The entire Dark Brotherhood from Skyrim. Every. Single. Member.
Thankfully...
I took the "Destroy the Dark Brotherhood" quest and wiped them all out. Then I reloaded the game and did it a few more times just to see how creatively I could dispatch them.
Unfortunately you can't kill that annoying Cicero because he disappears from the game once this quest is initiated.
But, it was worth it just to shut that pompous Astrid up.
Anders from Dragon Age 2. I liked him in Awakening, but he had changed and I wanted to punch him in the face for most of the game. He constantly talks about mages and how they are being oppressed and little else. Despite the fact that I agreed with him on a lot of points and did actions he approved of. So there was a weird situation that the game told me that I was friends with someone I couldn't stand
Also general Oliver in Fallout:NV. Once I met he was like "Nice dam you conquered here. Now it's mine". I didn't kick him downstairs but I had Yesman throw him of my dam.
I want to kick all of them down the 7000 steps from Skyrim. Ajay may as well be a cup of vanilla yogurt for all the personality he has. Jason Brody may have been stale, but at least he had the slightest hint of a character arc. Ajay could be a silent protagonist and nothing would change. Amita and Sabal are both ideologues, nothing more. There should have been a separate campaign to join Pagan Min, who is by far the most interesting character in the mix. You know what else could have made Far Cry 4 brilliant? Hurk as the main character. That would have made Far Cry 4 one of the best games of all time in the story department.
Zevran from Dragon Age: Origins because... why? Everyone else is interesting once you speak to then, even if they don't seem it on the surface. Zevran is just... god damn it, I just don't care.
Jacknife from Mirror's Edge. What. A. Douche. My goodness I just want to smack his smug face right off the nearest skyscraper.
Well, that's unfair. Everyone I can think of in Final Fantasy VII. For Cloud and Sepiroth, I would need one of those Australian boots from that Simpsons episode. You know the one.
Almost every Bioware main character in the last 5 years.
Tidus.
Desmond from the AC games. Even in his current state.
OT: Uh... Jiminy Cricket?
http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120104024725/kingdomhearts/images/4/4e/Jiminy_Cricket_KH3D.png
More specifically, the "journal" that he carries in the Kingdom Hearts series... You may say that his "journal"'s not a true character, but I say it is because it keeps asking me to do shit I don't feel like doing... It lures me in with it's "NEW" logo like it's got something meaningful to say, only to say "Gotcha!" with another sticker it wants to hoard in its bountiful pages... *grumble grumble grumble*
Other than that, I got nothing... Not even in a "This is Sparta" kind of ironic way...
Snag. This bastard, right here. Call of Pripyat is the game.
Gets spooked and drops a case containing his stash down a pit, asks me to wander into the pitch-black Snork-filled depths to retrieve it, then cheapskates me out of a decent reward. (Considering the rest of the stuff he does, to follow, you're damn right on subsequent playthroughs I instead take the case to Cordon, who busts it open for peanuts and gives me everything inside.)
Then, he spies me leaving Skadovsk with a shiny new shooter courtesy of stand-up bloke Nimble and claims it as his own. Ask anyone around who can be trusted and who has shit for a name, they'll confirm your suspicions. After being told to go slide in his shite, he bolts and the trail sets me up with a hired gang of bandits who try to extort the gun off me. Fuck off pals - I put the gun to good use and carry on with my day.
Not content with this failure Snag tails me to Jupiter and steals my entire stash from the station to pay his debt to the Bandits. I arrive on the scene just as a Bandit catches up with him and puts a bullet in his gut for screwing them around. I drop the bandit, then lament my inability to kick this turd down the stairs before putting a round between his eyes.
Well, that's unfair. Everyone I can think of in Final Fantasy VII. For Cloud and Sepiroth, I would need one of those Australian boots from that Simpsons episode. You know the one.
Almost every Bioware main character in the last 5 years.
Tidus.
Desmond from the AC games. Even in his current state.
All these and Clarie Redfield. Maybe not Tidus so much, I mean he deserves a slap but maybe not pushing down the stairs. Now Cloud on the other hand...there aren't enough steps available, or steep enough for that.
To be honest, pretty much every main character of most popular modern videogames is a sociopathic monstrosity.
But regardless of that, dear God did I want to hit DA2's Fenris in his brooding face.
Adam Jensen said:
Dennis from Far Cry 3. The most full of shit guy in the history of the universe. He's so fuckin' annoying with his "I'm a wise black man of the jungle" attitude. He's a fuckin' moron who thinks that escaping from a pirate camp miraculously makes you a warrior. And on top of that he thinks that tattoos have magical powers and that it's OK to tattoo you while you're unconscious. I hate him.
Indeed, he was quite the idiot, and that clearly showed how despicable (in an interesting way) Citra is. Just like Jason Brody she got Dennis to believe all that crap so she could use him as a thrall to do her bidding. Both Dennis and Brody are completely invested in the "I'm the savior" rhetoric Citra instills in them. I really liked that inversion of classic story tropes.
Well, I'm feeling petty today, so I'm going to say Dark Pit. Fuck that guy.
"Princess Zelda called, She wants her Final Smash back."
and then I'd follow with jumping down the stairs and landing elbow first into his waifu-gut. because I'm apparently in Smashland and can thus do this without repercussion
Same here. I very rarely harbor any extreme hatred for a video game character, but I make an exception for that pathetic, edgy little waste of roster space. There's no excuse for that character to even exist in the first place, period.
Honestly? The Scout from TF2. He does nothing but talk about himself, never shuts up, never slows down, and is generally a massive prick. Soldier is fine just because he is hilarious and walks his talk, the same goes for Demo and Heavy. The Medic is too damn useful, the Sniper is at least interesting, and the Spy is clever enough to justify being an ass. Scout rubs everything he does in everyone's face. Fuck the Scout.
WOAH WOAH WOAH. I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to? Wassamatter, y'freakin' stupid? Real smooth, dummy. Do you have any idea, any idea who I am? I'm a force a' nature! You seein' this? No otha' class gonna do dat! I make it look easy. Dominated, ya shapeshiftin' rat.
I'm sorry, I couldn't help it when I saw your avatar. Plus Scout is my main class. [small]I'm only joking mods pls don't ban ;_;[/small]
Kreia from Knights of the Old Republic 2.
I know the ending explains it, but she's such a pretentious hypocritical *****, before you even find out why.
If I wanted your opinion on everything I said you old bag I would've asked for it.
She just really got my goat from the get go. The 2nd playthrough of KOTOR2 I did, I deliberately made ALL the decisions to make her hate me just because it made me feel better I was pissing her off.
Kratos has already been mention in great detail, so no need for further input on my part.
Alex from the Golden Sun series. This guy has been portrayed as the grand puppet master behind the entire series so far and, despite having his plans foiled in the second game, still carries the air of smug superiority about him. He constantly boast about how his Mercury (water) Psynergy is sooo powerful and none of us could ever defeat him. Considering that in Dark Dawn my party had; lots of high level Psynergy, powerful weapons with devastating unleashes, several nigh-godlike elemental creatures at our beck and call, and Matthew had a sword that launched FUCKING METEORS!!! One of the biggest reasons I want a 4th game is so I can finally fight that smug prick and flatten him.
Everybody but Auron form FF 10.
I was going to put Darth Thanaton and Tarro Blood from SW:TOR, but you do get satisfying revenge against both of them.
Shauna, Tierno, and Trevor from Pokemon X/Y. These guys are your "friends" and constantly drag you along for some stupid side thing or tutorial for something that you'll never do again. Despite them being everywhere and at almost every major plot event, they do nothing at all. At least Serena/Caleb has a point as your rival and does help out in some double battles with Team Flare, but the other 3 are totally useless.
Ben was such a liability that I wanted him dead from the moment he admitted he was the one making deals with the bandits that caused Duck to die in the first place. Of course, since this is The Walking Dead game, when it came time for me to let him die, I still felt bad about it.
I would like to nominate the weapon and armour shop owner from Dragon's Dogma for the crime of running a shop that the player is going to frequently visit and only having one goddamn line of spoken dialogue.
Fuckin' Anders from Dragon Age 2. No, I don't wanna fuck you, no I don't think that mages are all bad, but neither do I think they should run free. And for fuck sake,
How in the fuck does blowing up the chantry make mages look any better or even prove that they're a solemn people?
Yeah, he was a massive douche, and he was the one member on the team that just seemed far too one sided on everything.
EDIT: I split this response into three parts to save a lot of effort on the part of the people I responded to. It made more sense at the time, so you all don't have to go sifting through as much text to find the relevant part.
* * *
Wow. Yeah, sorry. Spent a few nights drinking. Back to reality...
Eclipse Dragon said:
Every female party member in Star Ocean 4 minus Reimi, who is forgettable, but at least not annoying. Let's play spot the archetype.
I think her parachute pants would probably save her.
Elfgore said:
Aiden Pierce- "I'm a gruff, tough guy, who has lost someone important in my past. Wanna know what emotions I'm feeling? Too bad! You can't tell because of my stoic face and emotionless voice." *kicks down stairs*
Every character but Sazh from FF13. "Hope, stop being a whiny *****!" *kicks down stairs* "Snow, think with your brain, not your dick!" *kicks down stairs* "Lightning, stop being a ***** for no reason!" *kicks down stairs* "Vanille, I love your stereotype, but you still make me hate you!" *kicks down stairs*
After the rage mist has cleared, the dust has settled and the insides of your stomach have been thrown up, I like to think that could be considered a cathartic experience.
TheKasp said:
Johnny Novgorod said:
Princess Peach. Just to see where things go from there.
If we go by her ability in Super Paper Mario she'd just float gently down and that's it and then she's gonna look pissed.
On Topic: That old elf dude from DA:O who sent me on a fucking chase that was irrelevant and I had no interest in. The one where you meet the dryad-boob lady.
The keeper? I'd kick him too, but he was voiced by Tuvok. Hmmm...what about the old hermit living in the tree trunk? He seems like a keen candidate!
Adam Jensen said:
Dennis from Far Cry 3. The most full of shit guy in the history of the universe. He's so fuckin' annoying with his "I'm a wise black man of the jungle" attitude. He's a fuckin' moron who thinks that escaping from a pirate camp miraculously makes you a warrior. And on top of that he thinks that tattoos have magical powers and that it's OK to tattoo you while you're unconscious. I hate him.
Yeah, but he was probably on drugs. Let's face it, everyone was doing them. Bad call by Jason Brody for trusting him in the first place. Speaking of which, I think the stairwell might be a bit too good for Brody. I think we might have to drop him through a skylight and onto a glass coffee table.
Oh man, I enjoyed those so much. If you haven't seen it yet, definitely go check out The Spoony Experiment's review of Final Fantasy 13. I think you will find it gleefully enjoyable if this is how you feel about these characters. xD
I'm gonna go with that barmaid in Skyrim, Delphine, who was actually some sort of assassin/super thief or something- a Blade, If I remember correctly. I mean, I like not being the only one doing things in a game world, it makes the place feel alive. But wasting my time by ruining one of my quests, just to derail me, order me around and brag about how you could kill me easily... I pummeled her head into her ribcage as soon as that dragon she wanted me to kill was defeated, and I'll be honest, I only went that far along with her because I assumed I had no choice. I might even have borfed the main timeline, I dunno- I stopped following the plot at around that time to just run around and have fun, and haven't been back to that quest since.
That was the decision that turned me against her and the dogma of the Blades. After the followers whose services I offered to their ranks...I'll miss you, Kharjo. :,c
IamLEAM1983 said:
Probably Vaas from Far Cry 3, oddly enough. Jeffrey Yohalem was *this* close to putting a compelling picture of mental distress together and he frequently comes really, really, really close to selling that thanks to Michael Mando's performance, but it's like Ubisoft thought its target audience would think a decent effort would be too high-brow. The end result is a bundle of brilliant flashes mired in Cloudcuckoolander nonsense and fast-talking sex slurs.
To be fair, I'd kick Vaas Montenegro down a flight of stairs because he was *this* close to being absolutely fucking awesome. That inability of his to make the cut frustrates me and motivates me to give the Awesome Bastard Award to Handsome Jack, circa Borderlands 2.
I am compelled to agree. If there's one idea Vaas Montenegro's personality suggested and Pagan Min's cemented, it was that the Far Cry series would be considerably better and less schizophrenic if it stopped taking itself so seriously and just went all-out crazy. Handsome Jack was just plain psychotic fun and more interesting to me than Vaas ever managed to be.
Johnny Thunder said:
Every character from Far Cry 3 & 4 that tries too hard to be cool and original and every character from every Naughty Dog game.
Ouchie. That's a lot of broken bones and bloodied stairs.
Johnny Impact said:
One of the jarls in Skyrim has a kid that talks shit to you when you visit. I wanted to install the kid-killing mod just so I could sizzle his tiny pink ass into bacon.
I was just listening to the newest Jimquisition podcast episode in which they were discussing the abhorrent little children of Bethesda games. Little Lamplight had a mayor...MacCready! That's his name! As if he wasn't bad enough, that bloody Princess made me want to crack out the stash of mines.
Compared to them, I didn't find Jarl Balgruuf's children all that infuriating...at least, not for the first several minutes. I'm going to install that mod and seal their doom one day, I swear. Little bastards.
PainInTheAssInternet said:
Max Payne as portrayed in Max Payne 3. At which point he'd go into bullet time and shoot me right through the eyes before landing perfectly on his back. Then he'd whine about how he scuffed his shoes and how much of a fuck-up he is now that he needs some shoe polish. He'd repeat this line of thought for several hours, before, during and after fixing his shoes. He would then proceed to hang around more stairs populated by people agitated by his constant whinging going on about how he is unable to stop himself from doing so.
I can't help but feel for a man who loses so much of his life to lens flare and forced cutscenes. I think that might drive me to alcoholism as well.
Rabbitboy said:
Anders from Dragon Age 2. I liked him in Awakening, but he had changed and I wanted to punch him in the face for most of the game. He constantly talks about mages and how they are being oppressed and little else. Despite the fact that I agreed with him on a lot of points and did actions he approved of. So there was a weird situation that the game told me that I was friends with someone I couldn't stand
Also general Oliver in Fallout:NV. Once I met he was like "Nice dam you conquered here. Now it's mine". I didn't kick him downstairs but I had Yesman throw him of my dam.
Anders was an intolerable, whining hypocrite. It took all the self-control I could muster not to run him through after what he did to the city...not that I really cared much about Kirkwall, come to think of it. As someone who's been taking the main quest of Inquisition fairly slowly and isn't far along, I'm hoping that his punishment will be more...severe.
General Oliver was, IIRC, deliberately designed to be an incompetent leader. In the words of Joshua Sawyer:
"He's a mishmash of various aggressive, blockheaded military commanders. Generals LeMay and Patton are obvious examples, though completely without the forethought of those two men."
Yes-Man killed him with a smile.
Proverbial Jon said:
Zevran from Dragon Age: Origins because... why? Everyone else is interesting once you speak to then, even if they don't seem it on the surface. Zevran is just... god damn it, I just don't care.
But joo do not fancy hees sexy accent and Mike Tyson-esque facial ink or hees propensity for living large and leathery, no? Aw, come on! Who could possible say no to that-
OH GOD! SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT!
*Hyperventilating*. I'd rather look at ProJared's modelling photos again!
I want to kick all of them down the 7000 steps from Skyrim. Ajay may as well be a cup of vanilla yogurt for all the personality he has. Jason Brody may have been stale, but at least he had the slightest hint of a character arc. Ajay could be a silent protagonist and nothing would change. Amita and Sabal are both ideologues, nothing more. There should have been a separate campaign to join Pagan Min, who is by far the most interesting character in the mix. You know what else could have made Far Cry 4 brilliant? Hurk as the main character. That would have made Far Cry 4 one of the best games of all time in the story department.
Ya know, I couldn't really stand the idea of Hurk when I first saw him, but when faced with an alternative as blank as Ajay, I'd take him in with both arms open! Bring it in, Hurk, you sunuvabitch!
Amita and Sabal just got on my nerves. I wanted to either side with Min or wipe them all out and set myself up as king.
Zachary Amaranth said:
Desmond from the AC games. Even in his current state.
Ellie from Dead Space 3. You're dead to me, metaphorically and literally so..
What happened to you? In the 2nd game, you were SO cool. Like, capable of fending off necromorphs and swearing like a rock star. Heck, you even took getting your eye stabbed + pulled out like a boss. All of a sudden, you're a horrible stereotype in the third game who makes Isaac involved in a stupid love triangle .... plus you NEVER shot anything in the 3rd game, being a helpless character.
So yeah, you definitely gain no sympathy from me at all. The Ellie I knew is long gone.
Frappe, my friend, I can't stand to see you like this...
Isaac Clarke could not stop pooping. He pooped out of his butt and it filled the legs of his suit, hugging his thighs with shameful warmth.
"I pooped a lot of poop out of my butt," said Isaac. "I will poop yet more this day." And he pooped. And it was wet poop. He knew.
* * *
"Isaac, is that...are you shitting yourself?" Ellie groaned. Isaac looked at Ellie, eyes burning with remorseful confirmation. She gagged. "I can smell it," she strained angrily. "I can smell your fucking shit, you stupid fucking idiot! You clutz!"
But then she pooped. A lot.
Hemlet said:
I would like to nominate the weapon and armour shop owner from Dragon's Dogma for the crime of running a shop that the player is going to frequently visit and only having one goddamn line of spoken dialogue.
"Helps to have a map. Helps to have a map. Helps to have a map. Helps to have a map. Helps to have a map. Helps to have a map. Helps to have a map. Helps to have a map."
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