Everybody with a Facebook account has one of "those friends." You know who I'm talking about--the ones who, online anyway, are very forthright about their political opinions or personal problems, and say things which are so aggravating and obnoxious you just want to shut them up with the perfect comeback. But, for some reason or another, you didn't do it. Maybe you didn't want to piss them off, maybe you didn't want to seem like an ass on Facebook. Or maybe you just sat back and waited for the chance to say it to their face (ha!). Anyway, now's your chance to share those stories and comebacks you've got burning inside you.
I've got two of them. First my uncle, who as soon as he got a Facebook account became more political and more religious than I ever saw him behave in real-life. He shares all sorts of snarky pictures from political groups, and on Sundays he posts all sorts of YouTube videos of old gospel and religious bands (as opposed to actually getting up and going to church, which he stopped attending years ago). But a couple of weeks ago he shared a picture which really burned me up. It was a bumper sticker which read "The government is not your baby's daddy." To top it off, the group he shared it from was called "Silence is consent." Who the fuck even joins a group like that? I wanted so bad to reply with, "No it's not, but it sure is interested in what we do with our reproductive systems." But, I figured waging war on my dad's brother would not in any way end well, so I refrained.
Then I have a cousin who had a baby in May (and didn't even bother telling anybody when she was born--almost the whole family didn't find out until she posted the pictures on Facebook nearly a week later). She broke up with the baby daddy like a week after she was born, and since then she's been out with two other guys so far. And she shares it ALL on Facebook. Then one day she shared a picture that said, "If you wouldn't make her a wife, don't make her a mother."
What the fuck? The sheer nerve it must have taken for her of all people just absolutely staggering to me. I was extremely close to replying with, "You know, it takes two to tango." Had it typed out and everything, but again I didn't think pitting her and her parents (who I actually really like) against me would have been a good idea. So I chickened out.
I know, pathetic. But hey, surely I can't be the only one. Right...?
I've got two of them. First my uncle, who as soon as he got a Facebook account became more political and more religious than I ever saw him behave in real-life. He shares all sorts of snarky pictures from political groups, and on Sundays he posts all sorts of YouTube videos of old gospel and religious bands (as opposed to actually getting up and going to church, which he stopped attending years ago). But a couple of weeks ago he shared a picture which really burned me up. It was a bumper sticker which read "The government is not your baby's daddy." To top it off, the group he shared it from was called "Silence is consent." Who the fuck even joins a group like that? I wanted so bad to reply with, "No it's not, but it sure is interested in what we do with our reproductive systems." But, I figured waging war on my dad's brother would not in any way end well, so I refrained.
Then I have a cousin who had a baby in May (and didn't even bother telling anybody when she was born--almost the whole family didn't find out until she posted the pictures on Facebook nearly a week later). She broke up with the baby daddy like a week after she was born, and since then she's been out with two other guys so far. And she shares it ALL on Facebook. Then one day she shared a picture that said, "If you wouldn't make her a wife, don't make her a mother."
What the fuck? The sheer nerve it must have taken for her of all people just absolutely staggering to me. I was extremely close to replying with, "You know, it takes two to tango." Had it typed out and everything, but again I didn't think pitting her and her parents (who I actually really like) against me would have been a good idea. So I chickened out.
I know, pathetic. But hey, surely I can't be the only one. Right...?
