Videogame plots as newspaper headlines

[The Funslinger]

I doubt anyone will get this...

Cat Emperor Throws Martial Arts Tournament For Mining Rights. Mining Robot Allowed to Compete.

 

[spartandude]

"Criminal escapes prison, last seen with emporer shortly before assassination"

"Mud crabs more fearsome than hero of Cyrodill"

"Emporer prevents oblivion from invading forever, page 5 says why they didnt do this before"

"Guards develope pyskick communication to track down criminals, good idea or just plain weird?"

-Black Horse Courier

 

[skirider7]

Living dinosaurs discovered; help plumber rescue princess. (Super Mario World)
4 people fight across wastelend, military of "no assistance" (Left 4 Dead)
Falling blocks discovered in Russia; suddenly disappeared (Tetris)
Origins of life/civilization discovered (Spore)
First rocket launch in many years dispite Combine intervention (HL2: Episode 2)
Killer of hundreds of Marines disappears without a trace (Half-Life 1)
Local man plays table tennis (Pong)
X's win again, can the O's make a comeback? (Noughts and Crosses)

 

[Dr Jones]

Gunslinger manages to shoot 22 people in the head in less than 3 seconds! Red Dead Redemption (A reference to the Dead-eye system, and the Evans Repeater, which has 22 bullets before reloading).

Black-Briar Meadery has donated 1000 liters mead to the city guards of the Rift's bellies! Skyrim (How every single guard wants a bellyful of mead).

 

[neonsword13-ops]

"Vampire with Sardine Addiction Planning on Overthrowing Corrupt Government"

"Highschool Student Discovers God of Death Previously Lived In His Body, Doesn't Give A Rat's Ass"

"Limbless Warrior Punching Old People, In Cahoots with Big, Blue Blob"

"Hero With Obnoxious Rat Saves Planet From Dark Menace, Sent To Die In Desert For 'High Treason'"

 

[CruisingForBiddies]

Invisible man arrested for abuse as dozens of animals found beaten to death with shovel - Viva Pinata

 

[Total LOLige]

"Vault Hunters claim "The Vault did not contain any treasure", Atlas Corporation opens investigation"

No one can beat this.

I can't think of any good ones

 

[Eddie the head]

Battle in London decides fate of humanity, small group destroys to alien control center never seen again.- I bet you where thinking ME3 nope Resistance: FOM. I just realized how close the ending mission for those games are.

 

[Frybird]

"Police Spokesman dismisses criticism on 'Five-Star' persecution system. Hit-and-Run accidents rising 400%"

 

[WaReloaded]

"Augmentations cause moral dilemmas, Olympics ruined!"

"Giant, black bird steals thinking, walking corpse in armour, gets killed one thousand more times."

 

[Aurgelmir]

"Kael'Thas returns! Claims Tempest Keep was only a setback"

 

[the clockmaker]

"Ukranian special forces team found alive after weeks stranded in Chernobyl Exclusion zone"
Team leader credits unamed secret service officer and famous survivalist for escape.
"I never thought we would see that chopper" Colonel 'k'-Team leader
more on page 4

 

[rosac]

orphan kills desert raider/demon, saves hyrule. Again.