Too Much Pressure to Perform During Sex
- Thread starter qazmatoz
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I have been in this exact same situation. (Though my girlfriend did listen to me, eventually)
I solved it mainly by telling her how much I wanted to be in her pants, all the time.
Anyways, this girl doesn't sound that great. She forces you to tell her when you've watched porn, she shouldn't need to know. She sounds like she's taking out her insecurities on you, this ain't good.
I solved it mainly by telling her how much I wanted to be in her pants, all the time.
Anyways, this girl doesn't sound that great. She forces you to tell her when you've watched porn, she shouldn't need to know. She sounds like she's taking out her insecurities on you, this ain't good.
oh man, i have been there. i had a relationship where things with work and school were making it difficult for me to perform as well in bed and my girlfriend at the time was not understanding about that at all, and had the same reaction. she said we wouldnt have sex anymore and, like you, that just made me feel a thousand times worse. eventually things did work themselves out and we didnt just stop having sex permanently, but the fact that she reacted that way always seemed immature and irrational to me (then again, that whole relationship was a disaster). it seems like some womyn just dont understand that not all men are hungry for sex every day and all day. guys need to be in the mood for sex just as much as womyn do and we cant all just turn off our brains and emotions and let our dick do the talking all the time. your girlfriend needs to be more sensitive and understanding of your needs and feelings, and not base her knowledge of the male body off of stereotypesqazmatoz said:
First and foremost, you two need to be on the same page. Take some time out of your day to sit down with her, and explain things from your perspective. Then have her do the same. It may not provide some miracle cure for your problems, but at the very least you'll understand the situation better, and hopefully arrive at a solution.
If she won't make the effort to do that, then perhaps you'd be better off elsewhere.
If she won't make the effort to do that, then perhaps you'd be better off elsewhere.
Had the exact same problem. I'd go from rock hard to not hard in the 10 seconds before insertion because my brain would become so overloaded with anxiety and I'd literally freeze. I went 1 year without sex because of it. Fortunately my wife has a low libido so she appreciated not being hassled.qazmatoz said:
Then I had the exact opposite problem when I was on anti-anxiety medication where I couldn't get off. We'd go for over an hour, she'd eventually get dry and sore and give up. She'd get really annoyed, despite her cumming several times, because she felt she'd failed.
The one thing I've learned from this is that sex cuts to the core of our egos, regardless of gender (although I think men feel it more keenly because we're portrayed as single-minded, sex-oriented animals). That and I'm really lucky to have an understanding wife.
While these things are sometimes short-term, they can and do affect some people for the full course (which with some meds is never-ending).Radelaide said:
Prozac practically killed my sex drive AND caused inorgasmia for a full six months. These things only went away when I stopped taking them and started self-medicating with more natural, but less legal, substances.
The unfortunate truth is she's kind of right. Most men can only equate sexual gratification with an ejaculatory orgasm. Also, consider how you'd feel if the roles were reversed and she couldn't reach orgasm. The deck's kind of stacked against you right now.qazmatoz said:I mean, I can get an erection, but then I get too in my head with anxiety or something and start losing it before long. Then things just go downhill from there.Woeps said:Is this the problem? if not and the problem is that you can't finish then don't worry.Vanguard_Ex said:
Finishing during love making is not what counts.
But showing love and affection is what does count (okay starting to sound like a girl here).
But if you do have an erection problem then that?s not the end of the world either... Since you still have your fingers if you know what I mean.
Hell my girl and I have lots of making out sessions where we only use our hands and lips. Though the down side on that one is that you could become too good with your hands
Pleasuring her has never been an issue since I can make her orgasm pretty much any way imaginable, or at least every way that I've tried.
She thinks it's all meaningless if I don't orgasm too though. I guess she thinks that I only get pleasure from orgasming, despite telling her repeatedly that I just like the intimacy and making her feel good.
I have a similar issue, though mine is related to the medication I take as well as anxiety. Specifically, it takes quite a while for me to reach orgasm (ie we've reached the point of exhaustion and I still haven't had one while she's lost count). Something I found to help was a little music. Despite being cliché, it might keep you out of your head. It's not much, but I hope it helps.
This may sound silly...and forward...and maybe a little TMI or graphic, but bear with me ok?qazmatoz said:
In the book Letters to A Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke explains that all art and all great things in life come out of necessity. I believe that this goes for everything, including sex. The best sex I've ever had has always been with women that I've either loved or hated for this very reason, if I loved her I needed to be sexually intimate with her because of that love. If I hated her guts I needed to fuck her brains out in the most degrading manner (always consentual, and she was into it...I promise) to show her what a beezy she was (forgive my blunt misogynistic language sometimes I talk like that, but these women were truly vile people). Your case is obviously the former, thankfully. Perhaps you've tried these things before, but taking her out and having as much fun as you can (when you can find the time with your busy schedule), or taking some time to appreciate her from a distance while she's...I dont know, studying or something you may find some of those animalistic urges again; meditation can help activate you as well. What it sounds like you need is some sort of sexual trigger. Perhaps taking some time to yourself where you imagine all the things you could do with her sexually would be enough to activate you to the point where it is a necessity to perform sexually (i.e. banging her brains out). The next step is concentration and awareness, try to stay concentrated on what you're doing, and if you feel yourself losing it find a way to solve that problem, pull out and go down on her for a while, meanwhile taking some time to activate yourself and ask her to help you, get some dirty talk in there too, or even some romantic language if that works better for you. You must communicate during sex and not think of it as a performance but something that you love doing.
sorry if I was too forward or sounded too weird. And maybe you've tried all this stuff before, but it's on both of you to solve this problem, and only you have the means to do it without the aid of drugs and/or porn. You know exactly what you need to do for this better than anybody else on this forum, and that's a fact. Good luck, I hope my clumsy words may be useful to you
Honestly dude, I can tell you straight up why it depresses her, because no matter what you say, if a guy doesn't get off, it makes the girl feel like she's not good enough for him to get off. I know, it makes no sense, but that's how our minds work. It makes us feel like failures when our guy doesn't get off cuz then it seems like he didn't enjoy it. You seriously need to chill out tho or this is just going to get worse.
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=138995133
You really should consider cessation of masturbation. Regularly masturbating to pornography dramatically reduces my sexual drive, and I often experience erectile dysfunction as a result [of lack of stimulation (in this case stimulating imagery) during sex compared to porn].
Give it a try.
You really should consider cessation of masturbation. Regularly masturbating to pornography dramatically reduces my sexual drive, and I often experience erectile dysfunction as a result [of lack of stimulation (in this case stimulating imagery) during sex compared to porn].
Give it a try
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I think you should break up with her. If she's going to be that blunt and unfeeling regarding something like that, then there is approximately zero chance that she will be a positive influence in your life in the future.
Dump her now, while she's talking about backing away. Then it'll seem like her idea.
Find someone who is supportive. Then you'll be able to perform. It's no fun being in a long-term relationship with someone who is ugly, and she sounds ugly on the inside.
Dump her now, while she's talking about backing away. Then it'll seem like her idea.
Find someone who is supportive. Then you'll be able to perform. It's no fun being in a long-term relationship with someone who is ugly, and she sounds ugly on the inside.
Are you gay? Maybe you're really gay and that's the problem.
Or is she just fat and nasty?
Something is up if you're this young and you can't get it up. Either you're not attracted to her or you're not attracted to women in general.
There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have a lot of friends who are dudes who bang dudes. It's just better you admit it to yourself now before you get really involved with this girl.
Or is she just fat and nasty?
Something is up if you're this young and you can't get it up. Either you're not attracted to her or you're not attracted to women in general.
There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have a lot of friends who are dudes who bang dudes. It's just better you admit it to yourself now before you get really involved with this girl.
Maybe I should have been more specific...out of the few times I have had sex, that "rarely" would be once. So I'm aware that it's pretty taxing on the interest. Very much so.Squall-Loire said:
Seriously, I know you don't want to hear it, but the porn is probably your biggest enemy here. Most likely you are addicted to porn. Most men are and either don't know it or don't want to admit it.
No, being addicted to porn does not mean masturbating 8 times a day to porn. Someone can be addicted and only look at porn once a day.
An addiction means that you are abusing something to escape, or cope with something else. So, if you're dealing with your stress/depression by getting yourself off every day, you are addicted. If your Girlfriend tells you she doesn't want to have sex with you, then you sulk off and crank one out because it makes you even more depressed, well it's no different than someone addicted to alcohol, or drugs, or overeating.
Masturbating to porn is a fantasy in which there is no intimacy or pressure to perform involved. It's an escape and ultimately it distorts your picture of healthy sex.
Just because it's common, does not mean it's healthy. And what is up with all of these suggestions for Viagra? Don't you realize that it's just a pill covering up a symptom? Wouldn't you rather get to the root cause of the issue and be actually healthy rather than medicating yourself?
You don't have to stop porn and masturbation cold turkey. In fact it's an addiction that can take months to quit. Set your goals realistically, talk to your girlfriend about it and read "The most personal addiction" by Joe Zychik.
Just try it. You'd be surprised.
No, being addicted to porn does not mean masturbating 8 times a day to porn. Someone can be addicted and only look at porn once a day.
An addiction means that you are abusing something to escape, or cope with something else. So, if you're dealing with your stress/depression by getting yourself off every day, you are addicted. If your Girlfriend tells you she doesn't want to have sex with you, then you sulk off and crank one out because it makes you even more depressed, well it's no different than someone addicted to alcohol, or drugs, or overeating.
Masturbating to porn is a fantasy in which there is no intimacy or pressure to perform involved. It's an escape and ultimately it distorts your picture of healthy sex.
Just because it's common, does not mean it's healthy. And what is up with all of these suggestions for Viagra? Don't you realize that it's just a pill covering up a symptom? Wouldn't you rather get to the root cause of the issue and be actually healthy rather than medicating yourself?
You don't have to stop porn and masturbation cold turkey. In fact it's an addiction that can take months to quit. Set your goals realistically, talk to your girlfriend about it and read "The most personal addiction" by Joe Zychik.
Just try it. You'd be surprised.