Unnecessary Instructions

[Mardy]

Almost all of them is something people with a common sense can figure out, anyway. I once saw a box of knives with a sticker on saying "Do not use to stab self."

 

[EvilGenius666]

 

[Amnestic]

In the comi-con info pack etiquette section "Please change your clothes and shower regularly"...no im not joking.

Considering some of the attendants at Comic Con, that sounds like an entirely necessary set of instructions.

 

[SevenStarSonata]

How to use a toothpick:

Hold stick near centre of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth. Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion.

Kind of like last night...hehe
But seriosly..microwave inistructions for pop tarts

Hahaha. Kudos to you, sir, for making the innuendo I sadly did not. Hehe, damnit, I needed that laugh.

Can't say I know of any useless instructions, but this image made me giggle. It's on a life jacket, the sort you find on boats:

 

[Berethond]

"Have you made sure your computer/printer/other device is plugged into the socket and turned on?"

"Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?"

 

[Kriptonite]

http://www.freakingnews.com/Pictures/3/Useless-Public-Service-Advertisments.jpg

Sign says
<--Left
Right-->

 

[Asciotes]

How to make tea: Put the teabag in the cup. Boil some water. Put the builing water in the cup.
and this was all done in little picture diagrams too.

 

[darthzew]

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/01/03/bizarre-selfreferent.html

This. It's a bizarre self-referential sign. It's not exactly instructions, but I feel like it applies.

EDIT: Also, on some chainsaws it reads: Do not stop chain with hands or genitals. I can't find the pic, so you'll have to trust me.

 

[FalloutJack]

http://www.freakingnews.com/Pictures/3/Useless-Public-Service-Advertisments.jpg

Sign says
<--Left
Right-->

Someone photoshop this so the arrows are pointing opposite the indicated direction.

Also, think of the many things that are obviously peanut products that say "Caution: May Contain Peanuts".

 

[RAWKSTAR]

I love buying milk from Tesco that just says 'May contain milk' on the side.
It fucking better contain milk.

 

[Kinguendo]

"Do not iron while wearing"

"Okay... and dont forget to breath."

... I dont know of any situation or person that would actually require these instructions... just, why?

 

[Wes1180]

Here's a few

 

[Motiv_]

In my new car

"Do not attempt to drive this vehicle if you have less then 1 operable limb. Do not attempt to drive if children or small animals are in front of the vehicle."

I mean, seriously?

 

[EeveeElectro]

On a condom packet... 'Do no re-use'
We turned it inside out instead

 

[Agayek]

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"Do not use in shower."
"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray

 

[EeveeElectro]

On a condom packet... 'Do no re-use'
We turned it inside out instead

My lord, i hope you are joking.

*giggles*
Do I look that stupid?
Actually, don't answer that.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

http://www.boingboing.net/2006/01/03/bizarre-selfreferent.html


Do not stop chain with hands or genitals. I can't find the pic, so you'll have to trust me.

Damn. My genitals have been my preferred method of stopping things.