Universal truths

[Lios]

52) There is no such thing as a best thing.
53) Always needs more cowbell.
9001) This joke is getting really damn old.

 

[neuromasser]

Science facts:
x1) When you drop a piece of buttered bread, it lands with the buttered side down.
x2) When you drop a cat from almost any height, it lands on the feet.

Conclusion: If you stick cat's feet to buttered side of bread, they are going to float in the air indefinitely.

 

[Lios]

Science facts:
x1) When you drop a piece of buttered bread, it lands with the buttered side down.
x2) When you drop a cat from almost any height, it lands on the feet.

Conclusion: If you stick cat's feet to buttered side of bread, they are going to float in the air indefinitely.

I'll go test this.

 

[GloatingSwine]

30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

Bare feet + lego.

Don't try it at home.

 

[GloatingSwine]

Science facts:
x1) When you drop a piece of buttered bread, it lands with the buttered side down.
x2) When you drop a cat from almost any height, it lands on the feet.

Conclusion: If you stick cat's feet to buttered side of bread, they are going to float in the air indefinitely.

If you try and stick a cat's feet to anything, you're going to get scratched to fuck.

 

[sorry user name taken.]

White men can't jump.

Haven't you seen the movie!?

i really want to lol

101:every resident evil game starts with a monologue

 

[Nimbus]

Theres going to be significantly less sadness if we start ignoring you.

Of course, all I could possibly offer is some knowledge. What's that compared to the joy of mindless self-indulgence?

48) Humans will find a way to fuck everything that could possibly be fucked up up.

We also find ways to make things better. Cheer up misantrophy face!

If we rename the thread to "The mindless self-indulgence thread", will you leave?

 

[GloatingSwine]

2. The only thing in all the worlds we can really be sure exists is imagination.

Actually, the material universe definitely exists. Even when you are not looking at it. [http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13226725]

 

[Kinroth]

Theres going to be significantly less sadness if we start ignoring you.

Of course, all I could possibly offer is some knowledge. What's that compared to the joy of mindless self-indulgence?

48) Humans will find a way to fuck everything that could possibly be fucked up up.

We also find ways to make things better. Cheer up misantrophy face!

holy crap
I love MSI!

 

[IronDuke]

LIES! In school I was a slightly below average height white, unathletic male.

But when tested I had the second highest vertical jump out of 200 guys in my year group. about 15cms above the next I think and beaten only by 6cms by a 6 foot 4 ish guy who now plays AFL football professionally.

So mwahahha! That really is my only talent, being able to jump really high.

EDIT: Oh and;

#) Everybody has at some point found themselves the owner of an unflushable, in a situation where it is very awkward and embarrasing. Then frantically but silently tried to plunge it.

Well... I like to think I'm not the only one.

 

[Cpt_Oblivious]

"If someone is wearing a black trenchcoat, you know he's going to be kickass."

..Or a Rapist / Flasher.

Or a goth

You generally forget the Goth bit when they follow you at 2 in the morning and you're drunk.

We are talking about trench coats.

Not flasher-like coats.

They still work as flasher coats.

 

[traceur_]

30 seconds after permanently deleting/throwing/burning it, you need it.

The less you know about something, the easier it is to hate it.

Boys always say yes. Girls always say no.

Someone, somewhere will be offended

There will always be someone around to correct your grammar.

Your computer will always crash 1 second before you remember to save.

If you see a cactus falling, DO NOT catch it!!!

Any time you laugh so hard that the milk you are drinking comes out of your nose, a cute member of the opposite sex will walk by and see it.

 

[CrazyBerk]

34) There is porn of it, no exceptions.

 

[JC175]

Here's another one

"Women only like three things; men in kilts, Southern Comfort, and Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game""

 

[MoganFreeman]

Here's a universal truth: All things are avoidable, excepting Death, Taxes, Herpes, and the song "Billy Jean".

16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

That's funny, we had a bear.

And pooping. Pooping is fairly unavoidable.

And my high school had a bear too...you go to Westlake? I imagine bear attacks are fairly uncommon...

 

[sorry user name taken.]

Here's another one

"Women only like three things; men in kilts, Southern Comfort, and Chris Isaak's "Wicked Game""

don't know about the last one....Phil Collins maybe

 

[chumpzilla_69]

You always feel hungry for something, the day after it goes off.

Handeling ANY form of weaponry makes you feel manly.

The bigger the bang/fireball, the more destructive it feels.