Transgender Q & A

[maninahat]

Hmmmm...what mainstream movies/other works competently deal with transgenderism (or even just have a main transgender character that isn't depicted horribly), if any? That is, reflects reality as experience by you as a transgender person (acknowledging that not everyone is going to have the same experiences, but still).

I've never seen or heard of a work that competently deals with the issue, and if I did hear that a mainstream work were to include a trans character I would be very pessimistic about the idea. It isn't a topic that mainstream media or culture have ever handled in a respectful manner.

Can I recommend Virginia Woolf's Orlando? The protagonist involuntarily changes sex early on in the story, so it's about the expectations and treatment that comes with each gender. I don't know whether it competently examines transgenderism as it doesn't raise the issue itself, whilst Woolf probably was using the sex change as a trick to write a lesbian romance in disguise. Nevertheless, it is the story of a gender switching character, and probably worth watching anyway just because its that good.

There's a decent Tilda Swinton movie version, but I'd recommend the book. There is another couple of books I want to recommend which play with gender vs sex themes, but this being a thread about sex changes, mentioning them actually spoils the twist in those stories.

Spoiler: the books in question

The children's book series The Turbulent Term of Tyke Tyler and The Wasp Factory.

CAPTCHA QUESTION:
"Which tv show returns to channel 4 on 11 february?"

How am I supposed to fucking know?

 

[an annoyed writer]

Okay, what makes someone think "I need to look more like a woman, so much so that I need surgery!" I just can't wrap my head around why surgery is necessary to achieve happiness, especially when it ends with you being put in harms way and needing firearms training just to feel safe. How is gender identity that important?

I probably should let somebody transgendered respond, but I'd like to see how my perception of the experience lines up with the reality.

I assume that the gender dysphoria (is that the right term?) is quite like some of the states I sustain in months where I'm less stable, only much worse. I'll have a drive to make a very specific change, usually significant to life changing, and I'll suffer chronic anxiety, depression, unstable moods, emotional distress and destructive behaviour if I don't take steps to achieving the desired end result. This desire to achieve this end result is usually one I cannot explain rationally - it's just something I have to live with. It's even worse when I try to ignore or deny it - like I did with leaving high school - and I'll usually be at least contemplating suicide.

The worst part is when I try to explain my behaviours or reach out for help. The responses I get range from the entirely unhelpful, somewhat hurtful, and incredibly frustrating "it's in your head, you'll just get over it - it'll be fine!" to the "you're a fucking crazy, just looking for attention". One of my parents actively tries to convince me these are just thing I can 'get over'.

Anyway, how close is that to the reality of the situation?

Right now I don't have much ability to get out of here just yet. I am putting together a crazy plan that will get me the hell out of here though: I kinda need a new vehicle first.

Please, please tell me it's some kind of ridiculously elaborate heist-movie plan.

You've pretty much got it right on both accounts, good sir. Except my plan does not involve theft.

 

[The Lunatic]

Speaking purely hypothetically.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

I mean, no offence, but, I've always saw resolving gender dysphoria with a sex change as resolving suicidal tendencies with suicide.


The majority of trans-gender people I seem to meet seem to be generally pretty miserable, before before and after any treatment.

Post-op and treatment, a lot of those I've known tend to find something new to thing feel awful about, a lot of the time it seems like trading one unhappiness for another and never addressing the underlying issues that make them feel that way in the first place.

 

[Beffudled Sheep_v1legacy]

Right now I don't have much ability to get out of here just yet. I am putting together a crazy plan that will get me the hell out of here though: I kinda need a new vehicle first. Lost mine in a rather grisly car crash last fall. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, but It did kind of fuck up quite a few things.

Well damn that would put a damper on leaving quickly. I hope that your plan falls together and you can get somewhere much more accepting and be happier. Thats no damn way to live.

I really hope this works out as well. Maybe I'll get a nice little Blazer or something to replace that old junker too I want to be able to get to the other side and help others of my kind in whatever way I can: I'll probably write a few books about it or make a film about it or something. Anything to help others like me get out of their living hells, and help those who do not understand us try to understand.[/quote]Best of luck to you! You got one more person out there rooting for you (I could use some new reading material anyway ;D)

 

[Cry Wolf]

Anything to help others like me get out of their living hells, and help those who do not understand us try to understand.

Except my plan does not involve theft.

Fuck yeah! Does your plan involve assembling a dashing gang of loveable rogues, or are you the lone wolf?

 

[maninahat]

Oh, another question about pronouns. Suppose we were talking about a male to female transsexual or transgendered person, post op. In the present tense, we'd refer to her as "she", but if we were describing her previous actions done before the change, do we still say "10 years ago, she did this" or should we use "he" in this case?

For instance, Lana Wachowski is a she, but when she made the Matrix movies, she was a he. So if I'm describing something she did during that time, would I say "and he took part in making this action scene" or would I say "and she took part in making this action scene"?

 

[an annoyed writer]

Anything to help others like me get out of their living hells, and help those who do not understand us try to understand.

Except my plan does not involve theft.

Fuck yeah! Does your plan involve assembling a dashing gang of loveable rogues, or are you the lone wolf?

The plan involves teaming up with two of my closest friends, who are more than willing to help: while they're not trans, they're still outsiders which are incomplete if alone, but together we turn into something much greater: a powerful creative engine. One is a pyro, musician, actor, and martial arts specialist, while the other is a gunsmith, actor, and metalhead. I am a writer, director, actress, animator, and 3D modeler, and if one thing is for certain, you could never rightfully accuse us of being boring.

Also of note: Captcha says "glass ceiling". How appropriate: my plan involves breaking ours.

 

[7moreDead_v1legacy]

I was going to jump in on this, but apparently there's transpeople answering questions left, right and centre here. So I feel somewhat... Superfluous.

I am curious about the trans gender balance on here, though. (Also it's really weird to write "trans" and "gender" together but not as one word.)
Who here, who is happily being open about being trans, is of what identity? (I'm a transman, since I should probably answer my own question.)

Another Transwoman reporting in here. Open in online forums like this, not nearly as much in public since I don't like the unwanted attention(read: Molotov Cocktails) that I'd get around my area. And don't worry about feeling superfluous: answer the questions you want to. More perspective results in better education.

Pretty much my answer to Ren Li xD Albeit it's probably just paranoia for me - I've been attacked (read bricked/stabbed at/gangs chasing me etc) for liking metal on numerous occasions so I expect to get targeted for whistling a ditty out of tune these days xD

first of all. i admire you, not many people have the guts to come out with something like that and there are even fewer with the bravery to go "any questions?" afterwards. you deserve a big cake. or sugary treat of your choice.

I'll take a cake fulled of cookies

Spoiler: My answers

1. how young were you when you figured out you were not like other boys or girls? I was about 5-7 when I was properly sure something was a miss

2. in a relationship. which gender do you prefer? or are you bisexual? Female but everything is subject to change xD

3. me and a friend have this theory that in about 50 to 100 years, being transgender will be as average as being a male or female. do you see that happening? Would be nice.

4. any plans involving your sexuality for the future?[footnote]that sounded like an extremely posh perv hitting on someone[/footnote] family for example? It would be nice to have a family and I am all open for adoption being adopted myself (All things considering I turned out fine ^^)

5. what do your parents think about it? - My Mum's trying to be supportive but she's a bit confused about it all, not had a chance to sit down with my Dad to discuss it.

6. can you give a little sumary of your relationships (i am sorry for asking so much about your lovelife) - I was married (for 6 months - Go me.) Been single for a few years (sorting my head/life out).

7. i have no idea how to say this but.....uhmmmm, was it hard to learn, uhmm. how to use your ehhhh "new tools"? I am still rocking the old black and decker atm

EDIT (sorry about that, these came to my mind a little later):
8. if you are in a relationship. do your significant other know and how did he/she react when you told him/her? N\a

9: if you have siblings, hat do the think? My Brother is in the same boat as my Mum

10: have you noticed any personalty changes after the operation? anything really from liking a food you didn't like to having completely new interests. N/a yet

11: is it weird looking back? to spending childhood as a boy and adulthood as a women is still sort of surreal to me. N/a yet[/quote]

 

[an annoyed writer]

Oh, another question about pronouns. Suppose we were talking about a male to female transsexual or transgendered person, post op. In the present tense, we'd refer to her as "she", but if we were describing her previous actions done before the change, do we still say "10 years ago, she did this" or should we use "he" in this case?

For instance, Lana Wachowski is a she, but when she made the Matrix movies, she was a he. So if I'm describing something she did during that time, would I say "and he took part in making this action scene" or would I say "and she took part in making this action scene"?

I'd honestly prefer the current female pronouns in that position: while historically correct, using the male pronouns is simply disrespectful to the person in question. Also, funny that you mention her: In terms of content, style, and influences, I view her as an idol of sorts and I'd very much love to meet her sometime in my life.

 

[Rawne1980]

so I expect to get targeted for whistling a ditty out of tune these days xD

I don't mind what anyone does with themselves, how they live, how they breathe, how they dress, what music they listen or even if they poke puppies with pointy sticks on a weekend....

But don't you dare go whistling a ditty out of tune or we'll be having harsh words *insert scowling face here*.

 

[Cry Wolf]

Hey! I thought of a new question (I feel special!).

Many of you have reported anxiety and associated problems from gender dysphoria. Do you think this ends/does it end when you have brought your body in-line with your gender?

Side Note: Phrasing questions using a vocabulary I was almost completely unfamiliar with before the last week or so - especially when I keep talking to my... less refined mates in between. A few posts ago I made an edit to add an image of a beautiful transwoman to try and illustrate my point and added "if you didn't get it, it's a dude" by accident. >.< I need to proofread.

 

[Angelowl]

Speaking purely hypothetically.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

I mean, no offence, but, I've always saw resolving gender dysphoria with a sex change as resolving suicidal tendencies with suicide.


The majority of trans-gender people I seem to meet seem to be generally pretty miserable, before before and after any treatment.

Post-op and treatment, a lot of those I've known tend to find something new to thing feel awful about, a lot of the time it seems like trading one unhappiness for another and never addressing the underlying issues that make them feel that way in the first place.

Been there done that. Suicidal thoughts basically instantly, tried to get help and gets ignored everywhere. I hated everything masculine, felt that my body no longer was my own, couldn't recognize my mirror image. Nevertheless I tried, but as time went by everything got worse. The impulses to hurt others, the depression, the paranoia. The reason that pushed me into action was that I realized that I couldn't go on anymore, either I changed or I would end up killing myself.

Novaday I'm kind of functional: I can trust people, the destructive impulses disappeared with the testosterone, I actually kinda like my body, I,m surprisingly comfortable being masculine every now and then, I can enjoy being alive, I'm way more positive etc. On the other hand I do get panic attacks and suicidal thoughts from time to time and I can't handle school yet, too much pressure. I admit that if my best friend disappears then I would most likely collapse.

My first psychiatrist (going to meet my seventh next week) considered suicidal behaviour since the age of twelve "nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to worry about". On the other hand she was shocked to learn that I like girls, which was impossible. I can't be a girl and like girls because she had never heard of it. Then we have the trans-specialists who literally said that I showed symptoms for ALL POSSIBLE PSYCHOSISES, despite the psychosis-specialist concluding that my problems stemmed from depression and anxiety related to gender dysphoria.

TLDR: Quite frequently we try to do what you suggest, it never works. where do you think the trauma comes from? Those of us that seem "sane and sensible" are the ones getting help and support early. And the mental healthcare often makes things worse through incompetence and unprofessional behaviour.

 

[Angelowl]

Speaking purely hypothetically.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

I mean, no offence, but, I've always saw resolving gender dysphoria with a sex change as resolving suicidal tendencies with suicide.


The majority of trans-gender people I seem to meet seem to be generally pretty miserable, before before and after any treatment.

Post-op and treatment, a lot of those I've known tend to find something new to thing feel awful about, a lot of the time it seems like trading one unhappiness for another and never addressing the underlying issues that make them feel that way in the first place.

Been there done that. Suicidal thoughts basically instantly, tried to get help and gets ignored everywhere. I hated everything masculine, felt that my body no longer was my own, couldn't recognize my mirror image. Nevertheless I tried, but as time went by everything got worse. The impulses to hurt others, the depression, the paranoia. The reason that pushed me into action was that I realized that I couldn't go on anymore, either I changed or I would end up killing myself.

Novaday I'm kind of functional: I can trust people, the destructive impulses disappeared with the testosterone, I actually kinda like my body, I,m surprisingly comfortable being masculine every now and then, I can enjoy being alive, I'm way more positive etc. On the other hand I do get panic attacks and suicidal thoughts from time to time and I can't handle school yet, too much pressure. I admit that if my best friend disappears then I would most likely collapse.

My first psychiatrist (going to meet my seventh next week) considered suicidal behaviour since the age of twelve "nothing out of the ordinary and nothing to worry about". On the other hand she was shocked to learn that I like girls, which was impossible. I can't be a girl and like girls because she had never heard of it. Then we have the trans-specialists who literally said that I showed symptoms for ALL POSSIBLE PSYCHOSISES, despite the psychosis-specialist concluding that my problems stemmed from depression and anxiety related to gender dysphoria.

TLDR: Quite frequently we try to do what you suggest, it never works. where do you think the trauma comes from? Those of us that seem "sane and sensible" are the ones getting help and support early. And the mental healthcare often makes things worse through incompetence and unprofessional behaviour.

EDIT: WHAT THE?... how the hell did that become two posts, I swear Ionly went through the procedure once.

 

[Lazy]

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

Now I could be wrong about this, not being trans myself, but seems akin to saying "Have you ever considered just not being transgender?"

 

[Angelowl]

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

Now I could be wrong about this, not being trans myself, but seems akin to saying "Have you ever considered just not being transgender?"

Pretty much, and just as people try to "not be gay" etc. It tends to not work and end up in psychological disaster, it did for me.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Snip.

Snip.

Snip.

Of all three of you, Cry Wolf did the best job at actually answering me. So it's a mental inability to grasp your true gender and a desire to fundamentally be the different gender. It's no rational decision, it's an impulse similar to that of what someone who suffers from OCD feels or when someone with Bipolar Disorder flips from ecstasy to manic depression, yeah?

 

[Angelowl]

Hello Escapists!

I am a transgender individual, its a big part of my identity and I am very open about it.

I'm making this thread because it seems a great deal of people have questions about this topic, and they dont quite know when its appropriate to ask.

so how does it work with your sex life i.e. sexual orientation?
since if you are a guy and like girls, dressing as a girl might put some off.
(if you are a girl, some guys might be put off)

if you are gay and a guy, some guys might be put off with that.
(same with being a girl)

dont want to be rude even though this is kind of rude to ask.
(even though even if you are bisexual, some other bisexuals might be also put off with this, making this question kind of redundant....)

also what was the situation/cause that made you say, i am going start with changing my gender from this point on.
and at what age?

how did your relatives react?

Bisexual here, virgin too. The latter I blame on my best friend, he got in a serious relationship before I got a chance to convince him to have some fun. *pouts*
Personally I'm aiming for other bisexuals, more compatible (and not because of gender) and more fun tbh. My style is pretty much goth, but with an androgynous flair. More comfortable that way, and most bisexuals I've met (myself included) prefer that. Should make sense, we are attracted to both masculine and feminine features so we are most attracted to people with both.

When I realized that I would end up dead otherwise, was nineteen I think.

Cousins, aunts and grandmother are very supportive, parents not so much. They don't like and they can't comprehend me or it, but seeing that I feel better due to the transition they aren't trying to stop me. Pretty dysfunctional family I might add. Friends are more important to me tbh.