Video Game Survival Guide: Vol I

[King of the Sandbox]

Ok, man is a pretty paranoid creature. We're pretty sure that everything in existance is secretly meeting behind closed doors to plot our eventual demise. But as humans, we're smart enough to turn this paranoia into necessary survival skills. And as creatures that also love documenting, we've gotten books on how to survive everything from the zombocalypse to the Robo-ragnarok [small](tm)[/small], to keep us safe in any contengency...

...except the GAMEPOCALYPSE [small](tm)[/small].

When video games get to that Skynet level of complexity, I've been told by top scientists* that they will bleed over into the real world, making it a lot more important to know how to pull off a triple jump than it is to, I dunno, chew food. Mostly because all food will now simply disappear when you touch it, resulting in either a number of points appearing above your head or a slight increase to your new health bar.

So, let's get crackin' and come up with a list of new things to 'do/do not' do [small](be-doobie-doo)[/small] to help our fellow man survive the GAMEPOCALYPSE [small](tm)[/small].

Here, I'll get you started.

1. Stay away from red barrels.

Now you.

[small](*'Top scientists' may also refer to the voices in my head.)[/small]

 

[Nouw]

FIRST!

2.The cake is a lie

Pretty smart?

 

[e2density]

3. IT'S ALWAYS A TRAP!

 

[Xela Reko]

4. When in doubt, use fire.

 

[The Thief]

5. Walls of no more than chest height are your greatest ally.

Just make sure you're tripping on drugs hard enough for an out of body experience, because it's only really helpful in third person perspective.

 

[Shjade]

6. You can't see them; this doesn't mean they can't see you.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

7. People who stand in one area, perhaps pacing back and forth incessantly, repeating the same phrase over and over are no longer 'Crazy' or 'mentally unbalanced'. They are now NPC's. Feel free to loot their homes for whatever supplies you may need.

 

[Slayer_2]

8: Sniping is easy. No need to worry about bullet drop or spin, wind speed/direction, or the bullet taking time to hit. Just find a good spot to set up shop, and take them out as you please.

 

[syndicated44]

9. Half way through your best friend will betray you. So please plan accordingly.

 

[Ldude893]

10. Shotguns are good for close encounters

 

[Omikron009]

11. Guns will suddenly have much shorter effective ranges. Be careful.

 

[blankedboy]

12. That door is locked.

 

[Paksenarrion]

13. That woman...is a man.

 

[King of the Sandbox]

12. That door is locked.

12b. And no, shooting the lock will not open it.

 

[ffxfriek]

12. That door is locked.

12b. And no amount of shooting the lock will help open it.

12c. unless its a certain lock (uncharted) where you can shoot it and then open the door. or was that a gate? either way certain locks can be shot to open the door

 

[King of the Sandbox]

14. If after several trials and tribulations, you find yourself in a large room with a door that locks behind you, be prepared for something horrible.

 

[Lolth17]

15. If you get shot/mauled/decapitated, that green herb/bottle/packet will heal your wound instantly, so stock up.

 

[Nerdfury]

13. If you see a new weapon sitting unguarded inside some kind of large, uncluttered area, and the only way in drops you down in such a way you can't climb back out - chances are you're gonna be in for a battle.

I have a feeling that numbering these was a poor idea.

Number __. Find a small cache of health/mana/equivalent? Don't use it unless you know you'll never come back that way.

Number __. No matter how much you wish you could, you'll never be able to kill the boss during its opening monologue.

Number __. Listen to the music. It'll tell you when you should be ready for a fight.

 

[TheEndlessGrey]

16. Boss monsters will transform after they die, and you'll have to kill them all over again. So don't burn all your expendable resources on the first fight.

 

[Twilight_guy]

17. The outlook of your immediate future is inversely proportional to your recent luck. If you've been beat down by a bunch of tough guys recently, there is probably a rest just ahead but if you stumble upon a health and weapons cache that has everything you want, there is probably a hundred foot fire-breathing monster behind the next door.