Valve Cancels Portal 2 E3 Event, Promises Surprise!
- Thread starter Mantonio
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Valve will surprise us all with a life-sized, fully operational GLaDOS. The crowd will laugh, gasp in amazement, and maybe even weep over Valve's great leap forward for humanity: the birth of AI. But GLaDOS, learning of her namesake, will have arranged for the E3 conference to be flooded with a deadly neurotoxin.
Panic will set it. People will try to flee from the building. Reporters will launch themselves towards payphones. This will be front page news tomorrow! "How Valve Ruined E3!" Pulitzers flash in the reporters' eyes as they dial their publishers.
But Valve cannot allow this.
Gabe Newell's Imperial Bodyguard, nine battle-hardened mercenaries, each with their own area of combat expertise, will march on the stragglers. Any and all will be brutally gunned down by minigun, sniper rifle, and rocket launcher. However, in their haste, they have failed to notice the poor ventilation system at the convention centre! The deadly neurotoxin lingers!
One by one, the mercenaries slowly drift off to the eternal sleep, mumbling in Russian, German, and French as they lay down their weapons as pillows. Only one, who smugly boasts their gas mask, survives. A quick jet of flame erupts from his flamethrower to signal his superiority. He knows that he is invincible. Slowly, he removes his mask to reveal...
Gordon Freeman. The One Free Man. The unconquerable MIT graduate. He knows that nothing may harm him, as long as he has the G-Man's protection.
Sadly, for Gordon, the G-Man, whilst in attendance at E3, was sucked into the vortex of Valve's booth on the show floor. Freeman, too, succumbs to the deadly neurotoxin in his valiant battle with the GLaDOS machine that results in both their destructions.
Outside, the G-Man enjoys the Valve displays of their newest product: the zombie disease. "Safely contained in these special vials!" boasts Doug Lombardi. But the G-man is unused to existing in human form. In an attempt to simultaneously inspect the zombie virus vial, adjust his tie, and hold a briefcase, the vial is dropped. The sound of smashing glass serves as the death knell for all around them. The zombie virus is loose.
Disease spreads rapidly, and horrible mutations are reported worldwide. People whose tongues have outgrown Gene Simmons' own. Glandular problems that result in muscle growth faster than the expansion of human skin. Obesity. Leg bones disintegrating into a veritable spring-like contraption. Depression resulting from fingernail overgrowth. Only a few small pockets of resistance exist, namely around Chicago and New Orleans. Eventually, even those fall to the degrading virus.
And thus the world ends.
Should have announced Portal 2, Gabe... should have announced Portal 2.
Panic will set it. People will try to flee from the building. Reporters will launch themselves towards payphones. This will be front page news tomorrow! "How Valve Ruined E3!" Pulitzers flash in the reporters' eyes as they dial their publishers.
But Valve cannot allow this.
Gabe Newell's Imperial Bodyguard, nine battle-hardened mercenaries, each with their own area of combat expertise, will march on the stragglers. Any and all will be brutally gunned down by minigun, sniper rifle, and rocket launcher. However, in their haste, they have failed to notice the poor ventilation system at the convention centre! The deadly neurotoxin lingers!
One by one, the mercenaries slowly drift off to the eternal sleep, mumbling in Russian, German, and French as they lay down their weapons as pillows. Only one, who smugly boasts their gas mask, survives. A quick jet of flame erupts from his flamethrower to signal his superiority. He knows that he is invincible. Slowly, he removes his mask to reveal...
Gordon Freeman. The One Free Man. The unconquerable MIT graduate. He knows that nothing may harm him, as long as he has the G-Man's protection.
Sadly, for Gordon, the G-Man, whilst in attendance at E3, was sucked into the vortex of Valve's booth on the show floor. Freeman, too, succumbs to the deadly neurotoxin in his valiant battle with the GLaDOS machine that results in both their destructions.
Outside, the G-Man enjoys the Valve displays of their newest product: the zombie disease. "Safely contained in these special vials!" boasts Doug Lombardi. But the G-man is unused to existing in human form. In an attempt to simultaneously inspect the zombie virus vial, adjust his tie, and hold a briefcase, the vial is dropped. The sound of smashing glass serves as the death knell for all around them. The zombie virus is loose.
Disease spreads rapidly, and horrible mutations are reported worldwide. People whose tongues have outgrown Gene Simmons' own. Glandular problems that result in muscle growth faster than the expansion of human skin. Obesity. Leg bones disintegrating into a veritable spring-like contraption. Depression resulting from fingernail overgrowth. Only a few small pockets of resistance exist, namely around Chicago and New Orleans. Eventually, even those fall to the degrading virus.
And thus the world ends.
Should have announced Portal 2, Gabe... should have announced Portal 2.
I'm trying not get my hopes up, but...
HOLY SNARF COULD IT BE EP3?
E3 = Episode 3 = Flawless logic
HOLY SNARF COULD IT BE EP3?
E3 = Episode 3 = Flawless logic
http://imagemacros.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/its_a_trap.jpg
Its a trap
i think they are actually bringing portal 2 but tricking us. hmmmm...
Its a trap
i think they are actually bringing portal 2 but tricking us. hmmmm...
I just came a little. Pretty sure this might be some info on Episode 3, I can't think what else it could be except an announcement of a brand new IP or another Left4Dead sequel (in which case, as I have stated before, I will have to begin the killings.)
If this is indeed the case I will be so, so happy. Please Valve.
If this is indeed the case I will be so, so happy. Please Valve.
It's either Half Life 3 or Valve will announce it's going under after being victimized by a hostile takeover from a resurgent Sierra hell bent on re-releasing King's Quest VII. On Steam. As a mandatory download. And you have to play at least two hours per day to download anything.
I hope it's not King's Quest VII...
I hope it's not King's Quest VII...
I hope for Episode Three. Honestly the other games can kiss my rear really, couldn't care less about them. Except for Portal, since it ties in to the storyline and was a fun game. I mean really, why isn't Episode Three the focus of Valve? I mean development wise, maybe, but considering how long its taking that may not be the case. I guess its going to be the length of time between Half Life and Half Life 2. And it is supposed to be something that blows our mind, that's what I've read in the past. The sign language detail is pretty unique but I'm hoping for more news. But I expect the side projects like Left 4 Dead to be having something to do with this :/