Transgender Q & A

[TheDoctor455]

Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

I have a friend who is asexual agender! Which pronouns do you prefer? My friend goes by "they," but I've had some trouble using the correct pronouns in my head. Then again, I get confused whenever other people refer to my friend by gendered pronouns, so maybe I'm improving at thinking of them correctly?

EDIT: Actually, scratch that, they are neutrois, not agender. Slightly different.

Hmm... to be honest, I haven't given the pronoun thing much thought.

But I tend to use the pronoun that matches my physical gender for the sake of convenience... you know...

when 'I' or 'me' won't work for whatever reason. Then again... never really cared too much about which pronouns I use to refer to myself with... or others like me. As you can imagine, I haven't met many, so the issue of using plural pronouns hasn't come up until now.

 

[an annoyed writer]

How are 'transgenders' ethically different from a white person getting surgery and claiming he's an African American or visa-versa?

Why do you insist that people must accept what you decide they must accept?

While I don't condone unjust abuse or harassment, don't you think it's fair that people consider you to be the gender you were born rather than whatever made-up gender you claim to be?

Don't you think it's strange that 'transgender" people claim to be open-minded yet the reason they change gender is because emotionally they subscribe to a particular set of stereotypes that they claim to be against?

Hoboy. Talk about loaded questions. Let's see if I can pull this little braindance off.

For your first question the truth is I really can't say for sure. I only know of a couple trans-racial people, and the most prominent one is kind of dead. What I can say is how we're different from people who say, have the apparent need to be Japanese: a while ago I ran into a user here who exhibited such a desire. He was adamant about getting plastic surgery to look Japanese and soaking up the culture of Japan to the fullest extent. I don't have much of a problem with it, but I can't really explain it. With transgender studies we at least have a basic understanding of how we occur, and the results of treating one incorrectly with methods that aim to change their mind to match their body and not the other way around. Honestly I'd love to see more studies done in that area, that don't have an unrealistic grounding in age-old tradition.

As for part two: I don't think it's fair. Let's frame the question this way: say you are a man, you know you are a man, you've got the equipment of a man, and have a generally masculine personality, but everyone uses female pronouns and the like to refer to you. To counteract this you compensate by doing things in an excessively masculine manner, but they keep insisting that you're a woman: wouldn't you feel abused? Wouldn't you feel harassed? Treat others like you want to be treated. This answer covers questions two and three.

Your final question is grounded in the assumption that all transwomen are overly girly girls and all transmen are overly manly men. This is simply untrue: I've met transwomen around here that are tomboys, and transmen that are still into some feminine stuff. The truth is that we come from all walks of life and many different heritages, and thus unique perspectives. The reasons we change gender are as numerous as we ourselves are. Stop talking about us like we're a hive-mind: we're not.

Drop the Bill O'Reilly schtick next time you ask about us. No one appreciates that shit.

 

[squeekenator]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

I've never seen or heard of a work that competently deals with the issue, and if I did hear that a mainstream work were to include a trans character I would be very pessimistic about the idea. It isn't a topic that mainstream media or culture have ever handled in a respectful manner.

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

I don't remember the source, but I did at some point see some rather interesting stats which indicated that, for trans women at least, it's basically an even split between heterosexual and homosexual, with a large number of bisexual and about 5% asexual, which backs up by my totally subjective and unscientific experience. So being trans does affect your sexuality, but not in the way most people assume, ie, that all trans women like dudes and all trans men like chicks; rather, it gives much greater variance. As for whether you're gay or straight, that's a bit of a philosphical question. If you consider a trans person to be the gender they identify with and they're into people of that gender then you'll consider them gay, and as pretty much every trans person does believe that you are the gender with which you identify that's how we tend to see things.

How are 'transgenders' ethically different from a white person getting surgery and claiming he's an African American or visa-versa?

Why do you insist that people must accept what you decide they must accept?

While I don't condone unjust abuse or harassment, don't you think it's fair that people consider you to be the gender you were born rather than whatever made-up gender you claim to be?

Don't you think it's strange that 'transgender" people claim to be open-minded yet the reason they change gender is because emotionally they subscribe to a particular set of stereotypes that they claim to be against?

In order:
- There are some clear differences between being transgender or transethnic (I think that's the correct word?), but does that matter? You seem to be coming at this from the perspective that changing your race is clearly wrong (ethically wrong, even) and trying to make us prove that changing gender is better, I don't see the problem with someone changing their race as long as it does genuinely improve their quality of life.

- I can't speak for everyone, but it's a rather sensitive subject. Basically, being trans is a really shitty experience in general and whenever someone decides to make a stand and tell those trannies what's what it just adds insult to injury. I don't encourage the idea of thought policing and such, if you don't believe that someone can actually change their sex then that's fine, but you really don't need to run around telling every trans person that "you're really a woman and you can never change that, stop pretending to be a man" or whatever when that's clearly rather upsetting to them. Even if it is true, you don't have to rub it in - if your friend/spouse/parent/pet/whatever died, would you approve of people saying "ha, that's the person whose friend/spouse/parent/pet/whatever just died, sucks to be you" and then, when you got upset, acting like they're the wronged party and you're oppressing their right to free speech?

- Most of this is covered in my previous answer, but I would have extra objections to this if it wasn't actually a logical position. If someone has all the visible primary and secondary physical characteristics of a woman but the chromosomes of a man, is it really rational to say that a single male characteristic overrides every single female characteristic they may have? If someone is pre-transition and is still entirely physically the gender they were born as then I don't have any particular objections to someone considering them a member of that gender - I don't agree but I understand where they're coming from. If they've fully transtioned and are for all practical intents and purpose the physical sex with which they identify, insisting that they're still really a man/woman because, I dunno, they have boy germs or something is ridiculous and a little bit childish.

- That's not really the case though. Being trans isn't a matter of social gender roles. I mean, I sit around in front of a computer all day, arguing with people on the internet, making dick jokes, insulting my friends over Skype, playing Starcraft and DotA2 and occasionally telling people who play LoL that they're filthy casuals who need to find a real game ('tis all in jest though), I like superhero movies and other movies with lots of guns and explosions and Game of Thrones and D&D and Warhammer 40K and Magic and My Little Pony (let's be honest, that's a guy thing now) and I don't have any particular interest in pink or skirts or whatever (don't mind them, but no real love for them either) and I can't stand any stereotypical 'girly' stuff like romantic movies or barbie dolls or whatever other crap. I fit perfectly into the male gender role, and find the standard female gender role utterly unappealing. I still want to be a woman though. It's nothing at all to do with gender roles and everything to do with some part of my brain deciding that my body is supposed to be a female one.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Hmm...

this... might be a bit depressing to talk about but...

1) What kinds of difficulties do you face as a result of this?

2) How much do you think you might have internalized the stereotypes there are about the transgendered community?


Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

The difficulties that us transgender people face in today's world are widespread, but dependent on the country that we live in, so I'll discuss some that have cropped up most commonly.

Discrimination is a big one, especially in western countries: getting a job and holding one can be difficult, especially in places run by relatively conservative people like Wal Mart and Domino's. In some places we're outright fired just for existing as we are: in others, company policy may say nay but other employees may practice personal discrimination. There's an increased risk of being maimed, raped, tortured, and murdered wherever we go. We have to tread lightly for this reason: many of us go stealth to avoid that fate.

Getting proper medical care is also difficult: there are several cases of where our kind were killed in emergency situations when their lives could have been saved, due to medical malpractice stemming from the practitioner's personal discrimination. Finding a good doctor is key.

As for the second one: personally I have no idea of if I've internalized any popular stereotypes of transwomen or not. My physical appearance is generally feminine, rather than the "Masculine woman" stereotype so many outsiders think of when they hear about us. I have feminine mannerisms and styles of dress, but not to the point of overcompensation. The only one I can think of that would apply to me is that I'm something of an activist: I think that us transpeople should speak for ourselves, rather than have others who don't know from experience speak for us.

 

[an annoyed writer]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

I've never seen or heard of a work that competently deals with the issue, and if I did hear that a mainstream work were to include a trans character I would be very pessimistic about the idea. It isn't a topic that mainstream media or culture have ever handled in a respectful manner.

Funny this thread should pop up now- just the other day there was a documentary about transgendered people on TV that left me with a question: what part does sexual orientation play into transgenderism, if at all? For example, prior to having gender reassignment surgery, would a male-to-female person be considered homosexual?

I don't remember the source, but I did at some point see some rather interesting stats which indicated that, for trans women at least, it's basically an even split between heterosexual and homosexual, with a large number of bisexual and about 5% asexual, which backs up by my totally subjective and unscientific experience. So being trans does affect your sexuality, but not in the way most people assume, ie, that all trans women like dudes and all trans men like chicks; rather, it gives much greater variance. As for whether you're gay or straight, that's a bit of a philosphical question. If you consider a trans person to be the gender they identify with and they're into people of that gender then you'll consider them gay, and as pretty much every trans person does believe that you are the gender with which you identify that's how we tend to see things.

How are 'transgenders' ethically different from a white person getting surgery and claiming he's an African American or visa-versa?

Why do you insist that people must accept what you decide they must accept?

While I don't condone unjust abuse or harassment, don't you think it's fair that people consider you to be the gender you were born rather than whatever made-up gender you claim to be?

Don't you think it's strange that 'transgender" people claim to be open-minded yet the reason they change gender is because emotionally they subscribe to a particular set of stereotypes that they claim to be against?

In order:
- There are some clear differences between being transgender or transethnic (I think that's the correct word?), but does that matter? You seem to be coming at this from the perspective that changing your race is clearly wrong (ethically wrong, even) and trying to make us prove that changing gender is better, I don't see the problem with someone changing their race as long as it does genuinely improve their quality of life.

- I can't speak for everyone, but it's a rather sensitive subject. Basically, being trans is a really shitty experience in general and whenever someone decides to make a stand and tell those trannies what's what it just adds insult to injury. I don't encourage the idea of thought policing and such, if you don't believe that someone can actually change their sex then that's fine, but you really don't need to run around telling every trans person that "you're really a woman and you can never change that, stop pretending to be a man" or whatever when that's clearly rather upsetting to them. Even if it is true, you don't have to rub it in - if your friend/spouse/parent/pet/whatever died, would you approve of people saying "ha, that's the person whose friend/spouse/parent/pet/whatever just died, sucks to be you" and then, when you got upset, acting like they're the wronged party and you're oppressing their right to free speech?

- Most of this is covered in my previous answer, but I would have extra objections to this if it wasn't actually a logical position. If someone has all the visible primary and secondary physical characteristics of a woman but the chromosomes of a man, is it really rational to say that a single male characteristic overrides every single female characteristic they may have? If someone is pre-transition and is still entirely physically the gender they were born as then I don't have any particular objections to someone considering them a member of that gender - I don't agree but I understand where they're coming from. If they've fully transtioned and are for all practical intents and purpose the physical sex with which they identify, insisting that they're still really a man/woman because, I dunno, they have boy germs or something is ridiculous and a little bit childish.

- That's not really the case though. Being trans isn't a matter of social gender roles. I mean, I sit around in front of a computer all day, arguing with people on the internet, making dick jokes, insulting my friends over Skype, playing Starcraft and DotA2 and occasionally telling people who play LoL that they're filthy casuals who need to find a real game ('tis all in jest though), I like superhero movies and other movies with lots of guns and explosions and Game of Thrones and D&D and Warhammer 40K and Magic and My Little Pony (let's be honest, that's a guy thing now) and I don't have any particular interest in pink or skirts or whatever (don't mind them, but no real love for them either) and I can't stand any stereotypical 'girly' stuff like romantic movies or barbie dolls or whatever other crap. I fit perfectly into the male gender role, and find the standard female gender role utterly unappealing. I still want to be a woman though. It's nothing at all to do with gender roles and everything to do with some part of my brain deciding that my body is supposed to be a female one.

Perturbed by the loaded questions too, I take it? Let's be serious here: that guy approached that from the wrong angle: one that works from a perspective of confirming their assumptions, rather than getting to understand us as people. That's exactly how NOT to ask a question folks.

 

[Ren_Li]

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

 

[squeekenator]

Perturbed by the loaded questions too, I take it? Let's be serious here: that guy approached that from the wrong angle: one that works from a perspective of confirming their assumptions, rather than getting to understand us as people. That's exactly how NOT to ask a question folks.

Yeah, it was a little... perturbing. Still, my philosophy is to give a nice, informative answer if at all possible; if the loaded questions were just because he didn't know much about the topic then I'd rather not yell at him for not understanding something that he's in a Q&A thread about. If he's a troll or just a generally unpleasant person then at least others reading the thread might benefit from my responses.

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

Trans woman, I'm open about it online because anonymity rocks but not so much IRL.

 

[Flutterknight]

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

I'm an extremely open transwoman online, though a bit less open offline since my current financial situation doesn't allow me to afford any manner of doctor visits, let alone treatment.

 

[Cry Wolf]

Dude, where was this thread a few days ago? I could have saved, well, annoying an annoyed writer with my curiosity! I've really only got one question topic at the moment, assuming any of you are in a position to answer currently;

Does the surgically constructed vagina feel pleasure? Is it capable of orgasm? Multiple?

Does having sex with a pre-transgender male considered gay??

Another heterosexual guy here, and the answer to this question is simply about how you define gender. To me gender is something which should be defined by the observer in terms of sexuality and by the subject in terms of social perception. For example I, when considering a potential partner, only care that they appear female and identify themselves as such. If I were to have sex with somebody meeting your description who fell under my definition of female, I'd not consider it to be homosexual. When I'm not considering it interms of sexuality though, the subject would be female regardless of my perception.

EDIT:

Spoiler: What heterosexual man isn't attracted to this?

She's transgendered MtF, incase you missed that part.

EDIT: Well shit, I just realise I refered to a transgendered woman as a 'he' in my first edit. Maybe I need to start posting a reasonable hours of the day.

 

[an annoyed writer]

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

Another Transwoman reporting in here. Open in online forums like this, not nearly as much in public since I don't like the unwanted attention(read: Molotov Cocktails) that I'd get around my area. And don't worry about feeling superfluous: answer the questions you want to. More perspective results in better education.

 

[Cry Wolf]

I don't like the unwanted attention(read: Molotov Cocktails) that I'd get around my area.

Holy fuck, maybe I should jump to another forum again. I've been using this image ay too much recentlly.

 

[Jenvas1306]

What a cool thread. Thanks for stepping forward with this; a little education can never go wrong!

This might be kind of an icky line of questioning, and I apologize if I'm overstepping boundaries, and feel free not to answer. XD That said, my questions are aimed mostly at the post-op folks. What are the differences between your genitals now and previously? Do you experience a difference in sensitivity? How do you approach masturbation (if you do at all)? What are the differences between the genitals of a post-op transgendered individual and those of someone who has not undergone surgery? How has the rest of your body changed, besides the obvious sexual equipment?

Now for a much less intimate and more hypothetical question. I have a friend who was born male but has begun transitioning to female. During this process, he would frequently update me as to how things were progressing, and honestly, I got kind of sick of hearing about it. I never said so, though, because I knew how important it was to him and I wanted to be supportive. If you were telling someone about your transition, and they asked you to stop telling them about it, how would you react? What would you think of that person? Would your first assumption be that they were uncomfortable with your transgender nature, or that they're just an insensitive jerk, or something else entirely?

Finally, how do you deal with people who make unpleasant comments to or about you regarding your gender presentation? You know the type, the ones who screech "SHE'S A MAN" and "NICE ADAM'S APPLE" and stupid shit like that.

first of all the obligatory correction: You refer to you friend as 'he' but if she identifies as female, shouldnt you as a friend use female pronouns? If you dont want to hear about it you can easily tell her. Its quite an amazing experiance and I can certainly understand why someone would want to share it, but if you tell her, try to do it in a way as if she was making something more special than it is, cause you know, transsexuals are normal and so is transitioning. (a compliment if you notice stuff like a more curvy bodshape is worth a lot aswell.)

well, before I started hormone therapy I tried a lot to reduce the pressure testosterone induces, which was kinda pointless as my sexuality just doesnt work right with male equipment. Which the beginning of my HRT that pressure faded and I really had no reason to do anything. After the surgery I had more testosterone back, just at the levels of ciswomen and it naturally was very interessting and exciting to get to know my changed body (its also good for the healing process).
As for the sensivity, I had the luck to find a great surgeon who just does exelent work, so I wouldnt say I lost sensivity, maybe even gained some as certain parts have less dampening material around them, and naturally, that my mind and body fit together also makes things work way better for me. Besides the freely transplanted part (just the end of the vagina) I had rather much sensivity everywhere just right after. wasnt pleasant during the change of bandages, or just for sleeping...

the rest of my body changed before that, because of the hormones, a second puberty you could say. I got rouder hips, thighs and a rounder behind. My skin got more clear and soft and the growth of body hair changed (by now less than some ciswomen, good that I'm blond). Sadly I also lost endurance and strength and had a fairly low bloodpressure for a while. A bit more than a year after I started HRT, I reached and A cup and they didnt stop there. Not huge, but enough and all me and no silicone.

I take your question about the differances as that you want to know how a neovulva looks compared to one that grew in that shape? Well... sadly that depends a lot on the surgeon and what method he uses. I know that thailand has very good docs, but also that in america people often have to go for the cheapest variant. So what is todays standard does look more or less different. The method creates a lot of tension on that area, so it is hard to form good lips etc.
Like I mentioned, there is progress and what made me choose my surgeon was surely that he explained his thougt process, effort and pride to be better than standard. He told me how he does it compared to older methods and showed me pictures of results just weeks after the surgery. I was quite amazed, cause after everything is healed and taken care of well, you just dont see it anymore from the outside. He is not the only one striving for improvement.

sadly, I cant really answer your last question. I allways had a pretty good passing, better than I believed myself, even I am glad not to need a scarf all the time and still think you kinda see it. I just didnt catch much attention I guess and my home city is probably to simple anyways. The only attention I started to get was positive (constructionsite workers really whistle after women walking by, I allways thought that was a stereotype)

Phew that was a lot of typing...

 

[SirPigglesworth]

If you could say one thing to non-transgender youth about transgender people what would it be?
If you could say one thing to closeted transgender youth what would it be?

I'm sorry how transgendered people are treated by others and I hope that dispelling ignorance will help you be treated equally.
PS. If the terms I have used are wrong can you tell me the correct terms I mean no offence.

 

[squeekenator]

Dude, where was this thread a few days ago? I could have saved, well, annoying an annoyed writer with my curiosity! I've really only got one question topic at the moment, assuming any of you are in a position to answer currently;

Does the surgically constructed vagina feel pleasure? Is it capable of orgasm? Multiple?

Don't have one (yet), but as long as you have a decent surgeon, yes, yes and yes.

 

[Jenvas1306]

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

And another transwoman, but Im from germany, does that make me special?
Online its easy to be open, especially if people ask. IRL thats a little different, also as people dont ask often. I dont like making a secret of it, so my friends know.

 

[Cry Wolf]

Dude, where was this thread a few days ago? I could have saved, well, annoying an annoyed writer with my curiosity! I've really only got one question topic at the moment, assuming any of you are in a position to answer currently;

Does the surgically constructed vagina feel pleasure? Is it capable of orgasm? Multiple?

Don't have one (yet), but as long as you have a decent surgeon, yes, yes and yes.

Thanks! I think my curiosity is sated for now. =)

 

[Jenvas1306]

Dude, where was this thread a few days ago? I could have saved, well, annoying an annoyed writer with my curiosity! I've really only got one question topic at the moment, assuming any of you are in a position to answer currently;

Does the surgically constructed vagina feel pleasure? Is it capable of orgasm? Multiple?

hah, yes very much so. Just as a hint, for someone with male anatomy, achiving an anal orgasm is easier, also due to the prostate being very sensitive. now guess what lays just at the right place to make a good G-spot after the surgery...
yeah, it works quite well.

 

[zehydra]

I can pretty much vouch for the notion that Trans != Cross Dressers. A trans person can cross dresser, and a cross dresser and be trans, but it is not necessarily so.

I cross dress in private. I am not trans.

 

[an annoyed writer]

If you could say one thing to non-transgender youth about transgender people what would it be?
If you could say one thing to closeted transgender youth what would it be?

I'm sorry how transgendered people are treated by others and I hope that dispelling ignorance will help you be treated equally.
PS. If the terms I have used are wrong can you tell me the correct terms I mean no offence.

For non-transgender youth: "We are people, just like you. we don't want to hurt you, so please don't hurt us."

For closeted Transgender youth: "There is no such thing as too soon. the younger you go in, the better and less expensive the treatment will be, so make the jump NOW!"

Also you've done pretty well terminology-wise so far, good sir. Keep it up.

 

[an annoyed writer]

I can pretty much vouch for the notion that Trans != Cross Dressers. A trans person can cross dresser, and a cross dresser and be trans, but it is not necessarily so.

I cross dress in private. I am not trans.

This is a generally sound assumption. Cross-dressing is a symptom, but it does not make someone a transsexual. At most, you'd be referred to as a transvestite, but that's only if you get off to that sort of thing. There's a difference, people.