Things to say when Jehovah's Witnesses are on your doorstep
- Thread starter Gunjack65
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I live in a set of houses, that make a U shape, so when I see them coming into the courtyard, I go and hide in the room farthest from the door. But if i had the guts to, I'd start muttering random pray sounding things and asking [RANDOM NAME HERE] to forgive them.
Me and my buddy played some crazy death metal as loud as we could and started screaming in tongues. It worked.
Well when I had jehovah's witnesses at my door it was at 7am and I'd been up till 4 the night before. They took around 7 mins to even say WHO they were (had suits so I figured city council officials). They said the word jehovah and I slammed the door and went to sleep
But on topic "Hi, pleasure to meet you my name is an anagram of Santa and my favourite number is 6...multiple times"
But on topic "Hi, pleasure to meet you my name is an anagram of Santa and my favourite number is 6...multiple times"
This time round, take some of their leaflets, nod and smile for ten minutes. Take it on the chin, the pay off's coming, you just need to nab that copy of Watchtower...
...next time a door to door salesman shows up, or timeshare chap, do the same thing. Keep the religious and sales pamphlets somewhere close to your door.
Next time either of the above show up, answer the door with a desperate smile on your face, and try to sell timeshare to the religious folks, or religion to the timeshare folks-either way you won't be hearing from them again- in both instances its like putting Kryptonite shavings on Superman's chips.
...next time a door to door salesman shows up, or timeshare chap, do the same thing. Keep the religious and sales pamphlets somewhere close to your door.
Next time either of the above show up, answer the door with a desperate smile on your face, and try to sell timeshare to the religious folks, or religion to the timeshare folks-either way you won't be hearing from them again- in both instances its like putting Kryptonite shavings on Superman's chips.
Ahhh you beat me to it!Pararaptor said:
I've discouraged one by "accidentally" dropping my blood donor card into his field of vision but that was when he parked next to me on a train and I had my wallet handy.
Largely we don't get them around here but when I lived in Bury, I had to twat one. For starters he tricked his way into the apartment block's lobby (even though there were "No Religious Callers!" signs all over the door). I tried to shut the door on him but he stuck his foot in the door. I kicked it clear and shut the door...at which point he tried to batter it down.
Either he was seriously devout or a total fruitloop (mind you I tend to think of them as one and the same) but the flat doors were about as sturdy as wet bog-roll so, panicking, I opened the door, punched him in the nose and told him I'd call the Police if he didn't bugger off.
He did, so I didn't.
Then I went and ice-packed my hand and hopped around swearing quietly to myself.
If the cops were ever called, they can't have looked too hard. I was due to move out 2 days after and to this day I've not heard anything. I had to inform the landlord about the damage though and the rest of the block backed me up so at least I didn't have to pay for the door! We didn't bother telling the landlord I belted him though...we left it at "escorted him out".
I would say: Start with a "thanks but no thanks!" and hope they go away. If not, tell them to get off your property or you'll call the Police.
Wardy
Me and my friend were blazing out on the sofa one night when a couple came-a-knocking...We think it was a father daughter combo, the daughter was pretty fit so let them in ^^ Religious nuts and stoners = Good times...Wish they would knock again
Quoted for accuracy. This reminds me of my Mormon saga. When I was 17 my asshat friend called them up and had a mormon bible sent to my house. They called, I made the mistake of being polite and listening to them. Sure enough a few months later Elder Sweringan and Elder something else show up at the door. I don't know why, but I was polite again. When they were done I obviously didn't say "no thanks" strongly enough. They called again later, I hung up. A few months later they came back to the door again. I wailed for my parents this time "Pleeeeaaase make them go away" my dad went and talked to them and they never came back. Yay dad! After this was done I picked up that stupid "book of mormon" and chucked that shit in the fire.dfphetteplace said:
I never had them over here, but my boss has had them once. He responded:
Witness: We come to bring Jesus
Boss: Great, put him into the shed
and then he closed the door.
Witness: We come to bring Jesus
Boss: Great, put him into the shed
and then he closed the door.
Oh and the last time I got cornered, although wasn't a Jovo - just a regular Christian bible-basher, he began his spiel but I interrupted him with a "How DARE you assume I am Christian?" (from what he was saying that was the implication) and that really shut him up!
For someone who hates religion and the vast majority of those who think it's their duty to spread the word, I seem to attract the daft bastards!
Wardy
For someone who hates religion and the vast majority of those who think it's their duty to spread the word, I seem to attract the daft bastards!
Wardy
Rookie mistake-the "I'm one of you" fib invariably backfires. Either you end up getting asked questions you're not equipped to answer, leaving you with the choice of squirming horribly, or coming clean and telling them to bugger off (which you could have just gone for in the first place), or things get decidedly weird, with your tolerance to weirdness going up in direct proportion to the time you've invested maintaining the fib-in other words, before you know it, they've invited you out for a mornings convertin', and you've ended up agreeing. Of course, such a situation has great potential for fun...Hookman said:
Try "Goodbye".
Personally, when they came all the way out to my aunt's farm in Australia (I was visiting at the time), and she didn't want them inside, I took them to the outdoor table, sat them down, and after the introductions cut straight to my main point of disagreement with them: "So, tell me about the blood thing."
Mind you, I was converted LDS some years back, so I'm used to driving spiritual representatives crazy with constant, unanswerable questions, and I fall back on these until whoever it is gets tired and begs to go home... Then refuse to make a second appt based on the fact that "I'm busy, but it's been real nice chatting with you."
Personally, when they came all the way out to my aunt's farm in Australia (I was visiting at the time), and she didn't want them inside, I took them to the outdoor table, sat them down, and after the introductions cut straight to my main point of disagreement with them: "So, tell me about the blood thing."
Mind you, I was converted LDS some years back, so I'm used to driving spiritual representatives crazy with constant, unanswerable questions, and I fall back on these until whoever it is gets tired and begs to go home... Then refuse to make a second appt based on the fact that "I'm busy, but it's been real nice chatting with you."