Too young for me?

[loa]

I'm sorry, but with something this serious, not taking the legal stuff into account isn't sensible or realistic.

As someone else mentioned, age of concent is 16 in The Netherlands, which is where I live. She'll be 16 soon enough for me to wait it out. I knew this before making the original post; hence I asked to take that out of concideration.

Well wonderful, that's the one solid thing people here can give advice on out of the way then.
I don't see how anyone here could or should decide for you if she is or isn't too young if you're not breaking any law.
There are simply too many unknowns here to give any worthwhile advice.
One can't generalize "a 22 year old should/should't do anything with a 16 year old" and that's all we really know, 2 numbers.

You will have to scale how much you'd regret not doing it against how much trouble it will and might cause yourself.

 

[Whateveralot]

You will have to scale how much you'd regret not doing it against how much trouble it will and might cause yourself.

Now that's the worthwhile advice I was looking for. The judgements help too, it's true that it's not the easy way. We'd get off well together, but that's just about it. Everyone would judge us, specifically me. Plus, it's a fact that she has to grow up and direct her life into it's adult form. Unsure of how this will end up being, I can't pin myself down on that.

Now, to tell her...

 

[Batou667]

Yes, too young. Run like hell.

 

[CruisingForBiddies]

Definitely too young mate, I don't really see how she is worth the risk. But then again I don't know her or how you feel about her. But I say break it off.

 

[jameswilson799]

It?s ok if you think its right and she loves you too.

 

[artanis_neravar]

Hmm...isn't there a 3-year (or 5-year) rule where everything is okay, as long as the two people are within 3 (or 5) years of age. So 13 and 15 is all good, and it remains legal when the first one turns 17. Still, feelings are feelings. It feels kinda wrong (seriously [http://cdn.electricpig.com.s3-external-3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/oh-god-why.jpg]). Hence I'm asking this here.

It's no real problem outside of your teen years but within those years, dating a girl who is still in high school while you are in college (or are soon to be going) and It is illegal for an 18 yr old to have sex with a minor (obviously) Lame but the way I see it, it's nothing major, more people out there you know. I'd rather not go on the sex offender list.

Anyone having sex with a minor is illegal, two 14 year olds having sex is still statutory. Some areas have, relatively recently been trying to change the law to avoid cases like that, but you would have to check your own areas laws.

 

[porpoise hork]

15 will get you 20.

don't do it.

 

[Limecake]

she's way too young.

It could be you're just lonely and are projecting things on her that aren't actually there, but I honestly don't see what you could see in her beyond anything physical (Even then it still seems a little odd since she isn't fully developed yet.)

I mean what would you talk about? I know my world view has changed drastically since I was 15 (23 now) so much so that I wouldn't even recognize the old me. No matter how mature she might seem she isn't, in both a physical and emotional sense when she's 18 she's on the tail end of puberty and it would be acceptable at that point.

Seriously Puberty is a crazy thing.

 

[OneCatch]

Practically, it's stupid to even consider.
Even assuming everything was fine to start with, all it would take would be for someone to find out and she gets shamed by her entire school for the next couple of years, and you go to prison.
Or, you break up and she tells her parents. They go apeshit, you go to prison.
Or, you get guilty, break it off, she gets depressed, self-harms, you go to prison.
Hell, what if she were to get pregnant?
There's almost no chance of it ending well, and it's exceedingly likely that it would go horribly wrong!

And morally speaking she's far too young. Even if you had the best intentions it's likely you'd have a negative effect on her emotional development, and that's not to mention the difficulty of keeping it secret causing problems for both of you. The age of consent is there for a very good reason - it's to prevent harmful relationships

And, for the shock factor, think of it this way: the difference between your ages is half of how old she is.

 

[Brown Cap]

Yes. This is wrong. My suggestion is to tell her the exact thing you told us (if you can trust us strangers, you can trust your love.) And see how she feels about it too. Take it from there.

Unfortunate? Yes
Necessary? Yes

 

[evilneko]

Eh, seven years isn't so bad a gap really. If she were 18 and you 25, you wouldn't even be asking this IMO.

My grandparents on my dad's side are 10 years apart.

 

[Evil Smurf]

wait till she is legal

 

[DeathSwitch109]

It's not worth it maturity wise and legal-wise. Plenty of other girls like her at your age.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

Frankly it won't last. You're 22, she's 15. For the next 8 years your responsibilities and life goals will be vastly different. You will want totally different things. When you're 25 she'll be 18. You'll want to pay the bills and put money away to save for a house/car/whatever. She'll be looking to go to uni or go out with friends. It'll be stressful, no matter how much you like each other, to reconcile that.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Rule of thumb, when you ask that question the answer is probably yes.
But on the specific issue let me just point out this won't last, she is at the start of fooling around with guys and wants to explore her options, while you probably aim for something more serious, so if you go into it as a summer fling and be clear about it then it's fine (if your country hasn't got laws against it that is).

 

[Trasch17]

I don't really see a problem here. My father is 14 years older than my mother.
When they met, he was 30 and she was 16. They are now (almost exactly) married for 26 years.
If you keep it legal there won't be any problems...

 

[Bertylicious]

I am uncertain how to advise. My personaly philsophy would make me a agree with what Ioa said about regrets but EClaris' personal experience is equally compelling.

Would you mind sharing the outcome of your conversation with her? It's none of our business but I would like to know how it turns out for future reference.

 

[StormShaun]

I wouldn't call you a pedo-bear or such because love is natural.

I would say wait until she is legal/older (maybe 16/17) and see what your feelings are for her. I you still...well want to get close to her I would say go for it. Because if she is that young and your that old and people see you together it can cause problems for you but more importantly it can cause problems for her.

I know people who parents are pretty far apart. So who says you can't have feeling for this person when they are old enough to be sure for themselves.

For myself personally I have a 3 year bracket and I'm 17.

 

[Belated]

The societal standards we apply to sexuality are completely arbitrary. The US thinks that people shouldn't be able to bone until they're 16 or 17 or 18 depending on the state. Meanwhile in some countries, you can have sex at 13 or younger. Now I'll give you that "younger" than 13 is probably too young. But what should the true age of consent be? The answer is simple: Nobody frickin' knows.

Besides, in eight years, you'll be 30, and she'll be 23, and then the age difference won't seem that big. So what I'm saying is, go for it. Date her. just don't do her until she's legal, unless you know for sure she won't tell. If your worried about her being too young to know what she wants, don't. If she actually stays with you for the three years it'll take for her to be 18, you can be pretty sure that she knows what she wants.

 

[Luca72]

At 15 her own life is going to change so much over the next few years. She may be a completely different person soon than what your or even she thinks she'll be. At 22 your identity is much more stable. You need to let her become whoever she's supposed to be.

As far as the legal situation goes, I think we've both heard of cases where the relationship was mutual, but then the girl got angry and they end up with a molestation case in court. That's not something you want on your record that you have to explain to people for the rest of your life.

EDIT: BTW, you're not a pedobear. A smoking hot girl is a smoking hot girl, and your body doesn't factor in age and consent laws. But I think you know intellectually what's right and wrong here.