND IT WON'T SHUT THE F**K UP
- Thread starter captaincabbage
- Start date
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We got this problem all the time at my dads old place. Baby birds kept falling down a hole in the roof and getting stuck in walls. They never shut up! There was no way to reach them so we just had to let them die there. If they're stuck there's not really anything you can do but if they aren't maybe just scare them off or something.
what you should do is get a sack of cats, a sledgehammer, some spare chip board and a box of nails.
1) Take your sack of cats, and open it up, allowing the cats to roam your room, (pro-tip; keeping the cats in there for a few days will make them hungry, more effective that way)
2) Break open your ceiling, this will open the path to the roof for you.
3) Grab the nearest cat, and throw it through the new hole. Repeat until you run out of cats.
4) Repair roof with chip board and nails, paint if you're OCD like that.
5) Enjoy your chirp free roof as any additional birds will be preyed upon by your army of ceiling cat protectors.
PS; if the cats get hungry and, thus, noisy that is not my fault and you could perhaps repeat the above suggested program with a sack of dogs.
1) Take your sack of cats, and open it up, allowing the cats to roam your room, (pro-tip; keeping the cats in there for a few days will make them hungry, more effective that way)
2) Break open your ceiling, this will open the path to the roof for you.
3) Grab the nearest cat, and throw it through the new hole. Repeat until you run out of cats.
4) Repair roof with chip board and nails, paint if you're OCD like that.
5) Enjoy your chirp free roof as any additional birds will be preyed upon by your army of ceiling cat protectors.
PS; if the cats get hungry and, thus, noisy that is not my fault and you could perhaps repeat the above suggested program with a sack of dogs.
I vote you go out and learn the ways of the bird.captaincabbage said:
Learn secret human trolling techniques from this grandmaster bird and then return to us in your new improved form. I imagine you will look something like this:
I know I offered a solution earlier but conversation topics are a bit thin on the ground in the forum at the moment.
The sensible things have already been mentioned, so I won't bother.
Glue its mouth shut. Improvise a flamethrower. Flick electricuted elastic bands at it. Freeze ray it or do whaterver else to shut it up.
[sub]On a sidenote, I like birds, honest.[/sub]
Glue its mouth shut. Improvise a flamethrower. Flick electricuted elastic bands at it. Freeze ray it or do whaterver else to shut it up.
[sub]On a sidenote, I like birds, honest.[/sub]
Copycat! The 8-bit Mario sprite is my avatar! You have been challenged to a duel by pistols at dawn! You choose the location.Irriduccibilli said:
OH GAWD THE NOSTALGIA!!!!arc1991 said:
OT: Turn your waterheater into a bird destroying missile!
It will solve your problems.
I do believe you should use the amazingly wise tactic "fight fire with fire", though in this case, you have to fight a bird, with a BIGGER BIRD!
Go and get yourself a really mean and loud bird from your local bird-kiosk and let the bugger do all the work. Of course, getting the bigger bird out might become a bigger problem, but remember, kids : one step at a time!
Or, you could just make the bird leave by chirping louder than him. Eventually it will recognize you as the alpha-bird and leave.
Problem solved!
Go and get yourself a really mean and loud bird from your local bird-kiosk and let the bugger do all the work. Of course, getting the bigger bird out might become a bigger problem, but remember, kids : one step at a time!
Or, you could just make the bird leave by chirping louder than him. Eventually it will recognize you as the alpha-bird and leave.
Problem solved!
dear god.Scorched_Cascade said:I vote you go out and learn the ways of the bird.captaincabbage said:
Learn secret human trolling techniques from this grandmaster bird and then return to us in your new improved form. I imagine you will look something like this:
I know I offered a solution earlier but conversation topics are a bit thin on the ground in the forum at the moment.
lol well, this wasn't really a contest, but watever.awesomeClaw said:
This bird has been there for almost 5 days now. The worst part is, that it'll stop for 20 or so minutes, then start up again, going faster and louder. And it is always, ALWAYS above my head. It's like it has a fucking homing beacon, try sleeping with that for a week.
what to do?
Burn it out.
If that doesn't work:
set the house on fire.
if that doesn't work:
Suicide.
(It worked for me)
Burn it out.
If that doesn't work:
set the house on fire.
if that doesn't work:
Suicide.
(It worked for me)
Your problem is easily solved. Just get a reasonably attractive female friend to walk underneath them in immodest clothing a few times or booby trap the roof when they go on tea break depending on how homicidal you are feeling.awesomeClaw said:
Hmm.. then i suggest following Scorched_Cascades advice (post nr. 24) and find a Grandmaster Bird so you can train to be better.Latinidiot said:
Or you can always rely on less polished methods: punch the ostrich in the beak, and if it doesn't fall down, run like hell.
I think an ostrich will outrun me, so I'll go with a tree, thank you very much.Owlslayer said:
But alright, farewell Escapist, I must go on a journey of self discovery and avian pusruits. See you around.
SHIT ON IT AND IT'S NEST AND IT'S EGGS!
Don't let a genetically inferior creature boss you around by making chirping noises with it's retarded bird face!
Don't let a genetically inferior creature boss you around by making chirping noises with it's retarded bird face!
Get a megaphone and give the little fucker a taste of it's own medicine. Preferably through a window or something.