Lately, Ive been noticing a change in me. From what I gather, my ability to express myself has started to fail me. I've been excellent at this for my entire life. I love writing essays or discussing and I love to use all kinds of expressions and strange words, just for the hell of it. Language, my own and indeed any other, is something I hold very dearly.
But as I said, these last weeks Ive increasingly had trouble finding words or sometimes even forming complete sentences. Ive started to mix up letters and change the word order. The first time I noticed this was in a paper on feminism I wrote a while ago. My teacher gave me a 7 out of 10, and said that while the contents were very good and my points valid and interesting, she was surprised that I had done so many grammatical errors. I was surprised too. I hadnt even noticed them when I was writing the paper.
Things didnt get better, and soon I was having trouble speaking. It's hard to find the right words, I get confused, I forget what Im saying and sometimes I just stutter or mumble nonsensical words. Now, Ive never had this problem before. Ever. So this actually scares me.
My question to you, fellow escapists, is if youve had any similar experiences? Or if you recognize this as the first symptoms of any sort of disorder that affects your ability to speak or write? My worst fear, however, is that this might be the first stages of me developing some form of mental disorder, since Ive had a bit of history with that already, and because it's common in my family. (Personality disorders, Schizophrenia and depression.) I myself have been diagnosed with OCD, but it doesnt affect me too much. Im worried that I might have something worse, and that my OCD is just the first symptoms of some other condition, misdiagnosed as a separate one.
As I said, Im actually scared. Any help or thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
Im hoping that you escapists, seeing as how you generally are a quite eloquent bunch and most of you are fond of writing, have had any similar experiences, and if it's just something temporary, like a strange case of writer's block.
(This post took me rather a while to write and Ive been going through it over and over again.)
PS. If it's got any relevance, I HAVE been writing a lot lately, and Im working on a short story for a competition. Maybe it's just that Im stressed out?
But as I said, these last weeks Ive increasingly had trouble finding words or sometimes even forming complete sentences. Ive started to mix up letters and change the word order. The first time I noticed this was in a paper on feminism I wrote a while ago. My teacher gave me a 7 out of 10, and said that while the contents were very good and my points valid and interesting, she was surprised that I had done so many grammatical errors. I was surprised too. I hadnt even noticed them when I was writing the paper.
Things didnt get better, and soon I was having trouble speaking. It's hard to find the right words, I get confused, I forget what Im saying and sometimes I just stutter or mumble nonsensical words. Now, Ive never had this problem before. Ever. So this actually scares me.
My question to you, fellow escapists, is if youve had any similar experiences? Or if you recognize this as the first symptoms of any sort of disorder that affects your ability to speak or write? My worst fear, however, is that this might be the first stages of me developing some form of mental disorder, since Ive had a bit of history with that already, and because it's common in my family. (Personality disorders, Schizophrenia and depression.) I myself have been diagnosed with OCD, but it doesnt affect me too much. Im worried that I might have something worse, and that my OCD is just the first symptoms of some other condition, misdiagnosed as a separate one.
As I said, Im actually scared. Any help or thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.
Im hoping that you escapists, seeing as how you generally are a quite eloquent bunch and most of you are fond of writing, have had any similar experiences, and if it's just something temporary, like a strange case of writer's block.
(This post took me rather a while to write and Ive been going through it over and over again.)
PS. If it's got any relevance, I HAVE been writing a lot lately, and Im working on a short story for a competition. Maybe it's just that Im stressed out?
