Unskippable: Final Fantasy 13

[traineesword]

I didn't find the commentarys all that funny, but i did laugh at certain points. anyway, i just realised how much this is actually trying to be a Final Fantasy 7. No, hear me out. Yahtzee said you were on a train, going to fight an evil corporation with a black sidekick. but not only that, you're also an ex soldier (just like how cloud was an ex-SOLDIER). Also, there are some crappy useless guys who you don't here anything more about who help you and who come on the train with you. on top of all THAT the first boss you fight is a big scorpion thing. really... really really really. here is the first boss battle to FF7 just incase you didn't know.
http://www.ultraninjas.com/images/articles/finalfantasy7_3.jpg

okay, sure, the mechanical scorpion boss comes later and cannot fly in FF7, but seriously, there is something severely wrong with this opening. and i'm a big fan of Final Fantasy, but the only 2 bits i noticed which seperated the FF7 and FF13 openings (excluding the obvious different names of evil corporation and characters) was that the black guy didn't have a gun for an arm and that the "badass" protaganist is now a "badass" (i.e. total *****) girl rather than a whiney boy.
oh, that and the extreme sci-fi/technology differences.

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Wow those guys must've had one hell of a wanted level for them to bust out the giant flying mecha-scorpion buzz saw tank-thing.

 

[Fetzenfisch]

Its Captain murphey with his BIG CHAINSAW HANDS!!

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

anyone who doesnt get this reference, do yourself a favour and go and watch Sealab 2021, the greatest cartoon comedy ever

thanks for the recommendation looks like i found something to kill some time fun style.

 

[shogunblade]

I cannot believe how rediculous that was. Just the other day, I started replaying Final Fantasy VIII and IX. It's hard to believe how fun those are. I look at this, and I swear to you, I was waiting for the Quicktime events to pop up.

Looks real fancy, like a candy bar you always wanted to eat because it was wrapped in a shiny wrapper, only to find out it wasn't really that tasty.

Except, I assume, it doesn't take four hours to eat that candy bar.

Good video otherwise. I haven't had a good laugh in a long while.

 

[UmbrellaRedshirt]

Guys isn't Purge pretty much self explanatory? When was the last time purge meant anything good?

I don't know a good early morning purge starts the day off right.

Okay so there is one exception but I doubt that is the context used in the game.

What can I say? I'm not one to be tied down by Square Enix's semantics. Though you have to admit, purging our memories of most of 13 would be rather nice.

 

[gamegod25]

These were some of the questions I had after four bloody hours of that garbage:
What's a Cocoon?
What's a faicie?
What's an icie?
Who's the blond douche in the trenchcoat?
Who's the black guy?
Who are the people in hoods?
What's the Purge?
Why did the Giant thing turn a lake into crystal?
What do the fourteen year old's have to do with anything?
What the fucking hell is going on?

That's because you didn't read the 1,000 page glossery included with the game

You know a game is bad if it requires ancillary reading just to understand what is going on.

 

[k-ossuburb]

That bit about the velcro sounded very familiar (check the first quote right under the photo).

I think that Graham and Paul are Bill Bailey fans. Which is good, long live the hairy troll!

 

[Harlemura]

I feel I should point out the game does make sense if you pay attention throughout the game. It's a 40 hour storyline, it ain't gonna get explained from the first bleedin' cutscene.
It's not perfect, but gaps get filled in.

Whoops, sorry, let my inner fanboy get off his leash there for a minute.

 

[Ekit]

Does that guy have a bird nest in his hair?

 

[Enigmers]

Wow those guys must've had one hell of a wanted level for them to bust out the giant flying mecha-scorpion buzz saw tank-thing.

Didn't you hear, a bounty is the new wanted level!

 

[Space Jawa]

"Makes about as much sense as anything else that just happened"

I like this line.

Wow, y'know I was considering buying this. Now, having seen this, I would be embarassed to have it running on my T.V.

I've played 30 hours of it, very little of those thirty hours were fun.

Yet you kept playing? For 30 hours worth? And yet you're still playing? At what point do you stop and say "No!" to unfun gameplay?

 

[Canadamus Prime]

Wow those guys must've had one hell of a wanted level for them to bust out the giant flying mecha-scorpion buzz saw tank-thing.

Didn't you hear, a bounty is the new wanted level!

Yeah, but I don't think they have giant flying mecha-scorpion things in the old west.

 

[Yelchor]

That was... Interesting I suppose. Though they failed to understand the point with action scenes it would seem.

Just beacuse you can throw in epic scenes of battle doesn't mean you should. Who were the people? Why were they there? What is the point of them doing this?

In order for things like these to work we need a story that tells us who the characters are and why they have certain goals. By making us understand and care about the characters enables the action scenes to give -tension-. To me the opening cinematic did the opposite effect, making me care more about the soldiers then the main characters, all I saw them do was killing guards and security forces without hesitation.

Or are we supposed to automatically assume that beacuse they're authority figures they're "evil", with the main characters being "good" beacuse they are all under the age of twenty?

 

[Akalistos]

These were some of the questions I had after four bloody hours of that garbage:
What's a Cocoon?
What's a faicie?
What's an icie?
Who's the blond douche in the trenchcoat?
Who's the black guy?
Who are the people in hoods?
What's the Purge?
Why did the Giant thing turn a lake into crystal?
What do the fourteen year old's have to do with anything?
What the fucking hell is going on?

Press Start, go to menu, and check the encyclopedia. Then take the 3 week correspondence course, to get the diploma. Then, It's a 5 years read to get all of this. It's a dumb way to push you to play the game.

 

[Akalistos]

Wow those guys must've had one hell of a wanted level for them to bust out the giant flying mecha-scorpion buzz saw tank-thing.

Didn't you hear, a bounty is the new wanted level!

Yeah, but I don't think they have giant flying mecha-scorpion things in the old west.

To be fair, i saw a giant mechanical spider fighting Will Smith. It didn't go well as you'll hope, he beat the spider.

 

[Akalistos]

An ostrich egg is about the size of your hand and it grows up to be a chocobo-sized bird.

Also, Sci-Fi is fiction based on science.. this does not apply.

Do you mean that we can't build Giant flying Scorpion with 4 Saws as fingers? Or that train is made of magic?

 

[Akalistos]

I had hope that you did a July FF13 run...

Funny as always.

 

[Hurr Durr Derp]

The blond, sword-wielding protagonist and black companion on a train.
Then they fight some guards.
Then they fight a robo-scorpion boss.

I'm pretty sure I've seen that before...