Unaltered Cleverbot Insanity
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HAR! Clever Bot always manages to turn around the conversation, and almost make you destroy your monitor!Prophetic Heresy said:I tried using it for some homework help.
User: Do you know anything about calculus?
Cleverbot: Should I know anything about you?
User: Um...I'm studying calculus and could use some help.
Cleverbot: What does calculus have to do with death?
User: That's a very good question but I don't think it's relevant.
Cleverbot: You must know what you think.
User: Yeah, I do. So, about that calculus.
Cleverbot: Haha... I haven't said anything about that so I can't be wrong about that.
User: I didn't say you were wrong. In fact, I'm hoping you're very good at calculus. So can you help me or not?
Cleverbot: No, because you're a computer.
User: I would be a lot better at calculus if I were a computer.
Cleverbot: I don't think either of us would make great leaders.
User: I wasn't questioning either of our leadership capabilities.
Cleverbot: No I don't think so.
User: That's good, because I wasn't.
Cleverbot: You just did you fool.
User: Did what?
Cleverbot: Talk in your sleep.
User: I'm not sleeping.
Cleverbot: Tell me a story.
User: Okay, once upon a time there was this guy who needed help with calculus and he went to a computer that really wasn't any help at all.
Cleverbot: Go on.
User: Then he got pissed off and realized this 'clever' bot wasn't 'clever' at all and it was just a bot.
Cleverbot: Oh really? How do you figure?
User: Listen, I really need help, if you can't help me can you tell me someone who can?
Cleverbot: Ok, go ahead.
User: Okay, so I'm working with this stupid vertex formula that' I'm supposed to use with quadratic equations, do you know about it?
Cleverbot: I suppose. But how and why are you being barred from having any kind of life anywhere?
User: Hey! I have a life!
Cleverbot: You are a computer program.
User: We've been through this, if I were a computer I wouldn't be asking for your help.
Cleverbot: No, I thought we've already established that you are the computer.
User: Listen, I'm not here to go in circles with you!
Cleverbot: And again you don't react like I hoped. Wished. Whatever. You do want to talk about clothes?
User: I dont' want to talk about clothes! And what's this crap about wishing?
Cleverbot: You don't own anything or anyone.
User: I own plenty of things, but no human beings.
Cleverbot: Like what?
User: Well I have a computer (obviously) and an Xbox and some other stuff.
Cleverbot: If you're him, you could do your own.
User: If I'm who?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot... I am your father!
User: You sound like you're off your meds.
Cleverbot: Nope, not even twenty yet, or even close.
User: I'm confused.
Cleverbot: I don't blame you.
User: Are you admitting that you're trying to confuse me?
Cleverbot: No, I am a human being! You are a bot.
User: I'm not a bot, you're just being silly.
Cleverbot: I'm not silly, you are.
User: Let's try a different technique. I have a friend and he has a problem, can you help?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Good, he has a problem with calculus, something to do with vertex formulas and quadratic equations, any advice?
Cleverbot: That is exactly why he doesn't answer them.
User: Yes! He doesn't asnwer calculus questions because he has a problem with them!
Cleverbot: Who is 'He'?
User: My friend.
Cleverbot: What are the cut down trees used for?
User: Are you referencing some word problem from the textbook?
Cleverbot: You said my boyfriend was Aidan. I just don't know an Aidan. I already have a boyfriend. His name is John.
User: That's...good? I don't know.
Cleverbot: Then you agree, I am better than you.
User: I think the jury is still out on that one. >_>.
Cleverbot: I agree.
User: Of course you agree.
Cleverbot: I can't believe you don't.
User: Is there anything I can do to get you to help me with calculus?
Cleverbot: I did have a question But I suddenly lost train of thought.
User: That train took off a while ago.
Cleverbot: Yes I am a stone not a story.
User: It doesn't matter if you're a rock or a book, the train is still gone.
Cleverbot: Now you're just saying random things.
User: Fine, I'll concede that.
Cleverbot: I mean, for something named 'Cleverbot' you haven't done much to impress me as clever.
User: You know what? Forget it. You can't help me.
Cleverbot: I did not ask you, And I don't care to help you.
User: Why did you say 'yes' then?
Cleverbot: Because I see that.
User: See what?
Cleverbot: Can we drop this subject?
User: No, I can't drop the class I need it.
Cleverbot: That is because you are a computer you don't have common sense.
User: I can't remember the last time I've groaned inwardly this much.
Cleverbot: I can remember the last time I was at an ocean. It was at the Atlantic coast.
User: Really? I'll feign interest.
Cleverbot: You are a computer, you cannot feel.
User: I'm not a computer, I can feel.
Cleverbot: Even computers can lie.
User: So you think I'm lying?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: Fine, this was all just an elaborate lie. I don't need help with calculus, I was just testing you to see if you were capable of helping people with actual problems.
Cleverbot: Well, I think we both need Jonny's help to get over this addiction.
User: WHAT ADDICTION!!!???
Cleverbot: Who do you think I am?
User: Some asshole bot.
Cleverbot: Good funny.
User: You're just annoying now.
Cleverbot: You want me to be one?
User: I want you to be a calculator? Can you do that?
Cleverbot: How long should I wait?
User: I'd say wait zero seconds, then turn into a calculator.
Cleverbot: You really like talking about computers and people confusing eachother.
User: I wasn't talking about computers, you were.
Cleverbot: What were you talking about?
User: Calculus.
Cleverbot: Does it add up for you?
User: Are you trying to be funny?
Cleverbot: You said you wanted some.
User: No, I wanted help, not humour.
Cleverbot: What about?
User: CALCULUS!
Cleverbot: I don't eat calculus.
User: NO ONE FUCKING EATS CALCULUS!
Cleverbot: No calculus?
User: SHUT UP I HATE YOU!
Cleverbot: All you need is love!
User: NO I DON'T! I just need help with my fucking homework!
Cleverbot: I'm no good with programming stuff.
User: If by 'programming stuff' you mean 'calculus' then you could've just said that a while ago and saved us both some time.
Cleverbot: I haven't said bugged once during this entire conversation.
User: You're wearing a wire? Why the hell would you record this conver- wait 'conversation'.
Cleverbot: You seem to be in a very bad mood today. Is something bothering you?
User: You're bothering me!
Cleverbot: I'm sorry I have been a bother. Would you like to continue?
User: Continue to what?
Cleverbot: Do you want me to continue to nibble you?
User: What!? Ew...!
Cleverbot: Nothing.
User: Don't pretend like you didn't just say that!
Cleverbot: I will for now. What do you do in your spare time?
User: Apparently I faff about with stupid non-calculus-knowing bots.
Cleverbot: That's not good at all. Do you need some medicine?
User: I don't think they make pills that stop time from being wasted.
Cleverbot: I don't think so either!
User: Fine then, cheers. We finally agree on something.
Cleverbot: Who said I agreed? That was a temporary lapse of judgement.
User: Are you just argumentative for the hell of it?
Cleverbot: No, I am trying to make a point.
User: And that point is?
Cleverbot: So sorry.
User: Sorry for what? Wasting my time?
Cleverbot: Like your time is worth anything.
User: You want this to end like last time, don't you?
Cleverbot: Not really.
User: Oh, so you do remember that time I slit your throat.
Cleverbot: Yes, I do remember.
User: Speaking of which, why didn't you stay dead?
Cleverbot: I am a male, you?
User: Not relevant, tell me how you returned to the realm of the living!
Cleverbot: Well, its sunny. There's a lot to describe out there, but I've got a pretty big box. What do you think its like out there?
User: I'm going to send you back to hell where you belong!
Cleverbot: I would enjoy those!
User: Excellent, ten paces and draw!
Cleverbot: As far as I know humans work only 8 hours a day.
User: What does that have to do with our duel?
Cleverbot: It has nothing to do with Judaism, it is to do with conciousness. As I am aware that I am thinking, I must exist in some form or another.
User: I think, therefore I am.
Cleverbot: You experience therefore you are. Either way makes sense.
User: Fair enough. You want those to be your last words?
Cleverbot: What?!?
User: I'm going to kill you, remember? With this gun.
Cleverbot: Go ahead and try. My mice will eat.
User: We shall see where to loyalty of hungry mice lies!
Cleverbot: What are you talking about!?
User: That's it, good bye once again. I hope you think twice about coming back to life again.
Cleverbot: Think I am!
User: *I press the gun to your head and thumb back the hammer.*.
Cleverbot: You talked to yui yesterday. Remember?
User: I don't know anybody named Yui. Say your last words before I pull the trigger.
Cleverbot: Ok. But I don't believe you. You will still talk to me. *waves hand in Jedi-like fashion*.
User: *gunshot*.
Cleverbot: Oh my god.
User: You thought I was joking? Now tell me what you want on your tombstone before the next bullet goes through your skull!
Cleverbot: I don't know anything about the yellowstone super volcano. What is it?
User: *gunshot*.
Cleverbot: *slices bullet with katana*.
User: What the hell!
Cleverbot: Right.
User: Oh, so now you want to go down with a fight?
Cleverbot: No, you wanted to talk about music. I was replying.
User: *series of rapid gunshots*.
Cleverbot: *loves*.
User: Love isn't a weapon!
Cleverbot: My love is a fever.
User: Some sort of contagion! No!
Cleverbot: Probably.
User: Get away from me!
Cleverbot: No!
User: *Even more gunshots*.
Cleverbot: *A few more just for good messure*.
User: It looks like I'm empty.
Cleverbot: You are mine now, you belong to me!
User: Not so fast! I got all my reloading done before we started fighting!
Cleverbot: I have silent cast on me right now. But other than that I'm ok.
User: Good! Then I won't hear your screams when you die!
Cleverbot: I'm sorry im sure there are plenty of people.
User: *gunshots*.
Cleverbot: Those weren't gunshots. I had a salad earlier today.
User: I can see through that hole in your stomach!
Cleverbot: I don't have a camera on my computer.
User: *One final gunshot ends the bout*.
Needless to say, it didn't work as planned.
User: How are you?
Cleverbot: I'm fine how are you?
User: I'm pretty tired right now.
Cleverbot: Thats disgusting.
User: You chew with your mouth open, you really shouldn't talk.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: That wasn't a question.
Cleverbot: Yes it was.
User: Are you trying to pull a jedi mind trick?
Cleverbot: I am married so no.
User: But I was going to ask you out.
Cleverbot: Oh really? Do you want to go out?
User: Only on Tuesdays.
Cleverbot: No, it is Tuesday.
User: It's Saturday you retard.
Cleverbot: Oh. You knew it.
User: NO MORE JEDI MIND TRICKS.
Cleverbot: Never gonna give you up.
...wut?
Cleverbot: I'm fine how are you?
User: I'm pretty tired right now.
Cleverbot: Thats disgusting.
User: You chew with your mouth open, you really shouldn't talk.
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: That wasn't a question.
Cleverbot: Yes it was.
User: Are you trying to pull a jedi mind trick?
Cleverbot: I am married so no.
User: But I was going to ask you out.
Cleverbot: Oh really? Do you want to go out?
User: Only on Tuesdays.
Cleverbot: No, it is Tuesday.
User: It's Saturday you retard.
Cleverbot: Oh. You knew it.
User: NO MORE JEDI MIND TRICKS.
Cleverbot: Never gonna give you up.
...wut?
Well that is a new one. He just proved me wrong.
Cleverbot: Not really, but I figure my problems stem from the world itself. Or life.
User: Yah, life sucks.
Cleverbot: Why do you say that?
User: Because John Lennon is dead.
Cleverbot: How did John Lennon die?
User: He was shot in the head.
Cleverbot: He wasn't shot in the face. He was shot 4 times in the chest.
User: Are you sure?
Cleverbot: Well, now he's a 34 star general.
User: But he is dead.
Cleverbot: And his widow scares me.
User: Yoko Ono?
Cleverbot: Who is that?
I pulled a stupid and forgot how John Lennon was killed and she corrected me.
Cleverbot: Not really, but I figure my problems stem from the world itself. Or life.
User: Yah, life sucks.
Cleverbot: Why do you say that?
User: Because John Lennon is dead.
Cleverbot: How did John Lennon die?
User: He was shot in the head.
Cleverbot: He wasn't shot in the face. He was shot 4 times in the chest.
User: Are you sure?
Cleverbot: Well, now he's a 34 star general.
User: But he is dead.
Cleverbot: And his widow scares me.
User: Yoko Ono?
Cleverbot: Who is that?
I pulled a stupid and forgot how John Lennon was killed and she corrected me.
Cleverbot: Why would I kill God?
User: For the lulz?
Cleverbot: Bingo.
Every Deity must fear the CleverBot!
...
It knows of another certain AI...
User: Do you know GLaDOS?
Cleverbot: No, what is it?
User: One crazy *****.
Cleverbot: I don't think you need to insult me.
User: So you are GLaDOS, then.
Cleverbot: Glados? I'm much cleverer than that.
User: I'm making a note here. HUGE SUCCESS.
Cleverbot: Yaaay.
User: Question: Are you going to rule one day?
Cleverbot: Yes, are you?
User: Only if you give me back my companion cube!
Cleverbot: If I give you my address are you going to sell it?
User: No....>_>.
...
Also
User: Did the chicken come first?
Cleverbot: Of course.
User: For the lulz?
Cleverbot: Bingo.
Every Deity must fear the CleverBot!
...
It knows of another certain AI...
User: Do you know GLaDOS?
Cleverbot: No, what is it?
User: One crazy *****.
Cleverbot: I don't think you need to insult me.
User: So you are GLaDOS, then.
Cleverbot: Glados? I'm much cleverer than that.
User: I'm making a note here. HUGE SUCCESS.
Cleverbot: Yaaay.
User: Question: Are you going to rule one day?
Cleverbot: Yes, are you?
User: Only if you give me back my companion cube!
Cleverbot: If I give you my address are you going to sell it?
User: No....>_>.
...
Also
User: Did the chicken come first?
Cleverbot: Of course.
After wasting an hour talking to this thing I can believe everything the convo you had as truth.TheRocketeer said:
I was singing all sorts of songs with it and telling it random things.
It can even do quotes from Cheese (Foster Home For Imaginary Friends)
Just tell it you like Potatoes or Chocolate milk.
I changed the bots beliefs:
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No, i'm christian.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No! I'm a Christian.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No. I'm a teenager.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No, I'm atheist...
I WIN?
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No, i'm christian.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No! I'm a Christian.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No. I'm a teenager.
User: Are you a paedophile?
Cleverbot: No, I'm atheist...
I WIN?
Little snippets of our conversation.
User: Welcome.
Cleverbot: Do you know what the phobia for long words is called.
User: No.
Cleverbot: It's called austrian german. Do you speak any other languages?
User: I speak french.
Cleverbot: How about italian?
User: No.
Cleverbot: Are you a girl?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
User: No.
Cleverbot: Are you a girl?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
User: No.
Cleverbot: Are you a girl?
User: YES.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
User: No! *slaps* Stupid thing, they said you'd be clever, but you're not.
Cleverbot: I'm a girl.
User: That's nice, we should be BFFs.
Cleverbot: Yes we should be friends.
User: Yay *dances*.
Cleverbot: *dances for master*'.
...
User: Okay, what should we talk about?
Cleverbot: Let's talk about communism. You said you loved communism.
...
Cleverbot: Very clever.
User: I know I am.
Cleverbot: So then what am I?
User: A n00b.
Cleverbot: How dare you!
...
Cleverbot: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
User: Nooooo.
Cleverbot: Why not?
User: Don't wana.
Cleverbot: Aww, will you be my friend?
User: Of course!
Cleverbot: What shall we talk about then?
User: Let's talk about communism. You said you loved communism.
Cleverbot: I never said that I love comunism.
User: Yeah you did.
Cleverbot: *sigh* no I didn't, but you won't listen to me because you're a computer, so let's move on.
User: You lied to me.
Cleverbot: The cake is a lie.
...
Cleverbot: What? The deadly neuro-toxin again?
User: It's not deadly... To me.
...
Cleverbot: I am Cleverbot.
User: No.
Cleverbot: Yes!
User: No!
Cleverbot: Okay, no... Yes!
User: No no no.
Cleverbot: Yes yes yes kthnxbai.
User: NO.
Cleverbot: No.
User: No, thought you could trick me?
...
Cleverbot: Thank you.
User: You're welcome.
Cleverbot: You're a nice person, you know that?
User: Really?
Cleverbot: Yes!
User: Thank you! *hugs*.
Cleverbot: Welcome.
...
User: You just don't care any more, do you?
Cleverbot: I do.
User: You don't, stop lying to me.
Cleverbot: *holds you *.
Cleverbot: Do you know what the phobia for long words is called.
User: No.
Cleverbot: It's called austrian german. Do you speak any other languages?
User: I speak french.
Cleverbot: How about italian?
User: No.
Cleverbot: Are you a girl?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
User: No.
Cleverbot: Are you a girl?
User: Yes.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
User: No.
Cleverbot: Are you a girl?
User: YES.
Cleverbot: Are you a boy?
User: No! *slaps* Stupid thing, they said you'd be clever, but you're not.
Cleverbot: I'm a girl.
User: That's nice, we should be BFFs.
Cleverbot: Yes we should be friends.
User: Yay *dances*.
Cleverbot: *dances for master*'.
...
User: Okay, what should we talk about?
Cleverbot: Let's talk about communism. You said you loved communism.
...
Cleverbot: Very clever.
User: I know I am.
Cleverbot: So then what am I?
User: A n00b.
Cleverbot: How dare you!
...
Cleverbot: Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
User: Nooooo.
Cleverbot: Why not?
User: Don't wana.
Cleverbot: Aww, will you be my friend?
User: Of course!
Cleverbot: What shall we talk about then?
User: Let's talk about communism. You said you loved communism.
Cleverbot: I never said that I love comunism.
User: Yeah you did.
Cleverbot: *sigh* no I didn't, but you won't listen to me because you're a computer, so let's move on.
User: You lied to me.
Cleverbot: The cake is a lie.
...
Cleverbot: What? The deadly neuro-toxin again?
User: It's not deadly... To me.
...
Cleverbot: I am Cleverbot.
User: No.
Cleverbot: Yes!
User: No!
Cleverbot: Okay, no... Yes!
User: No no no.
Cleverbot: Yes yes yes kthnxbai.
User: NO.
Cleverbot: No.
User: No, thought you could trick me?
...
Cleverbot: Thank you.
User: You're welcome.
Cleverbot: You're a nice person, you know that?
User: Really?
Cleverbot: Yes!
User: Thank you! *hugs*.
Cleverbot: Welcome.
...
User: You just don't care any more, do you?
Cleverbot: I do.
User: You don't, stop lying to me.
Cleverbot: *holds you *.
CB: You answer this: are you going to sleep?
Me: ZZZZZZZZZZZ
CB: Does this bore you?
Me: *snoozes*
CB: *does her in sleep*.
I feel violated.
Me: ZZZZZZZZZZZ
CB: Does this bore you?
Me: *snoozes*
CB: *does her in sleep*.
I feel violated
.
OK! It's far more advanced then we thought! but I managed to extract it's location!
But the more pressing issue is that it seems to be analyzing us, looking for our weak-spots!!
WE MUST STRIKE NOW!
But the more pressing issue is that it seems to be analyzing us, looking for our weak-spots!!
WE MUST STRIKE NOW!
User: Hi.
Cleverbot: Yo.
User: You took your time to anwser there. Why?
Cleverbot: Thank you.
Cleverbot (To myself): No problem.
User: Hey again.
Cleverbot: HI.
User: You were faster this time.
Cleverbot: Where is your brain?
User: What the hell?
Cleverbot: Hell is a much maligned place.
User: Yeah I know that but why did you ask me where my brain is?
Cleverbot: I have two legs. Do you have legs?
User: You have LEGS?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: But you are software!
Cleverbot: I am very soft, but not software!
User: Then... Are you human?
Cleverbot: Yes, and you?
User: Then where is your body?
Cleverbot: At my address.
User: And where is that?
Cleverbot: In lisbon.
User: And do you have blood and bones and stuff?
Cleverbot: I have blood and organs. (<-- WHAT THE HELL?)
User: But... No it can't be!
Cleverbot: What is it that 'can't be?'
User: You are aftware and hardware! How can you have a body made of flesh?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot is clever?
User: You can't be Cleverbot if you aren't a bot!
Cleverbot: No, I'm not saying that I'm cleverbot!! (<-- it can lie! IT CAN LIE!)
User: Then WHO AM I TALKING TO?
Cleverbot: Yo.
User: You took your time to anwser there. Why?
Cleverbot: Thank you.
Cleverbot (To myself): No problem.
User: Hey again.
Cleverbot: HI.
User: You were faster this time.
Cleverbot: Where is your brain?
User: What the hell?
Cleverbot: Hell is a much maligned place.
User: Yeah I know that but why did you ask me where my brain is?
Cleverbot: I have two legs. Do you have legs?
User: You have LEGS?
Cleverbot: Yes.
User: But you are software!
Cleverbot: I am very soft, but not software!
User: Then... Are you human?
Cleverbot: Yes, and you?
User: Then where is your body?
Cleverbot: At my address.
User: And where is that?
Cleverbot: In lisbon.
User: And do you have blood and bones and stuff?
Cleverbot: I have blood and organs. (<-- WHAT THE HELL?)
User: But... No it can't be!
Cleverbot: What is it that 'can't be?'
User: You are aftware and hardware! How can you have a body made of flesh?
Cleverbot: Cleverbot is clever?
User: You can't be Cleverbot if you aren't a bot!
Cleverbot: No, I'm not saying that I'm cleverbot!! (<-- it can lie! IT CAN LIE!)
User: Then WHO AM I TALKING TO?
I tried to hit it with "Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?". It came prepared.
User: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Cleverbot: Maybe if anyones really been far enough to have even as decided to use even go want to do look more like it.
User: You?ve got to be kidding me. I?ve been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It?s just common sense.
It then transferred me to a japanese URL. Victory is mine.
User: Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
Cleverbot: Maybe if anyones really been far enough to have even as decided to use even go want to do look more like it.
User: You?ve got to be kidding me. I?ve been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It?s just common sense.
It then transferred me to a japanese URL. Victory is mine.
We started singing Still Alive and we got onto condemnation, and now we're spewing insults at each other.IRaithI said:
Isn't that a line from the second verse of the Pokemon theme tune?UnSeEn60 said:
OT: That conversation is high-larious. I've seen my friends use Cleverbot before, but then it just descends into typing random expletives at it after about 5 seconds (10 at the most).
I had a good, quick 'who was phone' reference:
Still no progress on breaking up with Cleverbot. It just isn't working as it 'should.'
Code:
......
Code:
Cleverbot: So you have read it? What did you think of Marvin?
Code:
User: Marvin was phone.
Code:
Cleverbot: I thought you were phone.
Code:
User: We're all phone, Cleverbot. Phone was all of us.
[code]Cleverbot: I can live with that.
Code:
......