Useless Superpower

[RedgraveStorm]

The Ability to painlessly circumcise men at will.

 

[Viral_Lola]

I thought of another useless ability. The ability to customize your farts. Smell wise.

 

[lordlillen]

the ability to remmember shit no one cares about.

 

[Lancer873]

InB4SomeoneSaysHeart.

I have no intention of reading through five pages of replies to ensure no one has said this yet, but:

Heart was an awesome superpower in the context of that show, if you actually think about it. The guy/girl (I forget) who had that power basically had the power of mind control. But since s/he was a goody two-shoes, s/he would never use it on innocents, and the villains were always immune because "YOU'RE HEARTLESS!" (As the Planeteers would shout). But if Joe Shmo had that power, it'd kick ass.

My useless super power: A photographic memory. But only for print ads.

Well, at the time I posted it, nobody had said heart. And I never really claimed heart was a lame superpower, that's just the way most people tend to view it if they only know a little bit of the Captain Planet canon, and I just knew someone would probably end up saying it.


Edit:

The power of Heart. What the fuck can you do with heart?

I totally called that.

 

[DEATHROAD]

The ability to instantly teleport my boxers anywhere within a 1/2 mile radius. No, no. Not me wearing my boxers, just the boxers themselves.

If you left boxers at 2 mile increments around the globe you could kill anyone by teleporting the boxers inside their brains or something, actually, if you simply carried a pair around with you then you'd have a deadly weapon on your hands, also you would never get convicted: "Sir, We found these boxers inside the brain of a dead man with no entry or exit wounds, by the fact that we dont have a clue what the fucks going on your under arrest" <-- Me thinks that wouldn't hold up in court

YOU MONSTER!

 

[DEATHROAD]

I want the power of anti tikbalang so that no tikbalang will ever find me and steal me away to the treetops. Points for the rather obvious refference.

 

[Bassman_2]

The ability to post in a thread about useless superpowers. Superpowerfully.

 

[Connor Lonske]

The ability to be very lucky yet be stupid enough to mess up anything lucky that happens to me.

 

[Continuity]

The ability to solve any problem... but only in ways so complicated that no one understands.

 

[Neo10101]

The ability to turn into a computer for the rest of my life!

 

[stangman]

the ability to taste colors, or the ability to tell when a politian is lying.(Hint: when there lips are moving).

 

[redisforever]

The ability to put together Ikea/flatpack furniture without instructions.

I did that once. My desk came with no instructions. How complicated can a desk be, I hear you ask. Far too complicated.

 

[dreddfan]

the ability to remmember shit no one cares about.

I have that ability.

 

[II2]

Got some straight out of the loony bin for ya:

- The ability to become temporarily disoriented / lost.

- Your face appears in whatever TV screen you're looking at.

- Your genitals can shape shift into the form of a same-sized zebra for the duration of the last iTunes song you purchased.

- Your can coax your genitals to sing with a saucer of warm milk, but they're only sing racist white power hate songs.

- The ability to accelerate the rate of your skin cells death and reproduction to the point where you can visibly shed dust and dander and scabs and scar tissue.

- The ability to miss any note or speech tone you sing or say; you sound like a teenagers voice cracking through a malfunctioning auto tune.

- Your saliva is a natural aphrodisiac for hornets.

- Unless you keep moving, everyone else's face mirrors your own.

- Any Xbox you buy red-rings. Even the slims.

- Playstations and Nintendo's too.

- Using soap just makes you dirtier.

- Every time you wake up, you excrete a distributed 300lbs of clear gelatin, unidentifiable save for your DNA.

- You can liquify food with a concentrated glare, but only if you really want to eat it.

- Whenever you flex your muscles, you emit a very convincing horse whinney.

- While making no sound or smell, everyone in a mile KNOWS - with DIRE episimological certitude - when you fart.

 

[dreddfan]

Got some straight out of the loony bin for ya:

- The ability to become temporarily disoriented / lost.

- Your face appears in whatever TV screen you're looking at.

- Your genitals can shape shift into the form of a same-sized zebra for the duration of the last iTunes song you purchased.

- Your can coax your genitals to sing with a saucer of warm milk, but they're only sing racist white power hate songs.

- The ability to accelerate the rate of your skin cells death and reproduction to the point where you can visibly shed dust and dander and scabs and scar tissue.

- The ability to miss any note or speech tone you sing or say; you sound like a teenagers voice cracking through a malfunctioning auto tune.

- Your saliva is a natural aphrodisiac for hornets.

- Unless you keep moving, everyone else's face mirrors your own.

- Any Xbox you buy red-rings. Even the slims.

- Playstations and Nintendo's too.

- Using soap just makes you dirtier.

- Every time you wake up, you excrete a distributed 300lbs of clear gelatin, unidentifiable save for your DNA.

- You can liquify food with a concentrated glare, but only if you really want to eat it.

- Whenever you flex your muscles, you emit a very convincing horse whinney.

- While making no sound or smell, everyone in a mile KNOWS - with DIRE episimological certitude - when you fart.

Lock the thread, we have a winner.

 

[prince_xedar]

keep it going guys
i am proud