You do know that you can still get bracers, no matter what your age? My mom actually got bracers a few weeks ago, she is 52.Skratt said:
As for things I blame my parents...I could do without my mother's low self-esteem and my father's cynicism.
Things you blame your parents for.
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As for things I blame my parents...I could do without my mother's low self-esteem and my father's cynicism.
At 23, who I am now is my own fault. I can't help but include at least my Dad as a cause of the massive fuck up I am now though.
I was going to say all this in the "Hitting Children" thread as it was relevant but at 10 pages long I figured it was pointless.
I hate to say the word abuse, when I think of abuse I think of sexual abuse which has never happened to me. The truth is though many would say I was abused, both mentally and physically and the effect it has had on me taunts me to this day.
I was beaten for the most ridiculous things ,not making a cup of tea correctly, not folding washing correctly, those warranted a harsh and painful smack round the head. If he missed or only glanced with the first one, especially if I tried to duck, he'd make sure he connected with the next one with the full force of his hand. That was for minor stuff. For things such as embaressing him in public by doing something silly, speaking out of turn or even defending myself I received far worse. When I was 7 years old I chased an older kid at the park whos parents were friends with my Dad because this kid had stolen something of mine. As I reached out to grab him I ripped his shirt. His parents then had a go at my Dad. Instead of siding with me, supporting the fact this kid had stolen from me and the shirt was an accident, he instead forced me to run home. If I lagged, or slowed down, he kicked me. When we finally got home he smacked my backside untill it was blue, then forced me to stand in a corner facing the wall for 3 hours untill bedtime. That day will be burned in my mind untill the day I die and in some ways I haven't progressed past it. When my Dad now confronts me about something inside I revert to that crying 7 year old boy frightened to move from the corner in case I angered him again.
That was the physical side. The mental side began later. He made it clear that I was a dissapointment, that I wasn't good enough. Despite getting near perfect grades he would still call me stupid, useless. I've always been overweight and he loved to point out that no girls would ever be interested in me if I was fat. All this shit could come in the form of passing comments or getting in my face and shouting at me. His mind would change from day to day so that I never knew where I stood. For a few weeks he would demand that I answer him with "Yes, Sir" or "Yes Dad" viewing a simple "Yes" or "No" as disrespectful, whenever we entered a room we would have to knock. Then it would change and he would get annoyed that we were doing those things.
By the age of 10 I feared that man. Whenever he came home from work I would go to my room and stay there untill dinner, eat, then go back upstairs untill bedtime which was 8pm untill the age of 15. I could read for 30 minutes but the lights had to be out by 8:30 and there was no getting up to the toilet allowed. In the mornings watching tv wasn't allowed, we had to get up and be ready in our uniforms an hour before we had to leave. During that hour all we could do was sit on the sofa, usually in silence because heaven forbid my brother or I woke him up.
I used to pray every night that he wouldn't come home, that my own father would die whilst doing his job. As I became a teenager I hoped instead that I could die as that was the only way I could see of becoming free. I never did anything about it though as I couldn't bear the thought of leaving my mum. As you may have gathered she was/is not a very strong woman, caught in the same web of manipulation and control as we were. I remember we had a talk one day at school about child abuse and I recognised what they were talking about, parts of it were my life. I said to my mum later that evening that I wanted to contact the people we were told to contact and she broke down crying saying if I did my brother and I would be taken away and she couldn't live without us, so I did nothing. She wouldn't/couldn't leave him, couldn't face the perceived shame of having her marriage fail. It was only after my grandmother died that my mum found out that for years her mum had wished she would leave my Dad.
At 16 my parents finally split up after a decade of rows and fighting. I was happy. What should have been a sad occassion to me was one to celebrate. I thought I was free of all the shit. I was wrong. My Dad set up home with a new partner not far from where we lived, he really had no clue the effect he had on us and expected us to play happy families. I tried, reasoning that he was still my Dad and you only have one, blood is thicker than water and all that bollocks. I was spiralling quickly into depression at that point though and ended up dropping out of school. He still believes, to this day that I was simply acting up and it was all a game I was playing to piss him and my mum off. Teenage rebellion he figures. In reality the years of being called worthless and useless had taken their toll and I truely believed it about myself, still do.
I tried to find myself, give myself some worth or give life some meaning but every choice I made he felt I was doing again just to piss him off. The music I listened to, the friends I had. In the end I even gave that up to keep him happy. I still listen to the music of course but the long hair went to keep him happy, I had one piercing and stopped there to keep the peace. I long for tattoos but dare not get any from fear of his reaction. I tried to be what he wanted me to be instead, hoping he could be proud of me or at least happy with me. Nothing I do is ever enough but in my mind the damage has already been done and I can't break it.
Alcohol, getting drunk, those are my main comforts. It's the only thing he actually had no problem with me doing, him being a big drinker himself. I don't bother with women because in my mind their answer is a foregone conclusion thanks to him.
Simply put, what started as a thought out answer has instead turned into a cathartic ramble on my part for which I apologise. I haven't posted this to seek sympathy or pity but so that you can understand when I say I hold my Father responsible for nearly all of the barely functioning human being I am today. He took my self worth, my confidence, my creativity, my desire to learn and explore. All I am now is a miserable adult still desperately seeking my fathers approval which I already know I will never get. I can't break away though because knowing him to step too far over the boundary would close the door forever. A couple of weeks ago he and I had an arguament about me seeing my friends. I went outside for a cigarette to calm down and he apparently said to my brother "If he wants to start let him but it'll be the only fucking time". So now all I can do is coast along in life, waiting for either him or me to die. If he goes first then I can finally live my life the way I want, if I go first then it won't matter anymore.
Sorry for the long post.
I was going to say all this in the "Hitting Children" thread as it was relevant but at 10 pages long I figured it was pointless.
I hate to say the word abuse, when I think of abuse I think of sexual abuse which has never happened to me. The truth is though many would say I was abused, both mentally and physically and the effect it has had on me taunts me to this day.
I was beaten for the most ridiculous things ,not making a cup of tea correctly, not folding washing correctly, those warranted a harsh and painful smack round the head. If he missed or only glanced with the first one, especially if I tried to duck, he'd make sure he connected with the next one with the full force of his hand. That was for minor stuff. For things such as embaressing him in public by doing something silly, speaking out of turn or even defending myself I received far worse. When I was 7 years old I chased an older kid at the park whos parents were friends with my Dad because this kid had stolen something of mine. As I reached out to grab him I ripped his shirt. His parents then had a go at my Dad. Instead of siding with me, supporting the fact this kid had stolen from me and the shirt was an accident, he instead forced me to run home. If I lagged, or slowed down, he kicked me. When we finally got home he smacked my backside untill it was blue, then forced me to stand in a corner facing the wall for 3 hours untill bedtime. That day will be burned in my mind untill the day I die and in some ways I haven't progressed past it. When my Dad now confronts me about something inside I revert to that crying 7 year old boy frightened to move from the corner in case I angered him again.
That was the physical side. The mental side began later. He made it clear that I was a dissapointment, that I wasn't good enough. Despite getting near perfect grades he would still call me stupid, useless. I've always been overweight and he loved to point out that no girls would ever be interested in me if I was fat. All this shit could come in the form of passing comments or getting in my face and shouting at me. His mind would change from day to day so that I never knew where I stood. For a few weeks he would demand that I answer him with "Yes, Sir" or "Yes Dad" viewing a simple "Yes" or "No" as disrespectful, whenever we entered a room we would have to knock. Then it would change and he would get annoyed that we were doing those things.
By the age of 10 I feared that man. Whenever he came home from work I would go to my room and stay there untill dinner, eat, then go back upstairs untill bedtime which was 8pm untill the age of 15. I could read for 30 minutes but the lights had to be out by 8:30 and there was no getting up to the toilet allowed. In the mornings watching tv wasn't allowed, we had to get up and be ready in our uniforms an hour before we had to leave. During that hour all we could do was sit on the sofa, usually in silence because heaven forbid my brother or I woke him up.
I used to pray every night that he wouldn't come home, that my own father would die whilst doing his job. As I became a teenager I hoped instead that I could die as that was the only way I could see of becoming free. I never did anything about it though as I couldn't bear the thought of leaving my mum. As you may have gathered she was/is not a very strong woman, caught in the same web of manipulation and control as we were. I remember we had a talk one day at school about child abuse and I recognised what they were talking about, parts of it were my life. I said to my mum later that evening that I wanted to contact the people we were told to contact and she broke down crying saying if I did my brother and I would be taken away and she couldn't live without us, so I did nothing. She wouldn't/couldn't leave him, couldn't face the perceived shame of having her marriage fail. It was only after my grandmother died that my mum found out that for years her mum had wished she would leave my Dad.
At 16 my parents finally split up after a decade of rows and fighting. I was happy. What should have been a sad occassion to me was one to celebrate. I thought I was free of all the shit. I was wrong. My Dad set up home with a new partner not far from where we lived, he really had no clue the effect he had on us and expected us to play happy families. I tried, reasoning that he was still my Dad and you only have one, blood is thicker than water and all that bollocks. I was spiralling quickly into depression at that point though and ended up dropping out of school. He still believes, to this day that I was simply acting up and it was all a game I was playing to piss him and my mum off. Teenage rebellion he figures. In reality the years of being called worthless and useless had taken their toll and I truely believed it about myself, still do.
I tried to find myself, give myself some worth or give life some meaning but every choice I made he felt I was doing again just to piss him off. The music I listened to, the friends I had. In the end I even gave that up to keep him happy. I still listen to the music of course but the long hair went to keep him happy, I had one piercing and stopped there to keep the peace. I long for tattoos but dare not get any from fear of his reaction. I tried to be what he wanted me to be instead, hoping he could be proud of me or at least happy with me. Nothing I do is ever enough but in my mind the damage has already been done and I can't break it.
Alcohol, getting drunk, those are my main comforts. It's the only thing he actually had no problem with me doing, him being a big drinker himself. I don't bother with women because in my mind their answer is a foregone conclusion thanks to him.
Simply put, what started as a thought out answer has instead turned into a cathartic ramble on my part for which I apologise. I haven't posted this to seek sympathy or pity but so that you can understand when I say I hold my Father responsible for nearly all of the barely functioning human being I am today. He took my self worth, my confidence, my creativity, my desire to learn and explore. All I am now is a miserable adult still desperately seeking my fathers approval which I already know I will never get. I can't break away though because knowing him to step too far over the boundary would close the door forever. A couple of weeks ago he and I had an arguament about me seeing my friends. I went outside for a cigarette to calm down and he apparently said to my brother "If he wants to start let him but it'll be the only fucking time". So now all I can do is coast along in life, waiting for either him or me to die. If he goes first then I can finally live my life the way I want, if I go first then it won't matter anymore.
Sorry for the long post.
I blame them for the two years of my life that I felt like I was some kind of disgusting freak for 
... On a lighter note, I blame my dad for my love of games and films.
... On a lighter note, I blame my dad for my love of games and films.
I blame my mom for my hypocrisy, and my dad for my constant rambling.
I also blame both of them for my sarcastic nature. Gets me into a lot of trouble at school. It's not MY fault the teachers take everything so seriously.
Otherwise, my parents have been pretty supportive of my goals. Which is a surprise, because my goals can't really come to fruition until the near future, and I'm a lazy bastard til' then.
I also blame both of them for my sarcastic nature. Gets me into a lot of trouble at school. It's not MY fault the teachers take everything so seriously.
Otherwise, my parents have been pretty supportive of my goals. Which is a surprise, because my goals can't really come to fruition until the near future, and I'm a lazy bastard til' then.
I blame my mum for everything. My dad never gave a shit, so he gets no blame for all the stuff that's wrong with me. My mum caused a lot of my social issues with her constant smothering and over-protective attitude, not to mention her casually destructive remarks about me which pretty much systematically annihilated any sense of self-esteem I might have had.
What am I saying "caused"? She still causes it. Whenever I try to tell her that I am, in fact, not a totally forgetful and useless idiot, she just laughs in my face.
She means it in a fun, jokey way but it makes me die a little inside and seek emotional support elsewhere.
EDIT: Also, I blame them for the unfortunate combination of their genes that combined to make me a shrimpy little wuss. My mum's tall and thin and my dad's short and built like a miniature brick shithouse. I'd have like to get the 'tall' and 'well-built' genes, but instead I got the 'short' and 'thin' genes leaving me in a state where I still need a fucking ID to get into 15-rated films sometimes.
What am I saying "caused"? She still causes it. Whenever I try to tell her that I am, in fact, not a totally forgetful and useless idiot, she just laughs in my face.
She means it in a fun, jokey way but it makes me die a little inside and seek emotional support elsewhere.
EDIT: Also, I blame them for the unfortunate combination of their genes that combined to make me a shrimpy little wuss. My mum's tall and thin and my dad's short and built like a miniature brick shithouse. I'd have like to get the 'tall' and 'well-built' genes, but instead I got the 'short' and 'thin' genes leaving me in a state where I still need a fucking ID to get into 15-rated films sometimes.
I can say with utmost confidence that my parents are responsible for my incredibly low self esteem. Pretty much anything I accomplished other than the grades I got at school would be followed by "I don't care" or "that's shit" or something to the same effect.
Finally after some years of depression and shyness I've started finding it a lot easier to talk to people and I've picked up some awesome friends in College :3 I still find that I have a bit of an inferiority complex but it's leagues away from what it used to be.
Thought it was worth saying that I don't hate my parents for this in any way, they simply weren't that good at parenting at the time. And I very almost turned this post into a massive essay
Finally after some years of depression and shyness I've started finding it a lot easier to talk to people and I've picked up some awesome friends in College :3 I still find that I have a bit of an inferiority complex but it's leagues away from what it used to be.
Thought it was worth saying that I don't hate my parents for this in any way, they simply weren't that good at parenting at the time. And I very almost turned this post into a massive essay
Jesus Christ! Your dad's a fucking prick! I had an older brother with a psychotic disorder, so I know what it's like to live in shame and fear. I can only suggest to you, you might consider doing what I did. Deck the ****. I broke my hand and his jaw in 4 places. It didn't make me feel better, but it sure did change the dynamic of the relationship!Pariah87 said:
Nature vs Nurture.
There are some parts of your behavior that are simply innate to you individually. But there is just as many traits that are part of you simply because of how you were raised.
While some things are really easy to tell who's fault it is, I don't like to play the blame game because it is usually a mix of everyone's fault.
There are some parts of your behavior that are simply innate to you individually. But there is just as many traits that are part of you simply because of how you were raised.
While some things are really easy to tell who's fault it is, I don't like to play the blame game because it is usually a mix of everyone's fault.
Homeschooling! Turns out, if you let an eight-year-old kid have complete freedom over his own education, he's going to run around all day and smash trucks together, and not really learn much. It made it incredibly difficult to adjust to high school when I went there, and I still struggle with procrastination, and tend to be apathetic about classes and work I don't find interesting.
Now, fair on them, the institutionalized and mind-numbing public school system kind of blows, but it's the most efficient way to prepare a kid for institutionalized and mind-numbing society as a whole, forcing them to adapt during their formative years. The idea of letting kids run free and pursue their own interests sure is a nice one, but the end result is a kid who doesn't understand that things will actually be expected of him when he grows up. Unless you want to live in the mountains your whole life, it's a bad idea to have not gone through elementary school.
Now, fair on them, the institutionalized and mind-numbing public school system kind of blows, but it's the most efficient way to prepare a kid for institutionalized and mind-numbing society as a whole, forcing them to adapt during their formative years. The idea of letting kids run free and pursue their own interests sure is a nice one, but the end result is a kid who doesn't understand that things will actually be expected of him when he grows up. Unless you want to live in the mountains your whole life, it's a bad idea to have not gone through elementary school.
Fucking hell. I cannot profess to know what your situation's like, as I've been more fortunate. But what it really sounds like is that you just need to cut all ties with him. He's clearly an utter bastard whose disposition towards you isn't going to improve, so I'd just forget about him. You're an adult; he doesn't own you. His opinion does not matter. Let him think what he wants and make it very clear that you don't give a fuck. Live your own life--it'll be no poorer without him. Again, I don't know what you're going through, but this is what I would do in this situation.Pariah87 said:
Me?
I smoke -> My mom smoked -> correlation?
I masturbate -> My dad mastubated -> gross?
My parents have legs -> I have legs -> Hmmmm
I smoke -> My mom smoked -> correlation?
I masturbate -> My dad mastubated -> gross?
My parents have legs -> I have legs -> Hmmmm
I bet that makes you popular with creepers though. You're legal jailbait!ReservoirAngel said:
IDK, I blame my mom for my inability to exercise (way to have three children with heart defects, mom) and my tendency to keep emotional distance in relationships. My parents weren't physically abusive, but most people who really know my mother (who raised us) thinks she's a bad person.
My dad is responsible for my ridiculous lankiness and bad joints.
I blame my moother for me not liking her. Seriously, it's her own fault and I wish she'd get it through her head that we will never be super best friends.
I also blame her for my younger sister's inability to grow the hell up, make good life decisions (such as not buying an $8000 used car when you only have a part time job at Target), and take care of herself. If that girl ever manages to move to a location even a mile away from my parents' house, I will honestly shit myself in shock.
I blame my dad for nothing. He's awesome. I wish he didn't have to put up with my mother.
I also blame her for my younger sister's inability to grow the hell up, make good life decisions (such as not buying an $8000 used car when you only have a part time job at Target), and take care of herself. If that girl ever manages to move to a location even a mile away from my parents' house, I will honestly shit myself in shock.
I blame my dad for nothing. He's awesome. I wish he didn't have to put up with my mother.
