Things You've Learned From Red Dead Redemption...

[Eggsnham]

This is going to be a strange thread. At least for me, that is.

You see, I'm normally piss poor (in a personal way, my parents don't believe in allowance and I'm too damn lazy to actually get a job) but when an opportunity like what I'm about to explain arises, I can get off my lazy ass and scrounge together some cash.

See, my friend has Red Dead Redemption and the crazy bastard doesn't like it! So he's offered me a chance to buy it off him for $15.

DO. FUCKING. WANT.

Problem is that I know nothing about the game save for the fact that it's fucking awesome and as addictive as crack.

So I figured that I should turn to my fellow Escapists to help me get more acquainted with the game without actually playing it.

So here's what we're going to do:

People who own or have played Red Dead, post something about the game that has taught an "important" lesson about life.

For example: "I learned that 'X' does 'Y' when 'Z' happens."

So, without any further conversation from me; begin!

 

[Meggiepants]

There are only 20 buffaloes in the world. If you kill them all, congratulations, you are officially an Extincter!

 

[Aglynugga]

That it's an awesome game, and that it's going to have ZOMBIE dlc for it later. Hmmm. Maybe I didn't say that right. ZOMBIES FOR RED DEAD...No? ZOMBIES FOR RED DEAD!!!!....Hmmm. ZOMBIES!! ZOMBIES!!! ZOOOOMBIES!

 

[holographicman]

being attacked by mountain lions is a cheap way to die
the government is evil (like i didnt already fucking know that)
gatling guns are awesome (dido)
and
cartoons in the wild west were funny as hell

 

[Gwen Utopia]

Cougars are the reason humanity will eventually go extinct.

 

[Eggsnham]

I don't know about reading into it and giving you life lessons and shit.

It's like a joke sort of thing.

For instance: "One thing I've learned about life from Assassin's Creed, is that people in the middle ages were allergic to water."

That sort of thing.

 

[Grayjack]

Cougars are assholes.
Bears excel at stealth.
If your in a carriage, wild animals can't hurt you.
There are legendary half-man, half-animal creatures out there.

 

[Theron Julius]

Cougars are assholes.
Bears excel at stealth.
If your in a carriage, wild animals can't hurt you.
There are legendary half-man, half-animal creatures out there.

Yes, but I never saw the Donkey-woman or Cougar man. Made me a bit sad to miss all of that. Nonetheless, kill fucking every predatory animal you see. They fucking deserve it. You'll agree with me the minute you see a cougar.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Red Dead had taught me that, when drunk, the slightest bump will send your character face planting into the ground.

[sub]Bloody oversensitive physics engine...[/sub]

 

[Chaosninja89]

all people in the old west disintergrated into red mist when hit by a train and if you're unlucky, running over a bunny rabbit will KILL the horse you're on.

MY WARHORSE WAS KILLED TWICE BY THOSE BEASTS!
And bears relly like creeping up on you when you are skinning their kin.
And cougers will randomly jump out of nowhere and murder you.

And so on, all in all, great game!

 

[run_forrest_run]

That Mexican Revolutionarys will render entire games pointless with two hasty gunshots.

 

[squidbuddy99]

I learned that women are evil, deceitful creatures who reward kindness by throwing you off your horse and shooting you.

On the plus side, you can hogtie 'em in public and only get a minor fine.

 

[Lacsapix]

aiming a gun is really eazy when you just look over it and shoot, it will always hit!
also hourses are only afraid of wolfes when you are sitting on it

 

[spike0918]

I've learned that when a man chases after a woman and repeatedly pushes her to the ground when she is running at full speed no-one will care.

And also I've learned that if you buy a deed for a horse and your horse dies that you can always just use the deed in the middle of a desert and have a new horse run to your side in 3 minutes.

 

[Snowden's Secret]

I learned that the Old West was the most mysoginist place EVER, only to find out why when they lure me into either being a)Pulled off my horse, or b)Being robbed by banditos.

 

[fgdfgdgd]

i learned that it is not wise to lasso a bear...

 

[Venom 3135]

i learned, that if there are 50 soldiers outside your shed, don't open the door and shoot...run!!!

 

[Haunted Serenity]

Cougars are evil. I actually was stalked by a cougar once in real life so i agree with blowing them away everytime one pops there head out. Ugh deadly creatures.

Life lesson though. Life in the old west was alot more exciting than history class made it out to be.