Very, very serious problem... please, please help?

[adakias]

First of all, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. I understand that it was not for entertainment but I got really involved and found it to be an interesting story. Well done, I feel compelled to try to give advice.

View it as a necessary annoyance that will pass in time. To oversee your siblings' well being is worth being there, so don't get panicky about your stay.
Although you shouldn't go out of your way to be antagonistic, do not let him or his family talk shit to you or "abuse" you in anyway. Always be in control, but don't take any shit from them. If you're the reasonable one and speak the truth, your siblings will see how "off" he and his family are. This probably will create a situation where they don't want to see him and will eventually lead to them legally not having to.

Just remember don't get too worked up and create a scene. This will used against you and cement their opinion of you, potentially turning your siblings against you.

Uhh, thanks? I'm weirdly taking that as a compliment or something, so okay. xD I guess in time it'll make an interesting story to tell at some sort of bizarre downer party.

God it is annoying. Two days to go (we get to go home on Saturday), and it really has been nothing but emotional abuse (when the kids aren't nearby, naturally). We had a mild "fight" tonight because he wanted us to go and see the cousins (the ones that think I'm a liar) at 8 in the morning to play touch football, then thanksgiving time, then go see a movie with them. I said that was too much, and he flipped out. I'm trying to not tolerate this bullshit. I told him I wasn't going, he said to compromise. I said I'll go with we leave at noon. He said that wasn't a compromise but okay. I'm in some sort of bizarro world where a compromise is giving in to emotional guilting and frolicking with creepy assholes (and they kinda are creepy).

I'm gonna try not to get worked up, though. ^.^
Thanks for the advice.

Honestly? Be as passive aggressive as you can. Show them you're family should not be fucked around with. Second-guess everything they say, fuck being the bigger person. These people have obviously made your life hell, so might as well give them a little hell back, right?

Very true. I know they don't deserve my kindness, and they really have been very mean (then and now)... I'm honestly pretty timid; I've just always been good at hiding it. My mom said that she wished I was braver and could confront him in front of them so they'd know the truth... for closure or something... but it's scary. And I have to spend an eight hour car ride with him on Saturday. Passive aggressive works, though. I'm good at that. :3
Thanks.

 

[PeePantz]

He said that wasn't a compromise but okay. I'm in some sort of bizarro world where a compromise is giving in to emotional guilting and frolicking with creepy assholes (and they kinda are creepy).

Some people feel a compromise is only when the other side concedes. I always try to get the other side to concede, but I'm always aware of the meaning of compromise. Haha.

We all have that side of the family that is creepy. I've also notice that they are more prevalent in Florida.

 

[dillirgaf]

at 20 you're technically an adult. if it is that bad, have your mother attempt to get custody if the other mother isn't in the picture. Or if they are for it and you are 100% able, get custody yourself

 

[adakias]

He said that wasn't a compromise but okay. I'm in some sort of bizarro world where a compromise is giving in to emotional guilting and frolicking with creepy assholes (and they kinda are creepy).

Some people feel a compromise is only when the other side concedes. I always try to get the other side to concede, but I'm always aware of the meaning of compromise. Haha.

We all have that side of the family that is creepy. I've also notice that they are more prevalent in Florida.

That's exactly how he is. But he's also an idiot... and he treats me like I'm one. Like, in the car, I was SO neurotic because he's the worse driver... I played a car game I invented on the way down: count the improper lane changes (the total's 45 now, no joke)... anyways, he asked why, and I said I thought people were sort of dumb and I didn't trust their driving skills... his response was "well, I know people can be dumb, but you're not exactly the smartest person I've ever met." The hell? Anyways, I ramble... so sorry. Long story short, he's a moron, so I'm sure that's part of it. x3

I think it's something in the water. It tastes funny.

 

[adakias]

at 20 you're technically an adult. if it is that bad, have your mother attempt to get custody if the other mother isn't in the picture. Or if they are for it and you are 100% able, get custody yourself

She did get custody, but he forced the kids to visit him in Florida... the big concern is if they didn't go, he might take her to court. He definitely wants full custody, though, and it's scary. They're all her kids too; we all have the same mother, I just have a different father (crazy abandoning gypsy... just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder, right?) ^.^

It's complicated and confusing.

 

[jack583]

i don't know all the details and my advice might not work, but i'll throw it in anyways:

just look after the younger ones.
act as polite as you can WITHOUT looking like you are faking it or acting like a snob (it's a fine line)
survival is the main focus for you here
don't start anything and if someone else tries to start something, just keep calm and DO NOT SHOW EMOTION, be it possitive or negative.
if someone starts hitting you do not fight back. if someone is hurting one of you siblings then you should help them without violance. just seperate them and try to calm everyone down
be the balance in the chaos

like i said before i'm not sure if this will work, but they might help

 

[adakias]

i don't know all the details and my advice might not work, but i'll throw it in anyways:

just look after the younger ones.
act as polite as you can WITHOUT looking like you are faking it or acting like a snob (it's a fine line)
survival is the main focus for you here
don't start anything and if someone else tries to start something, just keep calm and DO NOT SHOW EMOTION, be it possitive or negative.
if someone starts hitting you do not fight back. if someone is hurting one of you siblings then you should help them without violance. just seperate them and try to calm everyone down
be the balance in the chaos

like i said before i'm not sure if this will work, but they might help

I'm trying real real hard to be polite and emotionally detached. It's tough. I tried to start conversation with the grandmother out of politeness, but she literally stopped me midconversation and walked off, so I'm just gonna stop trying (the emotionally detached part needs to kick in here :3).
Thanks.

 

[PeePantz]

He said that wasn't a compromise but okay. I'm in some sort of bizarro world where a compromise is giving in to emotional guilting and frolicking with creepy assholes (and they kinda are creepy).

Some people feel a compromise is only when the other side concedes. I always try to get the other side to concede, but I'm always aware of the meaning of compromise. Haha.

We all have that side of the family that is creepy. I've also notice that they are more prevalent in Florida.

That's exactly how he is. But he's also an idiot... and he treats me like I'm one. Like, in the car, I was SO neurotic because he's the worse driver... I played a car game I invented on the way down: count the improper lane changes (the total's 45 now, no joke)... anyways, he asked why, and I said I thought people were sort of dumb and I didn't trust their driving skills... his response was "well, I know people can be dumb, but you're not exactly the smartest person I've ever met." The hell? Anyways, I ramble... so sorry. Long story short, he's a moron, so I'm sure that's part of it. x3

I think it's something in the water. It tastes funny.

I could never do that. I tend to get awful anxiety when I'm with bad drivers. I usually keep my head down and bear it. Actually, I tend to count the near accidents. If it's around three, the head goes down.

He just seems to be very insecure and childish. Not exactly a good combo since it usually leads to being oversensitive. You add a dash of stupidity and it might lead to rage that comes out due to his own frustration. No need to displace it on innocents.

 

[adakias]

blaaahblahblah

I could never do that. I tend to get awful anxiety when I'm with bad drivers. I usually keep my head down and bear it. Actually, I tend to count the near accidents. If it's around three, the head goes down.

He just seems to be very insecure and childish. Not exactly a good combo since it usually leads to being oversensitive. You add a dash of stupidity and it might lead to rage that comes out due to his own frustration. No need to displace it on innocents.

It scares the crap out of me too, but I do it anyways. It's like I'm a neurotic masochist or something. I dunno. I also calculated how long it would take me to walk home and how much force we'd hit the car in front of us with. I had to take two anxiety pills on the way down here, and they're like tranquilizers, so I was pretty messed up for the last two hours... but it was better than working myself into a panic attack.

He is SO childish. Whenever we used to argue, he'd end it with "well whatever. you're right and I'm wrong. WHATEVER." Jeez. He's pretty messed up, and I kind of feel bad for him. It's tough not to, but at the same time I hate him, y'know?

 

[Joreal]

If this is real, you need to find your local Child Protective Services division. The 14 year old should be able to back you up if the stepfather tries to call you a liar. Passive aggressive doesn't work, trust me. Calling the authorities on this ass does.

 

[cheese_wizington]

I'm really, really scared and I don't know what to do. I wanted to be the bigger person and just act civil and get through this as painlessly as possible... but it's really hard. None of the bad stuff was reported (I didn't want it reported; it was terrifying and I wanted it all to just be forgotten), so I can't prove it like that, but I just hate being stigmatized as a liar. I know I could just call him out on it and tell him to be honest... but I just want this to go away... They've said horrible things about my mother, they've forced my siblings to come visit, they talk ugly about us too... it's just awful. What do I do? I've been trying to avoid seeing them... I said I was having serious cramps and he left me alone and we didn't have to watch football with them yesterday, but they want to go to the movies and stuff... and Thanksgiving... I'm rambling. Look, how should I handle this? I'm 8 hours south of home. I'm the oldest, and I have to be the defender or sorts, but I'm at a loss. Please tell me what you think I should do. Ignore them and just take it, avoid them at all costs, or confront them? Or something else...? So sorry this was way long... no one's gonna read all this but I can't think of how to summarize it.


It seems like you need to get help from somewhere. You want it to go away, but it's not just going to go away by itself like this. You and your family don't have to take shit from anyone. If you want this case closed, then you need to face the problem head on. It'll suck, but, you'll feel a million times better for it in the end.

 

[adakias]

-snip-

Intimidate them as nicely and calmly as possible until they listen to your case. Then have a nice talk about how that shit will not fly and if they mess with your siblings you will not let it go unpunished. Do not act like a angry teenager, but as a authority figure who is fighting for his and his family honor and safety.

-snip-

That will make him no worse than them, and he might just end up acting the same way to his children

If they get meaner and if I get bolder, I may try and have that talk. It seems almost necessary, but they scare me. They're nuts.
My current plan is to maintain the peace, ignore their general mean-ness, and follow the littluns like a hawk, but I'm at my breaking point, and I'm trying not to flip out... if they start something tomorrow, I'm going to calmly explain that they are crazy whores and need to shut the hell up. And I'll say it nicer, I guess. I don't want to be the angry teenager. ^.^
Merci beaucoup.~

 

[Choppaduel]

Sound like you need some professional counselling(not the mental health kind) from an attorney and from child services.

 

[adakias]

If this is real, you need to find your local Child Protective Services division. The 14 year old should be able to back you up if the stepfather tries to call you a liar. Passive aggressive doesn't work, trust me. Calling the authorities on this ass does.

This is very, very real, and it's not even the half of it. There's so much crazy shit, like how he spent my sister's birthday looking at porn and looking for "adult friends", or how he threatened to have the repo man show up at my mom's workplace and take her car if she didn't turn it in... We should have reported some of the things he did that were so not okay, and I regret that now... You're probably a bit right, though. Passive aggressive, though getting the "I hate you and am not tolerating this" point across, would probably make things more stressful... hm..
Thanks for the advice.

I'm really, really scared and I don't know what to do. I wanted to be the bigger person and just act civil and get through this as painlessly as possible... but it's really hard. None of the bad stuff was reported (I didn't want it reported; it was terrifying and I wanted it all to just be forgotten), so I can't prove it like that, but I just hate being stigmatized as a liar. I know I could just call him out on it and tell him to be honest... but I just want this to go away... They've said horrible things about my mother, they've forced my siblings to come visit, they talk ugly about us too... it's just awful. What do I do? I've been trying to avoid seeing them... I said I was having serious cramps and he left me alone and we didn't have to watch football with them yesterday, but they want to go to the movies and stuff... and Thanksgiving... I'm rambling. Look, how should I handle this? I'm 8 hours south of home. I'm the oldest, and I have to be the defender or sorts, but I'm at a loss. Please tell me what you think I should do. Ignore them and just take it, avoid them at all costs, or confront them? Or something else...? So sorry this was way long... no one's gonna read all this but I can't think of how to summarize it.


It seems like you need to get help from somewhere. You want it to go away, but it's not just going to go away by itself like this. You and your family don't have to take shit from anyone. If you want this case closed, then you need to face the problem head on. It'll suck, but, you'll feel a million times better for it in the end.

Like, mental or psychiatric help? The state made me get that... ^.^; Err, if you mean like with dealing with him right now, I'm alone in this. I don't have anyone within 500+ miles to turn to right now. Not until we get home, at which point I plan to never see him again. I do so want closure on this, but I'm such a coward... as I've said, if they push me, I'm gonna confront him maybe. Probably.
Thankies.

 

[cheese_wizington]

If this is real, you need to find your local Child Protective Services division. The 14 year old should be able to back you up if the stepfather tries to call you a liar. Passive aggressive doesn't work, trust me. Calling the authorities on this ass does.

This is very, very real, and it's not even the half of it. There's so much crazy shit, like how he spent my sister's birthday looking at porn and looking for "adult friends", or how he threatened to have the repo man show up at my mom's workplace and take her car if she didn't turn it in... We should have reported some of the things he did that were so not okay, and I regret that now... You're probably a bit right, though. Passive aggressive, though getting the "I hate you and am not tolerating this" point across, would probably make things more stressful... hm..
Thanks for the advice.

I'm really, really scared and I don't know what to do. I wanted to be the bigger person and just act civil and get through this as painlessly as possible... but it's really hard. None of the bad stuff was reported (I didn't want it reported; it was terrifying and I wanted it all to just be forgotten), so I can't prove it like that, but I just hate being stigmatized as a liar. I know I could just call him out on it and tell him to be honest... but I just want this to go away... They've said horrible things about my mother, they've forced my siblings to come visit, they talk ugly about us too... it's just awful. What do I do? I've been trying to avoid seeing them... I said I was having serious cramps and he left me alone and we didn't have to watch football with them yesterday, but they want to go to the movies and stuff... and Thanksgiving... I'm rambling. Look, how should I handle this? I'm 8 hours south of home. I'm the oldest, and I have to be the defender or sorts, but I'm at a loss. Please tell me what you think I should do. Ignore them and just take it, avoid them at all costs, or confront them? Or something else...? So sorry this was way long... no one's gonna read all this but I can't think of how to summarize it.


It seems like you need to get help from somewhere. You want it to go away, but it's not just going to go away by itself like this. You and your family don't have to take shit from anyone. If you want this case closed, then you need to face the problem head on. It'll suck, but, you'll feel a million times better for it in the end.

Like, mental or psychiatric help? The state made me get that... ^.^; Err, if you mean like with dealing with him right now, I'm alone in this. I don't have anyone within 500+ miles to turn to right now. Not until we get home, at which point I plan to never see him again. I do so want closure on this, but I'm such a coward... as I've said, if they push me, I'm gonna confront him maybe. Probably.
Thankies.

I mean, help with dealing with this asshole. If this shit's not only affecting you, but also your siblings, you need to seek outside help because that's not cool.

 

[adakias]

Sound like you need some professional counselling(not the mental health kind) from an attorney and from child services.

The divorce is, like, settled and everything... I do wish we could get an attorney and to try and keep him from forcing the kids to visit (especially the 14 year old, who he forced to come), but we just can't afford it now. My mom had to leave her job because of her health, and he won't get a job so we only get $500 a month for child support. x3

 

[adakias]

-snip-

Intimidate them as nicely and calmly as possible until they listen to your case. Then have a nice talk about how that shit will not fly and if they mess with your siblings you will not let it go unpunished. Do not act like a angry teenager, but as a authority figure who is fighting for his and his family honor and safety.

-snip-

That will make him no worse than them, and he might just end up acting the same way to his children

If they get meaner and if I get bolder, I may try and have that talk. It seems almost necessary, but they scare me. They're nuts.
My current plan is to maintain the peace, ignore their general mean-ness, and follow the littluns like a hawk, but I'm at my breaking point, and I'm trying not to flip out... if they start something tomorrow, I'm going to calmly explain that they are crazy whores and need to shut the hell up. And I'll say it nicer, I guess. I don't want to be the angry teenager. ^.^
Merci beaucoup.~

Or you can also pull of the calm but insane dude thing. That works too when nothing else works

Nothing like a little dose of danger to make people thing your srs business.

Lol. I could try that, but that probably wouldn't scare them. He's currently living with his brother (where we're staying now) who's schizophrenic. He thinks they watch him through light sockets and voices told him to hurt little girls (which scares me), so they're kind of used to it. God, I know it sounds like an over-the-top soap opera, but I swear this is all true. xD

-snipsnip-

I mean, help with dealing with this asshole. If this shit's not only affecting you, but also your siblings, you need to seek outside help because that's not cool.

Right, right. I would, but I just don't know where to turn to. u_u Tricky business.

 

[Choppaduel]

Sound like you need some professional counselling(not the mental health kind) from an attorney and from child services.

The divorce is, like, settled and everything... I do wish we could get an attorney and to try and keep him from forcing the kids to visit (especially the 14 year old, who he forced to come), but we just can't afford it now. My mom had to leave her job because of her health, and he won't get a job so we only get $500 a month for child support. x3

there needs to be free, readily available legal counselling America. I'm sure there's some hotline or something thatll give something close to the real thing, but I wouldnt use it.(not i think you shouldnt consider it at all) If only there was a charity dedicated to "restoring sanity to America, for the children" or something.