Transgender Q & A
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I'm as open about my gender identity as I can feasibly be, given that I don't live alone and work for a company that, when the time comes for my transition to start, will continue to employ me throughout this whole change. I do intend to change jobs after it's over, though, or just when my identity changes on a legal basis.Ren_Li said:
I actually have some questions myself for anyone who's post-op, as I've been pre-op for a couple of decades too long now and am looking to get started, but I'm not quite sure how.
1. How long did your transition take from start to finish and how much did it cost?
2. What exactly do I do to get started? I tried to see a therapist in order to get in touch with some doctors that could assign me hormone therapy, but that didn't really work. Not at that, anyway. I had some other issues with which the aforementioned therapist was immensely helpful.
Such is the unfortunate consequence of being a transgirl in a hick town in the middle of nowhere, my friend. It's not pretty. Hell, it's one of the reasons I've trained in firearm use and operation. To those who think I'm wrong about that: when people want you dead and are willing to dirty their hands by spilling your guts on the floor, I think that responding in kind is necessary, if unfortunate.Cry Wolf said:an annoyed writer said:
Holy fuck, maybe I should jump to another forum again. I've been using this image ay too much recentlly.
first of all. i admire you, not many people have the guts to come out with something like that and there are even fewer with the bravery to go "any questions?" afterwards. you deserve a big cake. or sugary treat of your choice.
1. how young were you when you figured out you were not like other boys or girls?
2. in a relationship. which gender do you prefer? or are you bisexual?
3. me and a friend have this theory that in about 50 to 100 years, being transgender will be as average as being a male or female. do you see that happening?
4. any plans involving your sexuality for the future?[footnote]that sounded like an extremely posh perv hitting on someone[/footnote] family for example?
5. what do your parents think about it?
6. can you give a little sumary of your relationships (i am sorry for asking so much about your lovelife)
7. i have no idea how to say this but.....uhmmmm, was it hard to learn, uhmm. how to use your ehhhh "new tools"?
EDIT (sorry about that, these came to my mind a little later):
8. if you are in a relationship. do your significant other know and how did he/she react when you told him/her?
9: if you have siblings, hat do the think?
10: have you noticed any personalty changes after the operation? anything really from liking a food you didn't like to having completely new interests.
11: is it weird looking back? to spending childhood as a boy and adulthood as a women is still sort of surreal to me.
1. how young were you when you figured out you were not like other boys or girls?
2. in a relationship. which gender do you prefer? or are you bisexual?
3. me and a friend have this theory that in about 50 to 100 years, being transgender will be as average as being a male or female. do you see that happening?
4. any plans involving your sexuality for the future?[footnote]that sounded like an extremely posh perv hitting on someone[/footnote] family for example?
5. what do your parents think about it?
6. can you give a little sumary of your relationships (i am sorry for asking so much about your lovelife)
7. i have no idea how to say this but.....uhmmmm, was it hard to learn, uhmm. how to use your ehhhh "new tools"?
EDIT (sorry about that, these came to my mind a little later):
8. if you are in a relationship. do your significant other know and how did he/she react when you told him/her?
9: if you have siblings, hat do the think?
10: have you noticed any personalty changes after the operation? anything really from liking a food you didn't like to having completely new interests.
11: is it weird looking back? to spending childhood as a boy and adulthood as a women is still sort of surreal to me.
Well, the more you know. Transwomen can have vaginal oragsms and clitoral orgasms, just like non-transwomen, but a well done surgery is naturally a must for that. People often think of a 'constructed' vulva and vagina as way less than it actually is.Cry Wolf said:
sadly, for transmen it is more difficult.
1. I have allways felt different, but when I go to puberty it got more and more clear, so its a bit hard to say exactly, but 12 can be taken as my answer.Not Matt said:
2. I am straight, thats for certain. I dated women in the past, but real romantic feelings, thats something I ever only had with men.
3. I hope that the treatment and society has evolved so far that transsexuality is fully cureable (hormones, fertility, tube grown organs, such stuff) and if you are male or female doesnt matter as much as it does today.
4. what plans? having sex with my bf? that sure. right now I am not sure if I will adopt or not, ask me in 10years.
5. my parents see that I am happy. for my mother its evident that she has a daughter now and my father atleast accepts it.
6. eh... I had dates in the past, with women i liked, but nothing came of that. I had crushes on guys, but was too afraid to go for it. Now I have my first bf and I am planning on keeping him.
7. You would think it needs some getting used too, but my mind allways had those plans and it was kinda just natural for me after a while, as healing takes a bit and in that time you get used to it anyways, as you need to take care and stuff. Using the toilett is weird at first though...
1. Ha, interesting choice of words there. I was almost 18 when I finally figured it out, but there were clear signs going back as far as 8-9 or so. There may well have been other signs from earlier than that, but my memory of my younger years isn't very good.Not Matt said:
2. I'm MtF, and into women.
3. Highly doubt it. Well, actually, that depends on exactly what you mean. If you're talking about transgender in general, including people who don't conform to societal gender roles, then you may be right. If you're specifically talking transsexual, then no. You don't choose the trans life, the trans life chooses you, and it only chooses a very small number of people. If some random dude decided that he wanted to become a chick because fuck yeah boobs (or for some seemingly legitimate reason) he would very quickly come to regret that decision.
4. Gosh, the 'family for example' bit could be read the wrong way. Assuming you mean making a family, NOPE. Can't stand kids, but more importantly I like my freedom and don't want to be shackled to a bunch of offspring for 20+ years, paying all kinds of money and spending all my spare time on them and never having sex again. As for general sexuality plans, well, I plan on having sex at some point once I have a vagina. I wouldn't be at all surprised if it never ended up happening, but it'd be nice. Until then, though, absolutely not happening, the very thought squicks me out like crazy.
5. My dad is not quite as accepting as he knows he should be; he is generally a progressive and accepting person but he gets weirded out by it and doesn't fully understand. My mother and stepmother are both totally fine. My mother's actually quite enthusiastic about the whole thing; she always wanted a daughter.
6. One brief and disastrous attempt in high school. Haven't tried again since.
Sigh. I shouldn't be so suprised, considering I've been attacked in the middle of a city for being suspected of being homosexual, but I like believing the world is a much more accepting place than it really is. >.>an annoyed writer said:Such is the unfortunate consequence of being a transgirl in a hick town in the middle of nowhere, my friend. It's not pretty. Hell, it's one of the reasons I've trained in firearm use and operation. To those who think I'm wrong about that: when people want you dead and are willing to dirty their hands by spilling your guts on the floor, I think that responding in kind is necessary, if unfortunate.Cry Wolf said:an annoyed writer said:
Holy fuck, maybe I should jump to another forum again. I've been using this image ay too much recentlly.
hey, I have a question too.
Trans groups are rare here, so I rarely have to do with other transsexuals or even transgender in person. The few times that happened, didnt leave a too positive impression. (most here are older than me and maybe they just act the stereotypical way of acting a bit mean towards a girl who is prettier?)
So the question is, how are your experiances with others?
Trans groups are rare here, so I rarely have to do with other transsexuals or even transgender in person. The few times that happened, didnt leave a too positive impression. (most here are older than me and maybe they just act the stereotypical way of acting a bit mean towards a girl who is prettier?)
So the question is, how are your experiances with others?
Im a straight male. An i want to know why is it that i cant state on one hand i accept and am happy that a person can change gender, make them selves happy and content and live life the way they want to. But on the other hand cant say that i would love you as friends, but still see you as the gender you were? Now i will admit the only trans woman i saw did look like a man in a dress. An also, like all attractions, just because im a straight male, doesnt mean im attracted to every straight female that walks down the road...and this can also be the case for a trangen woman i meet. We all have preference based on age, weight, sexual preferences and race. I wouldnt think someones a racist if they didnt want to date a black people, or ageist if they didnt want to date someone 30 years older than they are. An you wouldnt be called homophobic if you didnt date a gay person. Now i know its similiar but not the same to those comparisons. But, like many people, i havnt interacted with many transwoman at all and thats probably a situation that will get better when transpeople gain more acceptance and people can interact with them more on a day to day level, which creates better understanding. Also i am open to the fact that one day i will meet a woman who knocks me head over heels, by her looks and personality etc and the knowledge that she was once a man will change to "this woman is amazing, i need her in my life....i cant imagine a future without her in it." Im sure there are many gay people reading this that grew up thinking "im not gay" and then one day they just meet someone thats same sex and it just blows them away how attracted they are to this person? A life changing situation.
So until that time why is it deemed a major insult for a person to say they would not date a transgen person due to the fact they used to be a man/woman when there its just there personal opinion, when there is no malice or hate behind it? An if you were turned down by a straight man/woman due to telling them you were transgender, do you consider them horrible people for that, would you judge them harshly on it? Would this stop you having a friendship with them if they offered this in return?
Thanks for making this thread, its very informative even though half the questions seem to be about sex. ;-)
So until that time why is it deemed a major insult for a person to say they would not date a transgen person due to the fact they used to be a man/woman when there its just there personal opinion, when there is no malice or hate behind it? An if you were turned down by a straight man/woman due to telling them you were transgender, do you consider them horrible people for that, would you judge them harshly on it? Would this stop you having a friendship with them if they offered this in return?
Thanks for making this thread, its very informative even though half the questions seem to be about sex. ;-)
Sorry for quoting you again, i'm not thread stalking you ... honest.an annoyed writer said:
Just have to ask, is shit really that bad?
I know some people react violently to some things but I didn't think it was as bad as people openly wanting to kill you.
I admit I like to think I have a small amount of knowledge on a few subjects but bullying and the like I know nothing about. It baffles me that people want to go that far with things in order to make someones life a living hell.
I'll tell you why it baffles me (pull up a seat, I tend to ramble)....
I used to be quite a violent person, from my childhood up until I was around 27-28. More or less raised by by granparents 1920's style (the belt buckle was especially fun) and then hanging out with the wrong crowd and joining an overly aggressive part of the British Army.
I fought ..... a lot.
But I wanted to actually fight not "dominate" (if that makes sense). I only went at it with people who wanted to or I knew could fight.
I've just never been able to get my head around the whole bullying thing and the mindset behind it.
Sorry to go off topic a bit I just never realised things were that bad. Guess I don't know as much as I thought I did.
Ok and this last question may be stupid, but i guess there is a more emotional issue behind the idea behind it. Ok so your a woman that likes men, but inside you feel your the wrong gender. So you have the operation to become a trans man. But also as you still like men you would be a gay trans man. Would that be correct? So some would say, will if your attracted to men, why not just stay as a woman? Im sure you would agree that it would be easier to find a partner as a woman than as a gay trans man. Now the question is, putting your self in that situation. Is that feeling to change gender, and be who you feel you should be that strong knowing the trouble you face? Is it a difficult choice to make? Or an easy choice but difficult consequences to face after?
I really cant imagine how difficult it must be to make these choices, knowing you will be a happier person for it but also knowing how society is. An maybe considering my last comment, i may be part of that society to a small degree. But isnt that why this thread exists, to educate, to interact and make others more understanding?
I really cant imagine how difficult it must be to make these choices, knowing you will be a happier person for it but also knowing how society is. An maybe considering my last comment, i may be part of that society to a small degree. But isnt that why this thread exists, to educate, to interact and make others more understanding?
Honestly most of us don't mind that you wouldn't want to date us in our current state, and we're fine with that: It's telling us that you still see us as our birth gender that really lights the fuse. It's an insult that is so great and powerful that it can completely destroy the more fragile ones' psyches and lives. It's like telling a radical Muslim that Allah is nonexistent: to them you might as well have signed your death warrant. As long as the break-up doesn't result in that we're normally cool with the former partner's sexual preference.SonOfVoorhees said:
People have been murdered for being trans, yes. Often it involves sex - straight man discovers that the woman he slept with was trans and decides that he has to kill her, or some variation thereupon. Then there are totally random attacks, the one that I heard most about was CeCe McDonald, who was assaulted with a bottle by some random stranger yelling homophobic slurs at her. So yeah, basicall, some people suck.Rawne1980 said:
In that case, remaining a woman would indeed make it easier to date, but gender dysphoria is orders of magnitude worse than not having a boyfriend. Refusing to transition because it makes dating harder is just... no freaking way. Besides, relationships would also be a lot less fulfilling. Personally, and I believe I speak for quite a number of trans people, there is no effing way I would have sex pre-transition. And it's not just sex, any kind of physical intimacy becomes a horrible reminder of what my body looks and feels like. Even non-physical things, like someone looking at me lovingly. I know what she would be seeing, she would be looking at a man, loving him because he's a man and she likes men, and that idea is absolutely unbearable. I would gain an awful lot of advantages by remaining a man, but none of them could possibly be worth it.SonOfVoorhees said:
EDIT: Whoops, double post. Sorry.
See it's crap like that I just don't get.squeekenator said:
Only reason I mentioned my "bad side" is that some people tend to think with how I was raised and the amount of testosterone I wallow in that i'll be like that to certain groups of individuals.
But i've never understood it.
To be fair it pisses me off a little bit that people can be like that for something that, in all honesty, has fuck all to do with them.
I don't take much seriously (as is evident by my post history) but some things I find hard to see a light side to.
However....
Just to lighten the mood a little and randomly change the subject ... One of our Hamsters managed to get out of it's cage last night. We spent 2 hours this morning looking for her and eventually found her asleep in the Hamster food bag.
Hamsters are greedy bastards.
The unfortunate part about it is that yes, many of us get killed for simply existing. The worst part is when the killer sees it as justified because of some asinine idea of vengeance: For example, look up the case of Agnes Torres Sulca: she was bound, tortured, immolated, had her throat slit, and was dumped in a shallow grave on the side of the road outside her hometown. She was 28 years old. The murderers'(there were four) motivations? That apparently she was a rapist, murderer, and pedophile, even though there was no evidence of the sort. None. Nada. Zip. FUCKING NOTHING, to support that ass-backwards claims. This happened last year, in Mexico. The US isn't much friendlier. It's cold, hard truth, and I hate it. I just want to live my life without worrying about this kind of thing happening to me.Rawne1980 said:
I had a bunch of Chinese dwarf hamsters once. They definitely were greedy, but at least they were cute about it. Trying to find them after they've gotten out of their cage is a real pain in the ass though.Rawne1980 said:
