Transgender Q & A

[TheDoctor455]

Hmm...

this... might be a bit depressing to talk about but...

1) What kinds of difficulties do you face as a result of this?

2) How much do you think you might have internalized the stereotypes there are about the transgendered community?


Also, I'm an asexual with no gender identity whatsoever, so if anyone wanted to ask me a quick question about that, I'd be glad to answer that.

First asexual stereotype for me to dispel: yes, we do exist.

The difficulties that us transgender people face in today's world are widespread, but dependent on the country that we live in, so I'll discuss some that have cropped up most commonly.

Discrimination is a big one, especially in western countries: getting a job and holding one can be difficult, especially in places run by relatively conservative people like Wal Mart and Domino's. In some places we're outright fired just for existing as we are: in others, company policy may say nay but other employees may practice personal discrimination. There's an increased risk of being maimed, raped, tortured, and murdered wherever we go. We have to tread lightly for this reason: many of us go stealth to avoid that fate.

Getting proper medical care is also difficult: there are several cases of where our kind were killed in emergency situations when their lives could have been saved, due to medical malpractice stemming from the practitioner's personal discrimination. Finding a good doctor is key.

As for the second one: personally I have no idea of if I've internalized any popular stereotypes of transwomen or not. My physical appearance is generally feminine, rather than the "Masculine woman" stereotype so many outsiders think of when they hear about us. I have feminine mannerisms and styles of dress, but not to the point of overcompensation. The only one I can think of that would apply to me is that I'm something of an activist: I think that us transpeople should speak for ourselves, rather than have others who don't know from experience speak for us.

Hmm... truly is a cruel, stupid world we live in.

I got a brief taste of some of similar bigotry when I was in middle school. I was mistaken for gay at the time. The rumor mill built up all kinds of crap that I'm not really willing to repeat. But, long story short, I was bullied because of a rumor, and then, eventually, assaulted. Not... fully... but it could have easily gotten worse if the bastard had more time. School basically gave him a week-long vacation for it.

See, I have a transgendered friend (who lives on the other side of the country from me), but she doesn't really like to talk about it that much. I can see why.

 

[Jayemsal]

Oh boy, sorry if I set you off, not my intent.

1) Did you always know you were trans?

2) What are your views on both pre-op and post-op trans?

3) Can a cross-dresser be considered trans?

1.) No, this was a realization over time.

2.) Pre-OP and post-OP are a bad way to look at it, some people never get the full surgery done, as it can be insanely expensive.

3.) No, they are two very different things. Cross-dressers dont tend to identify as the dressed gender.

 

[Jayemsal]

snippy

It is different for everyone, but the experience is known as gender dysphoria. An inability to relate/identify with the gender you've been assigned. For myself, I always fit in more with the female peers, I never fit in with males. I hated masculinity, and gender norms that forced me to abide by them. I can only describe it as feeling like a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing, I just was not complete as a male, and I never could be. As I've transitioned, those pieces have fallen into place.

Again, different for everyone.

I have a couple:

1) When did you realize that you were in the wrong body, not just that something was wrong?

2) If you are post-op, how have you changed your behaviors, if at all?

3) If post-op: Have would you compare the social pressures from before surgery to after?

4) If you pre-op: Do you ever planning on getting surgery, and if not, why?

That is about it. Just some things I was always curious about.

1.) I've always had a sort of dysphoria about my body, I suppose I realized exactly what the problem was about 1-2 years ago.

2.) See my above post, "post-op" is not the best term to use, as some never get SRS. Also no.

3.) Also, I understand you may have many questions about SRS, But how often do you ask other people about the conditions of their genitalia? Many people dont find it appropriate to share this with others.

4.) I am not sure, as of yet. Its a big decision that I cant un-make. I'm still considering.

 

[lechat]

tricky one to word

1. does it offend you that the average person may not want to be in a relationship with your chosen gender even if it is their preferred gender because they still associate your actual identity as your previous gender?
also gender. cause i didnt say gender enough

 

[Jayemsal]

When I realized that I would end up dead otherwise, was nineteen I think.

Cousins, aunts and grandmother are very supportive, parents not so much. They don't like and they can't comprehend me or it, but seeing that I feel better due to the transition they aren't trying to stop me. Pretty dysfunctional family I might add. Friends are more important to me tbh.

wait. wait. wait. end up dead? why?

did you had some serious depressions or a medical condition?

The suicide rate for many trans people is around 50%, 75% for Black transgender individuals.

Its a very stressful situation, especially when a family is not supportive.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

Now I could be wrong about this, not being trans myself, but seems akin to saying "Have you ever considered just not being transgender?"

This is exactly what it is akin to.

Go tell that to every oppressed minority.

Have we ever tried not being gay, black, hell anything other than heterosexual caucasian.

Oh, another question about pronouns. Suppose we were talking about a male to female transsexual or transgendered person, post op. In the present tense, we'd refer to her as "she", but if we were describing her previous actions done before the change, do we still say "10 years ago, she did this" or should we use "he" in this case?

For instance, Lana Wachowski is a she, but when she made the Matrix movies, she was a he. So if I'm describing something she did during that time, would I say "and he took part in making this action scene" or would I say "and she took part in making this action scene"?

Use whatever they are most likely comfortable with, you cant go wrong with She.

 

[Jayemsal]

tricky one to word

1. does it offend you that the average person may not want to be in a relationship with your chosen gender even if it is their preferred gender because they still associate your actual identity as your previous gender?
also gender. cause i didnt say gender enough

This is tricky for many people. You just need to associate with the right people. I make it clear that I am transgender, some dont. Its different for everyone.

 

[Angelowl]

When I realized that I would end up dead otherwise, was nineteen I think.

Cousins, aunts and grandmother are very supportive, parents not so much. They don't like and they can't comprehend me or it, but seeing that I feel better due to the transition they aren't trying to stop me. Pretty dysfunctional family I might add. Friends are more important to me tbh.

wait. wait. wait. end up dead? why?

did you had some serious depressions or a medical condition?

Technically the gender dysphoria itself qualifies as that. Severe depression for a decade, serious paranoia, Suicidal thoughts that kinda worked the same way as an OCD My body no longer looks or feels like me, everything it did was just wrong. It felt like life should have ended by the age of twelve, I simply couldn't get the thoughts out of my head. Couldn't get any help anywhere, parents kept informing me how useless I was. I turned heavily paranoid by the age of fourteen, fast forward five years and I couldn't bear with it anymore. So either my life and my body changed or I would end up killing myself, possibly others as well.



The statistics in sweden suggests that we are the single group most prone to suicide. I think a third had attempted it and 80% had suicidal thoughts. Pretty weird that it isn't amongst standard procedure to give therapy for that, or not. There is no standard procedure which gives the psychiatrists free room to be as unprofessional as they want.

 

[Jayemsal]

first of all. i admire you, not many people have the guts to come out with something like that and there are even fewer with the bravery to go "any questions?" afterwards. you deserve a big cake. or sugary treat of your choice.

1. how young were you when you figured out you were not like other boys or girls?
2. in a relationship. which gender do you prefer? or are you bisexual?
3. me and a friend have this theory that in about 50 to 100 years, being transgender will be as average as being a male or female. do you see that happening?
4. any plans involving your sexuality for the future?[footnote]that sounded like an extremely posh perv hitting on someone[/footnote] family for example?
5. what do your parents think about it?
6. can you give a little sumary of your relationships (i am sorry for asking so much about your lovelife)
7. i have no idea how to say this but.....uhmmmm, was it hard to learn, uhmm. how to use your ehhhh "new tools"?

EDIT (sorry about that, these came to my mind a little later):
8. if you are in a relationship. do your significant other know and how did he/she react when you told him/her?

9: if you have siblings, hat do the think?

10: have you noticed any personalty changes after the operation? anything really from liking a food you didn't like to having completely new interests.

11: is it weird looking back? to spending childhood as a boy and adulthood as a women is still sort of surreal to me.

1.) 10-11
2.) I consider myself a lesbian, but sexual preference can be known to shift during hormonal transitions, so I can only speak for myself at the moment.
3.) Depending on where you are, Brazil and Thailand are much more accepting than other countries. I honestly cant say.
4.) I'll be having sperm frozen, as eventually production will cease.
5.) My parents, I dont think they quite get it. My father seems accepting, but I cant be sure. My mother seems to be attempting to sweep it under the rug.
6.) I'm in a relationship that has lasted 5 years, she's very supportive and cant wait till I have fully transitioned, (She's got some unique tastes.)
7.) I havent gotten there yet.
8.) She reacted with a distinct lack of surprise, she's good with it.
9.) I've only told one sibling, she doesnt seem to get it.
10.) not there yet.
11.) Its not wierd, I dont think about it much, my only regret is not starting sooner though.

 

[Jayemsal]

Hello Escapists!

I am a transgender individual, its a big part of my identity and I am very open about it.

I'm making this thread because it seems a great deal of people have questions about this topic, and they dont quite know when its appropriate to ask.

So go ahead and ask whatever questions you may have on the subject.

But please, try and keep it tasteful!

(By the way, if any other Transgender Escapists want to cut in on the discussion, all are welcome.)

EDIT: I should make it clear that what I may say does not represent the Transgender community at large, and I can only give a personal perspective.

hello, im a trans lesbian. i havent really come out though, ive told a couple people when i was either very drunk or very confident that they would be accepting of it. i guess i have two main questions. one is how you got over your doubt. transitioning is obviously very expensive and permanent. after dressing as a woman last halloween (the night of the secret transsexual) i am finally confident that i could make an attractive woman but even though i feel certain that i should have been born a woman, its hard to quiet that voice in the back of my head that keeps asking if transitioning is the right choice. i mean, hiding is very safe but how do you get past your nervousness and push yourself to make that big jump? and while we're on the topic of overcoming nervousness, how did you dig up the courage to come out to your parents?

another question i have is how this change affects your resume. I mean, if you put your new name on your resume and your employer checks with employers you had before you transitioned, they won't know who the person is talking about. would i have to put my old name, in addition to my new name?

I havent changed my name yet, the benefits of an androgynous name. I decided that I wouldnt live with lying to myself anymore, I knew I was trans and god dammit I was going to be happy in life. Coming out to my parents was hard, and I still feel like they dont get it.

 

[Jayemsal]

Thanks for making this thread OP and thanks for all the other helpful people in it
Please enjoy these cookies.

Spoiler

I try, I'm actually not as far into transition than most of the other folks here, so they're gonna have more experience than I do.

I like them.

 

[Psykoma]

Speaking purely hypothetically.

Have you ever considered that the resolution is accepting one's form, as opposed to changing it is a better alternative?

Something a lot of people don't understand: transitioning's pretty much the final treatment option, or at least it was for me and every other trans person I've met irl.
We went through therapy.
We tried not to be trans.
Most of us tried antidepressants.

Didn't work.

I mean, no offence, but, I've always saw resolving gender dysphoria with a sex change as resolving suicidal tendencies with suicide.

The majority of trans-gender people I seem to meet seem to be generally pretty miserable, before before and after any treatment.

Post-op and treatment, a lot of those I've known tend to find something new to thing feel awful about, a lot of the time it seems like trading one unhappiness for another and never addressing the underlying issues that make them feel that way in the first place.

Something else you (and a lot of other people, including some pre-transition people) need to understand:
Transitioning is not a cure-all. It will not make every aspect of your life, for the rest of your life, happy and cheerful and everything you want it to be.
What it will do:
It will remove the depression related to your gender dysphoria.
It will just put you on even footing with non-trans people.

And 'non-trans people' have their problems as well.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

As to not spam I'll ask a question actually. For those who have had or desire an operation, For example. You have all no doubt had to suffer a lot of hassle from ignorant people but if there was a LOT more acceptance to the point you were treated 100% fairly and seen as the gender you personally felt regardless of anatomy do you think you'd still feel compelled to have the operation because regardless of society you still feel something doesn't feel right? Or does society stating MEN = PENIS AND WOMEN = VAGINA play a big role in your choice?

EDIT: I'd appreciate it if I could get many responses from any who desire/have had surgery so please feel free to respond even if someone has already

Ok, I'll give this a shot. I am pre-op, full time for 4 years. My desire to have GRS is to completely align my body with my mind. I know I am a woman on the inside, but after i get out of the shower or change and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, i see that "birth defect" and only have the desire to "correct" it. How society views me matters less than not at all. My friends, my family, and by and large the public sees me as a woman, so no, i don't worry about that.

I'm not feeling like giving you a bunch of exposition, i got a total of 2 hours of sleep last night, so ya..that's all i've got right now.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

one is how you got over your doubt. transitioning is obviously very expensive and permanent. after dressing as a woman last halloween (the night of the secret transsexual) i am finally confident that i could make an attractive woman but even though i feel certain that i should have been born a woman, its hard to quiet that voice in the back of my head that keeps asking if transitioning is the right choice. i mean, hiding is very safe but how do you get past your nervousness and push yourself to make that big jump? and while we're on the topic of overcoming nervousness, how did you dig up the courage to come out to your parents?

another question i have is how this change affects your resume. I mean, if you put your new name on your resume and your employer checks with employers you had before you transitioned, they won't know who the person is talking about. would i have to put my old name, in addition to my new name?

How I made the jump was it had become a life or death situation... i was not prepared to live much longer as a man... it's was destroying me and my marriage (my anger and resentment of not being born a woman).

Usually (at least on a application) they'll asked for names you've used in the past... so put it there. As for a resume- in the section for references, add a note that you used to go by (whatever your male name was) and just tell them, when they call references to ask about that name- also they can only ask if they would hire you back.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

Dude, where was this thread a few days ago? I could have saved, well, annoying an annoyed writer with my curiosity! I've really only got one question topic at the moment, assuming any of you are in a position to answer currently;

Does the surgically constructed vagina feel pleasure? Is it capable of orgasm? Multiple?

well let's see..they construct the clitoris from the head of the penis..with ALL of those nerve endings... also a truly gifted surgeon with keep most if not all nerve endings elsewhere connected... so yes.. they is complete sensation there... and hell, I have multiples now, and i am pre-op

sorry about all these posts i just figured i should just edit my previous posts when answering


8. if you are in a relationship. do your significant other know and how did he/she react when you told him/her? I told her before we were married and she was fine with it.

9: if you have siblings, hat do the think? i have a brother who i hear is ok with it, but we are estranged and he's in prison, so i really don't care what he thinks

10: have you noticed any personalty changes after the operation? anything really from liking a food you didn't like to having completely new interests. Haven't had the Op yet, but i used to be a pretty big sports nut, i am totally uninterested in them now.. but as far as food..nope not yet.

11: is it weird looking back? to spending childhood as a boy and adulthood as a women is still sort of surreal to me. nope... i basically remember things from my past as who i am now... not as that guy i used to be.

 

[xmbts]

Do you ever have doubts about whether you are or not?

And when coming out how did you handle those who knew next to nothing about it?

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

Do you ever have doubts about whether you are or not?

And when coming out how did you handle those who knew next to nothing about it?

Never had one doubt.

Explained it in the simplest terms, and told them i would not be a different person...on the inside.

 

[xmbts]

Do you ever have doubts about whether you are or not?

And when coming out how did you handle those who knew next to nothing about it?

Never had one doubt.

Explained it in the simplest terms, and told them i would not be a different person...on the inside.

I see...I somewhat envy your confidence.

Are all Transgenders Gay?

Spoiler

Do you enjoy suckind dicks?

Sexuality and gender are two very separate things so no not all are and not all do.

 

[Beautiful Tragedy]

Do you ever have doubts about whether you are or not?

And when coming out how did you handle those who knew next to nothing about it?

Never had one doubt.

Explained it in the simplest terms, and told them i would not be a different person...on the inside.

I see...I somewhat envy your confidence.

Are all Transgenders Gay?

Spoiler

Do you enjoy suckind dicks?

Sexuality and gender are two very separate things so no not all are and not all do.

wow was that really asked?! wow! ya not all of us are "straight" Sexuality (as stated) has NOTHING to do with Gender Identity, or Gender Expression.

 

[xmbts]

Do you ever have doubts about whether you are or not?

And when coming out how did you handle those who knew next to nothing about it?

Never had one doubt.

Explained it in the simplest terms, and told them i would not be a different person...on the inside.

I see...I somewhat envy your confidence.

Are all Transgenders Gay?

Spoiler

Do you enjoy suckind dicks?

Sexuality and gender are two very separate things so no not all are and not all do.

Spoiler

Do you specifically enjoy sucking dicks?

I think I'll leave that answer to your colorful imagination.